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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jan 31, 2020 13:25:41 GMT -5
I just got a call from my sister, asking me if I would front my nephew (her son) a low interest $8000 loan to buy an engagement ring for his girlfriend. I flat out told her no, and the more that I think about it, the more pissed off I am at how audacious that request was.
We have GIVEN my sister a large amount of money in order for her to pay her lawyer and get her life back on track. We have offered a LOAN (and there will be papers drawn up) if she needs a down payment for a house until her house sells. But the idea of a 26 year old going into debt for that much money for a ring, and his excuse was 'well, she does not want another big white wedding' just blows my mind.
The 'no' I told her includes me offering my grandmother's engagement ring to my nephew, if he wants to have it reset. I'm sure it's not near as big as he wants to buy though, as I think that the diamond is 1/2 carat.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 31, 2020 13:31:07 GMT -5
Oh, hell no! I'm pissed as well that she would ask that. And if she won't marry him with a ring that he can afford, she's not worth it.
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Gardening Grandma
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Post by Gardening Grandma on Jan 31, 2020 13:43:41 GMT -5
Wow! I cannot imagine the audacity
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jan 31, 2020 13:43:49 GMT -5
I won't be loaning anyone money to have their ring worth more than my ring. Or...come to think of it...my car.
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Post by empress of self-improvement on Jan 31, 2020 13:45:33 GMT -5
I thought I was spoiled but I would have been thrilled with a family ring. I like my ring I have, but family heirloom!
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laterbloomer
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Post by laterbloomer on Jan 31, 2020 13:48:44 GMT -5
It's cute how you think he would really think of it as debt and not a gift. You are now the rich aunt with no kids of your own. He's just prespending his inheritance.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jan 31, 2020 14:02:00 GMT -5
It's cute how you think he would really think of it as debt and not a gift. You are now the rich aunt with no kids of your own. He's just prespending his inheritance. Oh, he's in the will but that is pretty much his whole inheritance. TD and I fully plan on spending every penny we have in retirement. Current travel is only practice.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 31, 2020 14:05:47 GMT -5
I'd volunteer $0.25 for a ring from the gumball machine.
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laterbloomer
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Post by laterbloomer on Jan 31, 2020 14:08:24 GMT -5
his excuse was 'well, she does not want another big white wedding' just blows my mind. This keeps sticking in my mind? Is she a divorcee?
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Poptart
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Post by Poptart on Jan 31, 2020 14:12:51 GMT -5
Yikes, that's a big rock! For the record, I think the offer for a family ring is lovely. Also the cost of his ring is more than the cost of a reception I'm planning, my cost would be $6,800 to feed 30 people at a high end Mexican restaurant in Los Angeles.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jan 31, 2020 14:14:24 GMT -5
After reading the first sentence my first thought was "WTF, is this the bank of Mitch or something?" Oh hell no! And if your sister is getting divorced, why doesn't she offer her son her ring. She doesn't need it anymore.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 31, 2020 14:22:29 GMT -5
Whaaat? Beyond crass that she'd even ask, but even more crass is that he wouldn't ask you. Unless maybe she took it upon herself to ask and he knew nothing about it.
I hope you suggested that she lend him $8K from the proceeds of her house when it sells. Better yet, he can borrow that much on a store credit card and pay for it himself.
I could take my trip Up North this summer, stay all summer long, and get back home again with money left over. So how about it? Of course, if I--ahem--assume room temperature before it's paid back, you're stiffed.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Jan 31, 2020 14:31:02 GMT -5
Teach him the YM way. I proposed to my wife with a family ring, from her grandmother, that she already owned and wore. All we had to do was switch the hand she wore it on. And I didn't buy her a wedding band either.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Jan 31, 2020 14:36:30 GMT -5
If it's any consolation you're way nicer than me. I would have doubled over laughing on the phone if I were you. To each their own but if he needs a loan for a ring he either shouldn't be getting married or he shouldn't be getting married to her if an 8K ring is her expectation and he can't afford it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 31, 2020 14:38:02 GMT -5
Whatever happened to cigar bands?
I didn't have an engagement ring from DH. My wedding band is very plain, like a bit cut off the end of a piece of pipe.
After we were married, he showered me with diamonds. Lots of diamonds, which have almost all already been distributed among DD, DGD, DSD so that there's no argument about who gets what when I become a crispy critter.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jan 31, 2020 14:47:55 GMT -5
Yeah, I emailed TD about this and he just about blew his stack. And yes, I am beginning to feel like I am the 'bank of Mich'.
I think she offered to ask me, but here is my issue. My sister and all of her kids have an extremely inflated idea of what they should have. For instance, one of her daughters that is in college is spending $200+ to go get her hair colored. Uhhhh.......seriously? All of them have expectations of what they deserve, including my sister. At this point, it is really beginning to grate on me. For years, I lived very frugally in an effort to pay down debt and have a decent retirement. If I was not married to TD, even though I can't work, I'd still be comfortable. But my sister and her ex have spent almost every penny that they own......and they continue to do so. The fact that I feel like I have been spending like a drunken sailor is making me feel guilty - when in reality, outside of travel we really spend very little.
I just can't......I am so utterly flabbergasted at this, I just can't think of anything else.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jan 31, 2020 14:50:44 GMT -5
My band is plain too MissR. But I picked it out because I wanted a plain band. I think it cost $70 at the jewelry store. It does have engraving on the inside though.
My engagement ring was $1800 though. It's got a sapphire. Sadly, neither ring fit right now.
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laterbloomer
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Post by laterbloomer on Jan 31, 2020 14:51:09 GMT -5
Yeah, I emailed TD about this and he just about blew his stack. And yes, I am beginning to feel like I am the 'bank of Mich'. I think she offered to ask me, but here is my issue. My sister and all of her kids have an extremely inflated idea of what they should have. For instance, one of her daughters that is in college is spending $200+ to go get her hair colored. Uhhhh.......seriously? All of them have expectations of what they deserve, including my sister. At this point, it is really beginning to grate on me. For years, I lived very frugally in an effort to pay down debt and have a decent retirement. If I was not married to TD, even though I can't work, I'd still be comfortable. But my sister and her ex have spent almost every penny that they own......and they continue to do so. The fact that I feel like I have been spending like a drunken sailor is making me feel guilty - when in reality, outside of travel we really spend very little. I just can't......I am so utterly flabbergasted at this, I just can't think of anything else. You know all this and you still gave her a bunch of money "to get her life back together"? Mich, mich, mich. And TD was with you on this!!!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 31, 2020 14:52:09 GMT -5
You have NO reason to feel guilty spending your money!! Travel, buy nice cars, eat out! You worked for it, you earned it. F#%$# them for thinking you should just write them checks.
I do agree with pp that it sounds like you're too nice to them. Maybe if you really did break out laughing when she calls asking stuff like that she'd get the idea?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 31, 2020 14:56:28 GMT -5
If it's any consolation you're way nicer than me. I would have doubled over laughing on the phone if I were you. To each their own but if he needs a loan for a ring he either shouldn't be getting married or he shouldn't be getting married to her if an 8K ring is her expectation and he can't afford it. Totally agreed- this was my laugh for the day. They're not making good YM decisions. I like retelling the story of when my brother, a college student, picked out a 1/2-carat diamond engagement ring for his GF. The salesman said, "If she doesn't like it you can trade it in for something else". He replied, "If she doesn't like it I'll find someone who does". She's as practical and frugal as he is. They've been married 45 years and are still happy together. BTW, if the marriage were to break up before the loan for the ring was paid off, what would mich's chances be of getting repaid?
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jan 31, 2020 14:57:10 GMT -5
Wow! I cannot imagine the audacity I can. Our culture celebrates weddings on TV like a once in a lifetime spend fest showing the world you made it and "how much you love each other". Say Yes to the Dress for example. What you spend on a ring is supposed to be related to a Man's provider status and masculinity per the jewelry industry. So am I surprised Mom went searching for the deepest pocket she knew to help shore up her son's ring game? No. Not at all.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jan 31, 2020 15:00:01 GMT -5
I got bling.
But we paid for them ourselves.
No, no. no. Just no. Pay for your own sparkles.
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dannylion
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Post by dannylion on Jan 31, 2020 15:02:22 GMT -5
You did the right thing, Mich. That is just jaw-droppingly clueless.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jan 31, 2020 15:03:26 GMT -5
I got bling. But we paid for them ourselves. No, no. no. Just no. Pay for your own sparkles. I didn't get bling, but I was fine about it because we were both engineers. A simple band was more practical so I had no "ring". Just the wedding bands we bought and decided on together.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jan 31, 2020 15:11:38 GMT -5
Yeah, I emailed TD about this and he just about blew his stack. And yes, I am beginning to feel like I am the 'bank of Mich'. I think she offered to ask me, but here is my issue. My sister and all of her kids have an extremely inflated idea of what they should have. For instance, one of her daughters that is in college is spending $200+ to go get her hair colored. Uhhhh.......seriously? All of them have expectations of what they deserve, including my sister. At this point, it is really beginning to grate on me. For years, I lived very frugally in an effort to pay down debt and have a decent retirement. If I was not married to TD, even though I can't work, I'd still be comfortable. But my sister and her ex have spent almost every penny that they own......and they continue to do so. The fact that I feel like I have been spending like a drunken sailor is making me feel guilty - when in reality, outside of travel we really spend very little. I just can't......I am so utterly flabbergasted at this, I just can't think of anything else. Ah, sounds like they are outside image people mostly and we know you are not. And damn on the $200+ for salon hair color. Sounds like Kardashian pricetags. Don't feel guilty. And if it were me, don't explain. It won't end well. I used to be the wealthy sib of 3, and currently I am the one in the worst financial shape. My sib declined to help me as was her right, but its not something I will forget, because I didn't ask lightly. Her hubby was OK with the idea, she was not.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 31, 2020 15:13:34 GMT -5
Y'all notice that The Walk of the Penguin Mich hasn't responded to my effort to put the touch on her? Shoot. It's only $8K. And I didn't send John Alden to ask on my behalf. Reckon I should resign myself to no response means no. JFTR, I color my own hair from a pot of color masque that costs $5 from Sally Beauty Supply. It's not as though I'm not frugal.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 31, 2020 15:25:31 GMT -5
I kind of want to drive up there after work and give her a piece of my mind.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jan 31, 2020 15:27:17 GMT -5
Yeah, I emailed TD about this and he just about blew his stack. And yes, I am beginning to feel like I am the 'bank of Mich'. I think she offered to ask me, but here is my issue. My sister and all of her kids have an extremely inflated idea of what they should have. For instance, one of her daughters that is in college is spending $200+ to go get her hair colored. Uhhhh.......seriously? All of them have expectations of what they deserve, including my sister. At this point, it is really beginning to grate on me. For years, I lived very frugally in an effort to pay down debt and have a decent retirement. If I was not married to TD, even though I can't work, I'd still be comfortable. But my sister and her ex have spent almost every penny that they own......and they continue to do so. The fact that I feel like I have been spending like a drunken sailor is making me feel guilty - when in reality, outside of travel we really spend very little. I just can't......I am so utterly flabbergasted at this, I just can't think of anything else. I'm sorry you had to deal with this. Maybe let her go to voice mail for a while, with a text response back to her call at your leisure?
Boundaries about appropriate conversations? (Sorry, sis. Won't talk to you or your family anymore about money anymore. This means you don't ask, and we don't offer. We don't talk about budgets, or bills, K? Can you believe the Chiefs in the superbowl! One of the players is an actual dr! And the first prof. woman coach! ..)
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jan 31, 2020 15:28:41 GMT -5
I kind of want to drive up there after work and give her a piece of my mind. Want to slay some dragons(people) in my neck of the woods instead?
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MN-Investor
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Post by MN-Investor on Jan 31, 2020 15:34:14 GMT -5
Better idea - spend $1,000 on the wedding rings and invest $7,000 today. Print out a spreadsheet showing what that $7,000 could be when the newlyweds retire at age 65.
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