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Post by Deleted on May 27, 2020 13:08:34 GMT -5
I might go after a single valuable item just for the hell of it. "Listen, you can have all your shit, all the guns, all the tools, all the toys, all I want is this car" (or truck, or whatever). If her attorney wrote that up I can't imagine a judge not just awarding it without going through valuing everything. This is above and beyond splitting the real estate and accounts, I don't mean just go for the car and let him have everything else.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on May 27, 2020 13:08:38 GMT -5
With that much money at stake, I would really make sure that the tax situation is clean even if that means that I would end up with less cash in the end. The fact that cash payments "stopped" a few years back according to him does not mean that they really stopped. He can have that money hidden somewhere or invested and I sure as heck would not want to be on the receiving end of an IRS assessment for that. Can you tell I have strong fear of getting on the wrong side of the taxman?
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on May 27, 2020 14:14:24 GMT -5
Stay at home the next decade... will you be saying the same thing at the end of that? At that age? With that gap? Why does she want to stay home the next decade?
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on May 27, 2020 14:22:53 GMT -5
I'd tell him to keep the guns, tools, cars, etc. and focus on the cash and land. She doesn’t want them. She wants half the value. Is it typical to just leave a potential couple hundred thousand off the valuation of the estate because the items aren’t land or cash? I did. In order for me to obtain a mortgage on my out-of-state investment properties, my ex had to sign away rights to them (it was a document stating that the assets were strictly mine and he had no rights to them). He inherited money, which he used to purchase the house we lived in. he kept his inheritance separate so in his eyes it was not part of marital property. I also never paid a tax bill directly (I would pay for vacation and he would pay the real estate taxes). He did everything to make sure I didn't have any stake in the house. However, what he failed to consider was the fact that I paid to put in new flooring (I wanted it), I paid for painting and a few other upkeep items. That dragged the property into marital assets and not just his. But...I didn't want his things. I am smart enough to make my own money. I don't need a man's money. I never went after child support, never asked for a cent from him. Sometimes it just isn't worth it. It isn't like she is walking away a pauper. Fighting over guns and tools is going to make attorneys very wealthy. I get that there are two ways to look at this. She might just be vindictive because he is an ass. I went the other way. It would have hurt my pride to take something I didn't earn.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on May 27, 2020 14:30:41 GMT -5
She doesn’t want them. She wants half the value. Is it typical to just leave a potential couple hundred thousand off the valuation of the estate because the items aren’t land or cash? I did. In order for me to obtain a mortgage on my out-of-state investment properties, my ex had to sign away rights to them (it was a document stating that the assets were strictly mine and he had no rights to them). He inherited money, which he used to purchase the house we lived in. he kept his inheritance separate so in his eyes it was not part of marital property. I also never paid a tax bill directly (I would pay for vacation and he would pay the real estate taxes). He did everything to make sure I didn't have any stake in the house. However, what he failed to consider was the fact that I paid to put in new flooring (I wanted it), I paid for painting and a few other upkeep items. That dragged the property into marital assets and not just his. But...I didn't want his things. I am smart enough to make my own money. I don't need a man's money. I never went after child support, never asked for a cent from him. Sometimes it just isn't worth it. It isn't like she is walking away a pauper. Fighting over guns and tools is going to make attorneys very wealthy. I get that there are two ways to look at this. She might just be vindictive because he is an ass. I went the other way. It would have hurt my pride to take something I didn't earn. Yup. Back when I did divorces, there was a couple that fought over two paintings. They agreed on the $400,000 house and the pensions. They were worth probably $200. The fought all day. The attorneys spent 6 hours at court that day. I finally told my client he was being an idiot and that I would pay him $200 out of my pocket to shut them up if it would settle it.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on May 27, 2020 14:34:43 GMT -5
I did. In order for me to obtain a mortgage on my out-of-state investment properties, my ex had to sign away rights to them (it was a document stating that the assets were strictly mine and he had no rights to them). He inherited money, which he used to purchase the house we lived in. he kept his inheritance separate so in his eyes it was not part of marital property. I also never paid a tax bill directly (I would pay for vacation and he would pay the real estate taxes). He did everything to make sure I didn't have any stake in the house. However, what he failed to consider was the fact that I paid to put in new flooring (I wanted it), I paid for painting and a few other upkeep items. That dragged the property into marital assets and not just his. But...I didn't want his things. I am smart enough to make my own money. I don't need a man's money. I never went after child support, never asked for a cent from him. Sometimes it just isn't worth it. It isn't like she is walking away a pauper. Fighting over guns and tools is going to make attorneys very wealthy. I get that there are two ways to look at this. She might just be vindictive because he is an ass. I went the other way. It would have hurt my pride to take something I didn't earn. Yup. Back when I did divorces, there was a couple that fought over two paintings. They agreed on the $400,000 house and the pensions. They were worth probably $200. The fought all day. The attorneys spent 6 hours at court that day. I finally told my client he was being an idiot and that I would pay him $200 out of my pocket to shut them up if it would settle it. lol! But I can see how that can happen. Some people let their emotions get the better of them and are so afraid that the other person will walk away with more...but in the end, it's the attorneys that win. Yes, split the big items but move on from the smaller stuff.
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Post by Deleted on May 27, 2020 14:53:47 GMT -5
In MN you have to go through classes for divorce (it might only be if there are children are involved). Part of it involved the family court judge coming in and talking about stupid things that she's dealt with over the years and warning to not be those people. One of her stories was about a couple fighting forever over a Beanie Baby collection! ROFL
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on May 27, 2020 15:33:23 GMT -5
In MN you have to go through classes for divorce (it might only be if there are children are involved). Part of it involved the family court judge coming in and talking about stupid things that she's dealt with over the years and warning to not be those people. One of her stories was about a couple fighting forever over a Beanie Baby collection! ROFL hahaha!! But I can honestly see it. One of my friends got divorced just a few years ago. Her husband hadn't worked in a couple of years and she didn't sign up to be a sugar momma. She literally spent tens of thousands of dollars trying to get divorced. He was fighting over everything! She would give in on one thing and he would fight for something else. He was just angry that she didn't want to be married to him any longer and he was out to make her life hell.
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CCL
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Post by CCL on May 27, 2020 19:50:47 GMT -5
She doesn’t want them. She wants half the value. Is it typical to just leave a potential couple hundred thousand off the valuation of the estate because the items aren’t land or cash? Just because he bought the tools for a couple hundred thousand doesn't mean they are worth that now. What does she want more? Away from him to or keep fighting? I look at it as I can always make more money or get more stuff. Sure, you can always get more stuff, but it might be a lot tougher for someone else to start over. Most women aren't attorneys with their own businesses. Why should the only choices be "away from him or to keep fighting"? She shouldn't have to give up more than her fair share just to be done with it. I guess when you get divorced you lose either way.
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Artemis Windsong
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Post by Artemis Windsong on May 27, 2020 20:07:17 GMT -5
My approach would be to make an inventory of everything. Vehicles/Cars, VIN, make, model, purchase price.
Same with guns. There is ammunition for them and can be valued by a visit to the sporting goods store.
A net worth statement every year would be helpful to see what assets there are. And a value assigned.
Since there is a business involved, there should be a list of assets somewhere. An accountant. Old IRS filings.
Since soon to be ex is out frolicking with bimbo, she could easily find this stuff.
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Post by Deleted on May 28, 2020 7:19:37 GMT -5
Why should the only choices be "away from him or to keep fighting"? She shouldn't have to give up more than her fair share just to be done with it. I guess when you get divorced you lose either way. During my divorce I read a great book called "Between Love and Hate", which was mostly about mediated settlements but also forced you to focus on what you REALLY wanted to have post-divorce- not "You had the affair so I get the sterling silver". I did end up with a mediated settlement- my Ex's Aunt came to hold his hand during the process and BOTH attorneys were happy she was there. My attorney described her as "a gracious woman". When I think back, I could have pushed for more. Example: we had taken out a $13K HELOC so he could buy a 1956 Corvette (this was maybe early 1990s)- he got in a wreck with it, then took the insurance check (I was at work when it came in the mail), deposited it in his account and gave only about half to the place fixing it up. So, the garage got title tho the 'Vette but the equity in the marital home was decreased by the loan balance. I could have insisted that the reduction come out of his share but I didn't. So, yeah, I DID give up more than my fair share to be done with it. That was 1997 and I still don't regret it. If, let's say, the OP's friend thinks the joint assets are worth $300K and she's willing to give up fighting over $30K of that to get the heck out, that might be a perfectly rational decision.
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Peace77
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Post by Peace77 on May 28, 2020 9:42:01 GMT -5
In MN you have to go through classes for divorce (it might only be if there are children are involved). ########## Only if you have children. My MN divorce went straight to mediation.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on May 28, 2020 10:41:10 GMT -5
My ex BIL has been dicking my sister around about finalizing up the last items of the divorce. In 2016, the deal was in lieu of alimony that her ex would continue to pay the mortgage so the youngest could stay in her school until she graduated. The house would be sold, the proceeds split and after the house sold, spousal support awarded.
Ex BIL dicked my sister and her lawyer around for a year about selling the house and supplying the paperwork to award support. After 8 months of this, my sister said f#$& this and took him to court. The judge awarded her MORE than what she asked for and ex BIL has to pay her lawyer’s bills too. Ex BIL was actually fired by his second lawyer (he had 3 total). At one time while ex BIL was between lawyers, he tried to use my sister’s lawyer. All he did there was dick her lawyer around too until he got pushed off at him.
Not sure what ex BILs lawyers bills totaled, but my sisters were pushing $15k. We paid half of that. It didn’t need to cost that much.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on May 28, 2020 11:04:22 GMT -5
In MN you have to go through classes for divorce (it might only be if there are children are involved). ########## Only if you have children. My MN divorce went straight to mediation. May depend on the age of the kids too. My sister’s youngest were 15 and 17. There were no classes necessary.
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WannabeWealthy
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Post by WannabeWealthy on May 29, 2020 16:41:21 GMT -5
I just went through a bitter divorce and can give a LOT of thoughts on the topic. BUT, Try not to get caught up with guns and crap like that unless they are REALLY valuable. The main players that they want value for is usually cars, houses, boats, etc..
I have an antique arcade game Dragon's Lair valued at about ~$7k. I also have a lot of comic books, computer parts, etc.. None of that was included in the mediation as it was just too small. I'm sure she had purses, watches, and stuff like that that I didn't care about.
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WannabeWealthy
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Post by WannabeWealthy on May 29, 2020 17:01:27 GMT -5
You are a godsend. I thought I knew my ex and was convinced she wouldn't try to take all of what I had earned and put into the marriage while she just racked up CC debt. But nope, she exercised her 50/50 rights and took money that she didn't earn. I hated marriage then and I hate it now. It's nothing but a way for the law to divide your accomplishments as an individual in favor of the person who didn't contribute nearly as much.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on May 29, 2020 21:27:58 GMT -5
You are a godsend. I thought I knew my ex and was convinced she wouldn't try to take all of what I had earned and put into the marriage while she just racked up CC debt. But nope, she exercised her 50/50 rights and took money that she didn't earn. I hated marriage then and I hate it now. It's nothing but a way for the law to divide your accomplishments as an individual in favor of the person who didn't contribute nearly as much. Unfortunately what you experienced is probably more the norm than me. I’m prideful to a fault. Women tend to go for everything they can get instead of being happy that for x amount of years, they lived a life they couldn’t afford I don’t know why men get married anymore. I really don’t. At least to women that are either going to not work or earn significantly less then the man.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on May 30, 2020 6:25:26 GMT -5
You are a godsend. I thought I knew my ex and was convinced she wouldn't try to take all of what I had earned and put into the marriage while she just racked up CC debt. But nope, she exercised her 50/50 rights and took money that she didn't earn. I hated marriage then and I hate it now. It's nothing but a way for the law to divide your accomplishments as an individual in favor of the person who didn't contribute nearly as much. Unfortunately what you experienced is probably more the norm than me. I’m prideful to a fault. Women tend to go for everything they can get instead of being happy that for x amount of years, they lived a life they couldn’t afford I don’t know why men get married anymore. I really don’t. At least to women that are either going to not work or earn significantly less then the man. I didn't even have a job when I filed for divorce but I knew I would get one quickly. My attorney had to make me ask for child support or the judge wouldn't sign off on papers.(son was 16) But we also used the same attorney (not sure that is allowed today) We agreed on all the stuff, house, land and told attorney what to draw up and he went to court and got judge to sign off on it. We didn't even go to court. There are plenty out there who have pride - one only hears about the bitter divorces. I am much better off mentally physically divorced than I was married and I wasn't in a bad marriage like so many. After 18 yrs. it was just time to move on.
I guess I could say I always wonder why people after having gone thru one marriage/divorce wind up married again but that's a to each his own thing. I would never remarry but that's just me. Not going to inflict myself on anyone
ETA: And we always tend to hear only ONE SIDE of the bitter divorce story so I usually take it with a very small grain of salt
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on May 30, 2020 6:54:20 GMT -5
Unfortunately what you experienced is probably more the norm than me. I’m prideful to a fault. Women tend to go for everything they can get instead of being happy that for x amount of years, they lived a life they couldn’t afford I don’t know why men get married anymore. I really don’t. At least to women that are either going to not work or earn significantly less then the man. I didn't even have a job when I filed for divorce but I knew I would get one quickly. My attorney had to make me ask for child support or the judge wouldn't sign off on papers.(son was 16) But we also used the same attorney (not sure that is allowed today) We agreed on all the stuff, house, land and told attorney what to draw up and he went to court and got judge to sign off on it. We didn't even go to court. There are plenty out there who have pride - one only hears about the bitter divorces. I am much better off mentally physically divorced than I was married and I wasn't in a bad marriage like so many. After 18 yrs. it was just time to move on.
I guess I could say I always wonder why people after having gone thru one marriage/divorce wind up married again but that's a to each his own thing. I would never remarry but that's just me. Not going to inflict myself on anyone
ETA: And we always tend to hear only ONE SIDE of the bitter divorce story so I usually take it with a very small grain of salt
I always said I would never remarry...yet here I am! But I would never marry without an iron clad pre-nup. I didn’t have one the first time because I was 23 and broke. Problem is, most people aren’t still broke when they divorce. I tell everyone getting married, no matter how young or broke, to get a pre-nup. I would be livid if I lost half my stuff in a divorce. Why anyone marries someone that doesn’t want to work or works an extremely low paying job is beyond me. They are the ones that really get screwed. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Women benefit by having a man support a lifestyle they can’t afford and then still want half his stuff when they divorce. I’m sure it happens to women, too, I just don’t have experience with it Get a pre-nup or don’t get married.
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Post by Deleted on May 30, 2020 7:40:38 GMT -5
My attorney had to make me ask for child support or the judge wouldn't sign off on papers.(son was 16) But we also used the same attorney (not sure that is allowed today) We agreed on all the stuff, house, land and told attorney what to draw up and he went to court and got judge to sign off on it. We didn't even go to court. My Ex and I also worked out a settlement with our lawyers and took it to court- we did appear in person but it was simple and quick because we'd done all the hard work beforehand. I will be forever grateful that the judge DID sign off on an agreement that didn't require child support- my Ex would not have agreed to it and even if he had, he wouldn't have paid it and I would have had to give up some of the assets in my name (funded from my employment and I paid 50% or more of the bills during the marriage, 100% the last 5 years). The deal was that in return for not getting CS I could keep the assets in my name. Ex never worked a substantial job again- lived mostly off public welfare programs till he died in 2010- so there would have been no wages to attach. DS was 12 when we divorced but I guess the judge could see that I was going to take responsibility for him and not end up relying in the state. He was right.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on May 30, 2020 8:11:34 GMT -5
My attorney had to make me ask for child support or the judge wouldn't sign off on papers.(son was 16) But we also used the same attorney (not sure that is allowed today) We agreed on all the stuff, house, land and told attorney what to draw up and he went to court and got judge to sign off on it. We didn't even go to court. My Ex and I also worked out a settlement with our lawyers and took it to court- we did appear in person but it was simple and quick because we'd done all the hard work beforehand. I will be forever grateful that the judge DID sign off on an agreement that didn't require child support- my Ex would not have agreed to it and even if he had, he wouldn't have paid it and I would have had to give up some of the assets in my name (funded from my employment and I paid 50% or more of the bills during the marriage, 100% the last 5 years). The deal was that in return for not getting CS I could keep the assets in my name. Ex never worked a substantial job again- lived mostly off public welfare programs till he died in 2010- so there would have been no wages to attach. DS was 12 when we divorced but I guess the judge could see that I was going to take responsibility for him and not end up relying in the state. He was right. It’s so awful that the courts would reward someone like your ex. He benefit during the marriage by your much higher earnings. Why should he be entitled to anything that you earned? I really think if people understood the financial risk of marriage, less people would get married.
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Post by Deleted on May 30, 2020 8:13:06 GMT -5
You are a godsend. I thought I knew my ex and was convinced she wouldn't try to take all of what I had earned and put into the marriage while she just racked up CC debt. But nope, she exercised her 50/50 rights and took money that she didn't earn. I hated marriage then and I hate it now. It's nothing but a way for the law to divide your accomplishments as an individual in favor of the person who didn't contribute nearly as much. Unfortunately what you experienced is probably more the norm than me. I’m prideful to a fault. Women tend to go for everything they can get instead of being happy that for x amount of years, they lived a life they couldn’t afford I don’t know why men get married anymore. I really don’t. At least to women that are either going to not work or earn significantly less then the man. So the high-earners should only marry high earners? Really? My daughter and her husband have five kids ages 4-14. He's a lawyer and a politician; she is basically a stay-at-home mother who works 2 or 3 days a week (sometimes more) as a pharmacist. Are you trying to say that my daughter doesn't deserve half of their marital assets? Lol. That because the bigger paycheck has his name on it, it is his money? It wouldn't be that big if he had to devote 50% of his time taking care of the home and family. She certainly can and does support herself. This is not a model you would choose. We get that. But it doesn't mean that some women don't deserve half just because they didn't have as many zeroes on their pay stub.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on May 30, 2020 8:26:14 GMT -5
Unfortunately what you experienced is probably more the norm than me. I’m prideful to a fault. Women tend to go for everything they can get instead of being happy that for x amount of years, they lived a life they couldn’t afford I don’t know why men get married anymore. I really don’t. At least to women that are either going to not work or earn significantly less then the man. So the high-earners should only marry high earners? Really? My daughter and her husband have five kids ages 4-14. He's a lawyer and a politician; she is basically a stay-at-home mother who works 2 or 3 days a week (sometimes more) as a pharmacist. Are you trying to say that my daughter doesn't deserve half of their marital assets? Lol. That because the bigger paycheck has his name on it, it is his money? It wouldn't be that big if he had to devote 50% of his time taking care of the home and family. She certainly can and does support herself. This is not a model you would choose. We get that. But it doesn't mean that some women don't deserve half just because they didn't have as many zeroes on their pay stub. Exactly. Lots of men's careers benefit because they don't carry any home burdens. This is when the wife stays home or works. A lot easier to succeed when any home, kid, or parent issue is handled by wifey.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on May 30, 2020 8:28:23 GMT -5
Unfortunately what you experienced is probably more the norm than me. I’m prideful to a fault. Women tend to go for everything they can get instead of being happy that for x amount of years, they lived a life they couldn’t afford I don’t know why men get married anymore. I really don’t. At least to women that are either going to not work or earn significantly less then the man. So the high-earners should only marry high earners? Really? My daughter and her husband have five kids ages 4-14. He's a lawyer and a politician; she is basically a stay-at-home mother who works 2 or 3 days a week (sometimes more) as a pharmacist. Are you trying to say that my daughter doesn't deserve half of their marital assets? Lol. That because the bigger paycheck has his name on it, it is his money? It wouldn't be that big if he had to devote 50% of his time taking care of the home and family. She certainly can and does support herself. This is not a model you would choose. We get that. But it doesn't mean that some women don't deserve half just because they didn't have as many zeroes on their pay stub. Ask the people that lost half their assets in a divorce if they would do it all over again. I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t. If your daughter married a low earned and had 5 kids she wouldn’t get a huge payout. I have a problem with divorce being a lottery. I think everyone needs to think very hard about protecting their assets before getting married. To answer your question, no I do not think your daughter should get half of his assets if they divorced. He could have hired a nanny to take care of his kids while he worked, a cleaning lady to take care of the house, etc, without putting half of his assets at risk.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on May 30, 2020 8:29:18 GMT -5
So the high-earners should only marry high earners? Really? My daughter and her husband have five kids ages 4-14. He's a lawyer and a politician; she is basically a stay-at-home mother who works 2 or 3 days a week (sometimes more) as a pharmacist. Are you trying to say that my daughter doesn't deserve half of their marital assets? Lol. That because the bigger paycheck has his name on it, it is his money? It wouldn't be that big if he had to devote 50% of his time taking care of the home and family. She certainly can and does support herself. This is not a model you would choose. We get that. But it doesn't mean that some women don't deserve half just because they didn't have as many zeroes on their pay stub. Exactly. Lots of men's careers benefit because they don't carry any home burdens. This is when the wife stays home or works. A lot easier to succeed when any home, kid, or parent issue is handled by wifey. I’m a single mom and am able to succeed at my career and I don’t have a wifey. I pay people to do what a wifey would do. You don’t actually need a wife to succeed at work. If you did, I wouldn’t be where I am.
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Post by Deleted on May 30, 2020 8:54:19 GMT -5
So the high-earners should only marry high earners? Really? My daughter and her husband have five kids ages 4-14. He's a lawyer and a politician; she is basically a stay-at-home mother who works 2 or 3 days a week (sometimes more) as a pharmacist. Are you trying to say that my daughter doesn't deserve half of their marital assets? Lol. That because the bigger paycheck has his name on it, it is his money? It wouldn't be that big if he had to devote 50% of his time taking care of the home and family. She certainly can and does support herself. This is not a model you would choose. We get that. But it doesn't mean that some women don't deserve half just because they didn't have as many zeroes on their pay stub. Ask the people that lost half their assets in a divorce if they would do it all over again. I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t.
If your daughter married a low earned and had 5 kids she wouldn’t get a huge payout. I have a problem with divorce being a lottery. I think everyone needs to think very hard about protecting their assets before getting married. I To answer your question, no I do not think your daughter should get half of his assets if they divorced. He could have hired a nanny to take care of his kids while he worked, a cleaning lady to take care of the house, etc, without putting half of his assets at risk. Well, my Ex did. He even has a again SAHW now. I guess you could say he's stupid (and you probably are saying that), but it's a matter of priorities I guess. Money is not the be all end all to everyone. Why get married to someone that makes less than you? I guess you could just as well ask why have kids. They give absolutely nothing back financially and are huge money sucks. I'm thinking of my neighbors now. Married for 72 years and she never worked for money a day in her life, but a harder working woman I never met. He died of a broken heart a few weeks ago just 3 months after she died. I think he would have given every last dime he had to have her back.
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Post by Deleted on May 30, 2020 8:56:59 GMT -5
Exactly. Lots of men's careers benefit because they don't carry any home burdens. This is when the wife stays home or works. A lot easier to succeed when any home, kid, or parent issue is handled by wifey. I’m a single mom and am able to succeed at my career and I don’t have a wifey. I pay people to do what a wifey would do. You don’t actually need a wife to succeed at work. If you did, I wouldn’t be where I am. You can't say on one hand that you would pay for a nanny, cleaning lady, yard work, whatever and then say a stay at home spouse doesn't add value to a marriage.
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oped
Senior Member
Joined: Aug 20, 2018 20:49:12 GMT -5
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Post by oped on May 30, 2020 8:57:24 GMT -5
Exactly. Lots of men's careers benefit because they don't carry any home burdens. This is when the wife stays home or works. A lot easier to succeed when any home, kid, or parent issue is handled by wifey. I’m a single mom and am able to succeed at my career and I don’t have a wifey. I pay people to do what a wifey would do. You don’t actually need a wife to succeed at work. If you did, I wouldn’t be where I am. You pay people. So they deserve to be paid for their service... but a 'wifey' is just a leach so anything she give should be unpaid? lol. You are admitting she gives value to the relationship... value you pay for. I had a lot I was going to write when I got to a computer, about why people marry a supportive, non working partner... so they can do only what they want to do and nothing more... while the spouse picks up all the rest. But it's not worth my time. Suffice to say friend's husband never changed a diaper, he made it clear he was 'not the second string' when he came home at night. He never took a day off for a sick kid. Never ran his mom to the doctor when she was sick. My friend did payroll and taxes... the tasks he didn't like about the business... planned the parties and dinners, took care of his house and land and children, taught them when private school wasn't doing what they wanted... So just consider it her pay for being nanny, teacher, bookeeper, et fucking cetera. The jobs you pay for but think "wifey" should do for free... Short anecdote. I worked part time when we first started homeschooling. It was very stressful for all of us and we ended up compensating by hiring out and were not super happy. The year after we decided to divide and conquer... he'd make money and I'd do the other things that made our life what WE wanted it to be.... our joint income went up 10K ... meaning that he made up my part time income and increased it by another 10K. Because we could focus and be much more efficient that way. And we were SO much happier and less stressed and hired out less. So forgive me for not feeling like I needed to live by your dictates because of some tenet you've based your life upon and think everyone else should live by... thankful the legal system doesn't agree.
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Miss Tequila
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Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
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Post by Miss Tequila on May 30, 2020 9:24:22 GMT -5
I’m a single mom and am able to succeed at my career and I don’t have a wifey. I pay people to do what a wifey would do. You don’t actually need a wife to succeed at work. If you did, I wouldn’t be where I am. You can't say on one hand that you would pay for a nanny, cleaning lady, yard work, whatever and then say a stay at home spouse doesn't add value to a marriage. My point is that I do not need a stay at home anything. I hide what I need and still am successful. Do I owe my nanny and cleaning lady half my assets if I decide I no longer need their services?
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Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
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Post by Miss Tequila on May 30, 2020 9:37:34 GMT -5
I’m a single mom and am able to succeed at my career and I don’t have a wifey. I pay people to do what a wifey would do. You don’t actually need a wife to succeed at work. If you did, I wouldn’t be where I am. You pay people. So they deserve to be paid for their service... but a 'wifey' is just a leach so anything she give should be unpaid? lol. You are admitting she gives value to the relationship... value you pay for. I had a lot I was going to write when I got to a computer, about why people marry a supportive, non working partner... so they can do only what they want to do and nothing more... while the spouse picks up all the rest. But it's not worth my time. Suffice to say friend's husband never changed a diaper, he made it clear he was 'not the second string' when he came home at night. He never took a day off for a sick kid. Never ran his mom to the doctor when she was sick. My friend did payroll and taxes... the tasks he didn't like about the business... planned the parties and dinners, took care of his house and land and children, taught them when private school wasn't doing what they wanted... So just consider it her pay for being nanny, teacher, bookeeper, et fucking cetera. The jobs you pay for but think "wifey" should do for free... Short anecdote. I worked part time when we first started homeschooling. It was very stressful for all of us and we ended up compensating by hiring out and were not super happy. The year after we decided to divide and conquer... he'd make money and I'd do the other things that made our life what WE wanted it to be.... our joint income went up 10K ... meaning that he made up my part time income and increased it by another 10K. Because we could focus and be much more efficient that way. And we were SO much happier and less stressed and hired out less. So forgive me for not feeling like I needed to live by your dictates because of some tenet you've based your life upon and think everyone else should live by... thankful the legal system doesn't agree. Except a SAHM/D is being paid to do those things, in a round about way. The mortgage payment, food, utilities, clothing, vacations, cars, car insurance, etc are all being paid for on their behalf. I would even be good with cutting a check to the spouse and have them pay half of everything. But when the marriage is over, so should the financial support. I can terminate my nanny or house cleaner tomorrow and not have to hand over half of my assets to them. They provide a service and I pay them for it. Of course they add value. But not 7 figures worth of value.
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