Sharon
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Post by Sharon on Jul 5, 2022 15:49:06 GMT -5
Does that mean that the nursing home does have access to some of her money?
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Jul 5, 2022 15:51:19 GMT -5
Glad things are heading in the right direction. When you get a chance, pls fill in the gaps as to what changed.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jul 5, 2022 18:22:58 GMT -5
Please go through the attorney to get a will where grandma leaves something to the 3 you mentioned.
If she truly has enough money for 5 years of private pay, tell the attorney that. Please do what the attorney advises because there is a 5 year look back period.
I still think you keep on with your complaints about this nursing home. Other families need to know what is happening there.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 5, 2022 18:55:08 GMT -5
We can cover all that later. Right now I'm happy my dad didn't get charged with anything.
Then we need to get the stupid home paid so.this doesn't start over and I want a step by step walk through of my liability as POA.
As far as I know it's only financial. I told my dad I'm not comfortable being medical POA.
If they won't allow him I suppose it doesn't matter in the long run he's the only next of kin all final decisions lie with him regardless.
I need to get her to say she wants to move. Then hopefully my parents find a spot and we can move her.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jul 6, 2022 11:15:20 GMT -5
Whew! I’m glad that’s over. I wonder what kind of scam that nursing home is running, and how many people rolled over because they didn't have the $$ to pay a lawyer. I would also check to see if Medicaid has been filed on your grandma. You should be able to find this out.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 6, 2022 11:54:34 GMT -5
Whew! I’m glad that’s over. I wonder what kind of scam that nursing home is running, and how many people rolled over because they didn't have the $$ to pay a lawyer. I would also check to see if Medicaid has been filed on your grandma. You should be able to find this out. Can't unless she calls them. My mom tried saying she was thinking about applying but we were concerned someone may have already attempted to file for grandma. Is there a way to find out if there is an active application They said they can't talk to anyone except the applicant. I am not sure if my dad could with medical POA. Course we don't have that right now because they managed to get that yanked too for good measure. We talked about it last night and I said I am fine doing financial even though I don't want to. I refuse to do medical that is not a burden I am willing to take on for my grandmother. So he'll need to talk to the lawyer about drafting a new medical POA if he wants/needs that. Or he'll already be listed IDK. The lawyer is getting all that set up and is going to call me when it's time to sign. Suppose we should wait to see what he draws up. Or don't bother with it all. My dad is an only child so in the event she needs her plug pulled he's all there is anyhow. Not sure if it is worth going through all this a second time but that is his decision. We'll see if anything comes of my complaints. Writing our Congress person did nothing because they wrote back "it's a private business". Yay unfettered capitalism. This what your "no regulations!" gets you people. I can only imagine some of the horror stories that are going to start coming to light now that nursing homes are no longer quarantining.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jul 6, 2022 12:14:35 GMT -5
I had our local congressperson deal with a Medicare problem I had. If one congressperson doesn’t work, try another. I would also let them know that you suspect fraud. It’s one thing when a private business is trying to rip off a private person, it’s another when it’s the government. Granted, it was Medicare but I know UTHSCSA got hit with a tremendous fine for fraud while I was working there.
I wonder what would happen if you provided Medicaid an anonymous report of suspected fraud? I really think that this is what they were trying to do. By keeping your grandma wheelchair bound by hiding her shoes, they were helping her along.
What I might be inclined to do is to call Medicaid while you are with your grandma. You can put her on speaker phone to fulfill that requirement they speak with her. That might get you some answers.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jul 6, 2022 12:19:05 GMT -5
Whew! I’m glad that’s over. I wonder what kind of scam that nursing home is running, and how many people rolled over because they didn't have the $$ to pay a lawyer. I would also check to see if Medicaid has been filed on your grandma. You should be able to find this out. Can't unless she calls them. My mom tried saying she was thinking about applying but we were concerned someone may have already attempted to file for grandma. Is there a way to find out if there is an active application They said they can't talk to anyone except the applicant. I am not sure if my dad could with medical POA. Course we don't have that right now because they managed to get that yanked too for good measure. We talked about it last night and I said I am fine doing financial even though I don't want to. I refuse to do medical that is not a burden I am willing to take on for my grandmother. So he'll need to talk to the lawyer about drafting a new medical POA if he wants/needs that. Or he'll already be listed IDK. The lawyer is getting all that set up and is going to call me when it's time to sign. Suppose we should wait to see what he draws up. Or don't bother with it all. My dad is an only child so in the event she needs her plug pulled he's all there is anyhow. Not sure if it is worth going through all this a second time but that is his decision. We'll see if anything comes of my complaints. Writing our Congress person did nothing because they wrote back "it's a private business". Yay unfettered capitalism. This what your "no regulations!" gets you people. I can only imagine some of the horror stories that are going to start coming to light now that nursing homes are no longer quarantining. That accepts federal funds.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jul 6, 2022 15:08:32 GMT -5
Your representative is a younger version of Steve King and our Senators are not much better, so I wouldn't expect a lot of help from any of them.
I will say that Grassley's office helped a lot when DNIL was getting her green card and got caught up in ridiculous red tape. The case worked did speed things up as much as he could and she got back to the US several months earlier than if we had not contacted them. But that was a federal issue and she had gone to college on a US program to send Eastern Europeans to college. So lots of federal money happening.
I do think the nursing home is pulling a scam. They wanted to take control of her finances. For someone on private pay with family involved, they have no business paying her monthly bills. She isn't restricted as to what amount she can spend like a Medicaid patient. If she wants a magazine subscription, she can afford it. She wouldn't be able to do that with her paltry $50 per month on Medicaid.
Hospitals like to eat that up on their services--like buying things they need from the cart they have and having patients use their beauty shop. I know they bring in beauticians but I would bet they have to pay the nursing home to set up there.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jul 6, 2022 15:36:03 GMT -5
Is there some sort of national accreditation for nursing homes? I might try making waves there.
This was too well set up, they’ve done this before and there are too many people outside the nursing home involved. Did the nursing home pay off the detective, the social worker and the guy from DHS.
It has worked in the past, the only question is how frequently? Were you guys the first who pushed back?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 6, 2022 16:43:36 GMT -5
Ugh it has begun. The paperwork was filed for me to be financial POA. I just had to have a phone call with the nursing home social worker. She wants to know when I am taking grandma to the bank.
How about never?
As far as I know they can't remove my dad. He can sign the checks I just need to approve it and deliver them to the home. I left a message for the lawyer to call me back if they think I am going to walk in as the clueless naive granddaughter they think they can suck eggs.
They were telling me I need to arrange call between GU and my grandma. I said I can't I don't even know where GU is at the moment. I didn't tell grandma any of this because A) she won't remember and B) I felt I distressed her enough being honest about what was happening with dad. They insisted I needed to arrange it. I can't I don't have a phone number for him he's in the hospital waiting for placement in a damn home.
They want me to come in and meet with all of them to "get familiar with the place". How about I would rather eat glass and walk barefoot over hot coals than look any of you in the face? You can discuss it with me over the phone.
I told them I really can't be taking calls like this at work you need to call me after hours.
Dad said I'll probably have to get the lawyer to tell them not to call me 24/7.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jul 6, 2022 18:56:34 GMT -5
Why would you be taking grandma to the bank?
Why would you want to meet with these people?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 6, 2022 19:09:14 GMT -5
I don't want a call unless she needs urgent care requiring payment up front.
You get your check and shut up. You're being paid nine grand a month you solve your own shit. I'm paying you to take care of her.
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skeeter
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Post by skeeter on Jul 6, 2022 19:43:11 GMT -5
God, I really hope you/your family will be able to get your grandmother out of that disgusting place sometime soon!!
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Jul 6, 2022 19:59:41 GMT -5
I've been through a lot but none of that makes sense to me.
I hope you folks can get some of the money after 5 years, but I wouldn't plan on it at this point.
It's just going to go. She can't get on medicaid till her assets are spent down, so there will be nothing left if you are waiting on that. So wherever she is will just keep billing you and you pay out of pocket till she is deceased or all spent. Since you are patient pay, if she passes and never gets on medicaid, then you will get the remainder of her funds.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 6, 2022 20:18:25 GMT -5
We don't want her fucking money. We never expect to see a dime. I hope I have made that clear now.
We also know how Medicaid works. She won't qualify for at least 5 years currently. We're not idiots. We'd like to avoid it all together but at the rate this place charges probably not.
Everywhere else is 3-4k a month cheaper.
This is about advocating for my grandma and her wishes on our part. We're not signing over her account or going to give them control medically.
Eventually memory care will be needed but until then she deserves to be treated like a person not a cash cow for a retirement home.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Jul 7, 2022 8:22:52 GMT -5
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 7, 2022 8:35:38 GMT -5
I don't want to go. I want to be left alone and sleep. One good thing coming out is my dad discussed it with my mom and he's going to take his half of the sale of the house and put it into a trust for the kids. Then at least some of her money is protected and will go to what she actually wanted it to. All this could have been freaking avoided if she moved. She would still need memory care eventually but if she had moved close by we could have taken on most of her care ourselves with some part time day help when our schedules overlap and then probably nighttime care. Now it's too late for that. She's atrophied too much being in that home because they aren't doing PT like they should be with her because they don't want to deal with doing it properly for her cerebral palsy. She would need 24/7 care at home now and that's to the tune of $33/hr. Assuming we found someone who wouldn't rob her blind like they did my great uncle. I'm so mad about all this. Thinking I might need to take the EAP up on them finding a therapist for me to see.
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bookkeeper
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Post by bookkeeper on Jul 7, 2022 9:01:40 GMT -5
We lived in a small town in Nebraska with a nursing home and a Catholic hospital. A woman we know worked as an RN first in the nursing home and then at the hospital.
She was eventually fired after she was caught sharing private patient information she gleaned from the hospital and ferried to the nursing home administrator. She knew which patients would need skilled care, who had money, who was a medicare patient, who was likely to linger in the nursing home for a long time. This woman was obviously getting a kickback or a finder's fee of some sort.
So, yeah, I believe there are people in on it with the nursing home employees.
As my grandma would say looking across the street at the nursing home in her small town, "there's a lot of farms eaten up by that building". When there is that much money in play, there will be corruption.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 7, 2022 10:23:09 GMT -5
OMFG. I want to sink into a hole and die. Talking with the lawyer I got a more complete picture and I am so mad at my dad right now. I want to make it clear I don't think he was abusing my grandma but of all the boneheaded stupid shit. He didn't even stop to think that things couldn't operate like they did before she went into a nursing home. He is damn lucky they did drop the charges.
And now I feel like an ass for zooming to directly defending my parents. Don't get me wrong I don't think the nursing home people are saints but fuck me. I am still concerned but I don't think my complaints are going to go anywhere after the new information I received.
I think I need to call the EAP again. The information dies with me, DH doesn't need to know details.
I am so mad that once again I am having to fix my parents' mess. God damn it I was being gas lit but totally missed from where.
The lawyer said basically be transparent and don't be my dad. That's all I have to do.
I am going to delete some of my posts I'm so embarassed right now. Again I want to make it clear I don't think my dad actually did anything wrong this is just years of dysfunction between him, my grandma and great uncle that finally caught up with the three of them. Only now I'm being drug into fix it.
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seriousthistime
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Post by seriousthistime on Jul 7, 2022 10:44:30 GMT -5
Correct me if I'm wrong here, but the powers with the financial POA kick in when your grandma is no longer competent to make her own decisions. Is she at that point now, and has a doctor told you she can't make her own decisions or do you have other evidence of that? Memory care is in the future, but can you exercise those POA powers now?
I am not criticizing, just asking. I'm sure your lawyer is guiding you through this.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 7, 2022 10:54:01 GMT -5
Correct me if I'm wrong here, but the powers with the financial POA kick in when your grandma is no longer competent to make her own decisions. Is she at that point now, and has a doctor told you she can't make her own decisions or do you have other evidence of that? Memory care is in the future, but can you exercise those POA powers now? I am not criticizing, just asking. I'm sure your lawyer is guiding you through this. She's getting there. She hasn't been officially diagnosed but she can't remember the original POA now and I just talked to her about that a little over a week ago. So yes I will be exercising the financial POA.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Jul 7, 2022 11:08:42 GMT -5
OMFG. I want to sink into a hole and die. Talking with the lawyer I got a more complete picture and I am so mad at my dad right now. I want to make it clear I don't think he was abusing my grandma but of all the boneheaded stupid shit. He didn't even stop to think that things couldn't operate like they did before she went into a nursing home. He is damn lucky they did drop the charges. And now I feel like an ass for zooming to directly defending my parents. Don't get me wrong I don't think the nursing home people are saints but fuck me. I am still concerned but I don't think my complaints are going to go anywhere after the new information I received. I think I need to call the EAP again. The information dies with me, DH doesn't need to know details. I am so mad that once again I am having to fix my parents' mess. God damn it I was being gas lit but totally missed from where. The lawyer said basically be transparent and don't be my dad. That's all I have to do. I am going to delete some of my posts I'm so embarassed right now. Again I want to make it clear I don't think my dad actually did anything wrong this is just years of dysfunction between him, my grandma and great uncle that finally caught up with the three of them. Only now I'm being drug into fix it. I'll bite. What happened?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 7, 2022 12:14:46 GMT -5
OMFG. I want to sink into a hole and die. Talking with the lawyer I got a more complete picture and I am so mad at my dad right now. I want to make it clear I don't think he was abusing my grandma but of all the boneheaded stupid shit. He didn't even stop to think that things couldn't operate like they did before she went into a nursing home. He is damn lucky they did drop the charges. And now I feel like an ass for zooming to directly defending my parents. Don't get me wrong I don't think the nursing home people are saints but fuck me. I am still concerned but I don't think my complaints are going to go anywhere after the new information I received. I think I need to call the EAP again. The information dies with me, DH doesn't need to know details. I am so mad that once again I am having to fix my parents' mess. God damn it I was being gas lit but totally missed from where. The lawyer said basically be transparent and don't be my dad. That's all I have to do. I am going to delete some of my posts I'm so embarassed right now. Again I want to make it clear I don't think my dad actually did anything wrong this is just years of dysfunction between him, my grandma and great uncle that finally caught up with the three of them. Only now I'm being drug into fix it. I'll bite. What happened? My dad is just fucking stupid. The three of them have been codependent with each other their entire lives. The thing is though you can't do that when one of them goes in a dang nursing home. Nobody bothered to stop and think for five minutes or maybe ask a legal attorney about how this would look to outsiders. They just kept going exactly as they have always gone. And it finally blew up in their faces in a rather spectacular way. He and my GU are extremely lucky they decided not to prosecute. Again he didn't abuse my grandmother and wasn't taking advantage of her. This is how they have ALWAYS operated with each other. A nursing home though isn't going to see it that way they don't know you from Adam. The lawyer told me the same thing my dad wasn't doing anything bad he was an idiot. It's as the EAP person put it I am caught in a web of dysfunction that goes back generations. I still am concerned about them not being ADA compliant with my grandma's shoes and I am still very concerned they shoved that 8x10 paper under her nose without any witnesses present. If she can't remember the original POA anymore they have no business doing things the way they did it either. They still deserve to be slapped for both those. But they weren't entirely wrong either and my parents weren't entirely right. DH says I did nothing wrong I did what I thought was right in defense of my family. But I feel two inches tall at the moment and so taken by all parties involved my parents, my grandmother and the nursing home. They all play a role in how I am feeling right now. And yet again I get stuck holding the bag. I am starting to think my brother is actually the smart one. He's so irresponsible nobody thinks to ask him for help and he refuses if they do.
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CCL
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Post by CCL on Jul 7, 2022 12:37:13 GMT -5
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jul 7, 2022 13:38:07 GMT -5
I still don't understand what the nursing home's problem is, though.
She's self pay and has sufficient assets to pay for several years. She's getting medical care. The bill is getting paid. They don't have any business knowing your grandma's financial business if they are getting paid.
Unless your dad wasn't paying the bill and tried to apply for medicaid, then he's an idiot.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 7, 2022 13:39:18 GMT -5
The social worker "gets the sense I don't want to be POA". Gee you fucking think? Fortunately she contacted the lawyer and he smoothed it over for me.
Come on lady have some fucking compassion and understanding. I don't have any information for you because this all happened in the blink of a fucking eye. I only knew the day before the lawyer was going down there. You called me two hours after he left expecting me to answer 20 million questions.
Isn't it understandable I was squirrely after what just happened and I am overwhelmed? God I am going to have to tread so lightly so they don't try to yank it again. Here I thought I did well not losing my marbles and just politely informing her this is happening rather fast and I can't answer any questions today plus I'm at work so I can't be chatting on the phone with you.
That is a boundary I am going to have to draw and if it pisses her off oh well. I am responsible for signing her checks. . nothing else. The lawyer said that is as far as my obligation has to go when caring for my grandma and it's my right to tell them that.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jul 7, 2022 13:41:47 GMT -5
Nobody wants to be a POA, lol. You do it out of responsibility.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 7, 2022 13:46:06 GMT -5
I still don't understand what the nursing home's problem is, though. She's self pay and has sufficient assets to pay for several years. She's getting medical care. The bill is getting paid. They don't have any business knowing your grandma's financial business if they are getting paid. Unless your dad wasn't paying the bill and tried to apply for medicaid, then he's an idiot. No the goal is actually to avoid that as long as possible. The bill has been paid but it was paid late the first couple of times as my dad was racing around getting everything together. She had GU on everything and vice versa. It was interferring with him applying for Medicaid and then he's definitely not in any position to be a POA. He had to get GU declared incompetent legally so he could take GU's place. That took forever y ou can't just remove and add people as you please to this stuff. .. unless you are a nursing home apparently. Then all it takes is an 8x10 piece of printer paper and no witnesses. That started everything off on a bad foot. It made my parents look shady because why wasn't he named in the first place? Cause my grandma is a psycho control freak that's why not because she didn't trust my dad but they don't know that. My dad had no clue until this all happened she still had GU named on EVERYTHING. If she'd named grandpa it would have been easy, just some death certificates. Since GU is living that required a lot of transporting of stubborn old farts all over the Omaha/CB area. When you go into a nursing home they take full stock of your accounts so they know exactly how much money you have. Once you go into a home it automatically grants them the right to monitor your accounts for your protection. The fact that the bill got paid late by a couple months raised red flags. So they looked into it seeing that grandma has been helping bankroll GU's nursing care and she helped my dad. Then here comes my dad with the POA finally set up properly naming him as it should have been since he became an adult. At the very least since my grandfather died. The social worker reported my dad for financial abuse and started the whole thing rolling. The most recent help happened a month before he got approval for POA, that is the one that started the ball rolling because his name was on the damn check. Lawyer said that was mistake numero uno he shouldn't have done that when applying for POA. It's like my Code of Conduct says before you do anything ask yourself "How would outsiders interpret this" and if you come up with anything bad don't fucking do it. He do it instead.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Jul 7, 2022 14:23:19 GMT -5
Wow! They definitely do things differently in your state. I literally did not have to give the nursing home any of my Mom's financial information until she was 6 months away from spending the money she'd saved up. She passed before that happened, so she didn't need to apply for help through the state, or anything. However, I kept very careful records, as I was told to do. Keep every receipt. I set up a filing system for her stuff.
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