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Post by Deleted on Mar 18, 2019 19:57:42 GMT -5
Our 'hood had a huge laugh several years ago when a neighbor got divorced (dna showed last baby wasn't DH's) and immediately listed the house for sale. In less than 24 hours the for-sale sign was down b/c ex-DH has equity until she buys him out. She's still living in the 'hood, baby daddy is long gone, etc. It’s retarded! Can’t equity be held for DH at the time of sale? What if you were the one moving out? Would you want him to keep the equity indefinitely? They do "equity at the time of sale" in divorces all the time, but usually there's some kind of deadline for selling the house.
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tloony
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Post by tloony on Mar 18, 2019 20:04:17 GMT -5
It’s retarded! Can’t equity be held for DH at the time of sale? What if you were the one moving out? Would you want him to keep the equity indefinitely? They do "equity at the time of sale" in divorces all the time, but usually there's some kind of deadline for selling the house. I am not so stupid to move out of the house just because I am so jealous that my spouse is happy! I actually thought of moving out but when I found out that my mortgage cheaper than appt - I’ve changed my mind...
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justme
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Post by justme on Mar 18, 2019 20:10:03 GMT -5
Hate to tell you, but it's practically impossible to live the same life after divorce as you were before. Cuz, ya know, divorce is separating one life into two.
Be lucky you apparently don't live in a state that lets infidelity be factored into divorce settlements - could be worse!
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Post by Deleted on Mar 18, 2019 20:14:58 GMT -5
What if you were the one moving out? Would you want him to keep the equity indefinitely? They do "equity at the time of sale" in divorces all the time, but usually there's some kind of deadline for selling the house. I am not so stupid to move out of the house just because I am so jealous that my spouse is happy! I actually thought of moving out but when I found out that my mortgage cheaper than appt - I’ve changed my mind... Why even get divorced then? There's no way in hell I'd live with my ex, especially if we couldn't stand each other. Your soon to be ex wanting to move out and start his life over without you is perfectly normal and healthy.
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tloony
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Post by tloony on Mar 18, 2019 20:40:01 GMT -5
Hate to tell you, but it's practically impossible to live the same life after divorce as you were before. Cuz, ya know, divorce is separating one life into two. Be lucky you apparently don't live in a state that lets indefinitely be factored into divorce settlements - could be worse! Sorry I didn’t understand any of what you said.
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tloony
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Post by tloony on Mar 18, 2019 20:41:14 GMT -5
I am not so stupid to move out of the house just because I am so jealous that my spouse is happy! I actually thought of moving out but when I found out that my mortgage cheaper than appt - I’ve changed my mind... Why even get divorced then? There's no way in hell I'd live with my ex, especially if we couldn't stand each other. Your soon to be ex wanting to move out and start his life over without you is perfectly normal and healthy. I am fine with him moving out but if he doesn’t conrribute to a mortgage it means he can’t have equity past $130k.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 18, 2019 21:00:12 GMT -5
Why even get divorced then? There's no way in hell I'd live with my ex, especially if we couldn't stand each other. Your soon to be ex wanting to move out and start his life over without you is perfectly normal and healthy. I am fine with him moving out but if he doesn’t conrribute to a mortgage it means he can’t have equity past $130k. What makes you think he wants more? This is why you need a lawyer. The divorce should state how much equity he gets and when. He probably just would like his 55K now and have it all done and over with and if he got a lawyer it would probably be pretty easy for him to force the sale. I mean, wouldn't you just like the cash and be done? You don't need to care about the school district, your daughter is grown up now. You don't even have to stay in the area, you could move somewhere cheaper. It's not like CNA jobs aren't everywhere.
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laterbloomer
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Post by laterbloomer on Mar 18, 2019 21:26:13 GMT -5
The box you checked on the divorce papers probably said you would be residing in the marital home. As in living there, I bet it said nothing about "getting" the marital home. And if he moves out with $65,000 in equity in the house he is effectively renting you his share of the house. Half the mortgage payment is like your rent to him so he deserves half the equity when you sell. That would be half of what is paid off on the mortgage and half of the increased value in the home. And that's only right, his investment should pay off for him.
For God's sake do not give your boyfriend a stake in your house!!! Charge him as a boarder and get it in writing that he is paying you so much in room and board and NOT acquiring a share of your home. As you said, it's a nicer place than his apartment and he wasn't buying a share of that. I hope it works out for you with the new guy, but the statistics are against you. Make a smart money decision for once.
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tloony
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Post by tloony on Mar 18, 2019 23:28:36 GMT -5
I am fine with him moving out but if he doesn’t conrribute to a mortgage it means he can’t have equity past $130k. What makes you think he wants more? This is why you need a lawyer. The divorce should state how much equity he gets and when. He probably just would like his 55K now and have it all done and over with and if he got a lawyer it would probably be pretty easy for him to force the sale. I mean, wouldn't you just like the cash and be done? You don't need to care about the school district, your daughter is grown up now. You don't even have to stay in the area, you could move somewhere cheaper. It's not like CNA jobs aren't everywhere. Why would I move anywhere cheaper? It’s not just a house! It’s a place where my child’s friends and everything she loves. There is nothing cheaper. I keep saying that 2nr appt is same price that my mortgage. Unless I move into a project area. And it’s no way! This house is my life! I am not moving! I am keeping it. It’s lofe and death situation almost!
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tloony
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Post by tloony on Mar 18, 2019 23:35:05 GMT -5
The box you checked on the divorce papers probably said you would be residing in the marital home. As in living there, I bet it said nothing about "getting" the marital home. And if he moves out with $65,000 in equity in the house he is effectively renting you his share of the house. Half the mortgage payment is like your rent to him so he deserves half the equity when you sell. That would be half of what is paid off on the mortgage and half of the increased value in the home. And that's only right, his investment should pay off for him.
For God's sake do not give your boyfriend a stake in your house!!! Charge him as a boarder and get it in writing that he is paying you so much in room and board and NOT acquiring a share of your home. As you said, it's a nicer place than his apartment and he wasn't buying a share of that. I hope it works out for you with the new guy, but the statistics are against you. Make a smart money decision for once.
My bf doesn’t even know I am planning to ask him to move in with me but since he said I can move in with him I am assuming he will be up to huge upgrade for same cost. I’ve never mentioned it yet! And it is totally my idea about having equity divided fairly between those who actually participating in saving the home. And what statistic? People of our age divorcing like there is no tomorrow! Remarrying and living to the rest of lives and I know tons of families in same situation. Not that I am marrying again. Just saying...
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tallguy
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Post by tallguy on Mar 18, 2019 23:43:59 GMT -5
If the house is valued at $311,000 and you have $130,000 equity then there is a mortgage for $181,000 remaining on the property. Refinance for $250,000 in your own name and pay off the existing mortgage and the equity split to your husband with him quit-claiming his interest, unless you cannot qualify on your own. If you can, then bring in either the BF or a renter to share the cost. Otherwise it gets ugly.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Mar 18, 2019 23:57:47 GMT -5
If the house is valued at $311,000 and you have $130,000 equity then there is a mortgage for $181,000 remaining on the property. Refinance for $250,000 in your own name and pay off the existing mortgage and the equity split to your husband with him quit-claiming his interest, unless you cannot qualify on your own. If you can, then bring in either the BF or a renter to share the cost. Otherwise it gets ugly. If Loony is a CNA, she's making 30K a year, give or take.
I'd be super shocked that she'd be able to get a 250K loan making 30K a year with a credit score in the 600s.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Mar 19, 2019 0:02:07 GMT -5
My bf doesn’t even know I am planning to ask him to move in with me but since he said I can move in with him I am assuming he will be up to huge upgrade for same cost. I would assume some of this would depend on his custody agreement and his relationship with the kiddo's mom and the kid...Unless the mom is completely relinquishing all of her rights as a parent.. What grade is the kiddo in? Freshman in HS? The son is down with moving away from all of his friends?
What's your plan if things don't go well with a blended family situation? I know you joked that you'll be a mom to the kiddo..but...not really. Your BF will be the one doing the parenting.
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tloony
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Post by tloony on Mar 19, 2019 1:10:28 GMT -5
My bf doesn’t even know I am planning to ask him to move in with me but since he said I can move in with him I am assuming he will be up to huge upgrade for same cost. I would assume some of this would depend on his custody agreement and his relationship with the kiddo's mom and the kid...Unless the mom is completely relinquishing all of her rights as a parent.. What grade is the kiddo in? Freshman in HS? The son is down with moving away from all of his friends?
What's your plan if things don't go well with a blended family situation? I know you joked that you'll be a mom to the kiddo..but...not really. Your BF will be the one doing the parenting.
He has full temp going to have full permanent. Mom is unfit so...son doesn’t want to see her. He is 13 now. Next year HS so all kids will be new anyway. He is really liking me and telling his dad I am treating him better than she was. And I wasn’t joking. I am going to take mother figure role. If he will be ok with it. So far so good. I don’t see anything going wrong because we don’t have arguments. But IF anything will fail - we will discuss it before major desicion will be made. Nobody can predict anything. People get married and divorcing all the time so I guess we will have to try. No guarantees. Thanks for your message. Seems like you understand.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2019 7:26:38 GMT -5
What makes you think he wants more? This is why you need a lawyer. The divorce should state how much equity he gets and when. He probably just would like his 55K now and have it all done and over with and if he got a lawyer it would probably be pretty easy for him to force the sale. I mean, wouldn't you just like the cash and be done? You don't need to care about the school district, your daughter is grown up now. You don't even have to stay in the area, you could move somewhere cheaper. It's not like CNA jobs aren't everywhere. Why would I move anywhere cheaper? It’s not just a house! It’s a place where my child’s friends and everything she loves. There is nothing cheaper. I keep saying that 2nr appt is same price that my mortgage. Unless I move into a project area. And it’s no way! This house is my life! I am not moving! I am keeping it. It’s lofe and death situation almost! I thought your daughter was grown and gone?
When I said cheaper, I meant completely out of the city and into a lower cost of living area. Start over with your equity check somewhere else. CNA jobs are everywhere. Even if you can afford the house payment what are you going to do if the furnace breaks down or the roof needs replacing. From the sounds of your earlier post about trying to get a loan to go on vacation you have zero cash saved and horrible credit. Seriously, what would you do if you needed 5K for an emergency house repair?
As someone who was in your shoes and kept the house "come hell or high water" I think you're making a big mistake, but sounds like there's no talking you out of it.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Mar 19, 2019 7:36:33 GMT -5
Our 'hood had a huge laugh several years ago when a neighbor got divorced (dna showed last baby wasn't DH's) and immediately listed the house for sale. In less than 24 hours the for-sale sign was down b/c ex-DH has equity until she buys him out. She's still living in the 'hood, baby daddy is long gone, etc. It’s retarded! Can’t equity be held for DH at the time of sale? Probably, but you have to AGREE to do that. This divorce is an agreement between the 2 of you...it's not going to magically happen.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 19, 2019 7:49:43 GMT -5
swamp - How does it work when people just submit the online forms and don't go through an attorney? Do they go before a judge and the judge requests clarification for things that are just hanging out there...like how the equity is going to be paid out? I can't imagine that all not being spelled out, but I suppose it happens if neither party cares enough to have it be put in writing. Good question. I think it depends on the judge. But, if H's name is still on the title and the mortgage, he's liable for the mortgage too, and when the house is sold, he has to sign off too. This issue really should be addressed now.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Mar 19, 2019 7:55:27 GMT -5
swamp - How does it work when people just submit the online forms and don't go through an attorney? Do they go before a judge and the judge requests clarification for things that are just hanging out there...like how the equity is going to be paid out? I can't imagine that all not being spelled out, but I suppose it happens if neither party cares enough to have it be put in writing. Good question. I think it depends on the judge. But, if H's name is still on the title and the mortgage, he's liable for the mortgage too, and when the house is sold, he has to sign off too. This issue really should be addressed now. He's liable for the mortgage...but it's clear who is going to pay the mortgage since only one of them probably cares about not falling into foreclosure. And then everything gets even more complicated "morally" when there's now a renter taking his place if her bf moves in which she sees as to her credit, but he (and his lawyer) may see that it's basically his replacement. I can only speak for my own state...but when watching my brother go through the simple "do it yourself" divorce, the court only looked at things my brother and his ex said they wanted looked at. If they didn't mention the house, the divorce decree wouldn't deal with the house and they'd just go on doing whatever they were doing. Eventually, they did get a lawyer to help them get their agreement in writing that was legally clear (mostly about the house). If I had to guess...I'd guess that tloony's agreement is basically silent on ownership of the house and the mortgage. Which means they're both going to own it, and they're both going to be on the mortgage, and this is going to become REAL bad REAL quick. There's literally no better time to figure this stuff out than right now before it's all final.
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tloony
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Post by tloony on Mar 19, 2019 8:16:26 GMT -5
Why would I move anywhere cheaper? It’s not just a house! It’s a place where my child’s friends and everything she loves. There is nothing cheaper. I keep saying that 2nr appt is same price that my mortgage. Unless I move into a project area. And it’s no way! This house is my life! I am not moving! I am keeping it. It’s lofe and death situation almost! I thought your daughter was grown and gone?
When I said cheaper, I meant completely out of the city and into a lower cost of living area. Start over with your equity check somewhere else. CNA jobs are everywhere. Even if you can afford the house payment what are you going to do if the furnace breaks down or the roof needs replacing. From the sounds of your earlier post about trying to get a loan to go on vacation you have zero cash saved and horrible credit. Seriously, what would you do if you needed 5K for an emergency house repair?
As someone who was in your shoes and kept the house "come hell or high water" I think you're making a big mistake, but sounds like there's no talking you out of it.
My daughter IS grown up and on her own. Appliances are new, roof is going to be replaced in a few weeks. There is an application for home repairs that can be done if nessesary. And I am not moving. Thanks but it’s impossible.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Mar 19, 2019 8:26:54 GMT -5
I thought your daughter was grown and gone?
When I said cheaper, I meant completely out of the city and into a lower cost of living area. Start over with your equity check somewhere else. CNA jobs are everywhere. Even if you can afford the house payment what are you going to do if the furnace breaks down or the roof needs replacing. From the sounds of your earlier post about trying to get a loan to go on vacation you have zero cash saved and horrible credit. Seriously, what would you do if you needed 5K for an emergency house repair?
As someone who was in your shoes and kept the house "come hell or high water" I think you're making a big mistake, but sounds like there's no talking you out of it.
My daughter IS grown up and on her own. Appliances are new, roof is going to be replaced in a few weeks. There is an application for home repairs that can be done if nessesary. And I am not moving. Thanks but it’s impossible.Let's be clear. It's not impossible, you just don't want to do it. It's also probably not under your control...since it sounds like you can't afford to refinance the house under your name to give him his equity, your husband could probably make decisions which would force you to sell it and move if he wanted to. If he's on some message board like this somewhere, people are probably telling him "force a sale of the house and get your equity now".
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2019 8:47:31 GMT -5
I thought your daughter was grown and gone?
When I said cheaper, I meant completely out of the city and into a lower cost of living area. Start over with your equity check somewhere else. CNA jobs are everywhere. Even if you can afford the house payment what are you going to do if the furnace breaks down or the roof needs replacing. From the sounds of your earlier post about trying to get a loan to go on vacation you have zero cash saved and horrible credit. Seriously, what would you do if you needed 5K for an emergency house repair?
As someone who was in your shoes and kept the house "come hell or high water" I think you're making a big mistake, but sounds like there's no talking you out of it.
My daughter IS grown up and on her own. Appliances are new, roof is going to be replaced in a few weeks. There is an application for home repairs that can be done if nessesary. And I am not moving. Thanks but it’s impossible. Application for home repairs? Somebody hook me up with that! Are you talking about some kind of help in your city for those in poverty? That's your plan? Wouldn't you rather NOT be dirt poor?
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tloony
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Post by tloony on Mar 19, 2019 8:53:30 GMT -5
My daughter IS grown up and on her own. Appliances are new, roof is going to be replaced in a few weeks. There is an application for home repairs that can be done if nessesary. And I am not moving. Thanks but it’s impossible. Application for home repairs? Somebody hook me up with that! Are you talking about some kind of help in your city for those in poverty? That's your plan? Wouldn't you rather NOT be dirt poor?
I posted tread anoutnit. My township has this program which does repairs and you pay when House is sold. Also Habitat for Humanity has program that is in PA gives you $15k for home improvement and you have to pay 2% - 5% depends on income. I have an app I haven’t lookedbit yet.
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tloony
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Post by tloony on Mar 19, 2019 8:54:15 GMT -5
My daughter IS grown up and on her own. Appliances are new, roof is going to be replaced in a few weeks. There is an application for home repairs that can be done if nessesary. And I am not moving. Thanks but it’s impossible.Let's be clear. It's not impossible, you just don't want to do it. It's also probably not under your control...since it sounds like you can't afford to refinance the house under your name to give him his equity, your husband could probably make decisions which would force you to sell it and move if he wanted to. If he's on some message board like this somewhere, people are probably telling him "force a sale of the house and get your equity now". I DONT want to do it!
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2019 9:03:31 GMT -5
Application for home repairs? Somebody hook me up with that! Are you talking about some kind of help in your city for those in poverty? That's your plan? Wouldn't you rather NOT be dirt poor?
I posted tread anoutnit. My township has this program which does repairs and you pay when House is sold. Also Habitat for Humanity has program that is in PA gives you $15k for home improvement and you have to pay 2% - 5% depends on income. I have an app I haven’t lookedbit yet. I just looked it up. For a family of 1, you can't make more than $31,920/year, have to have satisfactory credit and all your debts can't equal more than 41% of your monthly income.
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tloony
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Post by tloony on Mar 19, 2019 9:04:50 GMT -5
My daughter IS grown up and on her own. Appliances are new, roof is going to be replaced in a few weeks. There is an application for home repairs that can be done if nessesary. And I am not moving. Thanks but it’s impossible.Let's be clear. It's not impossible, you just don't want to do it. It's also probably not under your control...since it sounds like you can't afford to refinance the house under your name to give him his equity, your husband could probably make decisions which would force you to sell it and move if he wanted to. If he's on some message board like this somewhere, people are probably telling him "force a sale of the house and get your equity now". Why would I refinance 2% mortgage? And NO! If my husband was capable of ANY decision making I wouldn’t be divorcing him and NO he doesn’t have people telling him nothing because he is too lazy to communicate with people. I am seriously having a problem with NOT taking advantage of him! Example. We were renting out a room for years! He was so not involved in shit that He told me this morning that I need to get at least 2 month in advance...I look at him and said...I...KNOW...and he was like oh! Last crack up! Just called me to ask what are those things in McD that I am buying which are breakfast burritos...and I had to text it to him. Also he wants his life insurance papers. He will have to find them himself! It’s right under his nose. Been there for ages! So you think someone will tell him ANYTHING? Really? I can NOW made up a document for him to sell his organs to third world countries and he will sign it. Because it’s easier than to read what is that he is signing. Oy vey people...lmao He is lucky I am not totally evil bitch!
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tloony
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Post by tloony on Mar 19, 2019 9:07:29 GMT -5
I posted tread anoutnit. My township has this program which does repairs and you pay when House is sold. Also Habitat for Humanity has program that is in PA gives you $15k for home improvement and you have to pay 2% - 5% depends on income. I have an app I haven’t lookedbit yet. I just looked it up. For a family of 1, you can't make more than $31,920/year, have to have satisfactory credit and all your debts can't equal more than 41% of your monthly income.
So it sucks to be rich? Lol Well try your township. There is no application. Just giving your name and put in a list.
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hoops902
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Post by hoops902 on Mar 19, 2019 9:10:51 GMT -5
Let's be clear. It's not impossible, you just don't want to do it. It's also probably not under your control...since it sounds like you can't afford to refinance the house under your name to give him his equity, your husband could probably make decisions which would force you to sell it and move if he wanted to. If he's on some message board like this somewhere, people are probably telling him "force a sale of the house and get your equity now". Why would I refinance 2% mortgage? And NO! If my husband was capable of ANY decision making I wouldn’t be divorcing him and NO he doesn’t have people telling him nothing because he is too lazy to communicate with people. I am seriously having a problem with NOT taking advantage of him! Example. We were renting out a room for years! He was so not involved in shit that He told me this morning that I need to get at least 2 month in advance...I look at him and said...I...KNOW...and he was like oh! Last crack up! Just called me to ask what are those things in McD that I am buying which are breakfast burritos...and I had to text it to him. Also he wants his life insurance papers. He will have to find them himself! It’s right under his nose. Been there for ages! So you think someone will tell him ANYTHING? Really? I can NOW made up a document for him to sell his organs to third world countries and he will sign it. Because it’s easier than to read what is that he is signing. Oy vey people...lmao He is lucky I am not totally evil bitch! He's clearly capable of some decision-making, because he decided to move out You might not want to refinance a 2% mortgage...the point is that 1 of 2 things seems likely to happen here: 1. You go on with his name on the title and mortgage, and he gets 50% when you sell it later which is not what you want. 2. You guys figure this out now, which is more likely to end up with you being forced to sell or refinance the house. Do I think "someone" will tell him "anything"? All it takes is anyone he knows saying "see a lawyer", and then yes. Ultimately, what you're asking us here is "what did I agree to" without telling us what you agreed to. There are upsides and downsides to dealing with all of this now during the divorce as opposed to just doing nothing and letting things roll on down the road. The upside to letting it roll on down the road is that it's less likely you'll have to refinance or sell it right now...but the downside is that he's probably going to get more equity when you sell the house even for mortgage payments made by you.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2019 9:14:44 GMT -5
I just looked it up. For a family of 1, you can't make more than $31,920/year, have to have satisfactory credit and all your debts can't equal more than 41% of your monthly income.
So it sucks to be rich? Lol Well try your township. There is no application. Just giving your name and put in a list. I am 100% certain I would not qualify for house repair assistance. But, I don't consider that a bad thing.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2019 9:17:30 GMT -5
Let's be clear. It's not impossible, you just don't want to do it. It's also probably not under your control...since it sounds like you can't afford to refinance the house under your name to give him his equity, your husband could probably make decisions which would force you to sell it and move if he wanted to. If he's on some message board like this somewhere, people are probably telling him "force a sale of the house and get your equity now". Why would I refinance 2% mortgage? And NO! If my husband was capable of ANY decision making I wouldn’t be divorcing him and NO he doesn’t have people telling him nothing because he is too lazy to communicate with people. I am seriously having a problem with NOT taking advantage of him! Example. We were renting out a room for years! He was so not involved in shit that He told me this morning that I need to get at least 2 month in advance...I look at him and said...I...KNOW...and he was like oh! Last crack up! Just called me to ask what are those things in McD that I am buying which are breakfast burritos...and I had to text it to him. Also he wants his life insurance papers. He will have to find them himself! It’s right under his nose. Been there for ages! So you think someone will tell him ANYTHING? Really? I can NOW made up a document for him to sell his organs to third world countries and he will sign it. Because it’s easier than to read what is that he is signing. Oy vey people...lmao He is lucky I am not totally evil bitch! He's moving out on just an SSDI check (which you say is impossible) and refusing to help you with the mortgage anymore. Sounds like he's not quite the lazy pushover that you make him out to be.
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geenamercile
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:40:28 GMT -5
Posts: 2,494
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Post by geenamercile on Mar 19, 2019 9:28:55 GMT -5
If he moves out on just the SSDI check, and goes for state assistance they may be able to go after the profit from the house too.
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