Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2020 15:55:17 GMT -5
You don't like Tequila? lol! I kept my ex's name because it was important to me to have the same last name as my children (except on FB!lol). My kids are now grown so I'm good now! I kept Ex 2.0's name because of that. I hate having that name because it's like I've been claimed by that family and I don't want to be associated with 90% of them. I don't know if I'll change it once my youngest is grown because I'll be in my 60's by then. I might not want to deal with it at that point. Name changes are such a pain.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Feb 3, 2020 16:23:20 GMT -5
lol! I kept my ex's name because it was important to me to have the same last name as my children (except on FB!lol). My kids are now grown so I'm good now! I kept Ex 2.0's name because of that. I hate having that name because it's like I've been claimed by that family and I don't want to be associated with 90% of them. I don't know if I'll change it once my youngest is grown because I'll be in my 60's by then. I might not want to deal with it at that point. Name changes are such a pain. It is such a freaking pain. I'm not sure how BF would feel if I wanted to keep my maiden name but I can guarantee who wouldn't be happy if I wanted to keep my ex's name once we were married!lol
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2020 16:36:48 GMT -5
I kept Ex 2.0's name because of that. I hate having that name because it's like I've been claimed by that family and I don't want to be associated with 90% of them. I don't know if I'll change it once my youngest is grown because I'll be in my 60's by then. I might not want to deal with it at that point. Name changes are such a pain. It is such a freaking pain. I'm not sure how BF would feel if I wanted to keep my maiden name but I can guarantee who wouldn't be happy if I wanted to keep my ex's name once we were married!lol Right? I was so over the name change thing after my first marriage that I didn't change back to my maiden name when we divorced, but keeping my first husband's last name wasn't going to go over real well, so I ended up having to change it again anyhow. In hindsight I wish I had NEVER changed my name from the start.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Feb 3, 2020 16:57:41 GMT -5
I've kept my maiden name through 2 marriages now, with children from the first. Since I had custody of the kids we for a while had one household with 3 last names. Gave no one a pause. If someone wanted to address me as "Ms. lastnameofkid" I'd answer, or "Mrs. lastnameof husband" I'd answer, but no one really does do that. I've been happy to be Ms. maidenname.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2020 17:01:07 GMT -5
I've kept my maiden name through 2 marriages now, with children from the first. Since I had custody of the kids we for a while had one household with 3 last names. Gave no one a pause. If someone wanted to address me as "Ms. lastnameofkid" I'd answer, or "Mrs. lastnameof husband" I'd answer, but no one really does do that. I've been happy to be Ms. maidenname. Same here, also having one household with 3 last names. None of us minded- we knew we were a family!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2020 17:09:17 GMT -5
I kept Ex 2.0's name because of that. I hate having that name because it's like I've been claimed by that family and I don't want to be associated with 90% of them. I don't know if I'll change it once my youngest is grown because I'll be in my 60's by then. I might not want to deal with it at that point. Name changes are such a pain. It is such a freaking pain. I'm not sure how BF would feel if I wanted to keep my maiden name but I can guarantee who wouldn't be happy if I wanted to keep my ex's name once we were married!lolYeah. This is why I changed mine. I actually liked my ex's last name. And I had used it professionally and socially for all of my adult life. We married when I was 20 and divorced when I was 45. I remarried at 55. But I didn't think my husband would appreciate being called Mr. Ex's Last Name, which students were sure to do. On Facebook, I list my name as Susana (Ex's Last Name) DH's Last Name. That way people I knew in those years through teaching, graduate school, the old community, etc. would actually know who I was. My district thought the ex's last name was my maiden name and used it that way after I remarried. They even monogrammed my retiirement present with the wrong initials. I just shrugged!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2020 17:57:54 GMT -5
lol! I kept my ex's name because it was important to me to have the same last name as my children (except on FB!lol). My kids are now grown so I'm good now! I kept Ex 2.0's name because of that. I hate having that name because it's like I've been claimed by that family and I don't want to be associated with 90% of them. I don't know if I'll change it once my youngest is grown because I'll be in my 60's by then. I might not want to deal with it at that point. Name changes are such a pain. I’m another one that kept my ex’s last name so I’d have the same last name as my children. I always thought I’d go back to my maiden name once they were adults. When the time came, I thought about how everything I’ve done/paid for/acquired in my adult life is under that name since I married him when I was 19yo..... almost 30 years ago now. It seemed like a huge hassle to change my name and get everything straightened out here, there, and everywhere, so I said screw it and left it like it was. DBF keeps insisting I’m gonna have to marry him, so I still may end up changing my last name after all. I don’t think he’d be ok with having a wife who uses another man’s last name.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Feb 3, 2020 18:05:21 GMT -5
A very good friend of mine gave herself her own last name after her divorce.
Her ex-husband had gotten in to drugs, forged her name on a bank account that was in her name only that her dad was putting money in to fund a house addition and was an overall jerk.
She said she wanted to be her own person. She picked a name that honored her Russian Jewish ancestry.
She's now remarried and did not change her name.
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plugginaway22
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Post by plugginaway22 on Feb 3, 2020 18:33:00 GMT -5
Both my married daughters kept their names, more and more the norm around here.
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jerseygirl
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Post by jerseygirl on Feb 3, 2020 18:43:59 GMT -5
Son’s first wife got her medical degree using son’s last name, then divorced. So she’s still Dr Son, he’s also Dr Son (both same specialty), his now wife got her PhD under her maiden name but now socially uses Ms Son, I’m also Dr Son’s (actually husbands name) name as well as other son’s wife Lots of years studying for us!!!
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Feb 3, 2020 18:45:17 GMT -5
lol! I kept my ex's name because it was important to me to have the same last name as my children (except on FB!lol). My kids are now grown so I'm good now! I kept Ex 2.0's name because of that. I hate having that name because it's like I've been claimed by that family and I don't want to be associated with 90% of them. I don't know if I'll change it once my youngest is grown because I'll be in my 60's by then. I might not want to deal with it at that point. Name changes are such a pain. Women here keep their maiden names after they're married. Your official name is the one you were born with. Husbands may come and go, but your name stays the same.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Feb 3, 2020 19:20:10 GMT -5
Son’s first wife got her medical degree using son’s last name, then divorced. So she’s still Dr Son, he’s also Dr Son (both same specialty), his now wife got her PhD under her maiden name but now socially uses Ms Son, I’m also Dr Son’s (actually husbands name) name as well as other son’s wife Lots of years studying for us!!! I know several women who changed their name for their first husband and then got established professionally, divorced, and remarried, and still have their first husband's last name. In some cases changing it might actually stunt your continued career. I kinda wish I had kept my maiden name, especially because the name is phonetic and short, but rare. But, i do find it quite easy to have the same name as my children. There is a kid on the soccer team whose mother kept her maiden name, divorced, remarried, and still kept her maiden name, but moved several states away. So, the functional Dad (step-Dad), the Mom and the kid all have different names. It always makes it confusing for a minute. But, whatever.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Feb 3, 2020 20:02:35 GMT -5
I kept Ex 2.0's name because of that. I hate having that name because it's like I've been claimed by that family and I don't want to be associated with 90% of them. I don't know if I'll change it once my youngest is grown because I'll be in my 60's by then. I might not want to deal with it at that point. Name changes are such a pain. I’m another one that kept my ex’s last name so I’d have the same last name as my children. I always thought I’d go back to my maiden name once they were adults. When the time came, I thought about how everything I’ve done/paid for/acquired in my adult life is under that name since I married him when I was 19yo..... almost 30 years ago now. It seemed like a huge hassle to change my name and get everything straightened out here, there, and everywhere, so I said screw it and left it like it was. DBF keeps insisting I’m gonna have to marry him, so I still may end up changing my last name after all. I don’t think he’d be ok with having a wife who uses another man’s last name. Lol! I can’t imagine many men would be ok with keeping an ex’s name. I’ve had my ex’s name longer than my maiden name so it will be weird for me to take a new name at 49!
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lynnerself
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Post by lynnerself on Feb 3, 2020 23:41:57 GMT -5
Both my married daughters kept their names, more and more the norm around here. I was pretty surprised when my liberal 27 year old daughter changed hers.
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Feb 3, 2020 23:56:17 GMT -5
I don't think I'll ever be crazy enough to get married again, but I'm sticking with my maiden name and will never change it for anyone again. It's foreign, people cannot pronounce it, or spell it, and even if I spell it for them, they add capitalization to it that shouldn't be there. As a result, if someone is typing/writing my name, I spell it before I tell it to them, or I'll spell it with "lowercase (letter that everyone wants to capitalize)". It's all annoying, but it's my name.
(The exception is in France. No funny looks, mispronunciations, or misspellings when I was in France.)
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Anne_in_VA
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Post by Anne_in_VA on Feb 4, 2020 8:49:00 GMT -5
I kept my ex’s last name even though DH and I are married. It’s the third marriage for both of us and I’ve been known my that name for most of my adult life. DH doesn’t care that we have different last names although now that I’m retired I tend to just go by Mrs.(DH’s) last name. I may Chang it at some future to a hyphenated name since many people only know me by my ex’s name.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Feb 4, 2020 9:12:28 GMT -5
I didn't change my name when I got married. All of my professional licenses are in that name. My name is spelled out with specific responsibilities in multiple federal contracts. My work email and logins are based on that name. I'd been here for 8 years and established a reputation under that name. I had also just turned 33 when I married.
My parents divorced when I was 5. My mom later remarried and changed her name. I didn't grow up having everyone with the same last name anyway so I have no particular attachment to that notion.
I don't care what people use socially. If they want to refer to me as Mrs DH last name it's fine. I wasn't going through the hassle of changing it. I guess DH was annoyed at first I didn't change but he didn't say anything. Last year he said he didn't care anymore.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Feb 4, 2020 12:11:31 GMT -5
I didn't change my name when I got married. All of my professional licenses are in that name. My name is spelled out with specific responsibilities in multiple federal contracts. My work email and logins are based on that name. I'd been here for 8 years and established a reputation under that name. I had also just turned 33 when I married. My parents divorced when I was 5. My mom later remarried and changed her name. I didn't grow up having everyone with the same last name anyway so I have no particular attachment to that notion. I don't care what people use socially. If they want to refer to me as Mrs DH last name it's fine. I wasn't going through the hassle of changing it. I guess DH was annoyed at first I didn't change but he didn't say anything. Last year he said he didn't care anymore. I think it is becoming more common now to not take the husband's name but not as much in my area. In all my years of working, I can only remember one co-worker who didn't take her husband's name. Then the gossip mill was that they only co-habitated and weren't actually married. To this day, I have no idea if she was married or not. Now, that doesn't mean that the females at all of my clients took their husband's name. It just means that I have no idea! I'm probably sensitive to the name thing because when I was a kid, if your mom had a different last name it was almost always because you came from a "broken home" or were born out of wedlock. Neither of which were popular things. I didn't plan on getting divorced so I didn't want anyone making assumptions about my children.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Feb 4, 2020 12:23:03 GMT -5
When I was younger, very few kids had divorced parents so we stood out anyway. Plus my dad had sole custody of us. Of the single parent households, none of them were headed up by the dad. No name was going to hide that.
The divorces started coming among classmates parents over the years though. By the time we hit high school, there were some knock down drag out talk of the town divorces among people who had been staying together for the kids. Those kids seemed to really struggle with adjusting.
I'm not saying divorce is a great thing but in the end it backfired for those couples. They didn't want to be divorced bc of the stigma but they didn't have healthy relationships either.
If I had married younger, I probably would have changed my name. At 33 with a professional career established and credit established, I wasn't changing it. There's a couple girls in DH's extended family that only changed their name on Facebook. Everyone thinks they changed but they didn't.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2020 12:26:15 GMT -5
My 9 year old is very sensitive and he wants us to have the same last name. Yes, this has actually come up in conversation once when I was annoyed with his dad's family and he mentioned I was also a _______. I told him that was only because I didn't want to go through the aggravation of changing my name back and that's when he told me it bothers him enough that he doesn't share a last name with his brother and he didn't want his mom to have a different one too. Since it doesn't really matter to me one way or another, his concern is good enough reason for me to keep it as it is.
I'll admit it IS easier with school and activities to have the same last name than it was with his brother with different ones. Not a huge deal, but I'm old enough to be his grandma, so I think some people might question whether or not I'm really mom!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2020 13:35:55 GMT -5
I changed mine back to my maiden name after Whatsisname, The Father of My Children, and I divorced, then 17 years later took the Green Hornet's name when we married. It's kind of awkward because his last name can be either Swedish or Finnish, and my first name and maiden surname are about as French as you can get. On FB I'm first/maiden/Green Hornet, making an odd combo.
Most folks can't pronounce my first name or my maiden surname, never mind that my first name is also a very common man's name, except that the feminine has two "e"s. Even when I was a kid living in a town so far north that it was referred to as "South Canada," and where the family was well known, it was a problem. I gave my kids names that were easy to pronounce and to spell just so they wouldn't have to deal with the same crap I did.
Anyway, back to the subject at hand...retire and do what? Make a plan long before you're ready to retire. Otherwise, you'll be all at sea once you've done all the things you always thought you would. I was done with those things in about six months each of the however many times I retired. Five?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2020 14:26:52 GMT -5
Son’s first wife got her medical degree using son’s last name, then divorced. So she’s still Dr Son, he’s also Dr Son (both same specialty), his now wife got her PhD under her maiden name but now socially uses Ms Son. I know we're way OT but I never figured out how the married name socially/maiden name professionally would work. What names do your IDs have? Are they different? If you travel on business that means your passport and probably your driver's license would be in your maiden name to match your plane tickets- otherwise you'd have to have your travel arrangements in your maiden name, which would confuse the heck out of many corporate travel reservation systems. For me, consistency is key. There were only two real messes as a result of my keeping my name. I took DS into NYC to get a passport when he was 5. I brought my own and also had his birth certificate. What I didn't realize was that since I'd been given the "short form" birth certificate, which did not name the parents, they essentially had no acceptable proof that I was his mother. (The fact that he kept calling me "Mom" was immaterial. ) The only thing I could produce was an auto insurance card showing that the policy was issued to my then-husband (who had DS' last name) and me. Not enough. I had to go back and get the long form and start again. The other was when we re-financed the mortgage. Despite my furnishing a passport and driver's license with my own name and signing an affidavit that, among other things, stated that I had never used any other name, the mortgage listed me with the Ex's last name. I didn't think much of it except that a couple of years later the bank sent me a form letter saying that the name did not match with the SS I'd given and please send them the correct SS number. Idiots. I sent them a not-very-nice reply and we were in the process of divorcing anyway. My credit report still has that name as one previously used.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Feb 4, 2020 15:07:11 GMT -5
I hyphenated. All documents requiring my signature are under my legal name. Everything done with the school is under my legal name. Social security card, driver's license, etc all match. Socially I stopped trying to correct DH's family when they write "Mrs DH" on things like Christmas cards or invites, it just wasn't worth it after awhile they are going to call me what they want to call me. I didn't change my email at UNMC from my maiden name. I had enough squabbles with IT over other stuff why rock the boat when everyone already knows this one and it works.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Feb 4, 2020 15:45:39 GMT -5
I didn't change my last name when I got married. I didn't see the point. I do occasionally get called "Mrs. DH's last name." I'm not offended, I just don't know who they're talking about and look around for my mother in law.
DH also has been called "Mr. Swamp." He's good humored about it.
The kids don't seem to care that we dont' have the same last name.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Feb 4, 2020 16:27:39 GMT -5
I've kept my maiden name through 2 marriages now, with children from the first. Since I had custody of the kids we for a while had one household with 3 last names. Gave no one a pause. If someone wanted to address me as "Ms. lastnameofkid" I'd answer, or "Mrs. lastnameof husband" I'd answer, but no one really does do that. I've been happy to be Ms. maidenname. I have 3 kids. Oldest is XH's child. Middle is mine & DH's child and last is DH's and has his mother's last name. I always knew which kid I was getting called about by the last name they used on me.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2020 18:26:12 GMT -5
When we retired back in the day (2001) we were hit with two opinions. #1 You should work until you die because taking SS is evil and will make my benefit less when I retire and #2 You should get the *%^*! out of the work force so I can move up to your job and make $$$$. DH's retirement vision was to do nothing; mine was to do all the non-paying things I never had been able to do because I had to bring in money. We navigated that with difficulty because my busyness bothered him while his stillness bothered me. He did not want to travel; I did. He hates volunteerism; I thrive on it. He had a huge pension; I needed to bring home money. We found a balance because I was able to work part-time for a former employer and volunteer. I finally said *&#@! that to the incredible stress of my part-time employment and now just volunteer. I'm still busy and happy and he's still watching TV and ??
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sesfw
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Today is the first day of the rest of my life
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Post by sesfw on Feb 4, 2020 19:34:49 GMT -5
I hear you ............
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Feb 4, 2020 19:53:56 GMT -5
Follow us around for awhile, you will see what retiree's can do.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2020 20:34:40 GMT -5
Follow us around for awhile, you will see what retiree's can do. You guys aren't retired. You are rehabbing houses to up your income. That isn't my definition.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Feb 4, 2020 20:53:29 GMT -5
Ha! Ha! We would be doing it if we weren't upping our income. I like to spend and so does hubs, guess this gives us an excuse, you should see all the tools he has added! And I like decorating so get some fun out of it too.
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