How fast should she run away?

[laterbloomer]

I'm not a fan of letting him buy her out. This is a good investment that is increasing in value quickly. My bet is there is enough equity in the house for either of them to qualify for the mortgage alone. She should buy him out.

[Deleted]

Feb 8, 2021 16:02:40 GMT -5 imawino said:

Feb 8, 2021 14:50:31 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

She definitely should leave him, after he refinances and gives her an amount of money equal to whatever money she’s put into the house.

Legally, this house belongs to just Mister. It would’ve been complicated having us both on the loan because we used a VA loan because of the favorable terms. I’m ok with his kids ultimately inheriting this house, but not until after we BOTH pass. My kids will inherit the house I already had before we bought this one.

If we don’t get that sorted out on paper this year, I will have to reassess. I know my position regarding this house, my current home, is precarious, and I’m not interested in it remaining so indefinitely. I don’t care about walking away from it if we break up. I do care about losing my home because something happens to him, especially decades from now, when I’ll be that much older. I would want that clearly spelled out even if we got married.

I also live in sin with my sweetie.  We do own our home together (and a few investment properties), both on the deed and mortgage.  Since they are joint with right of survivorship his interest would presumably pass to me, but we have been super lax about wills and such that would ensure that.  And I know someone (and perhaps 2 people) in his family that would fight me over everything like a hyena over a carcass if he passed.  But, did I mention I'm lazy about paperwork?  And also I'm stuck in a fantasyland where I'm still young and the notion of either of our demise is too far off to contemplate, although that's super not true.  I'm aging by the second over here!

Shit got real to me when his oldest daughter turned 18 last year. I’m not sure exactly why that lit a fire under my butt, but it did. The pandemic, with so many people dying, also reminded and still reminds me that tomorrow is not promised for either of us. That also made me feel like we need to get our shit in order. I can see it being ugly if something happened to him. I don’t think his kids and either of their Moms could afford the house, but I don’t believe that would stop them from trying to force me out ASAP if they can. That’s not such a major issue for me now, but would get to be a bigger deal as more time passes while I continue to call it home. That’s just not a battle I want to have to fight.

I guess I’m different from you, in that I’m well aware that I’m aging. My aches and pains remind me constantly lol. He is several years younger than me, but he’s still out of spring chicken territory too. I’m the queen of lazy and a great procrastinator but I feel like we should get things in order sooner rather than later.

Housing prices are rising where we are too, like the lady in the OP. We’ve been in our house 1.5 years and according to Zillow, it has increased in value $35k during that time, for whatever that’s worth. I actually get more excited watching my other house increase in value. It took forever for the value to recover from the last time everything fell apart and get back to just what I paid for it. Back then and for several years afterward, Zillow basically said my house was worth $10 and a bucket of shit. At least, that’s how it felt to me.

[dannylion]

The Walk of the Penguin Mich beat me to the comment I wanted to make:  He has shown her what he is.  She needs to believe him and protect her interests now.  If he won't buy out her equity, she needs to insist that they sell the house and split the proceeds.  Then she needs to get far away from him.  

She should be giving some serious thought to what would happen if she agreed to his demands.  Once he has sole control of the property, I suspect she would soon find herself fiance-less and evicted.  He is a jerk.  

[tskeeter]

Feb 8, 2021 15:06:44 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Feb 8, 2021 14:50:31 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

She definitely should leave him, after he refinances and gives her an amount of money equal to whatever money she’s put into the house.

Legally, this house belongs to just Mister. It would’ve been complicated having us both on the loan because we used a VA loan because of the favorable terms. I’m ok with his kids ultimately inheriting this house, but not until after we BOTH pass. My kids will inherit the house I already had before we bought this one.

If we don’t get that sorted out on paper this year, I will have to reassess. I know my position regarding this house, my current home, is precarious, and I’m not interested in it remaining so indefinitely. I don’t care about walking away from it if we break up. I do care about losing my home because something happens to him, especially decades from now, when I’ll be that much older. I would want that clearly spelled out even if we got married.

TD owns this house.  He bought and paid for it before we married, so I have absolutely no claim upon it, and I’m good with that.  I’m currently not on the deed, but it’s mine if he dies so I have no worry about it getting sold out from under me.  He has no heirs either, other than me.

My dad’s house was bought and paid for by him and my mom (with my mom’s mom giving them the down payment).  When he died, the house belongs to me and my sibs, but his wife is allowed to live there as long as she wants, it does not go to her kids.  At this point, I want to unload it.  We paid 2021 property tax on it, and I done see that changing in the future.  As of now, a daughter and her son are living there and freeloading off of her (and me).  I really wish the sale hadn’t fallen through last year.

You might take a look at the terms of the life estate your Dad’s last wife received.  Usually the holder of the life estate must maintain the property, including paying the real estate taxes.  Failure to maintain the property can mean that the life estate can be terminated.

You may also want to review the terms of the life estate with an attorney.  You don’t want to spend the next 20 or 30 years paying property taxes and replacing roofs and furnaces for a house you don’t live in so that you can protect the value of your eventual inheritance.

[Opti]

Feb 8, 2021 21:06:25 GMT -5 dannylion said:

The Walk of the Penguin Mich beat me to the comment I wanted to make:  He has shown her what he is.  She needs to believe him and protect her interests now.  If he won't buy out her equity, she needs to insist that they sell the house and split the proceeds.  Then she needs to get far away from him.  

She should be giving some serious thought to what would happen if she agreed to his demands.  Once he has sole control of the property, I suspect she would soon find herself fiance-less and evicted.  He is a jerk.  

I feel bad for her however I wonder if he hasn't been telegraphing his desire not to marry etc. since before she moved there. I hope she lets go of her fantasy that this man will marry her and things will improve. 

[Bonny]

Feb 9, 2021 0:31:54 GMT -5 tskeeter said:

Feb 8, 2021 15:06:44 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

TD owns this house.  He bought and paid for it before we married, so I have absolutely no claim upon it, and I’m good with that.  I’m currently not on the deed, but it’s mine if he dies so I have no worry about it getting sold out from under me.  He has no heirs either, other than me.

My dad’s house was bought and paid for by him and my mom (with my mom’s mom giving them the down payment).  When he died, the house belongs to me and my sibs, but his wife is allowed to live there as long as she wants, it does not go to her kids.  At this point, I want to unload it.  We paid 2021 property tax on it, and I done see that changing in the future.  As of now, a daughter and her son are living there and freeloading off of her (and me).  I really wish the sale hadn’t fallen through last year.

You might take a look at the terms of the life estate your Dad’s last wife received.  Usually the holder of the life estate must maintain the property, including paying the real estate taxes.  Failure to maintain the property can mean that the life estate can be terminated.

You may also want to review the terms of the life estate with an attorney.  You don’t want to spend the next 20 or 30 years paying property taxes and replacing roofs and furnaces for a house you don’t live in so that you can protect the value of your eventual inheritance.

DFIL did something similar for wife #3 with his home he bought before meeting her. Right after he died Wife #3 was crying poverty and DH paid to relocate a fence and I think one installment of taxes. Then she said she couldn't afford to pay the mortgage. It was a little complicated in that the mortgage was a family asset DH inherited. During their time together they bought a nice condo in the Palm Springs area with DFIL taking a $100k payment from the family trust to pay for most of the condo cash. When she sold her nice home in So. CA she kept all the proceeds.

It was obvious that Wife #3 expected DH to support her. DH began referring to her as the Greeding Widow. We were able to work out an arrangement where she quitclaimed the home in lieu of DH having to foreclose on her. Obviously DH was very hurt that his father had put him in this position.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Feb 9, 2021 0:31:54 GMT -5 tskeeter said:

Feb 8, 2021 15:06:44 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

TD owns this house.  He bought and paid for it before we married, so I have absolutely no claim upon it, and I’m good with that.  I’m currently not on the deed, but it’s mine if he dies so I have no worry about it getting sold out from under me.  He has no heirs either, other than me.

My dad’s house was bought and paid for by him and my mom (with my mom’s mom giving them the down payment).  When he died, the house belongs to me and my sibs, but his wife is allowed to live there as long as she wants, it does not go to her kids.  At this point, I want to unload it.  We paid 2021 property tax on it, and I done see that changing in the future.  As of now, a daughter and her son are living there and freeloading off of her (and me).  I really wish the sale hadn’t fallen through last year.

You might take a look at the terms of the life estate your Dad’s last wife received.  Usually the holder of the life estate must maintain the property, including paying the real estate taxes.  Failure to maintain the property can mean that the life estate can be terminated.

You may also want to review the terms of the life estate with an attorney.  You don’t want to spend the next 20 or 30 years paying property taxes and replacing roofs and furnaces for a house you don’t live in so that you can protect the value of your eventual inheritance.

It is not set up this way.

[Deleted]

Feb 9, 2021 12:08:21 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Feb 9, 2021 0:31:54 GMT -5 tskeeter said:

You might take a look at the terms of the life estate your Dad’s last wife received.  Usually the holder of the life estate must maintain the property, including paying the real estate taxes.  Failure to maintain the property can mean that the life estate can be terminated.

You may also want to review the terms of the life estate with an attorney.  You don’t want to spend the next 20 or 30 years paying property taxes and replacing roofs and furnaces for a house you don’t live in so that you can protect the value of your eventual inheritance.

It is not set up this way.

Your response is sort of cryptic.  How is it set up?

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Feb 9, 2021 12:32:40 GMT -5 @bamafan1954 said:

Feb 9, 2021 12:08:21 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

It is not set up this way.

Your response is sort of cryptic.  How is it set up?

My dad deeded the house over to us before he died, making us promise his wife could live in it as long as she wanted.  When we talked to her, she was to pay insurance and taxes (combined, about $2000/year).  

My siblings cannot afford the upkeep, so the house would be sold now if the promise wasn’t made.  TBH, I want the house sold too but a promise is a promise.  While I have no objections to my stepmom living in my old family home, I do have objections that 2 of her grown kids are living there free as well.  

When we went out the summer before last, my brother got in the day before my sister and I flew in.  He had to sleep in his van and use the local gas station bathroom as she wouldn’t let him stay there overnight.  It is part his house too, and had I known that she wasn’t going to let him stay there, I’d have gotten a hotel room for him.  his rights in the house should have trumped those of her 2 kids.

It’s a messy situation.  And when all this was coming down, I KNEW it was going to happen this way.  

[Deleted]

If I were the OP, I'd be joining the 1497 people who've run a four-minute mile to get the heck away from him after demanding the house be sold and the proceeds be split 50/50.

[stillmovingforward]

What a mess to deal with Mich!
2 of our kids want our house. If we still own it when we die, our will states that it must be sold at market value and split between the 4 of them. And they all know this!

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Feb 9, 2021 13:03:25 GMT -5 stillmovingforward said:

What a mess to deal with Mich!
2 of our kids want our house. If we still own it when we die, our will states that it must be sold at market value and split between the 4 of them. And they all know this!

It is.  Last Jan., while I was on a cruise we got an offer.  I was able to FaceTime both my brother and sister to get us all on the same page to go with the offer.  Financing fell through though.  

I want the house gone.  So far, TD and I are out about $5000 in taxes and other things.  If SM was there by herself, it wouldn’t piss me off so much.  Her kids freeload off her, she pays the bills and leaves her short.  So it is really just a shell game.  If I didn’t have the money to pay this, I’m not sure what would happen.

[haapai]

My first impulse is to tell the lady to run. 

My second impulse is to ask for details.  I want to know the nitty-gritty of who put what down on the house.  I want to know what they paid for the house, if either of them could afford it on their own and when they became legally single.  I want to know how old these folks are, whether either of them is still working, and a whole lot of other stuff that was either omitted from the original letter to the Moneyist or edited out by the Moneyist. 

I want to know the detail behind how anyone could ever make such an indecent proposal.  

And I can't help but notice that while the original letter to the Moneyist is remarkably silent on who contributed what to the down payment, who covered the closing costs, how much the property actually cost (such a big deal when you consider the $50K Zillow gain in light of selling costs), and just how old and/or frail either of the parties might be. 

I really want to side with the letter-writer, but I know enough math to have an inkling of what the other side of the story might look like from a purely mathematical perspective.  A $50K Zillow gain on a property that was purchased for $500K a year-ish ago probably does not cover closing and selling costs.  If you start asking where you'd be if you had invested the proceeds of selling an appreciated home in the stock market instead of another property, you'll probably get a little sick no matter how much you try to recite "Paper gains, Paper gains." 

The lack of detail, whether true to the original letter to the Moneyist, or achieved through editing, rather bothers me.  There has got to be more going on here than just an indecent proposal. 

[Deleted]

That is a mess, The Walk of the Penguin Mich.  

Back to the original post, I think the guy is going to the letter writer.  He is just looking for a way not to have to pay for her share of the equity when he does.

[tskeeter]

Feb 9, 2021 12:51:26 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Feb 9, 2021 12:32:40 GMT -5 @bamafan1954 said:

Your response is sort of cryptic.  How is it set up?

My dad deeded the house over to us before he died, making us promise his wife could live in it as long as she wanted.  When we talked to her, she was to pay insurance and taxes (combined, about $2000/year).  

My siblings cannot afford the upkeep, so the house would be sold now if the promise wasn’t made.  TBH, I want the house sold too but a promise is a promise.  While I have no objections to my stepmom living in my old family home, I do have objections that 2 of her grown kids are living there free as well.  

When we went out the summer before last, my brother got in the day before my sister and I flew in.  He had to sleep in his van and use the local gas station bathroom as she wouldn’t let him stay there overnight.  It is part his house too, and had I known that she wasn’t going to let him stay there, I’d have gotten a hotel room for him.  his rights in the house should have trumped those of her 2 kids.

It’s a messy situation.  And when all this was coming down, I KNEW it was going to happen this way.  

Since you and your siblings own the house, in most states that would allow you to determine who lives in the house.  I suggest that you talk to a real estate attorney to find out what the process is for evicting the kids from your property.

Regarding your step Mom, it sounds like the life estate was a verbal agreement with your Dad.  The legal rule of thumb is that verbal agreements related to real estate are not valid.

I don’t think that your Dad intended to burden you and your siblings with the cost of supporting his widow by providing housing for her and her children.  After all, I assume that she already gets surviving spouse Social Security benefits based on your Dad’s work history.  (Which I guess would be at least the $18K a year my grocery store bagger BIL will get.  Certainly enough to cover the taxes and insurance on most homes.)  And possibly other retirement resources that your Dad provided.  If she isn’t living up to her agreement to pay the insurance and taxes, maybe her kids need to help her find living arrangements she can afford.

[schildi]

OMG, what a loser that guy is.

Yes, she should run, but take as much as she can with her!

[Bonny]

Feb 9, 2021 12:51:26 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Feb 9, 2021 12:32:40 GMT -5 @bamafan1954 said:

Your response is sort of cryptic.  How is it set up?

My dad deeded the house over to us before he died, making us promise his wife could live in it as long as she wanted.  When we talked to her, she was to pay insurance and taxes (combined, about $2000/year).  

My siblings cannot afford the upkeep, so the house would be sold now if the promise wasn’t made.  TBH, I want the house sold too but a promise is a promise.  While I have no objections to my stepmom living in my old family home, I do have objections that 2 of her grown kids are living there free as well.  

When we went out the summer before last, my brother got in the day before my sister and I flew in.  He had to sleep in his van and use the local gas station bathroom as she wouldn’t let him stay there overnight.  It is part his house too, and had I known that she wasn’t going to let him stay there, I’d have gotten a hotel room for him.  his rights in the house should have trumped those of her 2 kids.

It’s a messy situation.  And when all this was coming down, I KNEW it was going to happen this way.  

Something similar almost happened to us. We drove 500 miles to attend DFIL's funeral. We were told we couldn't stay at the house because HER family was staying there (everyone lived within 2 hours of the house + the condo in Palm Springs is 45 minutes away). Fortunately someone changed his mind and we were allowed to stay in the basement studio.

We resolved the situation by allowing her to stay one more summer at the cabin in exchange for leaving the fridge, washer & dryer. We were going to put it in vacation rental service and even though the units were about 5 years old it saved us time and hassle dealing with deliveries et cetera. From what I understand she never wound up using the place. I guess she just wanted to get something for giving up her interest.

How much is the property worth? I'd think about giving her some money to go away. Unfortunately her adult children are never going to stop being free loaders.

[gs11rmb]

I'm a little more torn on The Walk of the Penguin Mich's situation than everyone else, it seems.  She and her siblings did make a promise to their dying father that his widow could stay in the house.  If I recall correctly, this woman took very good care of her husband and it's the deadbeat children and not the stepmother that's really upsetting everyone.  I'm guessing the stepmother is quite elderly.  When she dies and the house is sold can Mich take a larger portion of the profit to cover the taxes that she has had to pay?

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Feb 9, 2021 17:56:07 GMT -5 tskeeter said:

Feb 9, 2021 12:51:26 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

My dad deeded the house over to us before he died, making us promise his wife could live in it as long as she wanted.  When we talked to her, she was to pay insurance and taxes (combined, about $2000/year).  

My siblings cannot afford the upkeep, so the house would be sold now if the promise wasn’t made.  TBH, I want the house sold too but a promise is a promise.  While I have no objections to my stepmom living in my old family home, I do have objections that 2 of her grown kids are living there free as well.  

When we went out the summer before last, my brother got in the day before my sister and I flew in.  He had to sleep in his van and use the local gas station bathroom as she wouldn’t let him stay there overnight.  It is part his house too, and had I known that she wasn’t going to let him stay there, I’d have gotten a hotel room for him.  his rights in the house should have trumped those of her 2 kids.

It’s a messy situation.  And when all this was coming down, I KNEW it was going to happen this way.  

Since you and your siblings own the house, in most states that would allow you to determine who lives in the house.  I suggest that you talk to a real estate attorney to find out what the process is for evicting the kids from your property.

Regarding your step Mom, it sounds like the life estate was a verbal agreement with your Dad.  The legal rule of thumb is that verbal agreements related to real estate are not valid.

I don’t think that your Dad intended to burden you and your siblings with the cost of supporting his widow by providing housing for her and her children.  After all, I assume that she already gets surviving spouse Social Security benefits based on your Dad’s work history.  (Which I guess would be at least the $18K a year my grocery store bagger BIL will get.  Certainly enough to cover the taxes and insurance on most homes.)  And possibly other retirement resources that your Dad provided.  If she isn’t living up to her agreement to pay the insurance and taxes, maybe her kids need to help her find living arrangements she can afford.

Just because I can do something doesn’t mean I should.  I promised my dad, and that’s enough.  

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Feb 9, 2021 20:12:11 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

I'm a little more torn on The Walk of the Penguin Mich 's situation than everyone else, it seems.  She and her siblings did make a promise to their dying father that his widow could stay in the house.  If I recall correctly, this woman took very good care of her husband and it's the deadbeat children and not the stepmother that's really upsetting everyone.  I'm guessing the stepmother is quite elderly.  When she dies and the house is sold can Mich take a larger portion of the profit to cover the taxes that she has had to pay?

Exactly.  She is 72, and not in the best of health.  This house is on a single level, so it is a decent place to age in.  

When we made this promise, her deadbeat kids (LOL....they’re 40+ years old) concerned me about this very thing.  They have never held a consistent job, or had a home.  All are unbanked.  

[gs11rmb]

For what it's worth The Walk of the Penguin Mich, I think you are doing the right thing in not evicting your stepmother.  You may be really annoyed and inconvenienced by your step-siblings but I doubt you'll ever regret honouring your father's wishes.


I hope she chooses to leave because that will resolve the situation but it doesn't sound as if she has anywhere else to go.

[tallguy]

Feb 9, 2021 20:17:03 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Feb 9, 2021 20:12:11 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

I'm a little more torn on The Walk of the Penguin Mich 's situation than everyone else, it seems.  She and her siblings did make a promise to their dying father that his widow could stay in the house.  If I recall correctly, this woman took very good care of her husband and it's the deadbeat children and not the stepmother that's really upsetting everyone.  I'm guessing the stepmother is quite elderly.  When she dies and the house is sold can Mich take a larger portion of the profit to cover the taxes that she has had to pay?

Exactly.  She is 72, and not in the best of health.  This house is on a single level, so it is a decent place to age in.  

When we made this promise, her deadbeat kids (LOL....they’re 40+ years old) concerned me about this very thing.  They have never held a consistent job, or had a home.  All are unbanked.  

You made the promise with respect to the stepmom, but not to her kids.  They should not have a right to be in the house.  While I can understand not wanting to create a bigger problem with risking they may trash the place if forced out, you would be justified in enforcing the agreement, or at least charging the kids rent.  You could also tell her that by not paying the taxes and insurance she is breaching the agreement.  You may never actually evict her, but she doesn't need to know that.  Getting the other kids out so she can afford the upkeep is really what you want anyway, right?  Or does/will she maybe need them there to take care of her? 

[NoNamePerson]

This may have been answered but what happens when she passes away and the dead beat kids that are livng there won't move voluntarily? Are they considered squatters and will you have to take legal action to evict them. Do they even know who the house belongs to? Do they think their mother actually owns it? Just wonder what she has told them. And no I don't agree with them living there just wondering. Regardless, The Walk of the Penguin Mich  I admire you for honoring your Father's wishes.

[bean29]

Feb 9, 2021 20:17:03 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Feb 9, 2021 20:12:11 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

I'm a little more torn on The Walk of the Penguin Mich 's situation than everyone else, it seems.  She and her siblings did make a promise to their dying father that his widow could stay in the house.  If I recall correctly, this woman took very good care of her husband and it's the deadbeat children and not the stepmother that's really upsetting everyone.  I'm guessing the stepmother is quite elderly.  When she dies and the house is sold can Mich take a larger portion of the profit to cover the taxes that she has had to pay?

Exactly.  She is 72, and not in the best of health.  This house is on a single level, so it is a decent place to age in.  

When we made this promise, her deadbeat kids (LOL....they’re 40+ years old) concerned me about this very thing.  They have never held a consistent job, or had a home.  All are unbanked.  

I don't know.  I have a dead beat BIL living in a Duplex my MIL owns.  She intends to sell it.  We are kind of stuck by the non-eviction order, and kind of trying to avoid evicting him so it is not on his record, but my MIL is clear that he will not live with her.  DH says he dosn't care what the law says, he is going to kick his brother out (I think it will happen in a month or two).  I don't remember her exact wording, but my MIL said she was too old to deal with BIL's issues.  Maybe you should discuss the situation with the widow - she may be happy to have you be the bad guy and either kick the kids out, or make them pay a reasonable amount to cover her expenses.  

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Feb 10, 2021 7:24:02 GMT -5 NoNamePerson said:

This may have been answered but what happens when she passes away and the dead beat kids that are livng there won't move voluntarily? Are they considered squatters and will you have to take legal action to evict them. Do they even know who the house belongs to? Do they think their mother actually owns it? Just wonder what she has told them. And no I don't agree with them living there just wondering. Regardless, The Walk of the Penguin Mich   I admire you for honoring your Father's wishes.

Kids know we own the house.  This is why I really want to get the house sold while she is still alive.   She has had 2 of her daughter die in 2020, so this is why I have not pushed for this.  I will be pushing to get it on the market this spring/summer.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Feb 10, 2021 10:25:41 GMT -5 bean29 said:

Feb 9, 2021 20:17:03 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Exactly.  She is 72, and not in the best of health.  This house is on a single level, so it is a decent place to age in.  

When we made this promise, her deadbeat kids (LOL....they’re 40+ years old) concerned me about this very thing.  They have never held a consistent job, or had a home.  All are unbanked.  

I don't know.  I have a dead beat BIL living in a Duplex my MIL owns.  She intends to sell it.  We are kind of stuck by the non-eviction order, and kind of trying to avoid evicting him so it is not on his record, but my MIL is clear that he will not live with her.  DH says he dosn't care what the law says, he is going to kick his brother out (I think it will happen in a month or two).  I don't remember her exact wording, but my MIL said she was too old to deal with BIL's issues.  Maybe you should discuss the situation with the widow - she may be happy to have you be the bad guy and either kick the kids out, or make them pay a reasonable amount to cover her expenses.  

That’s not the case.  Her kids have always done this, even when dad was alive.  Hell, most of her kids have spent more time under that roof than I have!  I lived there the 4 years I was in college, then got a job and left.  I think that the longest I spen5 under that roof since moving out was helping my dad out when mom was dying/died.  I was there a bi5 over a month.

[haapai]

Feb 8, 2021 10:49:59 GMT -5 Bonny said:

Wow! What a selfish jerk.

I wonder what she saw in him?

This is going to be an expensive lesson for her. 

It might be an expensive lesson for him if he put more down than she did.  When the deed is silent regarding the percentage of ownership, equal shares are assumed.  He might have just screwed up badly. 

Imagine if he put everything that he received from the sale of his former home into the down payment on this one and she contributed nothing.  He may have just effectively given her one half of what he put down on the co-owed home. 

[Miss Tequila]

Feb 10, 2021 13:36:48 GMT -5 haapai said:

Feb 8, 2021 10:49:59 GMT -5 Bonny said:

Wow! What a selfish jerk.

I wonder what she saw in him?

This is going to be an expensive lesson for her. 

It might be an expensive lesson for him if he put more down than she did.  When the deed is silent regarding the percentage of ownership, equal shares are assumed.  He might have just screwed up badly. 

Imagine if he put everything that he received from the sale of his former home into the down payment on this one and she contributed nothing.  He may have just effectively given her one half of what he put down on the co-owed home. 

And she might have put the deposit down while he contribute nothing. There is no way for us to know the underlying details

Lesson learned for both to not buy real estate with someone they aren’t married to without having a legally binding contract.

[haapai]

I fail to understand how being married would protect the person who put down more.  Would their financial settlement reflect the fact that one contributed more to the down payment?  I only know a smattering of real estate law.  I know nothing about family law. 

[Deleted]

Feb 10, 2021 13:57:31 GMT -5 haapai said:

I fail to understand how being married would protect the person who put down more.  Would their financial settlement reflect the fact that one contributed more to the down payment?  I only know a smattering of real estate law.  I know nothing about family law. 

It can.  When the Ex and I divorced, he insisted that since the down payment came from his inheritance 13 years before, he should get 60% of the proceeds.  He'd been unemployed for the previous 5 years so all the household expenses including the mortgage came from my income during that period but I let him have 60%.  Fortunately the other 40% was enough for me to make a down payment on a smaller house and move on.  That was a negotiated settlement- not sure how the court would have split it but I was very happy we could put together an agreement with the help of our lawyers and avoid fighting on every last detail or leave it to a judge.