haapai
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Post by haapai on Nov 17, 2019 11:28:38 GMT -5
My coworkers laugh, a lot, loudly, and in near-orgasmic tones at not even funny jokes when they want to kiss up to each other.
It drives me kinda nuts. Can't they tone the sycophancy down a tad? Wouldn't that make it more effective? Do they even know what they sound like? There are times that I think that I am in a pickup bar or ... what's the current polite term for a place where folks are actively selling themselves? Since I am over fifty, I feel not the slightest twinge of shame for having been in places where folks were peddling themselves. Prior to beepers, answering machines, cell phones, and the internet, most sex workers had to troll for customers in public places. Even persons who were very young, very sheltered, and very prudish (I'm describing a younger version of myself) would eventually encounter sex workers trolling for customers or reeling one in. You didn't have to exactly go looking for sex workers back then, they were pretty common and you learned to identify them because they were the ones laughing was too hard in a certain pitch.
Do younger folks who haven't been exposed to the same amount of public trolling for work not know what they sound like?
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Nov 17, 2019 12:08:19 GMT -5
I think the bigger question is why are you still working in the sex industry in your fifties? Time to retire!
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haapai
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Post by haapai on Nov 17, 2019 12:14:20 GMT -5
Well done!
But no, I don't work in the sex industry. I'm not even a waitress. Heck, I'm not even in the service industry.
I'm just surrounded by folks twenty years younger than me, and a few that are only ten years younger than me but haven't spent much time away from this very small town, who absolutely, positively remind me of whores. It's like I was part of the last generation to learn not to laugh like that -- mostly because it alerts the joke-teller that you intend to take them for just about as much as you can.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Nov 17, 2019 12:20:40 GMT -5
I'm so confused.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Nov 17, 2019 12:29:51 GMT -5
Sounds like others are getting themselves some and someone isn't.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Nov 17, 2019 12:39:08 GMT -5
So talking and laughing at work makes us whores?
Good to know.
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haapai
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Post by haapai on Nov 17, 2019 12:39:25 GMT -5
Not quite as well done, but I did set myself up for that.
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haapai
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Post by haapai on Nov 17, 2019 12:42:46 GMT -5
So talking and laughing at work makes us whores? Good to know. No, but if done in a certain way, it certainly reminds me of what whores sound like.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 17, 2019 12:50:27 GMT -5
So talking and laughing at work makes us whores? Good to know. No, but if done in a certain way, it certainly reminds me of what whores sound like.
If you're the only one that has a problem the issue may be you. Maybe you should tell your coworkers what you think. I'm sure they'd love to know and will do their best to appear less whore like to you in the future. By the way how exactly does a whore laugh? I want to make sure I'm not offending anyone's delicate sensibilities.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Nov 17, 2019 12:54:36 GMT -5
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haapai
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Post by haapai on Nov 17, 2019 12:57:26 GMT -5
A sex worker tends to laugh loudly and too much at just about everything that you say. I can't believe that you don't know this if you are over fifty and have ever left the house at night.
Honestly, has street work and bar work become so relatively unprofitable that there are folks that don't know this?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Nov 17, 2019 13:01:48 GMT -5
I generally don't spend my time and energy judging people on how they laugh. Let alone mentally calling them a bunch of whores.
Maybe you should find a job the only employs people your age. That way you don't have to be offended by such immoral behavior as loud laughing.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 17, 2019 13:15:48 GMT -5
You sound like a real pill. Maybe they just like each other.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Nov 17, 2019 13:21:20 GMT -5
I get what you're saying, haapai. People who laugh too hard, and too long, at the boss's jokes. Trying to get on his or her good side. And yes, it IS annoying. Hang in there!
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Nov 17, 2019 13:21:25 GMT -5
I actually get where Haapai is coming from on this. I work in a small office that has no soundproofing at all. We deal with clients on the phone all day. And the noise level is unreal at times. I have begun wearing noise-filtering headphones, but clients can still hear the background noise.
And while the laughter is fine, the whining and complaining isn't. I have a number of coworkers who take one look at a difficult file and go off at maximum decibels about how they cannot handle or deal with such-and-such a client or issue and insist they need help RIGHT NOW. Well, OK, but think about this: if you're not working through the problem somewhat on your own at this point, when will you work through it? And to Haapai's point, it can sound unprofessional and petulant. And there is often no barrier between personal and professional lives, it seems. I have heard and seen coworkers yell, scream and cry on their smartphones at their kids and parents and significant others while in the office. I feel bad for whoever is at the other end of that conversation.
It's not an age thing in my case. I've had coworkers at or near my age behave all sorts of strange ways. Sometimes I think they are trying to fit in with the younger workers and they think their behavior is cool or cute, or they crave attention. Sometimes I think it's a lack of tact, class or manners.
As for kissing - up...we have a newbie in our office who believes himself to be a master of this. It's slimy behavior and I'm unimpressed by it. I figure his tactics will do him in eventually.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Nov 17, 2019 13:23:01 GMT -5
it can sound unprofessional and petulant.
That's different than calling people whores.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Nov 17, 2019 13:24:59 GMT -5
I do have a lack of boundaries between my personal life and professional life. It's actually become a problem in the last two months as I've been in a horrible place with my mental health. If that's what we're talking about, that having personal conversations at work is not generally appropriate, then yes I agree, and yes I personally need to work on that.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 17, 2019 13:38:43 GMT -5
Nope, I do understand what you’re saying. What’s worse is that it still works.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Nov 17, 2019 13:48:22 GMT -5
I work in customer service. I laugh at jokes that aren't funny all the time. I'm also just a loud person in general. I'm the whoriest of whores.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Nov 17, 2019 13:50:15 GMT -5
I've never spent any time in the presence of sex workers to know what they sound like when they laugh. Since the OP has extensive experience with them, I'm just going to take her word for it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2019 13:56:44 GMT -5
A sex worker tends to laugh loudly and too much at just about everything that you say. I can't believe that you don't know this if you are over fifty and have ever left the house at night.
Honestly, has street work and bar work become so relatively unprofitable that there are folks that don't know this?
I'm 50 and I honestly don't know if I've ever come across an actual legit "whore" as in works in that profession. Small town and I don't exactly seek out the seedy areas at night. The close as I've ever gotten is driving past the lone strip bar on occasion. I do know OBNOXIOUS people. I work with a lot of them. Male and female. The sasquatch next to me has the most ridiculously loud and annoying laughter, but I don't think he's trying to sell himself. He's just loud. I also know girls in constant flirt mode, but that's been going on for forever and is nothing new.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Nov 17, 2019 13:57:42 GMT -5
I do have a lack of boundaries between my personal life and professional life. It's actually become a problem in the last two months as I've been in a horrible place with my mental health. If that's what we're talking about, that having personal conversations at work is not generally appropriate, then yes I agree, and yes I personally need to work on that. It sucks when life intrudes and things just plain go wrong, because it overtakes everything. And personal conversations at work happen. It's the screaming and shouting and crying in the middle of the office that sort of take it over the line a little for me. I feel like the one who is the intruder, actually, not the other way around, when I hear what I know isn't meant for me.
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haapai
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Post by haapai on Nov 17, 2019 14:36:20 GMT -5
A sex worker tends to laugh loudly and too much at just about everything that you say. I can't believe that you don't know this if you are over fifty and have ever left the house at night.
Honestly, has street work and bar work become so relatively unprofitable that there are folks that don't know this?
I'm 50 and I honestly don't know if I've ever come across an actual legit "whore" as in works in that profession. Small town and I don't exactly seek out the seedy areas at night. The close as I've ever gotten is driving past the lone strip bar on occasion.
I do know OBNOXIOUS people. I work with a lot of them. Male and female. The sasquatch next to me has the most ridiculously loud and annoying laughter, but I don't think he's trying to sell himself. He's just loud. I also know girls in constant flirt mode, but that's been going on for forever and is nothing new. With regard to the bolded part, I don't know whether to feel sorry for you or to assure you that you have not missed much. Being around sex workers who are actively pursuing their trade can be exciting if you have never seen it before but also quite depressing, annoying, and dispiriting. The thrill of being in on some sort of secret knowledge of what is going on, or walking on the wild side if this is an experience that you have actively pursued, wears off pretty quick. Then it's hard to notice how insincere and over-the-top the pro's sycophancy is, or how poorly the trick is faring under the onslaught. On the other hand, sometimes the over-the-top servility is being demanded by the trick.
I've often wondered who to feel sorry for, the trick or the pro. It ain't a pretty scene despite how excited everyone appears to be. You know that there is a lot of manipulation and fibbing going on.
FWIW, I have never been a sex worker and I only lasted three months as a waitress, less as a receptionist. I've also never taken some comfort from a sex worker, although I think that I was solicited once a long time ago when I was alone and carrying beer past a girl who really wanted whiskey. (Not a happy memory.)
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on Nov 17, 2019 14:46:44 GMT -5
So much this. Except I do get people who are so Self absorbed and intolerant that they resort to name calling over anything and nothing at all.
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mollyc
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Post by mollyc on Nov 17, 2019 14:52:31 GMT -5
A few things:
Most of the individuals who are responding are female. The odds are in favour of them not having ever been hit on by a hooker. Most likely they have been hit on by a male trying overly hard to be funny and if they liked or were attracted to him, they laughed anyway to be polite.
It is far more likely to be an issue with your place of employment then generational. Neither your behaviour nor your coworkers is generationally motivated. Although lack of experience may mean some think they need to go along to get along.
You present as someone whose opinion is not easily swayed. It is possible the individual(s) your coworkers are fake laughing for have given up on getting a reaction from you so they go all out for the others. Maybe they only fake laugh so badly because they know it gets your goat.
You would do best to discuss the matter with your coworkers. It may be they don't realize how you feel and they would care.
Otherwise you are just trying to smear everyone younger then 50 because they are annoying you. Or so it seems to my 55 yr old self.
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haapai
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Post by haapai on Nov 17, 2019 14:55:32 GMT -5
I think that I have been quite careful in my descriptions of what behavior bugs me and what it reminds me of. I do, however, regret ever using the word "whore". Perhaps if I had stuck to the prim and pretentious term of "sex worker" I would not be accused of name-calling.
Nah! I kinda doubt that would have spared me these accusations.
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mollyc
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Post by mollyc on Nov 17, 2019 15:15:15 GMT -5
You could have stuck with suck-ups or moved on to something like sycophants. Everyone would have known what you meant or looked it up.
Instead because it is an emotional matter for you, you picked an example and drew a conclusion that could draw an emotional response. You got some emotional responses.
It sucks to be stuck working with people whose actions annoy you. It makes it hard to take them seriously when needed.
Your options are leave, react or ignore. React can include things like asking someone in private why they act that way or making a big deal about it in public and embarassing the people involved. I am sure there are other options, I just can't think of them right now.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Nov 17, 2019 15:26:25 GMT -5
I'm not familiar enough with whores to make that connection, but I know what you mean by the behavior, and it drives me bonkers as well. Unfortunately, the top sets the tone, and someone is recruiting and hiring--perhaps promoting these people. Not all organizations are like this, but I think plenty probably are. You might be happier working somewhere else, or see if there are others (among those in charge) who feel the same way (without using such loaded terminology), and see if you can change the tone of the place a bit.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Nov 17, 2019 21:16:51 GMT -5
I dunno. This sort of registers as a meh. But, I'm fortunate, we have small number of people (1-2) in offices with actual doors that close.
One of my coworkers was completely over the top in her persona to try to attract others because she was really emotionally messed up. We knew what she was doing. I think she knew something was off, but she just couldn't get how to fix herself for whatever reason. Eventually she passed away rather unexpectedly. We all thought it was a sad case all around and just sort of let her go off into her own after we'd given up trying to help her.
Now, as part of her over-the-topness to prove herself a worthy employee, she also was likely untruthful in budgets that she has prepared.
It's also come to light that a few more suck ups also have likely been untruthful in financial matters. Now, personally, I found this last bit of financial info concerning, since these are the folks that justify parts of my salary in their budgets. So. From my position, I'd rather take a coworker laughing inappropriately over a few coworkers messing with budgets that are used to cover/justify my salary... And I'm younger than my co-workers by 10 years. One would expect 50-something year old women to make better choices.
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travelnut11
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Post by travelnut11 on Nov 17, 2019 22:58:35 GMT -5
I gotta say this is one of the stranger threads I've read on YMAM lately. I was with you on the annoying co-workers (in theory since I work from home) but definitely did not see the sex worker/whore thing coming.
Way to keep things interesting around here!
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