Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
Post by Miss Tequila on Feb 1, 2020 14:09:43 GMT -5
Good god, I would be livid. I don’t lend money. Period. And if someone asked me to lend that much money for something like that I would be even more pissed I’m 48 years old and make damn good money as does my fiancé. He proposed and asked what kind of ring I want. I actually don’t even want an engagement ring. I do want a diamond wedding band so he isn’t getting off cheap (lol) but even with that, he can pay cash for whatever ring I choose. When I was 21 and proposed to by my ex, my ring was only $1,600 and it meant the world to me (he saved and paid cash, no debt). And if he couldn’t have afforded that, I would have been happy with anything or nothing. A marriage has nothing to do with the engagement ring Engaged?? I've missed this if it was in another thread. Congrats!! Though weren't like HBIC of the never getting married again committee? 😝 Haha! I was soured on marriage because I spent 20 years in a horrible marriage (ok, the first few weren’t horrible). We’ve been together over four years and lived together over two. I finally decided that I’m punishing a good man because I married an asshole. That’s not fair to fiancé. There is also financial considerations. I have very good health insurance with a low deductible and very reasonable premiums. He very well might need surgery on his hand this year and is responsible for a $7k deductible while mine is $1k. And that’s in addition to the huge savings each month on the premium. He knows I’m strong and independent and will never answer to him. I’m building a real estate portfolio that he will sign off on in our prenup. He would never try to steal my daughters inheritance and is fine with legally signing off on it. For us, there are only pluses to marriage so why not?!?! And thanks for the congrats! We’ve only been engaged two weeks so it’s srill new to me
|
|
Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
Posts: 30,626
|
Post by Wisconsin Beth on Feb 1, 2020 14:29:53 GMT -5
Congratulations MissT! I hope you are nothing but happy with each other!
|
|
dannylion
Junior Associate
Gravity is a harsh mistress
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 12:17:52 GMT -5
Posts: 5,194
Location: Miles over the madness horizon and accelerating
|
Post by dannylion on Feb 1, 2020 14:33:06 GMT -5
Engaged?? I've missed this if it was in another thread. Congrats!! Though weren't like HBIC of the never getting married again committee? 😝 Haha! I was soured on marriage because I spent 20 years in a horrible marriage (ok, the first few weren’t horrible). We’ve been together over four years and lived together over two. I finally decided that I’m punishing a good man because I married an asshole. That’s not fair to fiancé. There is also financial considerations. I have very good health insurance with a low deductible and very reasonable premiums. He very well might need surgery on his hand this year and is responsible for a $7k deductible while mine is $1k. And that’s in addition to the huge savings each month on the premium. He knows I’m strong and independent and will never answer to him. I’m building a real estate portfolio that he will sign off on in our prenup. He would never try to steal my daughters inheritance and is fine with legally signing off on it. For us, there are only pluses to marriage so why not?!?! And thanks for the congrats! We’ve only been engaged two weeks so it’s srill new to me Wishing you and fiancé a long and happy life together, Miss Tequila!
|
|
Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
Post by Miss Tequila on Feb 1, 2020 14:33:14 GMT -5
Congratulations MissT! I hope you are nothing but happy with each other! Thank you! We definitely are And yes, I have learned to never say never again. While some people truly do not believe in marriage, I always have. My divorced soured me on it. I had to get over my bitterness I guess!lol
|
|
Rukh O'Rorke
Junior Associate
Joined: Jul 4, 2016 13:31:15 GMT -5
Posts: 9,985
|
Post by Rukh O'Rorke on Feb 1, 2020 14:33:17 GMT -5
I just got a call from my sister, asking me if I would front my nephew (her son) a low interest $8000 loan to buy an engagement ring for his girlfriend. I flat out told her no, and the more that I think about it, the more pissed off I am at how audacious that request was. We have GIVEN my sister a large amount of money in order for her to pay her lawyer and get her life back on track. We have offered a LOAN (and there will be papers drawn up) if she needs a down payment for a house until her house sells. But the idea of a 26 year old going into debt for that much money for a ring, and his excuse was 'well, she does not want another big white wedding' just blows my mind. The 'no' I told her includes me offering my grandmother's engagement ring to my nephew, if he wants to have it reset. I'm sure it's not near as big as he wants to buy though, as I think that the diamond is 1/2 carat. I think I would take this as a sign that you've been too generous and pull back.
|
|
NancysSummerSip
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 19:19:42 GMT -5
Posts: 36,287
Today's Mood: Full of piss and vinegar
Favorite Drink: Anything with ice
|
Post by NancysSummerSip on Feb 1, 2020 14:51:37 GMT -5
Engaged?? I've missed this if it was in another thread. Congrats!! Though weren't like HBIC of the never getting married again committee? 😝 Haha! I was soured on marriage because I spent 20 years in a horrible marriage (ok, the first few weren’t horrible). We’ve been together over four years and lived together over two. I finally decided that I’m punishing a good man because I married an asshole. That’s not fair to fiancé. There is also financial considerations. I have very good health insurance with a low deductible and very reasonable premiums. He very well might need surgery on his hand this year and is responsible for a $7k deductible while mine is $1k. And that’s in addition to the huge savings each month on the premium. He knows I’m strong and independent and will never answer to him. I’m building a real estate portfolio that he will sign off on in our prenup. He would never try to steal my daughters inheritance and is fine with legally signing off on it. For us, there are only pluses to marriage so why not?!?! And thanks for the congrats! We’ve only been engaged two weeks so it’s srill new to me Mazeltov! First I'd heard of this. You've been shacking up all this time?! You dirty little birdie, you. And as for Mich, I would tell that kid and his mama and his fiancee exactly where I'd put a ring on it, given their audacity. Where do people get these grandiose ideas of what they deserve and need? Wedding websites, maybe?
|
|
Rukh O'Rorke
Junior Associate
Joined: Jul 4, 2016 13:31:15 GMT -5
Posts: 9,985
|
Post by Rukh O'Rorke on Feb 1, 2020 16:15:21 GMT -5
congrats MissT!
|
|
NoNamePerson
Distinguished Associate
Is There Anybody OUT There?
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 17:03:17 GMT -5
Posts: 25,594
Location: WITNESS PROTECTION
Member is Online
|
Post by NoNamePerson on Feb 1, 2020 16:31:52 GMT -5
Congrats to you Miss Tequila On the engagement. Will we be included in the invites for the big day. Never mind I know that answer
|
|
finnime
Junior Associate
Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 7:14:35 GMT -5
Posts: 7,313
|
Post by finnime on Feb 1, 2020 17:21:30 GMT -5
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Mar 28, 2024 14:50:04 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2020 18:55:14 GMT -5
DH and I have loaned a pretty good amount of $$ over the years. We provided the upfront cost for several friends to divorce abusive spouses. And we were repaid every penny, and repaid again in the joy of seeing them able to make a choice that let them move on to healthy relationships. We have also co-signed on a couple of car loans to help younger colleagues build their credit and learn responsible financial behavior. We weren't betrayed on that either. Money loaned to DH's loser brother was, of course, lost forever, although it kept us on speaking terms with DH's mom and dad who were being bled dry. On the ring side of things, DH and I got plain 14 carat gold bands when we married. I didn't like diamonds and was too active to wear anything with a raised stone. Besides, DH had debt from his single lifestyle and why would I want to add to that? When his mom died, I got her diamond engagement and wedding rings, but rarely wore them because #1 raised stone #2 bait for muggers. Eventually we broke down the set, DH had the center diamond from the engagement ring mounted on his gold band, and sold the other stones. I think we used part of the $$ from the sale to pay off the mortgage or something. 45 years in, we did spring for matching custom rings for our right hands; handmade in Greece, sterling silver and 18K gold, cabochon garnets. I consider it a badge of honor for not killing one another
|
|
|
Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Feb 1, 2020 19:40:21 GMT -5
DH and I have loaned a pretty good amount of $$ over the years. We provided the upfront cost for several friends to divorce abusive spouses. And we were repaid every penny, and repaid again in the joy of seeing them able to make a choice that let them move on to healthy relationships. We have also co-signed on a couple of car loans to help younger colleagues build their credit and learn responsible financial behavior. We weren't betrayed on that either. Money loaned to DH's loser brother was, of course, lost forever, although it kept us on speaking terms with DH's mom and dad who were being bled dry. TD and I do not loan money. If there is money exchanged, it is considered a gift. Other than paying for my sister’s lawyer, we have covered house expenses where my stepmom lives. We have sent a substantial check to help with expenses for her daughter’s cancer treatment. And so on.... I have 7 nieces and nephews, I do not want to be a bank. We will help them in an emergency, an $8000 engagement ring is not an emergency. All this does is open the door for others, and I do not want that.
|
|
happyhoix
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Oct 7, 2011 7:22:42 GMT -5
Posts: 20,779
|
Post by happyhoix on Feb 2, 2020 9:40:05 GMT -5
I'm curious, was your sister gracious or whiney when you said no? If you'd given them they loan I doubt you would have seen any back. Sounds like your nephew is marrying a high maintenance type woman. He'll be hard up for money for a long, long time. My bff just got a ring almost twice that and definitely not high maintenance. She actually had to give her then bf a budget he couldn't go over and threaten him with bodily harm if he did. Though he can also afford it - I know he had one big account at work where she said his bonus associated with it was damn near her salary. And while it definitely isn't tiny, it's not exactly ostentatious. 'High Maintenance', IMHO, is when someone without money demands someone else without a lot of money buy them things, even if that means that person has to do awkward things (like asking anti for 8000K) If your BFF's BF earns a large salary, an expensive diamond ring it just something he decided to spend some discretionary dollars on.
|
|
|
Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Feb 2, 2020 13:24:42 GMT -5
My bff just got a ring almost twice that and definitely not high maintenance. She actually had to give her then bf a budget he couldn't go over and threaten him with bodily harm if he did. Though he can also afford it - I know he had one big account at work where she said his bonus associated with it was damn near her salary. And while it definitely isn't tiny, it's not exactly ostentatious. 'High Maintenance', IMHO, is when someone without money demands someone else without a lot of money buy them things, even if that means that person has to do awkward things (like asking anti for 8000K) If your BFF's BF earns a large salary, an expensive diamond ring it just something he decided to spend some discretionary dollars on. Exactly! TD said my ring was about this (with a lot of discounts), and I had absolutely no idea. He chose the ring, and had I known how much money he spent on it I would have exchanged it for something cheaper. But he chose it, and I liked it. I am most definitely not high maintenance! The difference is, he can afford to pay this without asking for a loan.
|
|