justme
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 10, 2012 13:12:47 GMT -5
Posts: 14,618
|
Post by justme on Jan 31, 2020 15:36:42 GMT -5
Teach him the YM way. I proposed to my wife with a family ring, from her grandmother, that she already owned and wore. All we had to do was switch the hand she wore it on. And I didn't buy her a wedding band either. Now that explains some things (absolutely kidding) and probably the only way you could get more YM is to forgo a ring all together. I now have the image of you getting down on one knee, yanking the ring of her hand, asking, and then putting it on the other which is amusing to me for whatever reason.
|
|
giramomma
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 11:25:27 GMT -5
Posts: 21,148
|
Post by giramomma on Jan 31, 2020 16:29:31 GMT -5
If I post, now, I'm going to ruin it. But I am amused that this thread is sitting right above the "Is there a financial trainwreck in my future" thread.
|
|
|
Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jan 31, 2020 16:46:31 GMT -5
To start with, the money we gave my sister was mostly to pay for her lawyer. That was the 'getting her life back together'. We have offered her a bridge loan if she finds a house she wants to buy before her house sells (which is going to come with strings.....lots of strings). But my sister, along with her kids, have an inflated opinion of what they deserves. I have pointed this out to the point where I feel like I am banging my head against the wall, so I quit.
MPL.....If I thought you giving her a piece of your mind, I'd give you her address. But I think it would be a wasted trip and you'd be just as frustrated as I am. You do not need to share that frustration! Thanks for the offer though!
|
|
|
Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jan 31, 2020 16:47:38 GMT -5
If I post, now, I'm going to ruin it. But I am amused that this thread is sitting right above the "Is there a financial trainwreck in my future" thread. Foreshadowing?
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Mar 28, 2024 10:49:35 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 31, 2020 16:50:59 GMT -5
MPL.....If I thought you giving her a piece of your mind, I'd give you her address. But I think it would be a wasted trip and you'd be just as frustrated as I am. You do not need to share that frustration! Thanks for the offer though! I'd probably end up getting arrested anyhow.
|
|
|
Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jan 31, 2020 16:53:29 GMT -5
MPL.....If I thought you giving her a piece of your mind, I'd give you her address. But I think it would be a wasted trip and you'd be just as frustrated as I am. You do not need to share that frustration! Thanks for the offer though! I'd probably end up getting arrested anyhow. Then if I have to protect you from yourself, you are definitely not getting her address!
|
|
busymom
Distinguished Associate
Why is the rum always gone? Oh...that's why.
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 21:09:36 GMT -5
Posts: 28,217
Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"https://cdn.nickpic.host/images/IPauJ5.jpg","color":""}
Mini-Profile Name Color: 0D317F
Mini-Profile Text Color: 0D317F
Member is Online
|
Post by busymom on Jan 31, 2020 16:55:41 GMT -5
Seriously, I think you need to change your will, so everything goes to charity. The nerve!
|
|
apple 2
Junior Member
Joined: Jun 5, 2017 14:49:20 GMT -5
Posts: 212
|
Post by apple 2 on Jan 31, 2020 16:57:09 GMT -5
I just got a call from my sister, asking me if I would front my nephew (her son) a low interest $8000 loan to buy an engagement ring for his girlfriend. I flat out told her no, and the more that I think about it, the more pissed off I am at how audacious that request was. We have GIVEN my sister a large amount of money in order for her to pay her lawyer and get her life back on track. We have offered a LOAN (and there will be papers drawn up) if she needs a down payment for a house until her house sells. But the idea of a 26 year old going into debt for that much money for a ring, and his excuse was 'well, she does not want another big white wedding' just blows my mind. The 'no' I told her includes me offering my grandmother's engagement ring to my nephew, if he wants to have it reset. I'm sure it's not near as big as he wants to buy though, as I think that the diamond is 1/2 carat. I guess it was worth a shot. lol I am glad you said no, I can't imagine asking for money like this. Also, sonny ...if he is getting married, really needs to step up and make some money.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Mar 28, 2024 10:49:35 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 31, 2020 16:59:47 GMT -5
I'd probably end up getting arrested anyhow. Then if I have to protect you from yourself, you are definitely not getting her address! LOL I was just thinking of how they would react to some stranger knocking on their door rambling on about leaving Mich alone and stopping being such entitled brats and asking them if they had no pride left.
|
|
|
Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jan 31, 2020 17:03:11 GMT -5
Then if I have to protect you from yourself, you are definitely not getting her address! LOL I was just thinking of how they would react to some stranger knocking on their door rambling on about leaving Mich alone and stopping being such entitled brats and asking them if they had no pride left. I'd probably pay money to see this...
|
|
NastyWoman
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 20:50:37 GMT -5
Posts: 14,233
Member is Online
|
Post by NastyWoman on Jan 31, 2020 17:17:02 GMT -5
MPL.....If I thought you giving her a piece of your mind, I'd give you her address. But I think it would be a wasted trip and you'd be just as frustrated as I am. You do not need to share that frustration! Thanks for the offer though! I'd probably end up getting arrested anyhow. I'd bail you out since THAT is something I would be willing to spend money on
|
|
Miss Tequila
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 10:13:45 GMT -5
Posts: 20,602
|
Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 31, 2020 17:49:18 GMT -5
Good god, I would be livid. I don’t lend money. Period. And if someone asked me to lend that much money for something like that I would be even more pissed
I’m 48 years old and make damn good money as does my fiancé. He proposed and asked what kind of ring I want. I actually don’t even want an engagement ring. I do want a diamond wedding band so he isn’t getting off cheap (lol) but even with that, he can pay cash for whatever ring I choose. When I was 21 and proposed to by my ex, my ring was only $1,600 and it meant the world to me (he saved and paid cash, no debt). And if he couldn’t have afforded that, I would have been happy with anything or nothing. A marriage has nothing to do with the engagement ring
|
|
happyhoix
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Oct 7, 2011 7:22:42 GMT -5
Posts: 20,778
|
Post by happyhoix on Jan 31, 2020 18:00:23 GMT -5
To start with, the money we gave my sister was mostly to pay for her lawyer. That was the 'getting her life back together'. We have offered her a bridge loan if she finds a house she wants to buy before her house sells (which is going to come with strings.....lots of strings). But my sister, along with her kids, have an inflated opinion of what they deserves. I have pointed this out to the point where I feel like I am banging my head against the wall, so I quit. MPL.....If I thought you giving her a piece of your mind, I'd give you her address. But I think it would be a wasted trip and you'd be just as frustrated as I am. You do not need to share that frustration! Thanks for the offer though! I'm curious, was your sister gracious or whiney when you said no? If you'd given them they loan I doubt you would have seen any back. Sounds like your nephew is marrying a high maintenance type woman. He'll be hard up for money for a long, long time.
|
|
|
Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jan 31, 2020 18:09:33 GMT -5
To start with, the money we gave my sister was mostly to pay for her lawyer. That was the 'getting her life back together'. We have offered her a bridge loan if she finds a house she wants to buy before her house sells (which is going to come with strings.....lots of strings). But my sister, along with her kids, have an inflated opinion of what they deserves. I have pointed this out to the point where I feel like I am banging my head against the wall, so I quit. MPL.....If I thought you giving her a piece of your mind, I'd give you her address. But I think it would be a wasted trip and you'd be just as frustrated as I am. You do not need to share that frustration! Thanks for the offer though! I'm curious, was your sister gracious or whiney when you said no? If you'd given them they loan I doubt you would have seen any back. Sounds like your nephew is marrying a high maintenance type woman. He'll be hard up for money for a long, long time. My sister accepted it. I told her that we do not loan money, but will give it to avoid expectations that it would be repaid. We were not giving my nephew $8000 for an engagement ring. Honestly......they are all high maintenance.
|
|
happyhoix
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Oct 7, 2011 7:22:42 GMT -5
Posts: 20,778
|
Post by happyhoix on Jan 31, 2020 18:14:40 GMT -5
I'm curious, was your sister gracious or whiney when you said no? If you'd given them they loan I doubt you would have seen any back. Sounds like your nephew is marrying a high maintenance type woman. He'll be hard up for money for a long, long time. My sister accepted it. I told her that we do not loan money, but will give it to avoid expectations that it would be repaid. We were not giving my nephew $8000 for an engagement ring. Honestly......they are all high maintenance. I like that answer. It's always been my policy too to only give money gifts and not loans. Glad your sister accepted it gracefully.
|
|
shanendoah
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 19:44:48 GMT -5
Posts: 10,096
Mini-Profile Name Color: 0c3563
|
Post by shanendoah on Jan 31, 2020 18:37:50 GMT -5
One of my questions is, does the fiance actually want or care about an $8k engagement ring? Or, given what The Walk of the Penguin Mich has said about her nephew, is this something he thinks he should giving? Did he set the expectation of the ring?
I say this because I had a cousin-in-law who gave his fiance a very large diamond ring (grandmother's stone in a new setting), and she was PISSED at him for "spending that much" on an engagement ring before she learned that he hadn't actually bought the diamond. As it was, she went out and got a small cubic zirconia ring that she actually wore on an everyday basis and only brought out the "real" ring for special occasions.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Mar 28, 2024 10:49:35 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 31, 2020 18:55:26 GMT -5
I'm going to save this for when I'm feeling sorry for myself because I don't have any family
|
|
|
Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jan 31, 2020 19:18:34 GMT -5
One of my questions is, does the fiance actually want or care about an $8k engagement ring? Or, given what The Walk of the Penguin Mich has said about her nephew, is this something he thinks he should giving? Did he set the expectation of the ring?
I say this because I had a cousin-in-law who gave his fiance a very large diamond ring (grandmother's stone in a new setting), and she was PISSED at him for "spending that much" on an engagement ring before she learned that he hadn't actually bought the diamond. As it was, she went out and got a small cubic zirconia ring that she actually wore on an everyday basis and only brought out the "real" ring for special occasions. I have no idea as to whether fiancée expects an expensive ring. I know my sister hated her ring, so I wonder if this plays into it.
|
|
ners
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 16:21:18 GMT -5
Posts: 6,443
|
Post by ners on Jan 31, 2020 19:35:18 GMT -5
Good for you @mich.
Cannot believe she asked.
If anyone asked it should have been the nephew. Although my answer would have been no no matter who asked.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Mar 28, 2024 10:49:35 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 31, 2020 19:36:06 GMT -5
I can’t imagine going along with my son thinking it’s ok to buy an $8k engagement ring that he’d have to borrow from a person or bank to pay for, in the first place. And I definitely wouldn’t be asking anyone to loan him the money. Nor would I take too kindly to one of my relatives asking me something like that. Unbelievable!
|
|
dannylion
Junior Associate
Gravity is a harsh mistress
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 12:17:52 GMT -5
Posts: 5,194
Location: Miles over the madness horizon and accelerating
|
Post by dannylion on Jan 31, 2020 20:24:08 GMT -5
I'm going to save this for when I'm feeling sorry for myself because I don't have any family Yeah, I do that, too, or at least remind myself of others' experiences with family when I find myself wishing I had close family members. Most people's families are lovely and a joy to be around, but that's not guaranteed. On the other hand, I have to be honest with myself and admit that it is entirely possible that I would be viewed as the undesirable relation. I'm awkward and have never been able to learn the kind of social skills that seem to come so easily to others, so maybe it's my nonexistent siblings who are lucky not to have me. I do have a cousin who periodically tries to manipulate me into paying for something for his family (such as tuition for one of his kids for graduate school or contributing to wedding expenses or the like). He and his wife both make good incomes and live in a LCOL area, so I think it's just a game to him. He fancies himself as a master manipulator and thinks he has significant insight into human behavior and motivations. He keeps forgetting that I was an intelligence analyst for nearly 40 years. And he's not as subtle as he thinks he is; the only time he ever gets in touch with me is when he wants to try to "persuade" me to offer them money for something. The thing is, if they just kept in touch regularly and at least pretended to be interested in whether I was alive or dead when they didn't want money from me, I'd probably be happy to help them out. But when the only time I hear from them is when they want something from me, I have no trouble declining the opportunity. (Yes, I tried keeping in touch with them, but never got a response, so I gave up.) Anyway, my experience with my annoying relation doesn't really help Mich with her family's opportunism; it's just a reminder that it's always a good idea to be careful what one wishes for.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Mar 28, 2024 10:49:35 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 31, 2020 20:30:27 GMT -5
I'm going to save this for when I'm feeling sorry for myself because I don't have any family (Yes, I tried keeping in touch with them, but never got a response, so I gave up.) You sure we're not part of the same family? I have a crap ton of brothers and sisters. One brother and I talk at least once a week. The rest of them? "Hi! It's nice to see you again. How long's it been? Ten years? Did you bring your checkbook?" I've had the same phone number for so long that even I know what it is without looking. Last I heard, the phone works in both directions. Tip. Ring. Or these days: Punch. Ring.
|
|
justme
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 10, 2012 13:12:47 GMT -5
Posts: 14,618
|
Post by justme on Jan 31, 2020 20:50:45 GMT -5
Good god, I would be livid. I don’t lend money. Period. And if someone asked me to lend that much money for something like that I would be even more pissed I’m 48 years old and make damn good money as does my fiancé. He proposed and asked what kind of ring I want. I actually don’t even want an engagement ring. I do want a diamond wedding band so he isn’t getting off cheap (lol) but even with that, he can pay cash for whatever ring I choose. When I was 21 and proposed to by my ex, my ring was only $1,600 and it meant the world to me (he saved and paid cash, no debt). And if he couldn’t have afforded that, I would have been happy with anything or nothing. A marriage has nothing to do with the engagement ring Engaged?? I've missed this if it was in another thread. Congrats!! Though weren't like HBIC of the never getting married again committee? 😝
|
|
justme
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 10, 2012 13:12:47 GMT -5
Posts: 14,618
|
Post by justme on Jan 31, 2020 20:56:09 GMT -5
To start with, the money we gave my sister was mostly to pay for her lawyer. That was the 'getting her life back together'. We have offered her a bridge loan if she finds a house she wants to buy before her house sells (which is going to come with strings.....lots of strings). But my sister, along with her kids, have an inflated opinion of what they deserves. I have pointed this out to the point where I feel like I am banging my head against the wall, so I quit. MPL.....If I thought you giving her a piece of your mind, I'd give you her address. But I think it would be a wasted trip and you'd be just as frustrated as I am. You do not need to share that frustration! Thanks for the offer though! I'm curious, was your sister gracious or whiney when you said no? If you'd given them they loan I doubt you would have seen any back. Sounds like your nephew is marrying a high maintenance type woman. He'll be hard up for money for a long, long time. My bff just got a ring almost twice that and definitely not high maintenance. She actually had to give her then bf a budget he couldn't go over and threaten him with bodily harm if he did. Though he can also afford it - I know he had one big account at work where she said his bonus associated with it was damn near her salary. And while it definitely isn't tiny, it's not exactly ostentatious.
|
|
TheOtherMe
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 14:40:52 GMT -5
Posts: 26,956
Mini-Profile Name Color: e619e6
|
Post by TheOtherMe on Jan 31, 2020 21:02:47 GMT -5
(Yes, I tried keeping in touch with them, but never got a response, so I gave up.) You sure we're not part of the same family? I have a crap ton of brothers and sisters. One brother and I talk at least once a week. The rest of them? "Hi! It's nice to see you again. How long's it been? Ten years? Did you bring your checkbook?" I've had the same phone number for so long that even I know what it is without looking. Last I heard, the phone works in both directions. Tip. Ring. Or these days: Punch. Ring. I certainly have found out which of my friends and family care about me because the phone does work both ways. Just not for very many people.
|
|
stillmovingforward
Senior Member
Hanging on by a thread
Joined: Jan 1, 2014 21:52:58 GMT -5
Posts: 3,066
Today's Mood: Don't Mess with Me!
Location: Not Sure Yet
|
Post by stillmovingforward on Jan 31, 2020 21:08:31 GMT -5
My DD1's ring cost $350. DSIL got a great deal. She loves it.
|
|
sesfw
Junior Associate
Today is the first day of the rest of my life
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 15:45:17 GMT -5
Posts: 6,268
|
Post by sesfw on Feb 1, 2020 10:42:48 GMT -5
WOW ....... I would have been totally teed off also. Just the whole idea of getting someone else to pay for a personal gift like that. Nephew needs to grow up and save his own pennies.
Reminds me of my/our rings in 1961. Didn't get an engagement ring but my wedding ring was $8 and Bill's was $20. After 20 years I finally found a set that I could wear with the original ring. After his death I had all rings melted down and made into a couple of pendants for the g-dtrs. I didn't want anyone else to wear them as rings.
Selfish of me ..........
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Mar 28, 2024 10:49:35 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2020 11:56:08 GMT -5
Since we're telling family engagement ring stories- when my stepson got engaged, DH and I agreed to pay for a custom-designed setting for a very nice diamond that came from his mother's (DH's Ex) family. We looked at the relative cost of platinum and 14k Gold and decided on gold- platinum is sometimes cheaper than gold by the ounce but it's harder so more expensive because of the work involved. I felt a little bad about that- but they divorced a few years later. Even though it wasn't by business I asked DSS if she'd given the ring back. She had and I suspect that DSS's mother has it again. Now I'm glad we didn't go for platinum.
|
|
haapai
Junior Associate
Character
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 20:40:06 GMT -5
Posts: 5,870
Member is Online
|
Post by haapai on Feb 1, 2020 12:07:56 GMT -5
I'd be tempted to contact the nephew. After sleeping on it, this request for a loan sounds like your sister's way of financing either the ceremony or something else.
|
|
NoNamePerson
Distinguished Associate
Is There Anybody OUT There?
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 17:03:17 GMT -5
Posts: 25,594
Location: WITNESS PROTECTION
|
Post by NoNamePerson on Feb 1, 2020 12:13:41 GMT -5
I'm going to save this for when I'm feeling sorry for myself because I don't have any family My Ex told me once that I didn’t know what a normal family was. I replied that if his was normal I was GLAD I missed the experience. I basically have no family except Son. I am the only child of an only child and have an only child who has no children. Heck, I didn’t even grow up in a mom pop household!
|
|