Is anyone else just...tired?

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I was telling my coworker that I am not really much of a person who goes out but lately I am sick of the same 12 walls I see every single freaking day (day job, home, dad's business).  I am restless.   There is nothing to look forward to but more of the same.  Everything is canceled and it looks like even the pumpkin patch is going to be out this year.

I told DH so far the only "bright" side is it looks like I am going to make a major dent in my reading list by the end of 2020.   

I know this is all first world problems and I try to look for little things/blessings but it's getting harder to motivate myself the longer I go feeling like I am trapped in a non-funny version of Groundhog's Day.

[movingforward]

I have always enjoyed my own company and have never minded spending time by myself just watching a movie, reading a book or whatnot. At the same time, I also do enjoy social interaction. I guess I have the personality of a cat. I like seeing people when I want to see them.

My current problem is that a lot of my social interaction has always been work related. My job involves traveling to conferences and meetings, having lunch with company representatives that support our industry and its mission, then there are board retreats, committee meetings, board dinners, attending student events at the universities, going over to the Capital, and the list goes on...So pre-covid I was doing all these work related things and then I would get home and think "yay! I am so glad to be home! I can't wait to order a pizza, watch a movie and kick back in my pajama pants."

So the last 3 months has been like this for me:

Month One - Well, everything on my calendar is cancelled this month. That's cool. I can chill out for a bit. I have some books I want to read, I can binge watch Netflix, rent some movies on Prime, take a walk everyday. I'm good...

Month Two - Hmmm...I guess this and that has been cancelled. That's too bad, I really would have liked to have seen those people. Oh well, I guess it's zoom again...and by the way, am I ever going to see my dad and brother again.

Month Three - OMG! Am I EVER going to see my peeps again! I am SO sick of zoom. Please not another virtual meeting...is this thing scheduled for September going to happen. I don't know, nobody knows...is it safe to book a trip for early 2021 or is that stupid...I don't know, nobody knows...Will I be able to see my dad at all this year...once again - I don't know, nobody knows...

I have started seeing my best friend the past few weeks so that is good.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I like to have my space and in a small house with three other people also socially isolated I cannot get my space.  My coworkers and I all work on top of each other.  Same at my dad's.

It's like "OMG GET AWAY FROM ME!!!".  I would go to the library or get my hair cut whenever people got to be too much.  I also thrift hunt.

 Going out in the back yard or hiding in the bedroom is not the same because they freaking follow me.  I need to be able to do my own thing from time to time.

While things have opened up Iowa isn't exactly on the downward slope so I don't want to risk it.   You know you are desperate for alone time when you feel like you're on vacation sitting in the dental exam chair.

It wasn't so bad the first month.  Then one by one the things I enjoy or looked forward to were canceled or don't plan on fully reopening this year.  Colorado was the last straw, I burst into tears when DH told me the news.

I am getting my fourth tattoo.   I figure it's not much more risk than having the dentist in literally in my face for two hours yesterday.  I need something to look forward to that is MINE or I am going to lose it.   I can't make it to 2021 without having some way to escape my head and all the people I am stuck with.

[Deleted]

Buy a tent. Find an open space. Fix the cooped up feeling. 

[Deleted]

Jun 18, 2020 22:49:42 GMT -5 @shastasnewlife said:

Buy a tent. Find an open space. Fix the cooped up feeling. 

I found that my mood improved considerably when I started adding a walk to my workout.  Everything I've read/heard that's credible has said that solitary outdoor activities are pretty safe. Now I'm riding my bicycle.  It really helps.  I'm not looking forward to when the weather gets colder.

[swamp]

Yup, still tired. 

[empress of self-improvement]

I didn't think I was too tired of everything going on but apparently I am since I had to stop myself from swallowing an entire bottle of ibuprofen pills 20 minutes ago. I have a headache, can you tell?

[Tennesseer]

Jun 19, 2020 7:48:56 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

Jun 18, 2020 22:49:42 GMT -5 @shastasnewlife said:

Buy a tent. Find an open space. Fix the cooped up feeling. 

I found that my mood improved considerably when I started adding a walk to my workout.  Everything I've read/heard that's credible has said that solitary outdoor activities are pretty safe. Now I'm riding my bicycle.  It really helps.  I'm not looking forward to when the weather gets colder.

A couple of months ago I asked my neighbor's mom if she or her church could use a crock pot I hadn't used in many years. She replied "sure!"

I believed it was somewhere in one of the lower kitchen cabinets. I kept on putting off for several months looking for it because there was so much stuff crammed into the cabinets. I finally decided to dig it out this past Wednesday.

I ended up with seven filled trash bags full of old 'stuff' from the cabinets. Stuff like old plastic containers, glass lids with no glass bowls to place them on, etc. But no crock pot to be found. I must have given it away years ago. I just don't remember doing so.

I told me neighbor to tell his mom about no crock pot. But I do have four glass or ceramic casserole vessels with lids his mom can have for her home or her church.

Point of this post is I felt good for the first time in several months having accomplished something long overdue of being done. The lower cabinets are now practically empty.

Next challenge: the linen closet. Items can go to the mom or her church.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Jun 19, 2020 8:53:34 GMT -5 empress of self-improvement said:

I didn't think I was too tired of everything going on but apparently I am since I had to stop myself from swallowing an entire bottle of ibuprofen pills 20 minutes ago. I have a headache, can you tell?

We’re all in this together, Empress. No one gets to take the easy way out and leave the rest of us behind.  

But, seriously, are you okay?  

[nidena]

I went back to work yesterday.  It was a good kind of tired when I was done, having been moving for all of the five hours.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Jun 18, 2020 22:49:42 GMT -5 @shastasnewlife said:

Buy a tent. Find an open space. Fix the cooped up feeling. 

Yeah but the problem is I am expected to come back.  

[snapdragon]

I am tired. At the beginning of this whole fiasco my Dad was in the hospital with cancer. He went home to die at the beginning of March and passed away at the end of March. Than the lockdowns occurred in mass. I have been on permahold for the last 3 months and unable to move forward with settling his estate or pretty much anything right now. I should have resolution next week or the week after with the courts so I can sell things but I am still spinning my wheels right now. 

Things are starting to hit me emotionally now that the stress is coming down. I had many things in transition - Dad, my kitchen being renovated and work ( going half time ) that I just let things drop or ignored things. I keep having to push out the timeline on what needs to happen so I don't have to keep going back. Both physically and emotionally almost every time I step over the threshold of his home. So I am tired and want to hide under the covers and have a crying jag right now BUT I am at work. 

[steph08]

I live on an acre in the country surrounded by farm fields with a state park a mile down the road. I run outside four times/week. I play outside with my kids. We went fishing at the lake this morning.



"Cooped up" isn't just confined to inside - it's the fact that we have done the same things over and over again for the past three months with no real variation in routine.

We should have been to the local amusement park five times by now. 

We should be in Colorado visiting my brother and his family. 

We should be having a birthday party for my oldest with her friends.

But we are not doing those things and cannot do those things. 

Ennui. That's exactly what is going on with me.

[teen persuasion]

Just saw this on Twitter: Smithsonian:We are living in historically unhappy times

The one two punch of Covid-19 and racial protesting (along with social distancing effects and poor leadership from on high) tank the Hedonometer on Twitter. No, really?

[movingforward]

Jun 19, 2020 7:48:56 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

Jun 18, 2020 22:49:42 GMT -5 @shastasnewlife said:

Buy a tent. Find an open space. Fix the cooped up feeling. 

I found that my mood improved considerably when I started adding a walk to my workout.  Everything I've read/heard that's credible has said that solitary outdoor activities are pretty safe. Now I'm riding my bicycle.  It really helps.  I'm not looking forward to when the weather gets colder.

It is close to triple digits here now so unless I get up at the crack of dawn, my walks aren't happening any longer. Sad because the first couple of months of the shutdown that is what saved me.

I'm the opposite of most...i am hoping if there is another shutdown that it happens in the winter. Our average temperature in the winter is around 60 degrees so that would be great for doing stuff outdoors.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Jun 19, 2020 10:57:13 GMT -5 steph08 said:

I live on an acre in the country surrounded by farm fields with a state park a mile down the road. I run outside four times/week. I play outside with my kids. We went fishing at the lake this morning.



"Cooped up" isn't just confined to inside - it's the fact that we have done the same things over and over again for the past three months with no real variation in routine.

We should have been to the local amusement park five times by now. 

We should be in Colorado visiting my brother and his family. 

We should be having a birthday party for my oldest with her friends.

But we are not doing those things and cannot do those things. 

Ennui. That's exactly what is going on with me.

Yes, yes exactly!   I am a creature of habit/routine but there is a freaking limit.  

[lurkyloo]

Jun 19, 2020 12:13:50 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Jun 19, 2020 10:57:13 GMT -5 steph08 said:

I live on an acre in the country surrounded by farm fields with a state park a mile down the road. I run outside four times/week. I play outside with my kids. We went fishing at the lake this morning.



"Cooped up" isn't just confined to inside - it's the fact that we have done the same things over and over again for the past three months with no real variation in routine.

We should have been to the local amusement park five times by now. 

We should be in Colorado visiting my brother and his family. 

We should be having a birthday party for my oldest with her friends.

But we are not doing those things and cannot do those things. 

Ennui. That's exactly what is going on with me.

Yes, yes exactly!   I am a creature of habit/routine but there is a freaking limit.  

Drama:  maybe you can’t go to your cabin if there isn’t internet, but if your DH is WFH right now then maybe you could still go on vacation somewhere with internet?  

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Jun 19, 2020 12:28:14 GMT -5 lurkyloo said:

Jun 19, 2020 12:13:50 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Yes, yes exactly!   I am a creature of habit/routine but there is a freaking limit.  

Drama:  maybe you can’t go to your cabin if there isn’t internet, but if your DH is WFH right now then maybe you could still go on vacation somewhere with internet?  

It's not the type of job he can take on the road.   He was given a desk top computer because they ran out of laptops.  You are not allowed to load company software onto a private computer and he also has to be somewhere he can print off blue prints.

Otherwise it was not a bad idea.  We are trying to think of anywhere we could go for a weekend but everything around here is canceled or still closed.  The places that are open have people flocking to them because they are the only place open and that makes it hard to socially distance. 

[Ava]

Not so much tired as getting depressed and even lethargic.
I sleep a lot, and I don't find a reason to be happy. Mostly, I'm indifferent to everything.
It's hard working from home with no contact with coworkers, living alone, not going out, not having any social activities, not being able to go the park or the beach or the summer concert series during summer.

I'm not sure I'll be able to take my yearly vacation in December-January that involves a 15 hour international flight. I have 13 PTO days that I have to use before year end or they are gone. I want to save them and use them in December to extend my vacation for three more weeks. It would be too much and I don't think my manager would allow it even though I'm depressed and I need it. 
The idea of using 13 vacation days to sit at home alone makes me want to cry.

I go to the supermarket once a week and to a friend's house (backyard) once a week. And even those two outings a week are not enough. I call friends and family members, at least every other day I talk to someone on the phone. Still depressed.

My work output is decreasing but it's like I'm in a daze. I should be worried because I could be let go in the current environment but I can't get myself to react. My manager has noticed and he's not happy.
It doesn't help that our job has radically changed since all this started.
All we get now is troubled accounts, customers unable to meet their obligations, a lot of business failures and desperation out there. Family businesses that have been around for many years are closing their doors and can't pay anymore. And we don't have a roadmap for this. We want customers to succeed, but it's difficult to help them. It sucks.

[busymom]

I know it'd be a major change in plans, Ava, but is there a vacation spot within driving distance that you've always wanted to check out?  Sometimes I feel better about things if I have a "Plan B".  Then I don't feel stuck.  

[Ava]

Jun 20, 2020 12:58:23 GMT -5 busymom said:

I know it'd be a major change in plans, Ava , but is there a vacation spot within driving distance that you've always wanted to check out?  Sometimes I feel better about things if I have a "Plan B".  Then I don't feel stuck.  

I wish.
I don't enjoy going by myself, and I've already checked most of what's around my area, the Northeast.
If I have to take a vacation, I like really hot weather, like Miami, but I don't see myself going there in the near future due to all the cases in Florida.
Besides, Miami means either a flight or a 15 hour drive by myself.

Generally, I take my vacations when it's winter here because cold weather doesn't sit well with me. So I take vacations in winter and go somewhere sunny and hot.

[Tired Tess]

I'm concerned about what my new normal will be. I can't see me ever going to the movies (unless it's a drive-in), a play, or a convert unless they are all outdoors. This leaves me with a bleak fall, winter, and spring ☹️. I'm getting thru work and a bit of social distancing socializing, but what am i going to do when the cold weather comes. It will be back in the house eating 😢.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

We decided to tear the sun room floor up. It's going to be close to the same price as the cabin would have been.

If we're going to be stuck in this house for the foreseeable future we might as well get some things to where I don't want to take a match to it.

[stillmovingforward]

Go all out and make it your safe and cozy spot!

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Jun 20, 2020 15:23:41 GMT -5 stillmovingforward said:

Go all out and make it your safe and cozy spot!

I've also priced out a new desk and bookshelf for the room.

Eventually we are considering making half of it into a bedroom for Gwen. That way each girl has her own space.

The other half will remain an office/dining room space.

[Artemis Windsong]

I have quit wearing mascara except when I go play golf with girlfriends.

An odd thing happens to me when I get too tired. My mid-back muscles cramp up. The early warning is an ache between my shoulder blades. That is when I need to go sit a while. Or nap. I'm sure the kitchen counter top is the wrong height for me but there isn't much I can do. Twice this week I cramped my back. This further aggravated my knee and lower back.

Yesterday was an expensive day. Prescription I hadn't expected to be filled for a 3 month supply. Then Sam's Club. Any other time a lot of items I would have waited for the next trip. But now, get what you can while you can.

Today, I took the day off. Zero exercise. I made sure my protein was up. Hydrated more.

I remind myself that I am blessed to have ample food with the resulting dishes.

My friend asked me how I have time to do duolingo (I heard tell the duolingo owl is tired of all of us.)and watch all about birds videos. All I have is time!

On Dirtiest Jobs, they are capturing chickens in Miami. Apparently there are 100,000 free range chickens. The catchers relocate them.

[movingforward]

Jun 20, 2020 13:38:00 GMT -5 Tired Tess said:

I'm concerned about what my new normal will be. I can't see me ever going to the movies (unless it's a drive-in), a play, or a convert unless they are all outdoors. This leaves me with a bleak fall, winter, and spring ☹️. I'm getting thru work and a bit of social distancing socializing, but what am i going to do when the cold weather comes. It will be back in the house eating 😢.

Ever?

I have gotten really burned out on the phrase the "new normal." To me most things are temporary.

[movingforward]

I keep telling myself that everyday I still have a job and not sick is a day I shouldn't complain about. I do believe that but at the same time I can't help but get a bit down in the dumps.

I would love to get some new clothes and jewelry but why bother - no place to wear it

Why put make-up on - no place to go and even if I do I have a face mask on.

In the past 3 months I have worn my hair down 2 times, that was the 2 times I went out to eat. Other than that it is in a bun or ponytail.

I was telling my friend on the phone yesterday that I'm not sure I can stand to spend another Saturday watching movies. Yet here I am again doing just that (watching Judy, by the way. It's okay).

I am getting exercise. I do go to the gym. There is absolutely no one around me. It is a huge facility and the machines are well spread out. It's too hot here now to walk outside and exercise definitely improves my mood. I feel like I need the gym to keep my sanity.

[Deleted]

Jun 20, 2020 20:34:28 GMT -5 movingforward said:

I keep telling myself that everyday I still have a job and not sick is a day I shouldn't complain about. I do believe that but at the same time I can't help but get a bit down in the dumps.

I would love to get some new clothes and jewelry but why bother - no place to wear it

Why put make-up on - no place to go and even if I do I have a face mask on.

In the past 3 months I have worn my hair down 2 times, that was the 2 times I went out to eat. Other than that it is in a bun or ponytail.

I was telling my friend on the phone yesterday that I'm not sure I can stand to spend another Saturday watching movies. Yet here I am again doing just that (watching Judy, by the way. It's okay).

I am getting exercise. I do go to the gym. There is absolutely no one around me. It is a huge facility and the machines are well spread out. It's too hot here now to walk outside and exercise definitely improves my mood. I feel like I need the gym to keep my sanity.

 Thank you. I put on makeup and jewelry yesterday to go to the cleaners, grocery and and drive-thru fast food.  It helped.  I also shaved my legs although at my age there's not much to shave and I'm not getting a pedi so who cares.  I'm overweight but otherwise healthy, have no financial problems and have no legally valid excuse for killing DH at this point.  Theoretically, I should be totally happy but I'm not and that's 100% okay too.  This situation sucks for everyone I think and it's only suckier when we feel we have to create a "suck scale".  I totally know so many folks have a much worse time than I do right now.  And I will respect that and try to help those folks how and when I can.  But that doesn't make my tough place or your tough place unworthy.  Sometimes it's okay to say "my life effing hurts" without weighing it against someone else's pain at the moment.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I just wore a full face of makeup for the first time in weeks. It felt good and weird.

I started making myself do at least blush and eyeshadow every day a few weeks ago.

My style is a huge part of my identity and when I stop it signals I'm sliding.

So even if nobody sees it I do my makeup for me. I bought another tube of Lipstick Queen from Ulta today because I really enjoy how they color change.

It seems silly to wear it just for me but it is a small thing. I also got myself my own Disney Princess hair brush. You can tell I have nothing better to do because I took a lot longer than a 37 year old should to pick between Jasmine, Belle and Pocahontas.