Sleepovers

[dippyegg]

Parenting seems to be getting increasingly complicated.  I think you should just trust your gut instincts and do what seems prudent to you.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Jul 15, 2020 16:31:42 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Jul 15, 2020 13:46:12 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Personally I've never been too keen on sleepovers to begin with.   Stories that came out later from friends of mine in middle and high school have made me think my parents had the right idea in regards to the topic.  No kid died or was socially stunted by not having a sleepover.

Me either.  And after my life of growing up staying pretty much wherever/whenever, I would say I'd be more worried about the parents doing weird shit around or to the kids. I've certainly had some interesting experiences in that regard.    

I try to shelter as much as possible without being weird about it.  My oldest was gone all the time on overnights with school or scout sanctioned activities but as far as I know never just an overnight at a friend's house (I'm not 100% on that because he might have while with his dad).  Carrot is a different story.  I've lost the ability to shelter that one just by sending him to his dad's every other weekend!  There are kids and adults staying there all the time I don't know. 

It's a lot of weird parents/step parent stories that came out later on. Gwen stays at one friend's house but we know her parents really well and feel good about it. Another friend I've met her dad and the girlfriend and grandma. . .no. I am not comfortable with Gwen there. Based on stuff she tells me and my own observations they have very little regard for their own daughter I am not trusting them with mine.

But she would be welcome over here if she ever needs a place to stay. Just as my friends who came from rough backgrounds were with my parents.

I have to heavily vet the parents. We've known A's parents for a very long time now and it was only in the last year I gave permission because I feel Gwen is old enough to be able to comprehend and inform us if something happens.

Abby does not get sleepovers.

With supervision at Gwen's age I would not automatically be opposed to boy/girl slumber parties but IDK if I would allow her to go to one at another friend's house for the same reasons listed above unless I really know the parents and other kids attending.   Would something happen?  Unlikely.   Would I be doubting myself till she got home?  Yes.   Is it my hang up?  Yes.  However as the parent until she is old enough to overrule me I retain veto power.

As far as the bisexual argument/trans argument she would get points but then she would be getting her bluff called.     

[oped]

.

As far as the bisexual argument/trans argument she would get points but then she would be getting her bluff called.     [/quote]


I don’t understand this? Your assumption would be that the kids are lying to you?

[dippyegg]

I really don't want to be responsible for supervising other people's children all night long.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Jul 16, 2020 5:23:21 GMT -5 oped said:

.

As far as the bisexual argument/trans argument she would get points but then she would be getting her bluff called.     

I don’t understand this? Your assumption would be that the kids are lying to you? [/quote]


After being told no I am not comfortable with it multiple times and proceeding to argue with me over it repeatedly she'd be told you know what, you're right no sleepovers at all.   You may consider that too authoritarian of me but I reserve the right to be able to say no to things that make me uncomfortable and I don't owe someone a debate on the topic.   Especially if we have already discussed it multiple times and I haven't changed my stance.  I am fine with discussion but after my stance has been made clear you don't continue to follow me around pestering me about it.  If I want to revisit it I will but you don't get to decide the conversation isn't over.

I would think the lesson that mommy has the right to say no to things that make her uncomfortable without owing someone an explanation every time or allowing herself to be talked into it is just as valuable a lesson to learn but what do I know.   

At the end of the day it's still my house.   I'm not really for sleepovers at all for the reasons I already discussed and I've discussed them with Gwen.  She gets pretty pissed at me about it but at the end of the day she is a minor and I am the adult.  Every parent has their things they aren't super keen on.  My husband smokes pot but I wouldn't stand there and argue with a parent who doesn't agree with it should that arise because if they are uncomfortable with it that is their decision.   Doesn't mean the kids can't be friends they just aren't sleeping over at each other's houses.

[oped]

Totally not my question.

[giramomma]

Jul 15, 2020 20:20:56 GMT -5 justme said:

Not a parent, but I think, possibly, a line would be platonic guests only - no couples or facsimile couples. Though that's admittedly a harder line to draw as it would mostly rely on your kid telling you the truth/following that rule. 

When my kids turn 11/12, I tell them that we know likely they are going to do stupid things as teens. We tell them we don't know what it is, but we know at some point, they are likely to make some poor decisions along the way.

We also tell them that we are happy to support them as best as we can, but not to confuse that from shielding them from the consequences of their behavior.

My kids and my husband know that I will find about about their misdeeds. It may not be immediate. But I find out.  And they still get to feel the consequences of their choices.

I'm not stupid and my gut works just fine.

So, I would assume the truth, as long as my gut says so. When I find out they were lying, that's when they lose privileges and experience consequences.

[Deleted]

Jul 16, 2020 8:44:59 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Jul 15, 2020 20:20:56 GMT -5 justme said:

Not a parent, but I think, possibly, a line would be platonic guests only - no couples or facsimile couples. Though that's admittedly a harder line to draw as it would mostly rely on your kid telling you the truth/following that rule. 

When my kids turn 11/12, I tell them that we know likely they are going to do stupid things as teens. We tell them we don't know what it is, but we know at some point, they are likely to make some poor decisions along the way.

We also tell them that we are happy to support them as best as we can, but not to confuse that from shielding them from the consequences of their behavior.

My kids and my husband know that I will find about about their misdeeds. It may not be immediate. But I find out.  And they still get to feel the consequences of their choices.

I'm not stupid and my gut works just fine.

So, I would assume the truth, as long as my gut says so. When I find out they were lying, that's when they lose privileges and experience consequences.

eh...I wouldn't be too confident on that one!  My mom and my friends parents are just now hearing some of the tales of our teenager years.   No big surprise for me because I had free rein pretty young, but that wasn't the case for all my friends.   

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Jul 16, 2020 7:54:02 GMT -5 oped said:

Totally not my question.

I answered you about what I meant calling her bluff.   I know my kid well enough to know when she's trying to manufacture a "gotcha" moment and expects me to agree with her.   There are times I concede but if I've already told you no multiple times and you are STILL trying to argue with me it's going to backfire in your face.

In regards to her sexuality?  I would be a tad skeptical if the only time it has ever come up is when she is trying to make a case for co-ed sleepovers after losing every other argument with me about it.  We're pretty open about sexuality in our house so if the first time I'm hearing of it is when she's trying to fight a losing battle with me the conversation is going to move away from her intended goal.

But if she is no it's not something that bothers me.  I don't care what body parts her significant other has as long as they are a good person and the both of them are smart about sexual activity.

We've already had multiple discussions about sexuality and the gender spectrum and I've extended to her the same offer my parents extended to her friends that I am willing to be a safe haven within reason if they ever need one.

Does that answer your question?

[TheOtherMe]

This isn't about sleepovers but is about teenagers.

My BIL is an alcoholic and no alcohol is allowed in their home.  When he was drinking, he used to hide booze all over the house.

When middle nephew was 15 or 16 he had to confess that he hid the booze my sister found because she immediately accused her husband.  

I'm sure she was letting BIL have it.  Nephew said he did get punished and he never brought alcohol in to the house again.

That doesn't mean he didn't drink with his buddies.

Sister's rule was that if they were drinking they were not supposed to drive.  They were very good about staying at whatever house was the party house for that night.

Of course, the three nephews never got to host drinking parties.

[giramomma]

Jul 16, 2020 9:08:18 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Jul 16, 2020 8:44:59 GMT -5 giramomma said:

When my kids turn 11/12, I tell them that we know likely they are going to do stupid things as teens. We tell them we don't know what it is, but we know at some point, they are likely to make some poor decisions along the way.

We also tell them that we are happy to support them as best as we can, but not to confuse that from shielding them from the consequences of their behavior.

My kids and my husband know that I will find about about their misdeeds. It may not be immediate. But I find out.  And they still get to feel the consequences of their choices.

I'm not stupid and my gut works just fine.

So, I would assume the truth, as long as my gut says so. When I find out they were lying, that's when they lose privileges and experience consequences.

eh...I wouldn't be too confident on that one!  My mom and my friends parents are just now hearing some of the tales of our teenager years.   No big surprise for me because I had free rein pretty young, but that wasn't the case for all my friends.   

Well, actually I am. When DH started slipping like once or twice a year, it started when I was sleeping 3-5 hours a night because the peanut was a crap sleeper.  I knew. I asked. He lied. The ONLY reason I blew it off is because I was irrational after being sleep deprived for a year. 

His quasi-relapse was confirmed when DH HANDED me his ipad, because spotify was going nuts and asked me to turn it off. I unlocked his ipad with the password, and sure enough there was the porn in the opened web brower. And then, he was stupid enough to say that it was an ad.

DD1 hasn't tried anything yet. But I know when DS and the peanut aren't being honest. They don't hide shit very well at all. Usually when that happens in conversations, I cut to the chase "Come one, I know you aren't being honest with me. I'm not stupid. You need to level with me now."  or particularly with the peanut. "This is how you behave when you aren't being honest with your feelings. We know if you continue this path, it will end badly. So let's talk about what's bothering you."

Or say, the conversation is one where the kids are not being truthful like in DS's case "I'm getting poor grades because the teacher prevented me from something..." I'll respond and say "Mmkk, great. I'll draft a quick email now to the teacher to figure this out." Sure is shit, DS comes clean.

DD1 will be different. She's not very demonstrative of her feelings. I do worry that she could put one over me and I do think she's the one we'll have to be on guard for.

I also think things are different just because there's more organized activities. If DS skips out on ultimate practice to have sex behind the school, I'm probably going to hear about it. Because he doesn't remember to do things like let his coaches know that he can't make practice. The coach will follow up with us about why he didn't show up.

If DD1 continues to do cheer when she'd driving and chooses to skip cheer, for whatever reason, not only will I hear about it, but she's off the team. In cheer, no matter the age, only parents (or caregivers) are allowed to let the coaches know why the kids are missing practice. It's in the handbook.

If DS drove, and tried to cut out of a scouting event to be naughty, we'd hear about it.

If the kids skip school, we'll hear about it. Even if it's one class that they are marked unexcused, we get a phone call that night.

We had a situation during SIP where DD1 was helping one of her friends through some stuff, and apparently escalated the situation to teachers. Guess what? Even though DD1 didn't tell us what was going on, we did get a note from the school's guidance counselor.  I did ask DD1 who it involved, and she told me. Based on the kid, and the parents, I figured out what the issue might be and that was it. Told DD1 that boundaries were OK to have as friends and that was that.

If DS skips work. I'll know about it. He updates me on how much he puts in savings and how much he's planning to spend on what every week when he gets is paycheck. (His choice, actually). I know how much he makes and the number of hours he works. The mathing isn't that difficult. If DS is suddenly getting cagey about his money, I'm going to assume he's up to something.

As for things like sneaking out of the house...

I don't really sleep much now. So, not only am I up, but I also hang out downstairs, in the room nearest the garage door. This room is also right under the staircases between the levels of our house. So. I can hear folks on the stairs.

My kids aren't stupid enough (yet) to sneak out of their rooms by jumping out of a second story window and landing on our lawn. The fire escape ladder is in our room.. They also have to get past siblings...that are in various stages of sleep cycles. The older three kids have DH at one end of the hallway, and Miss M at the other....and then me downstairs. That's quite a lot to navigate..quietly...something they aren't good at.

We don't just allow our kids to "go out." If DS goes to social events, parties, etc. He knows if he wants me to say yes or no, he coughs up parental contact info as well as deets. Fortunately for us, he has friends that also have a wide age gap in siblings, so a lot of the things he's invited to are g-rated because it includes his friends' siblings. Since we're past the stage of getting to know parents like in elementary school, I actually still do insist that we meet a parent. Even if it's a hello. One parent I did that with picked up DS and then chatted plans. Now, I'm sure we could go down the road that the parents are providing a cover and instead of boating, the kids are really going to have a kegger. But, with like elementary aged-siblings involved...I'm thinking that's probably less likely.

Sure we let DD1 go to the park by herself. We can see the park from our backyard...and if she goes...one of us makes sure we can still see her while we're doing lawn work, etc.

[Deleted]

Jul 16, 2020 11:16:19 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Jul 16, 2020 9:08:18 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

eh...I wouldn't be too confident on that one!  My mom and my friends parents are just now hearing some of the tales of our teenager years.   No big surprise for me because I had free rein pretty young, but that wasn't the case for all my friends.   

Well, actually I am. When DH started slipping like once or twice a year, it started when I was sleeping 3-5 hours a night because the peanut was a crap sleeper.  I knew. I asked. He lied. The ONLY reason I blew it off is because I was irrational after being sleep deprived for a year. 

His quasi-relapse was confirmed when DH HANDED me his ipad, because spotify was going nuts and asked me to turn it off. I unlocked his ipad with the password, and sure enough there was the porn in the opened web brower. And then, he was stupid enough to say that it was an ad.

DD1 hasn't tried anything yet. But I know when DS and the peanut aren't being honest. They don't hide shit very well at all. Usually when that happens in conversations, I cut to the chase "Come one, I know you aren't being honest with me. I'm not stupid. You need to level with me now."  or particularly with the peanut. "This is how you behave when you aren't being honest with your feelings. We know if you continue this path, it will end badly. So let's talk about what's bothering you."

Or say, the conversation is one where the kids are not being truthful like in DS's case "I'm getting poor grades because the teacher prevented me from something..." I'll respond and say "Mmkk, great. I'll draft a quick email now to the teacher to figure this out." Sure is shit, DS comes clean.

DD1 will be different. She's not very demonstrative of her feelings. I do worry that she could put one over me and I do think she's the one we'll have to be on guard for.

I also think things are different just because there's more organized activities. If DS skips out on ultimate practice to have sex behind the school, I'm probably going to hear about it. Because he doesn't remember to do things like let his coaches know that he can't make practice. The coach will follow up with us about why he didn't show up.

If DD1 continues to do cheer when she'd driving and chooses to skip cheer, for whatever reason, not only will I hear about it, but she's off the team. In cheer, no matter the age, only parents (or caregivers) are allowed to let the coaches know why the kids are missing practice. It's in the handbook.

If DS drove, and tried to cut out of a scouting event to be naughty, we'd hear about it.

If the kids skip school, we'll hear about it. Even if it's one class that they are marked unexcused, we get a phone call that night.

We had a situation during SIP where DD1 was helping one of her friends through some stuff, and apparently escalated the situation to teachers. Guess what? Even though DD1 didn't tell us what was going on, we did get a note from the school's guidance counselor.  I did ask DD1 who it involved, and she told me. Based on the kid, and the parents, I figured out what the issue might be and that was it. Told DD1 that boundaries were OK to have as friends and that was that.

If DS skips work. I'll know about it. He updates me on how much he puts in savings and how much he's planning to spend on what every week when he gets is paycheck. (His choice, actually). I know how much he makes and the number of hours he works. The mathing isn't that difficult. If DS is suddenly getting cagey about his money, I'm going to assume he's up to something.

As for things like sneaking out of the house...

I don't really sleep much now. So, not only am I up, but I also hang out downstairs, in the room nearest the garage door. This room is also right under the staircases between the levels of our house. So. I can hear folks on the stairs.

My kids aren't stupid enough (yet) to sneak out of their rooms by jumping out of a second story window and landing on our lawn. The fire escape ladder is in our room.. They also have to get past siblings...that are in various stages of sleep cycles. The older three kids have DH at one end of the hallway, and Miss M at the other....and then me downstairs. That's quite a lot to navigate..quietly...something they aren't good at.

We don't just allow our kids to "go out." If DS goes to social events, parties, etc. He knows if he wants me to say yes or no, he coughs up parental contact info as well as deets. Fortunately for us, he has friends that also have a wide age gap in siblings, so a lot of the things he's invited to are g-rated because it includes his friends' siblings. Since we're past the stage of getting to know parents like in elementary school, I actually still do insist that we meet a parent. Even if it's a hello. One parent I did that with picked up DS and then chatted plans. Now, I'm sure we could go down the road that the parents are providing a cover and instead of boating, the kids are really going to have a kegger. But, with like elementary aged-siblings involved...I'm thinking that's probably less likely.

Sure we let DD1 go to the park by herself. We can see the park from our backyard...and if she goes...one of us makes sure we can still see her while we're doing lawn work, etc.

That sounds...stressful. 

But, just sayin'...even if your kids friend's parents aren't hiding keggers, they're probably not sitting up all night under the stairs listening for footsteps either. 

[oped]

I'm not exactly sure how old everyone is talking about, but I have to say, and I know we all parent differently, but there seem to be a lot of people both on the side of 'stop coddling kids under 10, they can walk to and play at the park by themselves' and also 'don't have a second unplanned in your day that I can't know about and keep tabs on you teenager' ... 

It seems weird to me, but I'm sure we all think everyone else's ideas seem weird. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I take things on a case by case basis.   Gwen knows why I am not keen on sleepovers and understands if she wants to do one what I need from her.   I need more than her pointing out the parents at open house.  She can give my cell phone number to her friends so I can talk to their parents.  And even after talking to the parents I reserve the rights to refuse based on my impressions.   So far that's only one set of parents.  

The other one is swimming and that's a safety issue.  She's all right but not to where I would want her going to a party with minimal adult supervision and at least one of those adults needs to  know how to swim.  She's only allowed on a boat with DH or his relatives and that's his hill to die on I'm not inclined to disagree with him on that.

Other than that I've been trying to hand out independence as we go with the knowledge I'll take it away again if she abuses it.  Also the understanding is as long as she is a minor under our care mommy/daddy reserve the right to veto we'll do our best not to be assholes but if we exercise the final say then it's the final say on that particular thing at that particular time.

[oped]

I will say that on the earlier ages sleepovers I had a different situation because, homeschooling I did know families more than just kids. We frequently also, and this is one reason why boy/girl was never an issue with us, had brothers and sisters stay with our brother and sister and often they are all friends.  We lived in the country and it was often that their closest friends weren't actually geographically very close. 

Later they would have overnights with art class peers... we lived an hour from art classes, to which kids came from all directions, and unless you want to waste an afternoon while they hang out, overnights are more realistic. I didn't know those parents as well, but hosted probably 2/3 of the time...  again being the house everyone wants to be has advantages. By the time they were high school ages, there were always kids in our house and sometimes ours were out at theirs. Even when we were all closer geographically. 

As for teens, I'm going to be honest, I treat 16 year olds as basically grown but lacking in experience, and backtrack my expectations from that point to arrive at 16 with basic competence and independence. Between 16 and 18 I figure my job is to be the cushion and guidance that keeps them from falling flat and helps them learn temperance and balance as they exercise their rights and independence. At 19/21 they still ask me for permissions but its always more of a respect thing... I want to do this, do you feel it is appropriate or will it give you anxiety... etc.

[raeoflyte]

Jul 16, 2020 11:16:19 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Jul 16, 2020 9:08:18 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

eh...I wouldn't be too confident on that one!  My mom and my friends parents are just now hearing some of the tales of our teenager years.   No big surprise for me because I had free rein pretty young, but that wasn't the case for all my friends.   

Well, actually I am. When DH started slipping like once or twice a year, it started when I was sleeping 3-5 hours a night because the peanut was a crap sleeper.  I knew. I asked. He lied. The ONLY reason I blew it off is because I was irrational after being sleep deprived for a year. 

His quasi-relapse was confirmed when DH HANDED me his ipad, because spotify was going nuts and asked me to turn it off. I unlocked his ipad with the password, and sure enough there was the porn in the opened web brower. And then, he was stupid enough to say that it was an ad.

DD1 hasn't tried anything yet. But I know when DS and the peanut aren't being honest. They don't hide shit very well at all. Usually when that happens in conversations, I cut to the chase "Come one, I know you aren't being honest with me. I'm not stupid. You need to level with me now."  or particularly with the peanut. "This is how you behave when you aren't being honest with your feelings. We know if you continue this path, it will end badly. So let's talk about what's bothering you."

Or say, the conversation is one where the kids are not being truthful like in DS's case "I'm getting poor grades because the teacher prevented me from something..." I'll respond and say "Mmkk, great. I'll draft a quick email now to the teacher to figure this out." Sure is shit, DS comes clean.

DD1 will be different. She's not very demonstrative of her feelings. I do worry that she could put one over me and I do think she's the one we'll have to be on guard for.

I also think things are different just because there's more organized activities. If DS skips out on ultimate practice to have sex behind the school, I'm probably going to hear about it. Because he doesn't remember to do things like let his coaches know that he can't make practice. The coach will follow up with us about why he didn't show up.

If DD1 continues to do cheer when she'd driving and chooses to skip cheer, for whatever reason, not only will I hear about it, but she's off the team. In cheer, no matter the age, only parents (or caregivers) are allowed to let the coaches know why the kids are missing practice. It's in the handbook.

If DS drove, and tried to cut out of a scouting event to be naughty, we'd hear about it.

If the kids skip school, we'll hear about it. Even if it's one class that they are marked unexcused, we get a phone call that night.

We had a situation during SIP where DD1 was helping one of her friends through some stuff, and apparently escalated the situation to teachers. Guess what? Even though DD1 didn't tell us what was going on, we did get a note from the school's guidance counselor.  I did ask DD1 who it involved, and she told me. Based on the kid, and the parents, I figured out what the issue might be and that was it. Told DD1 that boundaries were OK to have as friends and that was that.

If DS skips work. I'll know about it. He updates me on how much he puts in savings and how much he's planning to spend on what every week when he gets is paycheck. (His choice, actually). I know how much he makes and the number of hours he works. The mathing isn't that difficult. If DS is suddenly getting cagey about his money, I'm going to assume he's up to something.

As for things like sneaking out of the house...

I don't really sleep much now. So, not only am I up, but I also hang out downstairs, in the room nearest the garage door. This room is also right under the staircases between the levels of our house. So. I can hear folks on the stairs.

My kids aren't stupid enough (yet) to sneak out of their rooms by jumping out of a second story window and landing on our lawn. The fire escape ladder is in our room.. They also have to get past siblings...that are in various stages of sleep cycles. The older three kids have DH at one end of the hallway, and Miss M at the other....and then me downstairs. That's quite a lot to navigate..quietly...something they aren't good at.

We don't just allow our kids to "go out." If DS goes to social events, parties, etc. He knows if he wants me to say yes or no, he coughs up parental contact info as well as deets. Fortunately for us, he has friends that also have a wide age gap in siblings, so a lot of the things he's invited to are g-rated because it includes his friends' siblings. Since we're past the stage of getting to know parents like in elementary school, I actually still do insist that we meet a parent. Even if it's a hello. One parent I did that with picked up DS and then chatted plans. Now, I'm sure we could go down the road that the parents are providing a cover and instead of boating, the kids are really going to have a kegger. But, with like elementary aged-siblings involved...I'm thinking that's probably less likely.

Sure we let DD1 go to the park by herself. We can see the park from our backyard...and if she goes...one of us makes sure we can still see her while we're doing lawn work, etc.

I didn't ditch extra curriculars to do the stuff I wasn't supposed to be doing and rarely ditched school. But when your booked solid there's always time in between activities, and a high GPA with teachers and bosses who sing your praises make it pretty easy to get away with other stuff. My parents are very happily in the dark about most of my teen years.

Except for the part where I was spending the night with my "friend" who was my girlfriend for a year. I came clean about that part. Bless them, they were innocent.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Jul 15, 2020 12:42:41 GMT -5 swamp said:

OK, all you YM experienced parents, help me out here. 

DD is 12, she lives to have/go to sleep overs with her friends.  I'm good with that as long as I know the parents and are comfortable with them. 

We've run into a modern day problem.   Many of her friends are boys.  The rule is no boys at a sleepover (unless it's a boy who lives at the house like a brother).   She of course thinks DH and are are the most evil parents in the world for not allowing boys at sleepovers.    Whatever, kid, get over it. 

Now DD tells me that she is Bisexual, and her best friend "Laurie" is trangendered and now goes by "Larry."   So, since Laurie/Larry is trans, and she is bi, she should be able to have sleep overs with boys because Laurie/Larry is really a boy.  

I told her if she doesn't knock it off, there won't be any sleepovers because I'm not going to start asking sexual orientations of everyone at a sleepover. 

Now what? 

You're on your own.  Your DD is far too smart for me.  

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

The benefit of having children of only one gender was that, for whatever reason, mine, at least, only had same gender friends sleep over.  It was just never an issue that I had to deal with.  I kept an open door, and would come down in the morning to find extra pairs of shoes on the rug at the back door.  We made breakfast for extra kids as much as we made dinner for extra kids but they were always outwardly male.

As for the sexual identification issue, if it's genuine, then I do think you have to consider whether suddenly prohibiting Larry from sleeping over is fair to Larry (who probably always identified as male, so nothing has really changed, although you may not have picked up on it until he made the open change).  

However, if Larry's open transgender life is just being used as a means to open sleepovers to all genders, then there are many good reasons to tread cautiously.  You are in the midst of a job interview, Swamp.  And even if you weren't interviewing, you are a licensed lawyer.  You don't need a parent finding out their kid was experimenting in your house and making a stink about it.  Sure, kids experiment (and should within reason and with consent and protection), but not all parents are as comfortable with sexuality as I or you might be and might blow mutual groping up into something much more heinous.  

[oped]

Jul 19, 2020 10:24:21 GMT -5 GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl said:

 I kept an open door, and would come down in the morning to find extra pairs of shoes on the rug at the back door. 

[gs11rmb]

I'm a bit late to the "party" but I'd also say no to opposite sex sleepovers.  To be frank, I'm not particularly worried about a girl who says she is bi-sexual having a sleepover with her best friend who is transitioning to male.  Why?  Because if experimentation does take place then the only fallout is emotional.  Experimentation between a girl and biological boy can lead to a life-changing and life-long commitment.