Getting my stuff together

[Works4me]

Can you reset your phone and everything else? I'm not paranoid but it does sound like he is intercepting your messages.

[tcu2003]

Nov 22, 2018 12:51:02 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Nov 22, 2018 12:16:32 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Based on the calculators, now that he makes almost as much as I do there wont be much CS. I think $600/m because of daycare only. And I carry them on my insurance - I am happy to let him carry them if he wants to step up to do that.

(I get that everyone's definitions are different - the $600/m basically pays half of daycare and that's it.)

2 other things I need to get out:

1) he took my phone and signed into his Google account on it, backed up something to his Google drive, and fucked up all my stuff. I've removed that account from my phone and changed my PIN, but now my things are acting funny. Especially snapchat. I've been using that to talk with my sister and a good friend about this divorce stuff, and to talk to work guy (I know what you all had to say there...its all PG. He's just nice and I enjoy having someone be nice to me and sending silly memes to make me laugh). Now I keep getting notifications that someone is sending me a message but nothing comes through. Ughghg.

2) not sure what else has gotten into H, but he cleaned the bathroom today and did the laundry, all without me asking. This has NEVER happened! And he is being somewhat pleasant. It's kind of freaking me out.

I would keep them on your insurance. It isn't always a ton lower but you'll save when you go down to employee + kids.

This is because you're husband has bragged about declining benefits so he can be loosey goosey with his hours.

No way would I ever trust him to insure the kids.

Ditto. Plus you’ll always have the insurance card when needed. My my BIL and SIL split up, the kids were/are on my BIL’s insurance, and he refused to give a copy of the insurance cards to ex-SIL just because it was a power play. She eventually got copies, but not without a ton of hassle, missed doctor’s appointments, etc.

[cktc]

Send your sister something about how sweet your dh is being and if he washed your car, or something out of the ordinary and specific, you'd jump his bones. Should give you an idea if he is screening your texts.

[Sam_2.0]

Documenting this event.

At ILs, J found an old star wars toy that was H's. J was so excited, and H said he would keep it. He brought it home.

Got home from ILs and laid the baby down, then laid down for a quick nap. A was downstairs. J was in our room watching a show. He kept whispering and talking, so I told him to go downstairs with A. I fell asleep. A and J downstairs, started fighting. DH starts hissing at them to be quiet. They kept going, so he got up and yelled down the stairs. That worked for a min, but they started in again. He woke up in a rage, went downstairs, screamed at them. He took the new toy from J and broke it into pieces in front of him in order to punish him, which made J cry hysterically. A tried to step in and H told her to shut up or else her toys would be next. I woke up in that weird half-asleep paralyzed state and couldn't move for several minutes while this was going on. As soon as I got up, I headed downstairs to console the kids. H headed back upstairs. I tried to retrieve the toy from the trash, but H had taken it out to the garbage. I picked through and got 2 pieces.

Came back in, got the kids shoes on and quickly grabbed what we needed for my sisters. I ran upstairs to get the baby and told H we were going without him. I said what he had done to the children was unbelievably cruel and I did not want him to come. He started ranting about how I always treat him like shit and I yell at the kids too and I am the biggest hypocrite. I moved around him and got in the car and we left.

I made a video on the way to sister's house of the kids telling me what happened and how it made them feel. Emailed it to my work.

I am shaking and fuming. Aly is terrified that H will break her toys while we are gone. Both kids called H "scary" and "mean."

[WholeLottaNothin]

Jesus christ, Sam. I'm sorry.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Fuck. I'm sorry Sam. That'd just wrong
And good on you for calling him put on it an going without him.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I'm sorry Sam.   I know you wanted to make it thru the holidays but I am not so sure anymore about waiting.  Either he's figured it out or he's having an episode or both.  I encourage you to stay at your sisters for awhile if you can.   In this instance I encourage you to go ahead and charge for anything you might need rather than go back to the house for the time being.   And put in an emergency call to your therapist.

[ners]

So sorry Sam.  

[TheOtherMe]

I'm so sorry.  The kids are scared and with good reason.  

If you can stay at your sister's house, please do, for the sake of your kids and you.

  

[swasat]

I am pretty sure he knows Sam is up to something. Or he is planning his own departure seriously and is deep into it.

This lashing out is his way of “not feeling guilty”, because he is not the bad guy....kids and Sam “make him lose control and angry”.

Sam, please be safe.

[alabamagal]

Sam, so sorry things are going bad for you. What he did to the kids is terribly cruel, and I would not even trust him to be alone with them. Is there any way you can get him out of the house. Your kids would probably be best to be there.

[wvugurl26]

I'm sorry he's being so awful. Take care of yourself and the kids. All of you deserve so much better than this.

[zibazinski]

He can’t enter the sisters house. He can enter his own. I wish she’d gotten those emergency bags to her sisters before this happened

[zibazinski]

You can enter your house and get stuff with a police escort if you feel threatened.

[chiver78]

oh man....that's awful. I am so sorry, Sam. please listen to your gut and be safe. crash with your sister tonight and claim exhaustion/kids were all asleep and you didn't want to move them, when you go home tomorrow.

[crazycat]

That’s terrible . Does he have anger issues ? He sounds like he is tightly wound .  Has he ever hit you or the kids ? Stay at your sisters , if you can . 

Please stay safe and make sure your kids are okay and know his behavior is not their fault . 

[empress of self-improvement]

I'm sorry Sam. Stay safe and take that little pitbull we call andi9899 with you when you go back to the house. She'll work him over!

[tcu2003]

Sam, I am so sorry. Please stay safe. You and your kiddos are always welcome to crash at my house if needed, though I know I’m a bit of a haul from you.

[Sam_2.0]

Got home late last night and he was asleep. Got the kids to bed. He had written apology notes to them and had gotten J a new toy, plus ordered a replacement for the broken one.

Kids are going to my mom's today, was planned anyway.

Hes had outbursts like this before. Theres a hole in the wall in the hallway from a time awhile back when he was angry. Hes never hit any of us, but I know that doesn't mean hes not capable. He wont spank the kids but says that it's all my fault that he cant, and that they would behave better if he did (but at least he doesnt???).

I know this cycle, and I know the sweet, apologizing phase hes in now. I also know I need to get more stuff lined up for my appt with the lawyer on Monday. He leaves for work first, so I will grab the box of important papers after hes gone and get copies of it all in the office.

He can be fucking crazy. I need to plan to be gone for awhile as soon as I file. I'll get an order of protection for the kids and I if we have to. There are a few places we can get out to where he wont know where we are or wont be able to get in.

If I was on the fence before, yesterday sealed it.

[chapeau]

Nov 23, 2018 9:29:33 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Got home late last night and he was asleep. Got the kids to bed. He had written apology notes to them and had gotten J a new toy, plus ordered a replacement for the broken one.

Kids are going to my mom's today, was planned anyway.

Hes had outbursts like this before. Theres a hole in the wall in the hallway from a time awhile back when he was angry. Hes never hit any of us, but I know that doesn't mean hes not capable. He wont spank the kids but says that it's all my fault that he cant, and that they would behave better if he did (but at least he doesnt).

I know this cycle, and I know the sweet, apologizing phase hes in now. I also know I need to get more stuff lined up for my appt with the lawyer on Monday. He leaves for work first, so I will grab the box of important papers after hes gone and get copies of it all in the office.

He can be fucking crazy. I need to plan to be gone for awhile as soon as I file. I'll get an order of protection for the kids and I if we have to. There are a few places we can get out to where he wont know where we are or wont be able to get in.

If I was on the fence before, yesterday sealed it.

I'm not liking this for obvious reasons, but I'm glad you're working on a plan. You and the kids are in my thoughts.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I'm glad you're safe. And planning.

I, personally, feel that punching holes in walls in domestic violence. It's a threat. "Look what I did. Imagine what or who I could hit next!"

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I would hope it does not come to that but I think you should call that domestic hotline that has posters all over doctor's offices and women's bathrooms and get the address of your local women's shelter in case you have to bolt in a hurry.    I know the Micah house here does not advertise it's address so it's a place where the spouse cannot follow unlike a relative's house.    Better safe than sorry.

[Pants]

Nov 23, 2018 9:29:33 GMT -5 Sam_2.0 said:

Got home late last night and he was asleep. Got the kids to bed. He had written apology notes to them and had gotten J a new toy, plus ordered a replacement for the broken one.

Kids are going to my mom's today, was planned anyway.

Hes had outbursts like this before. Theres a hole in the wall in the hallway from a time awhile back when he was angry. Hes never hit any of us, but I know that doesn't mean hes not capable. He wont spank the kids but says that it's all my fault that he cant, and that they would behave better if he did (but at least he doesnt???).

I know this cycle, and I know the sweet, apologizing phase hes in now. I also know I need to get more stuff lined up for my appt with the lawyer on Monday. He leaves for work first, so I will grab the box of important papers after hes gone and get copies of it all in the office.

He can be fucking crazy. I need to plan to be gone for awhile as soon as I file. I'll get an order of protection for the kids and I if we have to. There are a few places we can get out to where he wont know where we are or wont be able to get in.

If I was on the fence before, yesterday sealed it.

Sam - please talk to your lawyer about your safety concerns. S/he will advise you regarding the best ways to go about this.

Punching holes in walls is absolutely a precursor to physical abuse.

[zibazinski]

Rent a small storage unit and get some of your stuff and the kids stuff in it. Rent it in your sisters name if need be. Or now get some stuff to your sisters so you’re not caught with the clothes on your back. Stash some cash too and make sure he has no access to your credit cards or phone/computer. If he runs up bills on a joint card you’re on the hook regardless of court order.

[zibazinski]

You won’t be able to keep him from knowing where the kids are.

[NastyWoman]

Nov 23, 2018 9:40:54 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

I'm glad you're safe. And planning.

I, personally, feel that punching holes in walls in domestic violence. It's a threat. "Look what I did. Imagine what or who I could hit next!"

To me this says something even more about his "it's your fault I can't spank them". Quite aside from the should one spank or not debate. This shows that without this restraint put up by Sam_2.0 , he would not just spank but beat his kids up whenever he loses it. And that seems to be happening at an increasing rate.

Sam for what it is worth, if there is a first slap, grab the kids and run. Find a safe place now where you can hide. If you have nowhere else fly to California. It would be a tight squeeze in my 2BR CONDO, but I will put you up to keep you safe.

[TheHaitian]

OP, do you know if he is off his meds?

I know that in no way excuse his behaviors but you said you are familiar with this roller coaster : apologizing, being sweet, anger etc.

Those might warnings signs that his mood is not stable and either he is off his meds or his meds needs to be adjusted.

I don’t trust him to tell his doctor that, anyway you can reach out to his doctor?

[WholeLottaNothin]

I didn't think he took any meds

[TheHaitian]

Nov 23, 2018 15:22:05 GMT -5 WholeLottaNothin said:

I didn't think he took any meds

Does he battle with depression?

And he has crazy mood swings.

If he has not been seeing someone he needs to ASAP.

[gs11rmb]

I'm so sorry, Sam.  I'd keep those apology notes just in case you end up in court and he denies ever losing his temper with you or the children.

Good luck to you, please be safe.