Speaking up in group meetings

[Opti]

Nov 17, 2020 17:01:14 GMT -5 justme said:

Nov 17, 2020 16:29:31 GMT -5 Opti said:

Is an ambivert someone who can be either introvert or extrovert based on the situation?

It's not necessarily based on a situation, but yeah someone that is both an introvert and an extrovert. For me it's more like moods - sometimes you're just in a crappy mood and nothing can get you out of it - sometimes you're an introvert and you want to hiss at people. Also if I'm in one mode for a while eventually I snap and go the other way - after a 9 day vacation with a group of 30+ people I'm just going to stay home for a week after and if I stay home and don't do anything for a while I turn practically into an energetic puppy that needs to go out and see people.

When I am happy I tend to be an extrovert. However I do need enough alone time, because I can get peopled out. And I agree on the mood and I'll add , for me, how sick I am and what it is. When my sinus infection is stuck and not draining coupled with sleep under 4 hours a night for 2 to 3 nights  ... not good. I need to perform, sing, dance, do comedy, do art. Some of the is considered extrovert behavior and some is considered introvert behavior. But for me it all comes from the same place. I am not feeding my artist self. I am not employed in a job that satisfies that nor do I have a life that satisfies except for attending church.

[laterbloomer]

Nov 17, 2020 16:32:21 GMT -5 Opti said:

Nov 17, 2020 15:58:25 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

In that situation I would definitely be speaking up but it has caused me problems. I tend to take the side of the underdog and not let it go so I would be coming back to that point and discussing it a lot more. This would not make the HR guy my friend. I am trying to pick my battles.

I try to pick the ones I can win. 

I try to pick the ones that won't make the boss really resentful.

[laterbloomer]

Nov 17, 2020 15:09:13 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

Nov 17, 2020 13:47:55 GMT -5 grumpyhermit said:

As others have said - it depends.

I'm not sure how much this has to do with extroversion vs introversion. I am a HUGE introvert, but I will still speak up at meetings (sometimes when I probably shouldn't) if I feel it warrants it. I have a real problem letting things go if I believe them to be incorrect.

For me the biggest factor is the composition of the meeting, and my assessment of where the group is already heading. If it is a small group meeting I will almost always speak up. If I am in a meeting where my boss and higher ups are present, I don't; since I am usually there to provide information support and will just defer to my boss to answer opinion questions.

Does the HR person have authority over you? Or the final decision? Does the rest of the group seem to agree with them? All of those factors would come in to play for me. First and foremost, assuming something isn't outright illegal or unethical, I tend to preserve my own ass before all else in work meetings. If I feel the feedback will be taken constructively, I would speak up. If I felt it was just going to be dismissed, but I would be more or less fine I may raise it just to get it out there. If I thought it wouldn't be heeded, and would have negative impact on me I would keep it to myself.

This particular group that is exploring this issue is almost completely made up of managers, and then there I am, the little ol' part time newbie. Having a BS in psych, I might have a little more expertise in certain areas of this, while the managers have different expertise. So, I do feel like I have something to contribute, but I don't feel like they'll really listen and they already haven't. I don't know about the negative impact. This place seems pretty political, but also measured and focused on organizational goals that are in theory, very supportive of employee development. In theory.

To be more specific, they state these lofty goals with D& I, but in practice are taking the easiest way out. Instead of taking time to really assess the current D& I situation, they are focusing on this one question, the answer to which cannot even be broken down by demographic. I'm afraid we're just shooting in the dark here (as far as D& I is concerned), even though addressing this issue is a good thing in general. The old psych major in me is just yelling, we need better data! What if everyone who is comfortable speaking up is a straight white male, while the ones not comfortable are minorities of some sort? We don't even know, but can't be bothered to find out.

Ya that's a don't bother situation. Spoken as someone that bothered, accomplished nothing and paid a price.

[buystoys]

I tend to be much more an introvert, but know that the questions I ask are relevant and could improve someone else's understanding of the topic.  I always had a work persona of someone outgoing.  It wasn't comfortable, but that was what got me promotions and pay increases, so I became very good at it.  One of my biggest reliefs in not working any longer is being able to  put that persona away in mothballs.

[Lizard Queen]

Yeah, I definitely feel like I need to be careful about when and how to speak up here...which brings this thing full circle--feeling comfortable bringing up ideas in meetings.

[Lizard Queen]

Nov 17, 2020 18:42:00 GMT -5 buystoys said:

I tend to be much more an introvert, but know that the questions I ask are relevant and could improve someone else's understanding of the topic.  I always had a work persona of someone outgoing.  It wasn't comfortable, but that was what got me promotions and pay increases, so I became very good at it.  One of my biggest reliefs in not working any longer is being able to  put that persona away in mothballs.

That's interesting that you put it that way, because that's specifically one of the things discussed in D& I--feeling free to be yourself at work.

[Opti]

Nov 17, 2020 18:36:31 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Nov 17, 2020 15:09:13 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

This particular group that is exploring this issue is almost completely made up of managers, and then there I am, the little ol' part time newbie. Having a BS in psych, I might have a little more expertise in certain areas of this, while the managers have different expertise. So, I do feel like I have something to contribute, but I don't feel like they'll really listen and they already haven't. I don't know about the negative impact. This place seems pretty political, but also measured and focused on organizational goals that are in theory, very supportive of employee development. In theory.

To be more specific, they state these lofty goals with D& I, but in practice are taking the easiest way out. Instead of taking time to really assess the current D& I situation, they are focusing on this one question, the answer to which cannot even be broken down by demographic. I'm afraid we're just shooting in the dark here (as far as D& I is concerned), even though addressing this issue is a good thing in general. The old psych major in me is just yelling, we need better data! What if everyone who is comfortable speaking up is a straight white male, while the ones not comfortable are minorities of some sort? We don't even know, but can't be bothered to find out.

Ya that's a don't bother situation. Spoken as someone that bothered, accomplished nothing and paid a price.

While it appears they are doing this for optics, you can always test the waters. You don't have data, but you think we as a company should do ...  All they can do is shoot it down. If you say nothing, you learn nothing. Float a few test balloons or ideas and see what you find they say. At least you will know more about their thinking.

ETA - They added the psych girl for a reason. Use their expectations and the fact they put you on this group to your advantage. 

[Deleted]

I do speak up in meetings if I feel it's necessary and actually contributes to the quality of discussion.  Usually I will give it a bit to see if anyone else is going to address a point, but if they don't and I believe it's needed, I'll jump in.  When I first began doing group meetings after retiring, I was very shy about putting something forward and, I suspect, often came across as too aggressive when I did open my mouth.  Another part of the change is that I now represent the needs and wants of a body of people so I have to be their voice regardless of my comfort level.  If I am silent, they are muted too.

[Deleted]

Speaking up at appropriate times is a great way to be on the list of people considered for promotion, on the other hand speaking up on the wrong thing with the wrong group of people can’t get you blacklisted for advancement.

Depends on the audience, subject matter and timing.

I screwed myself at my first job being too gung ho, was told by a higher up who liked me that I needed to change companies and rethink my approach and it worked, I started advancing after changing my strategy at my second company.

[Tiny]

Nov 17, 2020 12:16:53 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

I'm in a study group at work tasked with implementing a diversity and inclusion strategy. I'm finding it quite frustrating how they've chosen to approach the topic, but we are focusing on the results of a certain employee survey question.

Do you feel comfortable speaking up in group meetings?

So, for some general research, do you? Under what circumstances do you feel comfortable, and which conditions make you feel uncomfortable?

It depends on the meeting and how much I know about the other people in the meeting.

I'm a white older woman. And I'm an introvert. And I find it entertaining to watch the dynamics at play while in meetings - so I generally don't say much.

In the distant past  an office meeting where the "power" in the room are the male managers/higher ups - it doesn't really work well to speak up on something - even if it's hill I would die on - if the men in charge don't want to hear it they won't. They are polite though-- and the 'unpopular topic' will get slated for 'a follow up after the meeting' (that never happens) or they will just segue back to what they want to talk about/the answer they want to hear. The same thing happens to other women in the meeting. I have witnessed some women managers attempt to hold their ground or get ground - and I've seen it get a little ugly.

In meetings where the "power" in the room are female managers/higher ups - I will usually speak up if it's a hill I'm willing to die on. I still might get put off but at least my point gets acknowledged.

I am in a "support" type role at the office - and I have jumped in to the defense of one of my female "end users" in a meeting when she was getting steamrolled/blamed by the guy in charge. You can be an asshole to me - but heaven help you if you're an asshole to someone I know is in the right/has all the facts/did all the work/ and is not at fault so you can look good. (I will die on that hill and I will take you with me.)

The majority of meetings I'm in don't really require any input from me. The meetings are mostly to go over a plan or the next steps or just to get some buy in to a project.

I know back in the past - we all had some "training" that was intended to get us to realize that not everyone expresses themselves the same way - and to learn how to work with those differences (it was a personality type thing plus some role playing and tips and techniques to use in meetings to keep meetings productive and to keep people motivated.) Between that and management total buy in to using the tips and techniques everyone eventaully came around/got use to the new normal and our meetings tend to be more about the "project" the "work" and more collaborative - versus one person who's running the show and everyone else's ideas are worthless.    But there's still the "power" in the room running the meeting and not really looking for input they don't want to hear. 

[tskeeter]

Nov 17, 2020 15:09:13 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

Nov 17, 2020 13:47:55 GMT -5 grumpyhermit said:

As others have said - it depends.

I'm not sure how much this has to do with extroversion vs introversion. I am a HUGE introvert, but I will still speak up at meetings (sometimes when I probably shouldn't) if I feel it warrants it. I have a real problem letting things go if I believe them to be incorrect.

For me the biggest factor is the composition of the meeting, and my assessment of where the group is already heading. If it is a small group meeting I will almost always speak up. If I am in a meeting where my boss and higher ups are present, I don't; since I am usually there to provide information support and will just defer to my boss to answer opinion questions.

Does the HR person have authority over you? Or the final decision? Does the rest of the group seem to agree with them? All of those factors would come in to play for me. First and foremost, assuming something isn't outright illegal or unethical, I tend to preserve my own ass before all else in work meetings. If I feel the feedback will be taken constructively, I would speak up. If I felt it was just going to be dismissed, but I would be more or less fine I may raise it just to get it out there. If I thought it wouldn't be heeded, and would have negative impact on me I would keep it to myself.

This particular group that is exploring this issue is almost completely made up of managers, and then there I am, the little ol' part time newbie. Having a BS in psych, I might have a little more expertise in certain areas of this, while the managers have different expertise. So, I do feel like I have something to contribute, but I don't feel like they'll really listen and they already haven't. I don't know about the negative impact. This place seems pretty political, but also measured and focused on organizational goals that are in theory, very supportive of employee development. In theory.

To be more specific, they state these lofty goals with D& I, but in practice are taking the easiest way out. Instead of taking time to really assess the current D& I situation, they are focusing on this one question, the answer to which cannot even be broken down by demographic. I'm afraid we're just shooting in the dark here (as far as D& I is concerned), even though addressing this issue is a good thing in general. The old psych major in me is just yelling, we need better data! What if everyone who is comfortable speaking up is a straight white male, while the ones not comfortable are minorities of some sort? We don't even know, but can't be bothered to find out.

There is a time to speak up and a time to keep your thoughts to yourself.  It depends on whether the discussion is sensitive from a political correctness perspective.

In your case, the effort appears to be mostly window dressing, not a real commitment to change the status quo.  I wouldn’t do anything slow things down, such as insist on collecting detailed data or engaging in candid, difficult discussions.  The outcome won’t be all it could be.  But, it could generate some degree of improvement.  And it will likely be the degree of change that the organization has the capacity to absorb.

[thyme4change]

Do you feel comfortable speaking up in group meetings?

What a weird question. I would think nearly everyone's answer would be "It depends".

Do you have a definition of group meeting? Like is anything between 3 co-workers and the entire company considered a group meeting?

What is the meeting about? Is it a subject I know something about? Is it a subject I need to understand intimately for my job?

Who is at the meeting? Is the CEO presenting something, or is it just my relative peers?

What is the purpose of the meeting? Is it a general meeting to transmit info from a speaker to a group, or is it a hard core discussion and working session to sort out a detailed process that will dictate my future work?

There are definitely people who have no trouble relating their Charles Boyle Family tales to any subject in any meeting, but for the most part, my participation is highly dependent on what is happening, and I am in so meetings. Some I say absolutely nothing, and some I barge in and take over.