buystoys
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Post by buystoys on Feb 8, 2021 10:36:19 GMT -5
I read this article in the Moneyist this morning. I remember doing a similar dumb thing when I was younger. I really wish I could talk to this woman to tell her it's such a bad idea. I think Quentin Fottrell is right on is his response. Does anyone disagree?
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laterbloomer
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Post by laterbloomer on Feb 8, 2021 10:40:46 GMT -5
No, it's how fast should she kick him out of her house. Very, very, very fast.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Feb 8, 2021 10:49:59 GMT -5
Wow! What a selfish jerk. I wonder what she saw in him? This is going to be an expensive lesson for her.
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Rukh O'Rorke
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Post by Rukh O'Rorke on Feb 8, 2021 10:54:26 GMT -5
run.
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Rukh O'Rorke
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Post by Rukh O'Rorke on Feb 8, 2021 10:54:46 GMT -5
run as fast as she can....
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Rukh O'Rorke
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Post by Rukh O'Rorke on Feb 8, 2021 10:58:08 GMT -5
ooo - and the moneyist agreed!
worried about her selling her home and moving states for this? Was this an internet hook up? Not much info there....
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minnesotapaintlady
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Post by minnesotapaintlady on Feb 8, 2021 10:58:28 GMT -5
I would definitely leave, but I'd make him buy me out, if he refused, he'd come home to a For Sale sign in the yard.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Feb 8, 2021 10:59:04 GMT -5
Run like the wind.
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Feb 8, 2021 11:00:51 GMT -5
Yeah, I hope she did not put in more than 50% - she said she sold her home to buy this one...I wonder if what they put into it was equal?
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Feb 8, 2021 11:08:30 GMT -5
Yes. It's clear the man is not interested in being a partner. And she wants a partner. They are incompatible. She should run.
However, this situation may have been avoided if the woman would have required that draw up whatever legal paperwork needs to be drawn up for folks who buy homes together but aren't married. I don't have time to look it up, but it exists. I have some friends who are never getting married, and they bought a home together. They went to a lawyer to have both of their rears protected. Maybe if she would have brought up the lawyer before she did the mortgage, she would have really seen who he was earlier and broke up with him. I'm also a little surprised that she's so trusting being this is her second marriage. I was already a little cynical about love as as a 25 year old ..If DH and I break up..there's no way I'd ever equate engagement with marriage now, as a 45 year old.
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daisylu
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Post by daisylu on Feb 8, 2021 11:29:14 GMT -5
WOW. What nerve - to want his children to inherit the house and her to pay rent on a home that she half of the mortgage on. F him. She needs to get out FAST.
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formerroomate99
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Post by formerroomate99 on Feb 8, 2021 12:04:06 GMT -5
That guy is not going to marry her. Once I get married, he can’t separate everything like this.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Feb 8, 2021 12:21:27 GMT -5
So she gets to help pay for a house she has a financial interest in, and if he dies first she loses her home when his kids kick her out. Yeah.....nope.
When someone shows their true colors, believe them. He has shown that he cares squat for her. I wonder if they needed her income to get the mortgage?
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Feb 8, 2021 13:02:36 GMT -5
Wow. I hope she gets her financial due and gets away from this guy.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Feb 8, 2021 13:18:01 GMT -5
Run. Now. And, not a moment to lose.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Feb 8, 2021 13:35:00 GMT -5
I wonder why she even considers this a question? I realize when you are in the middle of things, you have blinders on, but she must have had friends and family she has talked to too.
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buystoys
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Post by buystoys on Feb 8, 2021 13:45:43 GMT -5
I wonder why she even considers this a question? I realize when you are in the middle of things, you have blinders on, but she must have had friends and family she has talked to too. I wondered that as well. I know I did something similar when I was 25 and in love. I wouldn't listen to my family and what they had to say about him. It took me almost 10 years to figure out that I wasn't going to get what I wanted and move on. I can't say that time was all bad. I mean, he took me on some really nice vacations and paid for everything. He also took me into the city several times for shows and dinner. That's not cheap in NYC!
I have to think she's getting what she wants in other areas of their lives and has maybe settled with him. I'm recommending she run as far and as fast as she can!
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Feb 8, 2021 13:52:32 GMT -5
First, everything I owned prior to marriage will be going to my children when I die and not my spouse. I owned my house prior to marriage and paid it off 2 months after marriage from money I had before marriage. So I see nothing wrong with ensuring your assets that you earned go to your children.
But in this case, they bought the house together. To go after her now is just wrong. They aren’t married so he could have bought this himself and not had an issue. I’m wondering if he couldn’t afford it at the time?
Because of how he handled it and how he is dangling marriage as a weapon, I would tell him to fuck off and run for the hills. But he would be buying out my equity in the home.
Sounds like the letter writer needs some therapy. Why she would accept this treatment is beyond me
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Feb 8, 2021 14:03:46 GMT -5
Of course there is a song:
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laterbloomer
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Post by laterbloomer on Feb 8, 2021 14:16:01 GMT -5
I love David Wilcox!!!
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Feb 8, 2021 14:47:33 GMT -5
One summer i pulled into Bigfork, Mt to watch a theater production, had tickets for the next night. Walking around town I discovered there was a local guitar Workshop and Festival happening and Wilcox was playing at a public concert that night!. $10 tickets. And of course he played:
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2021 14:50:31 GMT -5
She definitely should leave him, after he refinances and gives her an amount of money equal to whatever money she’s put into the house.
Legally, this house belongs to just Mister. It would’ve been complicated having us both on the loan because we used a VA loan because of the favorable terms. I’m ok with his kids ultimately inheriting this house, but not until after we BOTH pass. My kids will inherit the house I already had before we bought this one.
If we don’t get that sorted out on paper this year, I will have to reassess. I know my position regarding this house, my current home, is precarious, and I’m not interested in it remaining so indefinitely. I don’t care about walking away from it if we break up. I do care about losing my home because something happens to him, especially decades from now, when I’ll be that much older. I would want that clearly spelled out even if we got married.
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mollyanna58
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Post by mollyanna58 on Feb 8, 2021 15:00:44 GMT -5
She definitely should leave him, after he refinances and gives her an amount of money equal to whatever money she’s put into the house. Legally, this house belongs to just Mister. It would’ve been complicated having us both on the loan because we used a VA loan because of the favorable terms. I’m ok with his kids ultimately inheriting this house, but not until after we BOTH pass. My kids will inherit the house I already had before we bought this one. If we don’t get that sorted out on paper this year, I will have to reassess. I know my position regarding this house, my current home, is precarious, and I’m not interested in it remaining so indefinitely. I don’t care about walking away from it if we break up. I do care about losing my home because something happens to him, especially decades from now, when I’ll be that much older. I would want that clearly spelled out even if we got married. Always a good idea to have it in writing.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Feb 8, 2021 15:06:44 GMT -5
She definitely should leave him, after he refinances and gives her an amount of money equal to whatever money she’s put into the house. Legally, this house belongs to just Mister. It would’ve been complicated having us both on the loan because we used a VA loan because of the favorable terms. I’m ok with his kids ultimately inheriting this house, but not until after we BOTH pass. My kids will inherit the house I already had before we bought this one. If we don’t get that sorted out on paper this year, I will have to reassess. I know my position regarding this house, my current home, is precarious, and I’m not interested in it remaining so indefinitely. I don’t care about walking away from it if we break up. I do care about losing my home because something happens to him, especially decades from now, when I’ll be that much older. I would want that clearly spelled out even if we got married.TD owns this house. He bought and paid for it before we married, so I have absolutely no claim upon it, and I’m good with that. I’m currently not on the deed, but it’s mine if he dies so I have no worry about it getting sold out from under me. He has no heirs either, other than me. My dad’s house was bought and paid for by him and my mom (with my mom’s mom giving them the down payment). When he died, the house belongs to me and my sibs, but his wife is allowed to live there as long as she wants, it does not go to her kids. At this point, I want to unload it. We paid 2021 property tax on it, and I done see that changing in the future. As of now, a daughter and her son are living there and freeloading off of her (and me). I really wish the sale hadn’t fallen through last year.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Feb 8, 2021 15:32:51 GMT -5
She definitely should leave him, after he refinances and gives her an amount of money equal to whatever money she’s put into the house. Legally, this house belongs to just Mister. It would’ve been complicated having us both on the loan because we used a VA loan because of the favorable terms. I’m ok with his kids ultimately inheriting this house, but not until after we BOTH pass. My kids will inherit the house I already had before we bought this one. If we don’t get that sorted out on paper this year, I will have to reassess. I know my position regarding this house, my current home, is precarious, and I’m not interested in it remaining so indefinitely. I don’t care about walking away from it if we break up. I do care about losing my home because something happens to him, especially decades from now, when I’ll be that much older. I would want that clearly spelled out even if we got married. Absolutely! I don’t know your state but in my state I accomplish that by putting my husband on my deed as a life estate. He can’t sell the house and my kids can’t sell it from under him. I don’t know that he would want to stay here without me but that will be his option to decide. My only concern was once he passes, I want this to go to my children and not his heirs since I bought it prior to our marriage If we every move into his parents house (if he inherits it), I would only want a life estate in that. His dad and his friends built that house brick by brick so that is something that should stay in his family and not mine. But I also don’t want to be tossed out when I’m old. The fiancé in the letter is just an asshole. I can’t imagine treating the person I love like that
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Feb 8, 2021 16:02:40 GMT -5
She definitely should leave him, after he refinances and gives her an amount of money equal to whatever money she’s put into the house. Legally, this house belongs to just Mister. It would’ve been complicated having us both on the loan because we used a VA loan because of the favorable terms. I’m ok with his kids ultimately inheriting this house, but not until after we BOTH pass. My kids will inherit the house I already had before we bought this one. If we don’t get that sorted out on paper this year, I will have to reassess. I know my position regarding this house, my current home, is precarious, and I’m not interested in it remaining so indefinitely. I don’t care about walking away from it if we break up. I do care about losing my home because something happens to him, especially decades from now, when I’ll be that much older. I would want that clearly spelled out even if we got married. I also live in sin with my sweetie. We do own our home together (and a few investment properties), both on the deed and mortgage. Since they are joint with right of survivorship his interest would presumably pass to me, but we have been super lax about wills and such that would ensure that. And I know someone (and perhaps 2 people) in his family that would fight me over everything like a hyena over a carcass if he passed. But, did I mention I'm lazy about paperwork? And also I'm stuck in a fantasyland where I'm still young and the notion of either of our demise is too far off to contemplate, although that's super not true. I'm aging by the second over here!
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Feb 8, 2021 16:09:03 GMT -5
As for the letter writer - her fiance sounds like a gross human being, and she should definitely run fast and far.
However, it's entirely possible he's somewhere writing his own letter about how he paid the entire down payment on this place and she sold her "beautiful home" and kept all the proceeds separate so now he decided he wants to be the only one on the deed. And when he tried to explain that to her she flipped out and now he is beginning to realize she's just after his money so what should he do to protect his assets? LOL It's doubtful we know 100% of the story. I'm curious how old these people are.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Feb 8, 2021 17:36:16 GMT -5
As for the letter writer - her fiance sounds like a gross human being, and she should definitely run fast and far. However, it's entirely possible he's somewhere writing his own letter about how he paid the entire down payment on this place and she sold her "beautiful home" and kept all the proceeds separate so now he decided he wants to be the only one on the deed. And when he tried to explain that to her she flipped out and now he is beginning to realize she's just after his money so what should he do to protect his assets? LOL It's doubtful we know 100% of the story. I'm curious how old these people are. But I’m taking wagers that she’ll just stay!
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Feb 8, 2021 17:43:00 GMT -5
Wow! What a selfish jerk. I wonder what she saw in him? This is going to be an expensive lesson for her. It sounds like maybe it was a long distance relationship. Those can be honest, or one party can make a dream-date like personality and not do the work on digging deep and looking for the flaws.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on Feb 8, 2021 17:56:43 GMT -5
I've been re-listening to the podcast "Dirty John" as well as some conman type podcasts.
I get how people can be slowly sucked into abusive relationships over a long period of time. What astounds me is when it's obvious to everyone else right away but the woman just makes excuses.
This woman needs to get out now. Thank goodness she hasn't married him.
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