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Post by Deleted on Nov 26, 2019 13:09:19 GMT -5
And so it begins. I feel like I'm in a custody battle between my DS and DD. DD refuses to forgive DS for long-ago hurts. She's a grand-champion, blue-ribbon, first-class grudge carrier.
Since I live under the same roof as DD/DSIL, even though I have my own little granny flat, she feels like she should have dibs on me.
Since I live under the same roof as DD/DSIL, DS feels like he should have dibs on me because DD gets to see me every day. I haven't seen DS since summer (although we talk on the phone and email often). He lives only 15 miles south of me but it's in the city and more than half the drive is on a very busy interstate bypass around the city. The 15-mile drive takes forfreakingever getting out of the burbs, onto the bypass, the rest of the way in the city so about an hour's drive.
What I'm going to do is have T'Day dinner with DD and her posse because they're eating at 1. After dinner, I'm going to DS's and have T'Day dinner with him and his husband. They're eating at 4. The alternative was to go to DS's on Friday for T'Day leftovers. Friday is going to be an insane day on the roads.
Rinse and repeat for Christmas.
I hate this! Anybody else have immovable family object(ion)s?
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sesfw
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Post by sesfw on Nov 26, 2019 13:33:55 GMT -5
Unfortunately yes ........ altho it isn't as bad as yours is. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Hopefully they will make amends before standing over a grave.
G-daughter #2 (age 30) and her live-in boyfriend (baby daddy) don't come to family gatherings as a family. Seem like he doesn't want to marry because his parents divorced years ago. And he doesn't want it to happen to him. He told DGD #2 years ago that he didn't like cops and didn't like his girlfriend's family. Well, oh darn. DGD#1 husband is a police officer, and the family loves him ........... and both grand-daughters.
So for dinner Thursday boyfriend will stay home with his older sister while DGD#2 and baby come to our DD home for dinner. Then DGD#2 will go home and cook another dinner for boyfriend, sister, and other friends.
Breaks our heart but she seems happy with the situation.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 26, 2019 13:42:09 GMT -5
Yanno how as kids how often we heard "That's not fair!"? That's what I want to scream at DD. DS is entirely open and welcoming of the idea that DD may someday change her mind, but it won't happen in my lifetime, and it breaks my heart. One DS died 16 years ago, so I've got two kids left. They won't ever be best friends, but I wish DD could at least be friendly.
Your DD#2's BF doesn't like cops or his GF's family. Right. He might like y'all just fine if he knew you. And he doesn't want divorce to happen to him? If they part company, it will still be a "divorce," complete with division of property, child support, possible custody battle.
There's nothing like a closed mind.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Nov 26, 2019 20:22:38 GMT -5
How much time do you have?
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Post by Deleted on Nov 26, 2019 20:37:05 GMT -5
How much time do you have? Probably not a whole lot. I'm 79 so type fast.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Nov 26, 2019 20:45:48 GMT -5
How much time do you have? Probably not a whole lot. I'm 79 so type fast.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Nov 26, 2019 21:07:03 GMT -5
Well, DH has tolerated three of his siblings, but now that his mother has passed, I don't think he will anymore. He'll acquiesce to seeing them at the family gathering on Christmas, but that's probably it. One is a just an in general idiot plus he beat DH up everyday for several years of their childhood. DH simply doesn't like him, and he doesn't see the need to interact with him anymore. Another one is a pompous ass. The third one is a bit more complex. Many of you might remember the nephew who lived in a house DH owned. The nephew trashed it and cost us at least $10K. I actually had to have the nephew evicted. Nephew took it to court and lied outrageously to the mediator. So, he's not a person any of us want to be around. However, his mother (DH's sister) has been an addict most of her life. DH has tried desperately to maintain a relationship with her even through her stealing one of his cars for drug money. Right after their mom passed, DH and his other sister discovered that crazy sister had been scamming their mom out of $2K/month for the last few years. DH probably isn't going to forgive that, and he's not the type to hold grudges. There's a third sister that stopped talking to the family over ten years ago. Essentially, DH will talk to half of his siblings.
I've gone in spurts of not talking to my mother. She doesn't tend to treat people well. It's emotionally safer to avoid her at times.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Nov 26, 2019 21:15:33 GMT -5
I avoid the holiday squabbles in my own way. The only time I smoke now is when crew gets together for Christmas and Thanksgiving. 1. I have to sit outside and they all have to have perfect conditions to be outside. 2. If they decide to join me I have a cig in my mouth which prevents me from talking and starting WWIII. Fortunate that a cig or two doesn’t Cause me to pick up habit full time.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 26, 2019 21:19:38 GMT -5
Knee Deep in Water Chloe, I seem to remember the Episode of the Nephew. That must have been a long time ago because I think I was gone from the board for 4-5 years. Holy Toledo. I'm not glad y'all have problems with your families, but I'm glad I'm not the only one whose family put absolutely no fun in dys functional. Reckon giramomma is still composing her narrative or did she throw her hands up in the air and say "It's too much damn trouble"?
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Post by Deleted on Nov 26, 2019 21:22:11 GMT -5
I avoid the holiday squabbles in my own way. The only time I smoke now is when crew gets together for Christmas and Thanksgiving. 1. I have to sit outside and they all have to have perfect conditions to be outside. 2. If they decide to join me I have a cig in my mouth which prevents me from talking and starting WWIII. Fortunate that a cig or two doesn’t Cause me to pick up habit full time. I bet they wouldn't require perfect conditions if you were smoking the right stuff. Maybe you'd find them easier to take if you didn't go, um, straight to see them.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 26, 2019 21:52:53 GMT -5
My family is starting to splinter a little. Not because of conflict - just because we have added husbands and girlfriends and babies and in laws. I'm kind of relieved, and I feel so guilty about it.
We have hosted Christmas eve for 20 years and then had Christmas day lunch with my in laws, and Christmas dinner at my Mom's. We also did 2 Thanksgivings - lunch and dinner. It is exhausting and I just can't eat that much food. A lot of time in the car, blah, blah, blah.
This year in lu of Christmas Eve (and Thanksgiving), we are going to have a big Christmas party for all the family the Saturday before. That way we see everyone, but everyone can do what they need/want on Christmas and Thanksgiving. I'm hoping this is a new tradition. Any weekend in December works for me, and we can have a less hectic holiday.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 26, 2019 22:05:03 GMT -5
thyme4change, I envy you. DD would not allow DS in her presence, never mind her house. The day will come when she'll wish she hadn't been such a bitch to him, but I don't see that happening any time soon.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Nov 26, 2019 23:02:09 GMT -5
This sucks @missrigby. The only, rather imperfect, solution I can see is alternating holidays. This year TD with Dd and XMas with DS. Next year switch holidays. Maybe now DD's kids are starting to fly the coop she will realize in the not too far off future that she better give in a little so as not to risk celebrating holidays on her own
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Nov 27, 2019 7:15:40 GMT -5
I avoid the holiday squabbles in my own way. The only time I smoke now is when crew gets together for Christmas and Thanksgiving. 1. I have to sit outside and they all have to have perfect conditions to be outside. 2. If they decide to join me I have a cig in my mouth which prevents me from talking and starting WWIII. Fortunate that a cig or two doesn’t Cause me to pick up habit full time. I bet they wouldn't require perfect conditions if you were smoking the right stuff. Maybe you'd find them easier to take if you didn't go, um, straight to see them. with the exception of my son they would freakin freak out if I "lit" up. A tad straight laced but having said that they are all good as gold in my book and I respect them to much to do that. Love em all. I am the "outlaw" of the bunch!!
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 27, 2019 8:11:38 GMT -5
thyme4change, I envy you. DD would not allow DS in her presence, never mind her house. The day will come when she'll wish she hadn't been such a bitch to him, but I don't see that happening any time soon. 😪 I'm so sorry. I will be heartbroken if my kids have a troubled relationship as adults. Sending love your way. ♥️
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Nov 27, 2019 9:27:01 GMT -5
Reckon giramomma is still composing her narrative or did she throw her hands up in the air and say "It's too much damn trouble"? Actually, I was feeling poorly last night and slept.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Nov 27, 2019 9:29:11 GMT -5
I'm sorry you were feeling poorly but glad you got some sleep.
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Value Buy
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Post by Value Buy on Nov 27, 2019 10:38:45 GMT -5
My older sister hangs up on the phone with me so many times I have lost count. I usually have to intiate the next phone call a month or so later and she talks like nothing is wrong with our relationship. Until she gets pissed off again.......
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Nov 27, 2019 10:49:29 GMT -5
My older sister hangs up on the phone with me so many times I have lost count. I usually have to intiate the next phone call a month or so later and she talks like nothing is wrong with our relationship. Until she gets pissed off again....... What pisses off your sister when she speaks with you?
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Nov 27, 2019 10:55:26 GMT -5
How much time do you have? Probably not a whole lot. I'm 79 so type fast. OMG. You are NOT 79. Still won't type fast. Or at all. Have to make my target run.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2019 11:36:15 GMT -5
Probably not a whole lot. I'm 79 so type fast. OMG. You are NOT 79. Still won't type fast. Or at all. Have to make my target run.
I am too! I'm 79. Had a birthday just last week. So there. You know what that means? It means I am now in my 80th year!
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Nov 27, 2019 11:58:00 GMT -5
I have an Attachment Disorder that has made bonding with family a challenge that I only occasionally overcome. A cool story:
My older sister's daughter was commenting negatively about the fact that I just show up rarely and randomly back in our hometown. My sister called her up short with a "He is who he is and we need to accept that."
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Nov 27, 2019 12:40:26 GMT -5
I have an Attachment Disorder that has made bonding with family a challenge that I only occasionally overcome. A cool story: My older sister's daughter was commenting negatively about the fact that I just show up rarely and randomly back in our hometown. My sister called her up short with a "He is who he is and we need to accept that." I wish I could get my sister to understand this.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Nov 27, 2019 13:03:28 GMT -5
I have an Attachment Disorder that has made bonding with family a challenge that I only occasionally overcome. A cool story: My older sister's daughter was commenting negatively about the fact that I just show up rarely and randomly back in our hometown. My sister called her up short with a "He is who he is and we need to accept that." I wish I could get my sister to understand this. Mine is about 3 years older than I am. She has been there for me as longer then I can remember. I made up my own language when I was learning to talk. She understood it and was my interpreter with our mother.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Nov 27, 2019 15:38:19 GMT -5
Two of my nephews made up their own language because one had plugged ears from so many ear infections. They both had speech therapy.
My sister is younger and overbearing.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Nov 27, 2019 15:45:12 GMT -5
Two of my nephews made up their own language because one had plugged ears from so many ear infections. They both had speech therapy. My sister is younger and overbearing. Speech therapy was the one time I got sat in a corner for not opening my mouth.
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gambler
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Post by gambler on Nov 27, 2019 16:03:22 GMT -5
As most get togethers holiday, football or any thing else is hosted by me( if only in name) on my swamp. If they want to come they do if not every one else is still going to have a good time. There have been many, many hurt feeling over the years but get over it or do not life moves on. Miss right if you want to go to ds only go at 79 your be holding to no one
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Nov 27, 2019 18:42:01 GMT -5
Two of my nephews made up their own language because one had plugged ears from so many ear infections. They both had speech therapy. My sister is younger and overbearing. Speech therapy was the one time I got sat in a corner for not opening my mouth. Apparently my sister didn't realize what was going on with those two kids until the oldest's kindergarten registration where his speech issues were recognized immediately. Got the younger one in right away after that. They understood each other but nobody else knew what they were talking about. Didn't hurt them. DNephew2 is a CPA, MBA and CFA now and Dnephew3 is a teacher. Neither one has a trace of a speech problem now.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2019 20:49:39 GMT -5
I'm so far down that I'd have to reach up to tie my shoes. Thinking about running away from home. I'd take Maggiecat with me.
Bad idea. There's nowhere to go.
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skeeter
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Post by skeeter on Nov 27, 2019 21:56:49 GMT -5
I'm so far down that I'd have to reach up to tie my shoes. Thinking about running away from home. I'd take Maggiecat with me. Bad idea. There's nowhere to go. Hope tomorrow you'll feel better
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