Speaking up in group meetings

[Lizard Queen]

I'm in a study group at work tasked with implementing a diversity and inclusion strategy. I'm finding it quite frustrating how they've chosen to approach the topic, but we are focusing on the results of a certain employee survey question.

Do you feel comfortable speaking up in group meetings?

So, for some general research, do you? Under what circumstances do you feel comfortable, and which conditions make you feel uncomfortable?

[buystoys]

Most of the time I would speak up.  If it was a management required course that was led by someone high in the food chain, I would usually stay quiet.  My impression has been that the higher operatives aren't really interested in the daily grind folks' positions.  They're just checking off the box that they offered a question session.

[justme]

It depends on the group meeting, but if I know the answer and no one is saying it or someone isn't quite saying something right I speak up. But there's definitely been meetings where I know the people and it isn't useful for me to speak up. 

[Cheesy FL-Vol]

In my opinion there are myriad reasons why a person would or would not speak up:

Whether a person is an introvert or extrovert

How valued a person feels in a group

How large a group is

My personal experience is that I never speak up in a group. For a couple reasons, I am profoundly hearing impaired, and more often than not I cannot follow back and forth dialogue in order to contribute meaningfully. I am also an introvert, I hate being the center of attention, and speaking out puts the spotlight on me for a few minutes. I didn’t even like being the center of attention at my own wedding.

oh, and I loathe employee survey questions. 

[Lizard Queen]

Nov 17, 2020 12:21:00 GMT -5 buystoys said:

Most of the time I would speak up.  If it was a management required course that was led by someone high in the food chain, I would usually stay quiet.  My impression has been that the higher operatives aren't really interested in the daily grind folks' positions.  They're just checking off the box that they offered a question session.

I think you hit the nail on the head there about the higher operatives.

[irishpad]

Since I'm the boss, people expect me to speak up.   But I'm also an introvert and am wanting the input of others.   To assist in this, I always make sure that someone else is running the meetings as that helps others participate more.  

[Lizard Queen]

Nov 17, 2020 12:33:57 GMT -5 Cheesy FL-Vol said:

In my opinion there are myriad reasons why a person would or would not speak up:

Whether a person is an introvert or extrovert

How valued a person feels in a group

How large a group is

My personal experience is that I never speak up in a group. For a couple reasons, I am profoundly hearing impaired, and more often than not I cannot follow back and forth dialogue in order to contribute meaningfully. I am also an introvert, I hate being the center of attention, and speaking out puts the spotlight on me for a few minutes. I didn’t even like being the center of attention at my own wedding.

oh, and I loathe employee survey questions. 

This is a great example.  One of the comments on that survey said, "I never feel comfortable speaking up.", and the HR guy who read that to us, had this dismissive tone.  That bugged me, not because I wrote that (I didn't, though I am an introvert too), but that exemplified the whole problem with speaking up in meetings.  I was thinking, instead of dismissing, how about figuring out a way to make even that person more comfortable speaking up?

So, I occurs to me that your issue with your hearing impairment and being uncomfortable speaking up in meeting has everything to do with diversity and inclusion.  It also occurs to me that perhaps ways to speak up, other than immediate verbal means (such as something like a message board), would be helpful.  So thanks!  

[Tennesseer]

Now retired but if I felt strongly enough about something work related, I would have no problem speaking up.  Being in HR, diversity and inclusion is something on which I would speak up.

[Lizard Queen]

Nov 17, 2020 12:38:56 GMT -5 irishpad said:

Since I'm the boss, people expect me to speak up.   But I'm also an introvert and am wanting the input of others.   To assist in this, I always make sure that someone else is running the meetings as that helps others participate more.  

That's an interesting idea no one in the group yesterday brought up.  I will mention it--thanks!

[ners]

I am an introvert. I do like speaking up at meetings . We had a diversity training. I spoke very little. Oh and the president was the facilitator.

[billisonboard]

I have always considered myself an introvert. People's thoughts on what being an introvert means is interesting to me.

Which One Is You?: 4 Types of Introverts and Self-Care Tips to Be Your Own Hero

I am very much a "restrained introvert". That makes it very difficult for me to speak up at meetings because I am rarely given "air time" by those who blurt. I speak slowly and carefully when giving my ideas and am usually cut off in mid-sentence.

[vonna]

I don't even feel comfortable "speaking up" on message boards . . .

 (though managed to power through enough at work to have a successful career)

. . . no doubt I have issues, but why change now?

[Ryan]

In general, I have no problem speaking up in meetings where I have knowledge in that area.  However, the downside of Zoom type meetings are that it's easier to invite "extra" people because you don't need a meeting room to accommodate.  So there are a lot more meetings I'm invited to that I probably shouldn't be.  

Even if I don't necessarily have a ton to say about the topic, I'm more likely to talk if there is a smaller group.  Large Zoom meetings are just awkward on a lot of levels.

[TheOtherMe]

I'm an introvert which I never realized until after I retired.

I didn't feel comfortable speaking up in school or college and I didn't feel comfortable speaking up in any kind of meeting.

One on one I will tell you exactly what I am thinking.

[grumpyhermit]

As others have said - it depends.

I'm not sure how much this has to do with extroversion vs introversion. I am a HUGE introvert, but I will still speak up at meetings (sometimes when I probably shouldn't) if I feel it warrants it. I have a real problem letting things go if I believe them to be incorrect.

For me the biggest factor is the composition of the meeting, and my assessment of where the group is already heading. If it is a small group meeting I will almost always speak up. If I am in a meeting where my boss and higher ups are present, I don't; since I am usually there to provide information support and will just defer to my boss to answer opinion questions.

Does the HR person have authority over you? Or the final decision? Does the rest of the group seem to agree with them? All of those factors would come in to play for me. First and foremost, assuming something isn't outright illegal or unethical, I tend to preserve my own ass before all else in work meetings. If I feel the feedback will be taken constructively, I would speak up. If I felt it was just going to be dismissed, but I would be more or less fine I may raise it just to get it out there. If I thought it wouldn't be heeded, and would have negative impact on me I would keep it to myself.

[Cheesy FL-Vol]

Nov 17, 2020 12:48:35 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

Nov 17, 2020 12:33:57 GMT -5 Cheesy FL-Vol said:

In my opinion there are myriad reasons why a person would or would not speak up:

Whether a person is an introvert or extrovert

How valued a person feels in a group

How large a group is

My personal experience is that I never speak up in a group. For a couple reasons, I am profoundly hearing impaired, and more often than not I cannot follow back and forth dialogue in order to contribute meaningfully. I am also an introvert, I hate being the center of attention, and speaking out puts the spotlight on me for a few minutes. I didn’t even like being the center of attention at my own wedding.

oh, and I loathe employee survey questions. 

This is a great example.  One of the comments on that survey said, "I never feel comfortable speaking up.", and the HR guy who read that to us, had this dismissive tone.  That bugged me, not because I wrote that (I didn't, though I am an introvert too), but that exemplified the whole problem with speaking up in meetings.  I was thinking, instead of dismissing, how about figuring out a way to make even that person more comfortable speaking up?

So, I occurs to me that your issue with your hearing impairment and being uncomfortable speaking up in meeting has everything to do with diversity and inclusion.  It also occurs to me that perhaps ways to speak up, other than immediate verbal means (such as something like a message board), would be helpful.  So thanks!  

I shine when I can participate/communicate with the written word.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Depends is probably the best you are going to get from me too.  

It's hard for me to talk up, especially if it's a subject that I am not comfortable with.  I also find it hard to speak up if I am in a meeting with a lot of people who are much more experienced.  It wasn't until the last 5 years or so before I left working that I got more comfortable defending myself in a field of other scientists.  If it was just a couple of them, I was good.  But in a place like a research meeting, I was far more intimidated by them.  

I learned a long time ago that it was best to just sit back and listen.  Jot down questions and research them later on your own.  

[justme]

Nov 17, 2020 13:12:21 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

I have always considered myself an introvert. People's thoughts on what being an introvert means is interesting to me.

Which One Is You?: 4 Types of Introverts and Self-Care Tips to Be Your Own Hero

I am very much a "restrained introvert". That makes it very difficult for me to speak up at meetings because I am rarely given "air time" by those who blurt. I speak slowly and carefully when giving my ideas and am usually cut off in mid-sentence.

I think the term introvert has been switched around to fit whatever people claiming it want it to mean. 

I pretty much stick with the original, boiled down versions I've heard relating to batteries:

Introverts find being around groups of people, especially large groups, exhausting and need to be alone to recharge their batteries or relax.

Whereas extroverts find being around groups of people energizing and that's how they recharge their batteries and being alone can be very draining to them. 

Then there's the ambiverts that flit between the two and confuse the hell out of everyone. 

[Tennesseer]

Nov 17, 2020 13:20:09 GMT -5 Ryan said:

In general, I have no problem speaking up in meetings where I have knowledge in that area.  However, the downside of Zoom type meetings are that it's easier to invite "extra" people because you don't need a meeting room to accommodate.  So there are a lot more meetings I'm invited to that I probably shouldn't be.  

Even if I don't necessarily have a ton to say about the topic, I'm more likely to talk if there is a smaller group.  Large Zoom meetings are just awkward on a lot of levels.

The most common expression heard in crowded Zoom meetings is "No, you go ahead."

[Lizard Queen]

Nov 17, 2020 13:47:55 GMT -5 grumpyhermit said:

As others have said - it depends.

I'm not sure how much this has to do with extroversion vs introversion. I am a HUGE introvert, but I will still speak up at meetings (sometimes when I probably shouldn't) if I feel it warrants it. I have a real problem letting things go if I believe them to be incorrect.

For me the biggest factor is the composition of the meeting, and my assessment of where the group is already heading. If it is a small group meeting I will almost always speak up. If I am in a meeting where my boss and higher ups are present, I don't; since I am usually there to provide information support and will just defer to my boss to answer opinion questions.

Does the HR person have authority over you? Or the final decision? Does the rest of the group seem to agree with them? All of those factors would come in to play for me. First and foremost, assuming something isn't outright illegal or unethical, I tend to preserve my own ass before all else in work meetings. If I feel the feedback will be taken constructively, I would speak up. If I felt it was just going to be dismissed, but I would be more or less fine I may raise it just to get it out there. If I thought it wouldn't be heeded, and would have negative impact on me I would keep it to myself.

This particular group that is exploring this issue is almost completely made up of managers, and then there I am, the little ol' part time newbie. Having a BS in psych, I might have a little more expertise in certain areas of this, while the managers have different expertise. So, I do feel like I have something to contribute, but I don't feel like they'll really listen and they already haven't. I don't know about the negative impact. This place seems pretty political, but also measured and focused on organizational goals that are in theory, very supportive of employee development. In theory.

To be more specific, they state these lofty goals with D& I, but in practice are taking the easiest way out. Instead of taking time to really assess the current D& I situation, they are focusing on this one question, the answer to which cannot even be broken down by demographic. I'm afraid we're just shooting in the dark here (as far as D& I is concerned), even though addressing this issue is a good thing in general. The old psych major in me is just yelling, we need better data! What if everyone who is comfortable speaking up is a straight white male, while the ones not comfortable are minorities of some sort? We don't even know, but can't be bothered to find out.

[irishpad]

Nov 17, 2020 14:16:32 GMT -5 justme said:

Nov 17, 2020 13:12:21 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

I have always considered myself an introvert. People's thoughts on what being an introvert means is interesting to me.

Which One Is You?: 4 Types of Introverts and Self-Care Tips to Be Your Own Hero

I am very much a "restrained introvert". That makes it very difficult for me to speak up at meetings because I am rarely given "air time" by those who blurt. I speak slowly and carefully when giving my ideas and am usually cut off in mid-sentence.

I think the term introvert has been switched around to fit whatever people claiming it want it to mean. 

I pretty much stick with the original, boiled down versions I've heard relating to batteries:

Introverts find being around groups of people, especially large groups, exhausting and need to be alone to recharge their batteries or relax.

Whereas extroverts find being around groups of people energizing and that's how they recharge their batteries and being alone can be very draining to them. 

Then there's the ambiverts that flit between the two and confuse the hell out of everyone. 

Excellent summation.  The other big difference between the two is communication styles.

Introverts like to take in information, process it for a while and then are ready to talk about it.

Extroverts want to do the same processing but do that verbally from the beginning.    

So, from the introvert perspective, it can feel like they are being pressured to talk much earlier than they are ready to do so.   And they perceive the extrovert "thinking out loud" as a waste of time.   Why don't they think about things first.

For the extrovert, they want to get things out in the open right away and struggle to understand that the introvert needs time to process.   

I use this point a lot in pre-marital counseling.  Sometimes the arguments are more about the fact that one is introvert and the other is extrovert.  The extrovert is thinking that the introvert is avoiding a problem, the introvert thinks the extrovert is pressuring them too quickly.   If they are on the opposite ends of the scale, I encourage the extrovert to introduce a topic, e.g. can we talk about such and such tomorrow, and then encourage the introvert to engage in the conversation earlier than what would normally feel comfortable.   Both of them going outside of their comfort level a little bit.  

[laterbloomer]

Nov 17, 2020 12:48:35 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

Nov 17, 2020 12:33:57 GMT -5 Cheesy FL-Vol said:

In my opinion there are myriad reasons why a person would or would not speak up:

Whether a person is an introvert or extrovert

How valued a person feels in a group

How large a group is

My personal experience is that I never speak up in a group. For a couple reasons, I am profoundly hearing impaired, and more often than not I cannot follow back and forth dialogue in order to contribute meaningfully. I am also an introvert, I hate being the center of attention, and speaking out puts the spotlight on me for a few minutes. I didn’t even like being the center of attention at my own wedding.

oh, and I loathe employee survey questions. 

This is a great example.  One of the comments on that survey said, "I never feel comfortable speaking up.", and the HR guy who read that to us, had this dismissive tone.  That bugged me, not because I wrote that (I didn't, though I am an introvert too), but that exemplified the whole problem with speaking up in meetings.  I was thinking, instead of dismissing, how about figuring out a way to make even that person more comfortable speaking up?

So, I occurs to me that your issue with your hearing impairment and being uncomfortable speaking up in meeting has everything to do with diversity and inclusion.  It also occurs to me that perhaps ways to speak up, other than immediate verbal means (such as something like a message board), would be helpful.  So thanks!  

In that situation I would definitely be speaking up but it has caused me problems. I tend to take the side of the underdog and not let it go so I would be coming back to that point and discussing it a lot more. This would not make the HR guy my friend. I am trying to pick my battles.

[justme]

Nov 17, 2020 15:45:20 GMT -5 irishpad said:

Nov 17, 2020 14:16:32 GMT -5 justme said:

I think the term introvert has been switched around to fit whatever people claiming it want it to mean. 

I pretty much stick with the original, boiled down versions I've heard relating to batteries:

Introverts find being around groups of people, especially large groups, exhausting and need to be alone to recharge their batteries or relax.

Whereas extroverts find being around groups of people energizing and that's how they recharge their batteries and being alone can be very draining to them. 

Then there's the ambiverts that flit between the two and confuse the hell out of everyone. 

Excellent summation.  The other big difference between the two is communication styles.

Introverts like to take in information, process it for a while and then are ready to talk about it.

Extroverts want to do the same processing but do that verbally from the beginning.    

So, from the introvert perspective, it can feel like they are being pressured to talk much earlier than they are ready to do so.   And they perceive the extrovert "thinking out loud" as a waste of time.   Why don't they think about things first.

For the extrovert, they want to get things out in the open right away and struggle to understand that the introvert needs time to process.   

I use this point a lot in pre-marital counseling.  Sometimes the arguments are more about the fact that one is introvert and the other is extrovert.  The extrovert is thinking that the introvert is avoiding a problem, the introvert thinks the extrovert is pressuring them too quickly.   If they are on the opposite ends of the scale, I encourage the extrovert to introduce a topic, e.g. can we talk about such and such tomorrow, and then encourage the introvert to engage in the conversation earlier than what would normally feel comfortable.   Both of them going outside of their comfort level a little bit.  

Interesting. As the aforementioned confusing ambivert I do both and never noticed one occurring in extra/intra and not the other at all so never tied it together. And since I do both seeing either in another person doesn't bother me. 

[Opti]

Nov 17, 2020 13:47:55 GMT -5 grumpyhermit said:

As others have said - it depends.

I'm not sure how much this has to do with extroversion vs introversion. I am a HUGE introvert, but I will still speak up at meetings (sometimes when I probably shouldn't) if I feel it warrants it. I have a real problem letting things go if I believe them to be incorrect.

For me the biggest factor is the composition of the meeting, and my assessment of where the group is already heading. If it is a small group meeting I will almost always speak up. If I am in a meeting where my boss and higher ups are present, I don't; since I am usually there to provide information support and will just defer to my boss to answer opinion questions.

Does the HR person have authority over you? Or the final decision? Does the rest of the group seem to agree with them? All of those factors would come in to play for me. First and foremost, assuming something isn't outright illegal or unethical, I tend to preserve my own ass before all else in work meetings. If I feel the feedback will be taken constructively, I would speak up. If I felt it was just going to be dismissed, but I would be more or less fine I may raise it just to get it out there. If I thought it wouldn't be heeded, and would have negative impact on me I would keep it to myself.

If I don't know what's happening I tend to sit back on try to figure it out. Back in the day in big Pharma, I was on a SOP committee. I knew the end purpose was to determine service levels that eventually (probably in less than a year) would mean my unemployment and some of my co-workers. I spoke up, but now I wished I had done more behind the scenes. 

Same company after 9/11, we had a team building exercise in NYC. Had no idea how it was set up and what the purpose was. I had been through such things in big Telecom, but this was Pharma and life is different. Short version, since it was team building and we seemed to be playing games, I did not worry, really, how I was perceived. I decided to be me and take over and make suggestions when people sat back. Was an interesting day and ummm later perception. 

[Opti]

Nov 17, 2020 16:08:46 GMT -5 justme said:

Nov 17, 2020 15:45:20 GMT -5 irishpad said:

Excellent summation.  The other big difference between the two is communication styles.

Introverts like to take in information, process it for a while and then are ready to talk about it.

Extroverts want to do the same processing but do that verbally from the beginning.    

So, from the introvert perspective, it can feel like they are being pressured to talk much earlier than they are ready to do so.   And they perceive the extrovert "thinking out loud" as a waste of time.   Why don't they think about things first.

For the extrovert, they want to get things out in the open right away and struggle to understand that the introvert needs time to process.   

I use this point a lot in pre-marital counseling.  Sometimes the arguments are more about the fact that one is introvert and the other is extrovert.  The extrovert is thinking that the introvert is avoiding a problem, the introvert thinks the extrovert is pressuring them too quickly.   If they are on the opposite ends of the scale, I encourage the extrovert to introduce a topic, e.g. can we talk about such and such tomorrow, and then encourage the introvert to engage in the conversation earlier than what would normally feel comfortable.   Both of them going outside of their comfort level a little bit.  

Interesting. As the aforementioned confusing ambivert I do both and never noticed one occurring in extra/intra and not the other at all so never tied it together. And since I do both seeing either in another person doesn't bother me. 

Is an ambivert someone who can be either introvert or extrovert based on the situation?

[Opti]

Nov 17, 2020 15:58:25 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Nov 17, 2020 12:48:35 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

This is a great example.  One of the comments on that survey said, "I never feel comfortable speaking up.", and the HR guy who read that to us, had this dismissive tone.  That bugged me, not because I wrote that (I didn't, though I am an introvert too), but that exemplified the whole problem with speaking up in meetings.  I was thinking, instead of dismissing, how about figuring out a way to make even that person more comfortable speaking up?

So, I occurs to me that your issue with your hearing impairment and being uncomfortable speaking up in meeting has everything to do with diversity and inclusion.  It also occurs to me that perhaps ways to speak up, other than immediate verbal means (such as something like a message board), would be helpful.  So thanks!  

In that situation I would definitely be speaking up but it has caused me problems. I tend to take the side of the underdog and not let it go so I would be coming back to that point and discussing it a lot more. This would not make the HR guy my friend. I am trying to pick my battles.

I try to pick the ones I can win. 

[Opti]

Nov 17, 2020 13:15:08 GMT -5 vonna said:

I don't even feel comfortable "speaking up" on message boards . . .

 (though managed to power through enough at work to have a successful career)

. . . no doubt I have issues, but why change now?

Always play your game even if others don't agree. 

[Opti]

Nov 17, 2020 13:20:09 GMT -5 Ryan said:

In general, I have no problem speaking up in meetings where I have knowledge in that area.  However, the downside of Zoom type meetings are that it's easier to invite "extra" people because you don't need a meeting room to accommodate.  So there are a lot more meetings I'm invited to that I probably shouldn't be.  

Even if I don't necessarily have a ton to say about the topic, I'm more likely to talk if there is a smaller group.  Large Zoom meetings are just awkward on a lot of levels.

My whole one experience with virtual church Zoom meeting, is they were smart in doing breakout rooms for the after service virtual downstairs mingle. A moderator invited us to breakout rooms to participate in smaller groups. 

[tractor]

If I’m getting paid to be there, I speak up, always. Nothing bothers me more than when a question is asked and no one says anything.

[justme]

Nov 17, 2020 16:29:31 GMT -5 Opti said:

Nov 17, 2020 16:08:46 GMT -5 justme said:

Interesting. As the aforementioned confusing ambivert I do both and never noticed one occurring in extra/intra and not the other at all so never tied it together. And since I do both seeing either in another person doesn't bother me. 

Is an ambivert someone who can be either introvert or extrovert based on the situation?

It's not necessarily based on a situation, but yeah someone that is both an introvert and an extrovert. For me it's more like moods - sometimes you're just in a crappy mood and nothing can get you out of it - sometimes you're an introvert and you want to hiss at people. Also if I'm in one mode for a while eventually I snap and go the other way - after a 9 day vacation with a group of 30+ people I'm just going to stay home for a week after and if I stay home and don't do anything for a while I turn practically into an energetic puppy that needs to go out and see people.