Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 8, 2019 6:15:57 GMT -5
This assumes so much. My choices and wants have nothing to do with whether or not I think good men are out there.
I don't think that it's a shame that I can play particular pieces of music in an orchestral setting and have it be better than toe-curling nookie. Playing an instrument in a group, no matter what the size...requires trust, risk, vulnerability, communication, bonding, etc. And that's enough for me..to get those needs met playing in a group vs. being in a relationship with someone. I'm nurturing 5 nuclear relationships now. I'm looking to downsize, eventually, not be able need two hands to count my significant relationships.
If you think playing music is better than sex, you have been having some pretty shitty sex! Honestly, I thought she was talking about having mind-blowing sex until she started talking about the group thing. Then my middle-aged middle-class mind said, "Nah, that can't be it." ETA: I need new glasses. I read "nookie" as "rookie." Add middle-aged eyes to the list. Lol.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Mar 8, 2019 8:05:02 GMT -5
In any thread like this there are always at least several women who say that they either are not or will not ever try dating again. I think that is a shame. It may be true that there are not a lot of great men out there, but there are some. My GF was with her husband for decades before he died and she grieved for over two years. She then put herself on several dating sites and went out with a number of men. Yes there were some "stories" but there were also some nice men that are now friends. Then she found me and we are very happy, going strong after ten months and looking forward to a long future. So take a chance, but have your eyes open. And your friends are counting on you for those stories! They need a laugh, so don't let them down! I think that depends on your personality, and what stage you're at in life.
For me, if my DH suddenly tossed me out, as a very introverted person who gets anxious around strangers and in crowds, dating would be a nightmare. Since I'm too old to consider having another child, and DS is too old to need a good male role model, and I'm self supporting with my own IRA so I wouldn't need someone reliable to share expenses with, I wouldn't feel a need to find another partner. However, at a younger age, or if I was an extraverted person who loved meeting new people (even if they're sometimes not Prince Charming) dating would be totally worth the effort.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Mar 8, 2019 9:11:38 GMT -5
Yes. Why would it not be? I do not think receiving a picture is sexual assault, regardless of who does the sending. It speaks to the mentality of the sender but I never felt assaulted. I laughed over a grown ass man being so pathetic but a picture does not violate me. Ok.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 8, 2019 9:14:22 GMT -5
I put my profile on Our Time. It didn't last long. I have no interest in a man who hunts, rides motorcycles, fishes, etc. Not my type at all. I saw a lot of that on OurTime. One profile read, in its entirety. "I like to ride my Harley". Another read, "I like outdoors, horseshoes and tractors". Motorcycles are very big in my neck of the woods; I joke that I'm now dating the 4th guy I met on Match.com because the previous 3 were all in love with their motorcycles. One rode his from Kansas City to Alaska. I got really annoyed at the number of guys my age (66) who were looking for women age 45-55. Unless you're gorgeous and loaded, good luck with that, Dude. A guy who included maybe one picture of himself and multiple pictures of his cars, motorcycles, dogs- dealbreaker. Same for a guy who's wearing athletic team logos in every picture. Fine for someone else but pro sports bore me. Happy to say that no one sent me a picture of his privates and no one asked for anything comparable from me. I do not think receiving a picture is sexual assault, regardless of who does the sending. It speaks to the mentality of the sender but I never felt assaulted. I laughed over a grown ass man being so pathetic but a picture does not violate me. I've got mixed feelings on this. Certainly nowhere as traumatic as a physical assault but you've been tricked into seeing something you REALLY didn't want to see. Some friends and I were "flashed" years ago in a college town; we realized just after we passed a guy on the sidewalk coming from the other direction that his fly had been open and he was "waving" at us. Funny and a bit pitiful? Yes. But it also felt like an invasion of privacy.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Mar 8, 2019 9:20:08 GMT -5
In this area that guys mostly had one picture of them and the rest were cars, motorcycles, hunting and their huge dogs.
I don't believe in killing for sport so I am not interested in a man who does such a thing.
I also don't care for big dogs.
However, I like sports and cats and my own company.
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justme
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Post by justme on Mar 8, 2019 9:57:57 GMT -5
Sent a text asking to move the date tonight to a restaurant instead of his place. I've only met him once for maybe an hour - I'd rather not have the second meeting at his place in a high rise building! Lets see what he says.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Mar 8, 2019 10:01:21 GMT -5
I put my profile on Our Time. It didn't last long. I have no interest in a man who hunts, rides motorcycles, fishes, etc. Not my type at all. I saw a lot of that on OurTime. One profile read, in its entirety. "I like to ride my Harley". Another read, "I like outdoors, horseshoes and tractors". Motorcycles are very big in my neck of the woods; I joke that I'm now dating the 4th guy I met on Match.com because the previous 3 were all in love with their motorcycles. One rode his from Kansas City to Alaska. I got really annoyed at the number of guys my age (66) who were looking for women age 45-55. Unless you're gorgeous and loaded, good luck with that, Dude. A guy who included maybe one picture of himself and multiple pictures of his cars, motorcycles, dogs- dealbreaker. Same for a guy who's wearing athletic team logos in every picture. Fine for someone else but pro sports bore me. Happy to say that no one sent me a picture of his privates and no one asked for anything comparable from me. As for the motorcycles with the older men, I'm wondering if that is because they are now free of a sensible woman who didn't want them to have motorcycles? My ex always wanted a motorcycle but I had a 23 year old cousin who was killed in a very violent motorcycle crash. I am truly petrified of them so a motorcycle was a deal breaker for me. Of course, I was secretly hoping he got one after the divorce... My current BF had a motorcycle when we met but he no longer rides it. He got it when he turned 40 and was luckily over it by the time we met 7 years later. So it wasn't a big deal to him when I told him I don't get involved with men who ride motorcycles. And yes, I was 44 when I tried on-line dating and on top of the regular creeps, I had a lot of guys in their 60s messaging me. Um...no!
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 8, 2019 11:13:28 GMT -5
I'd be psyched if a guy has a picture of him and his big dog. A real dog, not a picture of his willy that he calls a dog. I love big dogs.
I am so glad I'm not out in the dating pool. It sounds like a huge hassle. I'm fine with motorcycles, trucks, hunting, sports, fishing, just as long as he's not a freak about them.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Mar 8, 2019 11:49:19 GMT -5
Right. I love motorcycles. I don't think that makes me not sensible. I also love big dogs. I would gladly date a guy who had both. I don't hunt, but I would date a guy who did. Just as long as he didn't try to make me go with him.
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happyhoix
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Post by happyhoix on Mar 8, 2019 12:44:28 GMT -5
Right. I love motorcycles. I don't think that makes me not sensible. I also love big dogs. I would gladly date a guy who had both. I don't hunt, but I would date a guy who did. Just as long as he didn't try to make me go with him. DH and I have that kind of agreement about baseball. I think baseball is 2 minutes of activity crammed into 3 hours.
I'll go to some minor league games with him 1) if it isn't too hot yet, 2) if I'm not obligated to actually pay attention the whole time (he has to promise to catch any fly balls headed towards my head, because I probably won't notice) and 3) I get beer(s) and a brat. And maybe soft serve if it's kind of hot.
Compromise is what makes or breaks marriages
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Mar 8, 2019 13:03:44 GMT -5
Well, I don't want to ever be married, so I'll take your word for it.
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justme
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Post by justme on Mar 8, 2019 19:45:52 GMT -5
Forgot to update! He was ok with it, walking to meet at the restaurant (we both live in the walking downrown area).
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 8, 2019 20:01:15 GMT -5
I watched a couple at lunch today. She was young and attractive. He was neither. Plus, he never shut up about himself. So she's trying to eat while he's got himself a captive audience. A good man would ask her about herself not go on and on, all about him. I felt sorry for her. I'm assuming he had money by the place he took her for lunch but what a price to pay for a free meal. It's not easier for younger attractive woman either.
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CCL
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Post by CCL on Mar 8, 2019 23:28:17 GMT -5
She must have had some interest in the guy or she wouldn't have gone to eat with him. Some of those old guys think they are a real catch.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Mar 8, 2019 23:34:47 GMT -5
I watched a couple at lunch today. She was young and attractive. He was neither. Plus, he never shut up about himself. So she's trying to eat while he's got himself a captive audience. A good man would ask her about herself not go on and on, all about him. I felt sorry for her. I'm assuming he had money by the place he took her for lunch but what a price to pay for a free meal. It's not easier for younger attractive woman either. She wasn't forced to be there at gunpoint.
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Apple
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Post by Apple on Mar 9, 2019 0:30:07 GMT -5
I never dated all that much, but posting in single solidarity and wishing you luck! I'll post a few stories later, when I'm not so tired.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2019 8:20:48 GMT -5
Right. I love motorcycles. I don't think that makes me not sensible. I also love big dogs. I would gladly date a guy who had both. I don't hunt, but I would date a guy who did. Just as long as he didn't try to make me go with him. I believe that in healthy relationships a couple SHOULD have some separate interests. I hope I didn't give you the impression that I thought motorcycles or anything else weren't "sensible". Just not my thing. I suspect women who are enthusiastic about motorcycles and pro sports are very popular. I watched a couple at lunch today. She was young and attractive. He was neither. Plus, he never shut up about himself. So she's trying to eat while he's got himself a captive audience. A good man would ask her about herself not go on and on, all about him. I felt sorry for her. I'm assuming he had money by the place he took her for lunch but what a price to pay for a free meal. It's not easier for younger attractive woman either. Yeah, I've wondered if maybe I'm better off avoiding the guys who are looking for significantly-younger arm candy. I'm very disciplined about diet and exercise and I clean up nice, but most of the time I dress pretty casually and I don't own makeup. Coloring my grey hair is too much trouble and expense. I like to think that those of us who aren't all that gorgeous make up for it by being kind, good conversationalists and great kissers. Certainly true of me and the guy I'm dating now!
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Mar 9, 2019 8:39:48 GMT -5
Right. I love motorcycles. I don't think that makes me not sensible. I also love big dogs. I would gladly date a guy who had both. I don't hunt, but I would date a guy who did. Just as long as he didn't try to make me go with him. I believe that in healthy relationships a couple SHOULD have some separate interests. I hope I didn't give you the impression that I thought motorcycles or anything else weren't "sensible". Just not my thing. I suspect women who are enthusiastic about motorcycles and pro sports are very popular. I watched a couple at lunch today. She was young and attractive. He was neither. Plus, he never shut up about himself. So she's trying to eat while he's got himself a captive audience. A good man would ask her about herself not go on and on, all about him. I felt sorry for her. I'm assuming he had money by the place he took her for lunch but what a price to pay for a free meal. It's not easier for younger attractive woman either. Yeah, I've wondered if maybe I'm better off avoiding the guys who are looking for significantly-younger arm candy. I'm very disciplined about diet and exercise and I clean up nice, but most of the time I dress pretty casually and I don't own makeup. Coloring my grey hair is too much trouble and expense. I like to think that those of us who aren't all that gorgeous make up for it by being kind, good conversationalists and great kissers. Certainly true of me and the guy I'm dating now! You didn't. Another poster stated that men with motorcycles didn't have sensible women to stop them and that they didn't date men that rode motorcycles.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Mar 9, 2019 9:29:09 GMT -5
I wouldn’t have an issue dating someone who hunted (ONLY IF they eat everything they kill) or rode motorcycles either, as long as they knew I wouldn’t be joining them. Unless these hobbies are where they spend a vast majority of their time and money - that wouldn’t work for me. Also workaholics - I lost count of how many profiles I’ve seen of men who work 60-70 hour weeks or work 7 days a week. Why are you trying to date? You clearly don’t have the time or money!
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Mar 9, 2019 9:35:03 GMT -5
Also, what’s with men in their 30s acting like I should drop my panties for them because they have a job, car, and place to live? Like, congrats on being a responsible adult... what else do you have to offer?
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Mar 9, 2019 10:40:15 GMT -5
Also, what’s with men in their 30s acting like I should drop my panties for them because they have a job, car, and place to live? Like, congrats on being a responsible adult... what else do you have to offer? Not much. Which is why they are talking about those things like they are god’s gift!
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justme
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Post by justme on Mar 9, 2019 11:06:27 GMT -5
So in case anyone's wondering. The date was good. He wanted to leave at like midnight, but also was either wanting to go to my place or his. I wouldn't have minded to continue to hang out but I was quite positive he wanted more so I made excuses since I'm dog sitting.
Friend said don't let her dog cockblock me, but I told her I was using her to cockblock him as I wasn't at that level.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Mar 9, 2019 11:27:43 GMT -5
So in case anyone's wondering. The date was good. He wanted to leave at like midnight, but also was either wanting to go to my place or his. I wouldn't have minded to continue to hang out but I was quite positive he wanted more so I made excuses since I'm dog sitting. Friend said don't let her dog cockblock me, but I told her I was using her to cockblock him as I wasn't at that level. Hopefully you hear from him again. Something similar happened to me and I never heard from him after that second date. A lot of these dudes are looking for something quick and easy, as I’m sure you know.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Mar 9, 2019 11:38:37 GMT -5
My friend had that happen. She went out on a date and the guy expected sex on the second. When she wasn't down with it she didn't hear from him again. WTF?!
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Mar 9, 2019 11:40:30 GMT -5
My friend had that happen. She went out on a date and the guy expected sex on the second. When she wasn't down with it she didn't hear from him again. WTF?! I thought the 3rd date was the unspoken expectation... when did it move up to date #2? And if we meet for coffee for like an hour on our first time hanging out, that doesn’t count as a date. You then taking me out for dinner/movie/etc. is Date #1.
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justme
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Post by justme on Mar 9, 2019 11:50:27 GMT -5
We'll see if I hear from him again. I was getting a little annoyed when I was like look my friends dog doesn't like strangers (she doesn't, but she also just runs and hides or tries to burrow into me or her mom) and he said like 3 times comeon dogs like me let's just see.
There's not this big I have to see you again on my side. He was talking like it was on his side, but he also wasn't messaging me much beyond trying to set up our next time to hang out.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Mar 9, 2019 11:58:50 GMT -5
We'll see if I hear from him again. I was getting a little annoyed when I was like look my friends dog doesn't like strangers (she doesn't, but she also just runs and hides or tries to burrow into me or her mom) and he said like 3 times comeon dogs like me let's just see. There's not this big I have to see you again on my side. He was talking like it was on his side, but he also wasn't messaging me much beyond trying to set up our next time to hang out. Doesn’t sound like you’d me missing much if he did disappear. I definitely miss sex but I’m not doing it with anyone before I feel like it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2019 13:18:16 GMT -5
And if we meet for coffee for like an hour on our first time hanging out, that doesn’t count as a date. You then taking me out for dinner/movie/etc. is Date #1. One woman who posted on another board said she preferred to have sex on the first date so she'd know if the guy was worth dating! Not my style. I WAS, however, the one who initiated the conversation with the guy I'm now seeing; on our 3rd date when we were just hanging at Starbucks, I mentioned the 3rd-date expectation, noted that it didn't appear to be going in that direction on this date, and asked him where he was on the spectrum between "not on the 3rd date" and "that part of my life is over" (which is true for some men in my age group). He was a bit surprised but happy at the question; I was happy with his answer! This was just before he went in for knee replacement surgery so he had to recover from that first, but it was good to take our time and get to know each other.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Mar 9, 2019 13:28:59 GMT -5
I’m not going to wait ages if I really feel the chemistry, but there has only been once or twice where I felt it enough to act before the 3rd date.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Mar 9, 2019 14:48:32 GMT -5
We'll see if I hear from him again. I was getting a little annoyed when I was like look my friends dog doesn't like strangers (she doesn't, but she also just runs and hides or tries to burrow into me or her mom) and he said like 3 times comeon dogs like me let's just see. There's not this big I have to see you again on my side. He was talking like it was on his side, but he also wasn't messaging me much beyond trying to set up our next time to hang out. Yeah, he was pushing your boundaries to try to get you to do something you didn't want to. Of course you were annoyed. I'd say to keep an eye on that.
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