cktc
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Post by cktc on May 7, 2019 12:45:59 GMT -5
I am about to stop communicating with my brother because this is getting aggravating! I am really going to be called the devil spawn now! I asked him how much money does he thinks he needs, he said $1,500 US. I said I hope you did not expect to get that from me because it ain’t happening. He said no, he was just telling me what he needed. So my mom sent $300, I sent $500 and my cousin sent $200 = $1,000 there... he is 2/3 of the way there. So I told him once his father gets better hey need to: 1) have a plan for next emergency 2) he needs to have access to his accounts / know where they are 3) this way he can take care of things while he is not functioning If this was worse case scenario (death) he would be SOL and wasting precious time trying to get everything. Also keep all the paper in order so he could get refunded some of it at a later date of any. I said because next time he may get no money (folks respond to your first emergency, by the 2nd and 3rd we are tired of your ass). He said I should talk to the old man because it is my problem too and he has been borrowing money from friends to cover the daily hospital bills and exams etc. I said correction, it is your problem. Unless you are DD or DW and by extinction my mother / siblings you are NOT my problem. So he thinks he has the right to start on the “family” lecture patch and when his dad wake up/ is better that we need to talk and fix this. As I explained to him: do not start because that would be the quickest way to get blocked by me; we have a good relationship now: don’t fuck it up. Between his father and I, that ship has sailed. I am only given him advice to be prepared next time because I may not answer the phone next time and he does not want to be in this situation again where he is borrowing from friends and calling family members. And I want him to remember: I AM NOT A BANK, I AM NOT THEIR EMERGENCY FUND. Now given me the sad act that he will try his best to manage with the $800 but what to do if it does not cover everything. I feel for him, I do... it is a shitty situation to be in but I cannot allow myself to get sucked into it. I just can’t ... I have too much on my own plate here. Sounds like your brother needs a lesson in "Don't bite the hand that feeds you". I quit helping my grandma financially when I realized there was no cumulative gratitude. It was always "what have you done for me lately?" Now she cons the rest of the family and we have a better relationship that doesn't involve money. As for you father, I think you have done more than what is necessary. If you dropped everything and went running to Haiti every time there was an issue you would't even be in a position to help out. Maybe some day you will get a call when he is definitively on his deathbed and you'll feel a pull to return, but if you don't, that is ok too. My estranged father was in the hospital last year and I was pressured by an aunt to visit. I'm glad I did, but a few weeks later when he was in the hospital again I didn't feel as inclined. We don't have a relationship. I wish him well, but visiting him only reaffirmed that he is little more than a stranger and will always be that way.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on May 7, 2019 13:03:59 GMT -5
I don't know about truly close families. I see some around here. But if you know more about them, you know the grandparents are funneling them money, paying for their kids houses, education, etc. Sure they all stick in, afraid one will get more then the other. Now, of course, there are some truly close families, but for the most part its about the money.
Around here when the power plant came in they bought up acres upon acres of land, they made a lot of families millionaires who owned land that was not that great. From what I'm seeing, most are using it wisely to help their families. But it would have been a whole different scenario without it.
You never know family dynamics, sadly it sounds like there are a lot of hangerons in "your" family Carl. Sorry for the way you had to grow up.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on May 7, 2019 13:40:55 GMT -5
I don't know about truly close families. I see some around here. But if you know more about them, you know the grandparents are funneling them money, paying for their kids houses, education, etc. Sure they all stick in, afraid one will get more then the other. Now, of course, there are some truly close families, but for the most part its about the money.Around here when the power plant came in they bought up acres upon acres of land, they made a lot of families millionaires who owned land that was not that great. From what I'm seeing, most are using it wisely to help their families. But it would have been a whole different scenario without it. You never know family dynamics, sadly it sounds like there are a lot of hangerons in "your" family Carl. Sorry for the way you had to grow up. That is pretty cynical. When my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, everyone showed up in NY within 3 days. I was the hold up, I got trapped 2 days by a snow storm. When dad died, I was on a plane there and got the bad news at the airport. I spent 6 weeks in NY after mom was diagnosed with lung cancer, and died. No money was exchanged. BTW....my only inheritance from my dad’s death (other than a few personal items) is the house. His widow is currently living in it as long as she wants. When she no longer wants, the house will be sold, not before. It isn’t always about the money.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on May 7, 2019 14:26:37 GMT -5
I cannot even trust them to do that... at least not pay the property taxes. I would have to entrust that on my MIL, she goes to Haiti twice a year to pay her property taxes, I would had ask her to just pay those also. But seems he will recover so maybe he will Make a plan for that now. I told him I wanted nothing from him and he could give it all to his kids but my mom made me take it back: She wants me to keep the family home (condition of their divorce 30 years ago - why it is under my name) and also will myself her 10 acres piece of land she lost in the divorce. She feels it belongs with her family, she wants it back... she wants me to will it to my daughter. I don’t even visit him when I go to Haiti, we stay with my MIL or friends. The family home is more of a matter of pride for my mom, she knew him and knew he would have lost it to 2-3 wives ago, heck wife #3 tried to kill me when during the divorce she found out her kids or her had no claim to the house because legally I owned it. That was fun! She and MIL feels you always need a home back home because we are visitors in this country and you never know when they will kick you out. Let’s just say Trump has made a lot of Haitians living in USA accelerated their plans on building or buying homes in Haiti. Homes in our neighborhood in Haiti are just as expensive as home in the US now thanks to the “diaspora” buying up everything. What? Do you mean she actually tried to kill you or that's just a figure of speech? No literally on 2 occasions: 1) she sent her nephew to our house to kill my dad but instead he shot at me and missed. 2) actually came after me and went to a “ougan” aka voodoo priest so that I died and then that would automatically make my dad the owner of the house and her kids could get it (her twisted logic). After we found out (long story ... my grandmother practice voodoo and my da did too at some point)... my mother called her and said if a hair on my head went missing she would personally come to Haiti and eat her alive. That maybe my dad did not inform her who my mother was but she did not come to this world to give but to take. Guess that scared her enough because she came and apologized to me a couple days later stating she did not really mean any harm to me (bullshit) and it was a misunderstanding.
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gs11rmb
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Post by gs11rmb on May 7, 2019 14:29:48 GMT -5
Wow... I don't know what to say . I'm glad you're ok.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on May 7, 2019 15:22:40 GMT -5
Why don't you just give them the house? Are you ever going to be able to kick them out to live there yourself anyhow? It sounds like Carl's mother does not want him to give up ownership to the half-siblings. Basically this because in her eyes it is my inheritance that he stole from her (plus interest). She wanted to pass down the 10 acres land to me ... but he took it and sold it without her permission. And the more we discuss the house and I was talking to my MIL, the more I realize my mother may have known him better than I thought. The discussion was where is all my dad money, where did it go? He had a successful company/business at some point. And out of nowhere my MIL said: The house obviously. Is there a reason why your dad needed such a big house? Is there a reason that anyone needs such a big house? Why did he built such a big house? And it clicked. THE HOUSE!! My father house is worth a small fortune. Looking at other homes listed in Haiti for 300-400k, my dad could (if he could) sell this house for over 1 Million. Looking at some pictures there is some deferred maintenance that would need to be addressed but it is freaking massive. Off course it did not start off that way. Like most people in Haiti, he did not have a mortgage. You bought the land and slowly built the house. And at first it was a simple 3 bedroom 2 bath 1 level home..but as he got more successful in his career he kept adding on to the house. He had the land, he built the house to match. Slowly over 15 years (when I was there) he had added 2 floors, the maid quarters, countless upgrades. In the past 16 years while I was gone he made other updates/finishes. My cousin vacationed there with some friends and told me his friend thought my dad was filthy rich to own such a house. And that is why my mom wants me to keep it. She knew his big ego would always want the biggest/baddest house on the block to represent his success. she just worked her charm to get him to put my name on it because in our culture it is inconceivable the thought your kids would steal or kick you out of the house and being the first born it would come to me anyways eventually; she just guaranteed it. By making sure it was in my name I do not have to legally share or split or sale it to split with anyone; it is mine.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on May 7, 2019 15:28:04 GMT -5
It sounds like Carl's mother does not want him to give up ownership to the half-siblings. Basically this because in her eyes it is my inheritance that he stole from her (plus interest). She wanted to pass down the 10 acres land to me ... but he took it and sold it without her permission. And the more we discuss the house and I was talking to my MIL, the more I realize my mother may have known him better than I thought. The discussion was where is all my dad money, where did it go? He had a successful company/business at some point. And out of nowhere my MIL said: The house obviously. Is there a reason why your dad needed such a big house? Is there a reason that anyone needs such a big house? Why did he built such a big house? And it clicked. THE HOUSE!! My father house is worth a small fortune. Looking at other homes listed in Haiti for 300-400k, my dad could (if he could) sell this house for over 1 Million. Looking at some pictures there is some deferred maintenance that would need to be addressed but it is freaking massive. Off course it did not start off that way. Like most people in Haiti, he did not have a mortgage. You bought the land and slowly built the house. And at first it was a simple 3 bedroom 2 bath 1 level home..but as he got more successful in his career he kept adding on to the house. He had the land, he built the house to match. Slowly over 15 years (when I was there) he had added 2 floors, the maid quarters, countless upgrades. In the past 16 years while I was gone he made other updates/finishes. My cousin vacationed there with some friends and told me his friend thought my dad was filthy rich to own such a house. And that is why my mom wants me to keep it. She knew his big ego would always want the biggest/baddest house on the block to represent his success. she just worked her charm to get him to put my name on it because in our culture it is inconceivable the thought your kids would steal or kick you out of the house and being the first born it would come to me anyways eventually; she just guaranteed it. By making sure it was in my name I do not have to legally share or split or sale it to split with anyone; it is mine. OK. You are NOT, repeat NOT going to give this house ever away. It is your DD and her (possible) sibling inheritance. You and your mom endured enough hardship at the hands of this man to claim this for your kid(s)!
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on May 7, 2019 15:44:50 GMT -5
Basically this because in her eyes it is my inheritance that he stole from her (plus interest). She wanted to pass down the 10 acres land to me ... but he took it and sold it without her permission. And the more we discuss the house and I was talking to my MIL, the more I realize my mother may have known him better than I thought. The discussion was where is all my dad money, where did it go? He had a successful company/business at some point. And out of nowhere my MIL said: The house obviously. Is there a reason why your dad needed such a big house? Is there a reason that anyone needs such a big house? Why did he built such a big house? And it clicked. THE HOUSE!! My father house is worth a small fortune. Looking at other homes listed in Haiti for 300-400k, my dad could (if he could) sell this house for over 1 Million. Looking at some pictures there is some deferred maintenance that would need to be addressed but it is freaking massive. Off course it did not start off that way. Like most people in Haiti, he did not have a mortgage. You bought the land and slowly built the house. And at first it was a simple 3 bedroom 2 bath 1 level home..but as he got more successful in his career he kept adding on to the house. He had the land, he built the house to match. Slowly over 15 years (when I was there) he had added 2 floors, the maid quarters, countless upgrades. In the past 16 years while I was gone he made other updates/finishes. My cousin vacationed there with some friends and told me his friend thought my dad was filthy rich to own such a house. And that is why my mom wants me to keep it. She knew his big ego would always want the biggest/baddest house on the block to represent his success. she just worked her charm to get him to put my name on it because in our culture it is inconceivable the thought your kids would steal or kick you out of the house and being the first born it would come to me anyways eventually; she just guaranteed it. By making sure it was in my name I do not have to legally share or split or sale it to split with anyone; it is mine. OK. You are NOT, repeat NOT going to give this house ever away. It is your DD and her (possible) sibling inheritance. You and your mom endured enough hardship at the hands of this man to claim this for your kid(s)! That is my mom take, I personally do not want it and feel it would be kinda taking from his other kids. He spent all his money into this house to the point he has nothing else but the house now. I think that is why she hit the roof when I told him I wanted nothing for him and would sign the house over. She almost had a heart attack and told me over her dead body. Don’t you think it is wrong? He has other kids that basically may get nothing when he passes...
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on May 7, 2019 15:47:18 GMT -5
I'm not cynical, I said some are close. But I know some of these people and believe me some of it is afraid one kid will get more then the other, LOL!
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on May 7, 2019 15:49:15 GMT -5
OK. You are NOT, repeat NOT going to give this house ever away. It is your DD and her (possible) sibling inheritance. You and your mom endured enough hardship at the hands of this man to claim this for your kid(s)! That is my mom take, I personally do not want it and feel it would be kinda taking from his other kids. He spent all his money into this house to the point he has nothing else but the house now. I think that is why she hit the roof when I told him I wanted nothing for him and would sign the house over. She almost had a heart attack and told me over her dead body. Don’t you think it is wrong? He has other kids that basically may get nothing when he passes... No I don't (think it is wrong). But if you are so inclined you can always sell the house after he passes and gift your half siblings some of the proceeds, but that is up to you and you should not do that out of a feeling of obligation.
Unless I am very much mistaken, which I am not, you are currently already supporting all those siblings by providing them free (to them) shelter, while YOU are paying the property taxes on that house
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on May 7, 2019 16:04:06 GMT -5
That is my mom take, I personally do not want it and feel it would be kinda taking from his other kids. He spent all his money into this house to the point he has nothing else but the house now. I think that is why she hit the roof when I told him I wanted nothing for him and would sign the house over. She almost had a heart attack and told me over her dead body. Don’t you think it is wrong? He has other kids that basically may get nothing when he passes... No I don't (think itis wrong). But if you are so inclined you can always sell the house after he passes and gift your half siblings some of the proceeds, but that is up to you and you should not do that out of a feeling of obligation.
Unless I am very much mistaken, which I am not, you are currently already supporting all those siblings by providing them free (to them) shelter, while YOU are paying the property taxes on that house
But it not a house I built... so am I really providing free shelter? Ex: the house my wife grew up in is her grandfather house. He had 5 daughters including her mom. Her mom is the only daughter that stayed in Haiti to take care of him (all the others were in NY) and stayed in the house afterwards and raised my wife there. She added to the house (the second floor) and the sisters never made her pay “rent”. Now 1 sister died and 4 of them left. They all have equal ownership of the house and my MIL signed her shares to my wife a couple of years back. The house is valued at ~300k so her stake is about ~70k. But it gets complicated because while my MIL and another sister only had 1 child; 1 other sister had 2 and the other one had 4. They also have other properties in Haiti that their parents owned / that are being rented out and every time she goes back she collects the rent and split it 4 ways even if she is the one that does the majority of the work to maintain the homes /collect the rent. She wanted my wife and I to take it over and continue... I personally feel it would be easier to buy everyone out but we cannot afford to lol. I don’t see us down the road arguing with 7 other people over the family properties in Haiti. Anyway back to the subject ; they could have charged my MIL rent or portion rent and did not. Same way she could have argued she gets a bigger percentage since she added the second floor and does not.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on May 7, 2019 16:18:49 GMT -5
Thank you everyone that has reached out and send good thoughts...
Saw pictures/videos of biological father and it seems he has aged 20 years in a matter of days; sad actually.
We still have not spoken but he is doing somewhat better. My friends have reached out and send a few recommendations Dr wise and I sent them to my brother.
He is somewhat out of the woods now but not 100% back... but spoke with my brother and he met with the hospital Administration and Dr today. If he holds we will have him check out tomorrow morning and sent home.
There they can have a nurse watch over him (around the clock care) plus arrange for his therapy/dr visits since we don’t feel there is much this hospital can do and they are not letting “our” Dr’s see him and we have doubts on their capabilities. This a new hospital and private ... not a lot of the more established doctors (known Doctors) practice there.
If he gets worse we will send him to where my friend practice and is an Emergency Dr (also our neighbor is a Dr there) and where my brother should have gone to begin with. Or use an ambulance to transfer him from that hospital to the other one tomorrow.
Either it is the American in me but I felt the doctor he was assigned was not really responsive. I don’t love the guy but that does not mean I want him to be treated like a dog while we are paying for such privilege at $1,300/day.
Yes I can be an asshole... guess I get that from my biological father. My MIL has reached out to one of her tenants that is a bank director in Haiti to do a search for my dad bank accounts. I also reached out to the mother of one of my childhood friends that hold a good position at the National Bank for similar search. DW is teaching out to a friend that her dad seats on the board of another bank to see what we can do. If he has any money saved somewhere in Haiti, we will find it... pulling all the strings we can. But my brother swears up and down that he has no money... I just cannot believe it.
My wife was scheduled to go to Haiti in June and slightly considering tagging along but not 100% sure yet. My job already gave me the ok to leave at anytime I wanted so that is cleared up.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2019 17:44:19 GMT -5
I'm sorry for these tough times and choices for you. Family is a very weird and complicated thing for me so I don't really have any good advice except to say don't beat yourself up for those who haven't been there for you. The best thing we can "inherit" from folks is a desire to be better than they were.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 8, 2019 17:57:22 GMT -5
OK. You are NOT, repeat NOT going to give this house ever away. It is your DD and her (possible) sibling inheritance. You and your mom endured enough hardship at the hands of this man to claim this for your kid(s)! That is my mom take, I personally do not want it and feel it would be kinda taking from his other kids. He spent all his money into this house to the point he has nothing else but the house now. I think that is why she hit the roof when I told him I wanted nothing for him and would sign the house over. She almost had a heart attack and told me over her dead body. Don’t you think it is wrong? He has other kids that basically may get nothing when he passes... Not at all. My kids will inherit different amounts. That’s just the way it is and not my doing. Children have no right to expect an inheritance.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on May 8, 2019 19:29:45 GMT -5
That is my mom take, I personally do not want it and feel it would be kinda taking from his other kids. He spent all his money into this house to the point he has nothing else but the house now. I think that is why she hit the roof when I told him I wanted nothing for him and would sign the house over. She almost had a heart attack and told me over her dead body. Don’t you think it is wrong? He has other kids that basically may get nothing when he passes... Not at all. My kids will inherit different amounts. That’s just the way it is and not my doing. Children have no right to expect an inheritance. There's no right to an inheritance, but I wouldn't leave a disproportionate amount to one and not the other without a really good reason that was discussed before I died. When you have a blended family obviously there are going to be differences, but outside of that why try to cause issues for the kids?
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msventoux
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Post by msventoux on May 8, 2019 19:56:35 GMT -5
Not at all. My kids will inherit different amounts. That’s just the way it is and not my doing. Children have no right to expect an inheritance. There's no right to an inheritance, but I wouldn't leave a disproportionate amount to one and not the other without a really good reason that was discussed before I died. When you have a blended family obviously there are going to be differences, but outside of that why try to cause issues for the kids? Maybe there were already issues that everyone involved is well aware of? One kid already received their inheritance via a gift for xyz, took a loan that was never paid back, outright stole the money or otherwise had unequal support from the parent while living? From the instances I’ve personally seen, the inheritance amounts haven’t been a surprise. Not to say the one getting less was happy about it, and may have tried to fight to get more, but there were no surprises.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on May 8, 2019 20:10:28 GMT -5
There's no right to an inheritance, but I wouldn't leave a disproportionate amount to one and not the other without a really good reason that was discussed before I died. When you have a blended family obviously there are going to be differences, but outside of that why try to cause issues for the kids? Maybe there were already issues that everyone involved is well aware of? One kid already received their inheritance via a gift for xyz, took a loan that was never paid back, outright stole the money or otherwise had unequal support from the parent while living? From the instances I’ve personally seen, the inheritance amounts haven’t been a surprise. Not to say the one getting less was happy about it, and may have tried to fight to get more, but there were no surprises. Sure there could be and I included that as well, but I still like to think I'll try to avoid that situation. Parents dying is so hard difficult, add in money and emotions and and it can drive a wedge between siblings. I'd rather not leave anything to anyone and let them band together in anger at me.
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tcu2003
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Post by tcu2003 on May 8, 2019 20:12:58 GMT -5
Not at all. My kids will inherit different amounts. That’s just the way it is and not my doing. Children have no right to expect an inheritance. There's no right to an inheritance, but I wouldn't leave a disproportionate amount to one and not the other without a really good reason that was discussed before I died. When you have a blended family obviously there are going to be differences, but outside of that why try to cause issues for the kids? I could have the wrong person in mind, but IIRC, zib’s XH values sons more than daughters, so while her estate may be split evenly between her son and daughter, XH’s estate will significantly favor the son.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on May 9, 2019 7:09:46 GMT -5
I had a friend whose father left the childhood home to her and not 50-50 with her brother. Her brother received their dad's home where he lived when he died.
The father had written a long letter of explanation as to his reasoning. It was a home in the Colorado mountains where the daughter continued to visit and enjoy all of her adult life. The son didn't visit. The daughter helped her dad keep up with the maintenance as he aged.
It did not go over well with the son. He wanted to sell both properties, but he had no control over the childhood home. He was also so angry that the daughter ended up doing all the work to get the current home ready to sell.
I don't know if their relationship ever recovered.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on May 9, 2019 10:35:34 GMT -5
Not at all. My kids will inherit different amounts. That’s just the way it is and not my doing. Children have no right to expect an inheritance. There's no right to an inheritance, but I wouldn't leave a disproportionate amount to one and not the other without a really good reason that was discussed before I died. When you have a blended family obviously there are going to be differences, but outside of that why try to cause issues for the kids? The house is Carl's. There is nothing to bequeath by bio-dad. And while bio dad is improving on the house and has been doing so for a long time sinking money into it and increasing its value → he has also not been paying rent and/or property taxes for for housing for himself, his subsequent children, or any of the women he brought into the house.
If I were TheHaitian I would make sure that I would have a will in place NOW that would ensure his daughter gets the home upon his death. Just in case his bio-dad hooks up and breaks up with another crazy woman out to "get the house". But that is just me.
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raeoflyte
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Post by raeoflyte on May 9, 2019 10:55:34 GMT -5
There's no right to an inheritance, but I wouldn't leave a disproportionate amount to one and not the other without a really good reason that was discussed before I died. When you have a blended family obviously there are going to be differences, but outside of that why try to cause issues for the kids? The house is Carl's. There is nothing to bequeath by bio-dad. And while bio dad is improving on the house and has been doing so for a long time sinking money into it and increasing its value → he has also not been paying rent and/or property taxes for for housing for himself, his subsequent children, or any of the women he brought into the house.
If I were TheHaitian I would make sure that I would have a will in place NOW that would ensure his daughter gets the home upon his death. Just in case his bio-dad hooks up and breaks up with another crazy woman out to "get the house". But that is just me.
My comment wasn't about Carl, as the house hasn't been his Fathers to leave since his first divorce, and I included that blended families are frequently going to have different levels of things like this. I read Zib's comment that she was leaving her kids different amounts, and that doesn't make sense to me without back story. fwiw--I expect to inherit significantly less than my sister and I'm fine with that. Dsis is doing great these days, but hasn't always and if my parents can help set her up in a way that means I'm not worrying about her financially that would be an amazing gift. But again--that's a really good reason that has been discussed. I won't be surprised when it happens or wonder why they did it, and know it wasn't because of favoritism.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on May 9, 2019 14:11:45 GMT -5
I had a friend whose father left the childhood home to her and not 50-50 with her brother. Her brother received their dad's home where he lived when he died. The father had written a long letter of explanation as to his reasoning. It was a home in the Colorado mountains where the daughter continued to visit and enjoy all of her adult life. The son didn't visit. The daughter helped her dad keep up with the maintenance as he aged. It did not go over well with the son. He wanted to sell both properties, but he had no control over the childhood home. He was also so angry that the daughter ended up doing all the work to get the current home ready to sell. I don't know if their relationship ever recovered. A family friend is going though this now... the father left everything to the daughter and nothing to the sons because he knew she shoulder the brunt of taking care of him and his wife in their old ages and she will continue to care for his wife after he is gone. Now that she is trying to sell 2 of the homes she owns in Haiti (that she received from dad) he is creating drama because he thought that while it was the father wishes she got the homes that she would overturn it and share with him. Just because they know why does not meant they will accept it. She has accepted that her relationship with her brother will never be the same and she will always be the villain in his story.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on May 9, 2019 14:25:43 GMT -5
There's no right to an inheritance, but I wouldn't leave a disproportionate amount to one and not the other without a really good reason that was discussed before I died. When you have a blended family obviously there are going to be differences, but outside of that why try to cause issues for the kids? The house is Carl's. There is nothing to bequeath by bio-dad. And while bio dad is improving on the house and has been doing so for a long time sinking money into it and increasing its value → he has also not been paying rent and/or property taxes for for housing for himself, his subsequent children, or any of the women he brought into the house.
If I were TheHaitian I would make sure that I would have a will in place NOW that would ensure his daughter gets the home upon his death. Just in case his bio-dad hooks up and breaks up with another crazy woman out to "get the house". But that is just me.
You see it that way but my younger siblings that do not know the backstory do not. In their mind this is our fathers house. One brother had to remind them recently that the house is under my name. My mom called me last night to re-verify that the house is still under my name. I said last I checked it was unless my biological father did some illegal shit and forge some papers ... which would not surprise me; this is Haiti after all. She said I need to go to Haiti soon to make sure and re-verify. And while there get a summary of where my dad all belongings / papers are. She said my dad may not be rich in bank accounts but my father love to buy land. And she started listing all the lands she knew he had when they were together , some I remembered and some I don’t. I knew he lost the beach front property ... again Haiti. He left it open and someone came and built a house on it. My dad called him to court and he pulled a gun on my dad one day after court. So they had agreed that he would buy it from my dad but he made 1 installment payment and never heard from him again (at least what I have heard). Haiti is a Wild Wild West when it comes to land ownership. You may buy land only to find out there are 3 different owners or if you do not built a wall around it or something come back and find someone else built on your land. My step father is dealing with this now my mom mentioned, a neighbor to one of his land just extended his house onto my step dad property basically claiming it at his. I know my wife family at some point had a lot of land and as my MIL said, she was the only child left in Haiti after her father past and she was not going to lose her life over land that none of the other sisters seemed to care about. So the land she could keep she did, the others she left go. Anyway back on the subject, the reason my mom is telling me this is my dad siblings. She feels like 1 sister that she never liked and that may know where my dad owned land will try to swindle us out of it as soon as my dad dies because we don’t know about it. So she gave me a list of land and locations she knew he owned when they were together for me to re-verify he still owns and get the paperwork. I have a new found respect for my mom and also scary. She remembers shit from over 30 years ago and she will be damn if her son lose out on his inheritance.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on May 9, 2019 14:35:43 GMT -5
It is all about the Benjamin’s lol!!
My younger brother called me this morning asking if I think it would be worth it to get life insurance on my biological father.
I said : 1) I don’t need it... do you? 2) he is 66 3) he just had a stroke 4) who would cover him? 5) does it even make financial sense?
Also my grandmother lived for 10 years after her stroke that left her paralyzed on her left side so while he looks like he aged 20 years in a week (my mom was shocked when she saw his picture and one aunt - mom older sister - cried) he may stick around for another 5-10-15 years.
He is only 66... quality of life may suck but he may still keep on kicking. Is he going to make the payments toward the insurance coverage or is he expecting me too?
So he was thinking that he could not support my other 3 siblings with any job he gets after he graduates in June so maybe some life insurance money would help them. I told him last I checked they all have mothers, they need to reach out to them.
And tell them there is no money either!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2019 14:37:22 GMT -5
I don't know. It sounds like inheriting a nightmare to me. I'm stabby enough about being left a timeshare. I told my mom to just give them both to my brother but I don't know if she changed things or not. Last thing I need is to inherit a 2K/year maintenance fee or whatever it is now.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on May 9, 2019 15:42:20 GMT -5
The house is Carl's. There is nothing to bequeath by bio-dad. And while bio dad is improving on the house and has been doing so for a long time sinking money into it and increasing its value → he has also not been paying rent and/or property taxes for for housing for himself, his subsequent children, or any of the women he brought into the house.
If I were TheHaitian I would make sure that I would have a will in place NOW that would ensure his daughter gets the home upon his death. Just in case his bio-dad hooks up and breaks up with another crazy woman out to "get the house". But that is just me.
You see it that way but my younger siblings that do not know the backstory do not. In their mind this is our fathers house. One brother had to remind them recently that the house is under my name. My mom called me last night to re-verify that the house is still under my name. I said last I checked it was unless my biological father did some illegal shit and forge some papers ... which would not surprise me; this is Haiti after all. She said I need to go to Haiti soon to make sure and re-verify. And while there get a summary of where my dad all belongings / papers are. She said my dad may not be rich in bank accounts but my father love to buy land. And she started listing all the lands she knew he had when they were together , some I remembered and some I don’t. I knew he lost the beach front property ... again Haiti. He left it open and someone came and built a house on it. My dad called him to court and he pulled a gun on my dad one day after court. So they had agreed that he would buy it from my dad but he made 1 installment payment and never heard from him again (at least what I have heard). Haiti is a Wild Wild West when it comes to land ownership. You may buy land only to find out there are 3 different owners or if you do not built a wall around it or something come back and find someone else built on your land. My step father is dealing with this now my mom mentioned, a neighbor to one of his land just extended his house onto my step dad property basically claiming it at his. I know my wife family at some point had a lot of land and as my MIL said, she was the only child left in Haiti after her father past and she was not going to lose her life over land that none of the other sisters seemed to care about. So the land she could keep she did, the others she left go. Anyway back on the subject, the reason my mom is telling me this is my dad siblings. She feels like 1 sister that she never liked and that may know where my dad owned land will try to swindle us out of it as soon as my dad dies because we don’t know about it. So she gave me a list of land and locations she knew he owned when they were together for me to re-verify he still owns and get the paperwork. I have a new found respect for my mom and also scary. She remembers shit from over 30 years ago and she will be damn if her son lose out on his inheritance. I think I your mom
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CCL
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Post by CCL on May 9, 2019 18:31:45 GMT -5
It is all about the Benjamin’s lol!! My younger brother called me this morning asking if I think it would be worth it to get life insurance on my biological father. I said : 1) I don’t need it... do you? 2) he is 66 3) he just had a stroke 4) who would cover him? 5) does it even make financial sense? Also my grandmother lived for 10 years after her stroke that left her paralyzed on her left side so while he looks like he aged 20 years in a week (my mom was shocked when she saw his picture and one aunt - mom older sister - cried) he may stick around for another 5-10-15 years. He is only 66... quality of life may suck but he may still keep on kicking. Is he going to make the payments toward the insurance coverage or is he expecting me too? So he was thinking that he could not support my other 3 siblings with any job he gets after he graduates in June so maybe some life insurance money would help them. I told him last I checked they all have mothers, they need to reach out to them. And tell them there is no money either! My guess is he'll expect you to pay for it, if he can even get it. Then your brother will be the beneficiary.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on May 9, 2019 18:38:51 GMT -5
What? Do you mean she actually tried to kill you or that's just a figure of speech? No literally on 2 occasions: 1) she sent her nephew to our house to kill my dad but instead he shot at me and missed. 2) actually came after me and went to a “ougan” aka voodoo priest so that I died and then that would automatically make my dad the owner of the house and her kids could get it (her twisted logic). After we found out (long story ... my grandmother practice voodoo and my da did too at some point)... my mother called her and said if a hair on my head went missing she would personally come to Haiti and eat her alive. That maybe my dad did not inform her who my mother was but she did not come to this world to give but to take. Guess that scared her enough because she came and apologized to me a couple days later stating she did not really mean any harm to me (bullshit) and it was a misunderstanding. Damn. Going to have to fully read this sometime in the future. Sounds culturally like some Filipino experiences I've heard about or similar. Hardcore. 2) Did you ever tell your grandmother you had a voodoo priest working against her & your Dad re: the house? (I like making up stories if someone thinks they are going to psych me out. )
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Opti
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Post by Opti on May 9, 2019 18:43:08 GMT -5
I don't know. It sounds like inheriting a nightmare to me. I'm stabby enough about being left a timeshare. I told my mom to just give them both to my brother but I don't know if she changed things or not. Last thing I need is to inherit a 2K/year maintenance fee or whatever it is now. Try to get her to get rid of them now. My Mom had a hard time getting rid of hers. She originally had three she was going to leave to the three of us, and then a storm happened in Florida and she got hit hard for repairs. They can be hard to sell, and some places will not even take them back for free. Took a long time to get rid of the last one. Glad that happened b4 she went into Assisted Living. Good luck. Don't be stabby, go into super hero mode like me. I'm throwing imaginary Thor type hammers at stupid people. ( I need another bag of hammers ...)
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 9, 2019 19:59:17 GMT -5
You don’t have to accept the time share as an inheritance and I’m leaving the kids the same amount. It’s other family members that have chosen favorites among my children. I don’t like it but there’s nothing I can do about it.
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