TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Apr 24, 2022 19:55:41 GMT -5
You are doing the things a loving granddaughter should be doing. I know you won't scam her and she knows that, too. I'm sorry it's so difficult. I know it's difficult.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Apr 24, 2022 20:54:22 GMT -5
What was the reason the scammers gave to get his money? Were they saying he would get anything for it?
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Apr 24, 2022 22:22:38 GMT -5
What was the reason the scammers gave to get his money? Were they saying he would get anything for it? They said they could sell his timeshares and he would get a lot of money like $100-200k. They are definitely not worth that. They claimed to need money up front for taxes and they had supposedly taken over the payments on the one timeshare. It is all a scam. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day. I have accomplished some things and going to the banks tomorrow will be a huge weight lifted.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Apr 24, 2022 23:38:35 GMT -5
That's a real shame. I wondered what in the world it could be. Poor man, they prey on the elderly.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Apr 25, 2022 5:04:59 GMT -5
wvugurl26, I hope all goes smoothly today. What you are doing is a huge gift for your grandmother.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Apr 25, 2022 8:42:10 GMT -5
I know it's hard. I know there is no bright spot to this, but at least your grandma is letting you help.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 25, 2022 9:34:18 GMT -5
The home aid company is stealing from my great uncle. It's either food as in $200 worth of groceries disappeared in 48 hours or cash.
My dad has most of it all locked up but there is petty cash in case GU needs anything and dad doesn't want him getting in the safe when the aids are around.
He is going to put up cameras. The company shrugs it off and says they fire the people but it keeps happening. GUs choices are limited because he's not actually incapable of caring for himself and he's on.Medicaid.
Then I'm surprised my dad didn't punch a nurse. Grandma had an appointment he showed up to pick her up nobody could find her or tell him where she was.
Figured out the home took her. Gets there and inquires how much longer because he has to open the business but wants to speak to her physician first.
Home nurse proceeds to lecture him about how important he be here for his poor defenseless mother and she should come above all else.
He told her get out of his face before he said something she wouldn't like.
It's a bit rich coming from a place that charges nine grand a month but can't give an old person a toothbrush.
My parents are getting the hint that be involved really means they expect you to foot the bill. They don't like my parents actually advocating and asking questions.
And it's the same everywhere. One place expects a deposit but refuses to allow toyrs cause COVID.
I wouldn't pay for daycare sight unseen I.sure ashram would do the same in regards to elder care.
What a racket. Yes I get it's a vital service but also like daycare the industry is preying on that with zero repercussions.
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seriousthistime
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Post by seriousthistime on Apr 25, 2022 10:33:18 GMT -5
Isn't the home aid agency bonded for theft by its employees?
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 25, 2022 11:38:39 GMT -5
Isn't the home aid agency bonded for theft by its employees? Don't appear to be or at least at the moment they can deny it since we have no actual proof. Nebraska is at will so they can easily say Jim Bob was let go just because. We can't prove the aide stole and was fired for it. Hence why my dad is considering a nanny cam then.at least there is proof and maybe he can consult with someone.
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CCL
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Post by CCL on Apr 25, 2022 12:56:13 GMT -5
I'd install the nanny cam as quickly as possible. This kind of stuff makes me so mad! What kind of person does that?
DQ your dad is a saint. I'm so sorry your family has to go thru this.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Apr 25, 2022 13:41:48 GMT -5
I would definitely install the cameras DQ. I think the technology has advanced a lot so hopefully he can see what is happening.
I know abuse is worse than theft but those things scare me as we consider hiring some part time help for my grandma.
The bank was a 2 hour plus ordeal but her checking account owners are updated. I got a debit card issued in my name. I will be watching super closely. Grandma was way over it by that point so I had my uncle take her home and I stayed to the bitter end hence the card having my name.
She tried to get me to just sign. Bank and I said no. Not without a power of attorney and we haven't found a lawyer yet to update those. Luckily the bank has the ability to print debit cards on the spot. My dad will have to return to sign the signature card for the savings account. He needed to get home and get to bed as he works an evening shift.
My uncle went and closed the credit union savings account. I have a check to put in the new savings. Everything is now at the same bank and I'm on both accounts. I have an account at the same bank. I will be downloading the app now on my phone. I don't use my personal one at that bank for daily bills so no use for the app.
I wish it had been faster at the bank but it's done which is a relief. I have the authorization completed to send in to her doctor so I can get that stuff. She has a follow up appointment on Wednesday.
I ordered some new pants that fit. She is not pleased, but she can't continue to wear pants 3 sizes too big.
I feel drained but I feel like I've gotten a lot of big and important items off the list. I can say we are making progress.
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stillmovingforward
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Post by stillmovingforward on Apr 25, 2022 14:00:35 GMT -5
Hugs to drama and wvugurl26! Its all very exhausting. I'm about to beg for a vacation from an elderly parent and just do work stuff. But there isn't anyone who is willing to help.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Apr 25, 2022 16:16:29 GMT -5
The home aid company is stealing from my great uncle. It's either food as in $200 worth of groceries disappeared in 48 hours or cash. My dad has most of it all locked up but there is petty cash in case GU needs anything and dad doesn't want him getting in the safe when the aids are around. He is going to put up cameras. The company shrugs it off and says they fire the people but it keeps happening. GUs choices are limited because he's not actually incapable of caring for himself and he's on.Medicaid. Then I'm surprised my dad didn't punch a nurse. Grandma had an appointment he showed up to pick her up nobody could find her or tell him where she was. Figured out the home took her. Gets there and inquires how much longer because he has to open the business but wants to speak to her physician first. Home nurse proceeds to lecture him about how important he be here for his poor defenseless mother and she should come above all else. He told her get out of his face before he said something she wouldn't like. It's a bit rich coming from a place that charges nine grand a month but can't give an old person a toothbrush. My parents are getting the hint that be involved really means they expect you to foot the bill. They don't like my parents actually advocating and asking questions. And it's the same everywhere. One place expects a deposit but refuses to allow toyrs cause COVID.I wouldn't pay for daycare sight unseen I.sure ashram would do the same in regards to elder care. What a racket. Yes I get it's a vital service but also like daycare the industry is preying on that with zero repercussions. Sorry to read about the theft. Nurses should not say stuff like that. He might want to report it to the director of nursing or at least the nursing supervisor. Not good. Bolded a sentence I do not understand.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Apr 25, 2022 17:26:32 GMT -5
It's totally exhausting wvugurl26My grandma lost a ton of weight. She always wore a dress and refused to wear one that fit her. She said they hurt her skin. My mom said the same thing near the end of er life, but grandma said it for at least 15 years. Grandma lived with her son until she died. She lived with him from the time her husband died the month before I was born until she died in 1989. She would only let my mom take her shopping. She didn't want her daughters to see her naked but it was okay with mom. That left mom in the position of helping her get bras, pants, hose and her dresses and nightgowns. She would never agree to one that actually fit. So good luck getting your grandma to wear clothes that are the right size for her.
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bookkeeper
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Post by bookkeeper on May 6, 2022 18:26:27 GMT -5
I met my Mom at the airport to help the snowbird get all the way home. She is 85 and struggles to walk, but loves to spend the winter in TX. I am very thankful for American Airlines and how efficient they are for wheelchair assistance. I spent two days with her and so far, so good. It is warming up in the plains states and that should help her mobility/pain level. But wow, was her house a mess. I wasn't able to prepare it for winter because of my hip replacement. The bugs and mice were extreme. My brother and I removed 500 pounds of stuff (trash). I know because we paid the scale ticket at the . I am drinking to forget my janitorial duties. Still love Mom, just not her house.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on May 8, 2022 11:41:55 GMT -5
Mom was really digging deep today because I wasn't indulging her on her worries. To the point where she tried to tell me she was a teenager in the late 70s, as a data point for her argument.
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CCL
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Post by CCL on May 8, 2022 15:33:40 GMT -5
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 22, 2022 10:28:22 GMT -5
So it looks like my GUs truck was stolen.
He says he sold it to one of the home aides for $500.
My dad cannot find any money. Mom pointed out how would he even know it wasn't monopoly money the dude handed him GU can't see!
My dad expressly told him not to do anything with the truck dad would handle it.
He called the DMV. He'll be going up this week to see if there was an attempt to change the registration. DMV said that's a way to find out where it may be and it can be flagged if the guy doesn't have the title and everything.
And of course we have no proof and GU insists it was an honest deal. No it's not it's a major ethical violation at the least you can't be 100% sure the aide didn't coerce the old person.
Ugh. My dad is in the process of setting up Alexa but GUs stuff is so analog it's taking awhile. Cameras are going up so then there is evidence and we can go after these people.
What is wrong with these people? Are home health aide companies just a cover for crime rings or something? They.are trying to find another one but "staffing issues" and he's on medicaid.
I said IDK even if he can perfectly function at home he's choosing not to. Maybe granting what he thinks is his wish and putting him in a home too may be the best option.
But that comes with its own headaches as seen with grandma but my point was GU isn't dad's problem IMHO. Not normally for warehousing old people but in this case may be less stress on everyone.
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CCL
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Post by CCL on May 22, 2022 11:01:30 GMT -5
I would be livid! Don't the home health agencies have be insured or bonded or something?
I'd be tempted to call the police. Either the truck was stolen or the money was stolen.
It does sound like full-time care might be better for him.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on May 22, 2022 12:59:47 GMT -5
My dad has to talk to the DMV first. If someone tried to register it we have proof.
Otherwise it's no different than if someone stole it off the street. We can't prove it was an aide.
So much for background checks. I've always said they only find the people who were stupid enough to get caught.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jun 6, 2022 0:31:01 GMT -5
Well, I think it's time that I add scoping out some elder law lawyers to my list of summer projects. If anyone has any thoughts/suggestions on what I should look out for, that would be great. I think mom is getting pretty unhinged because is no one is enabling her for the first time in at least 50 years, maybe longer. She's starting to tick off self-neglect boxes.
I don't even know what adult protective services could do for her. One of the organizations APS refers folks won't deal with her anymore. I don't want to be her legal guardian, but it looks like legal action could result in mom getting into a facility. That is still a pretty good outcome.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Jun 6, 2022 4:32:09 GMT -5
You're in a hard place with your mother, giramomma. Best wishes on this journey.
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buystoys
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Post by buystoys on Jun 6, 2022 5:09:17 GMT -5
Gira, I don't have any information to share, but I do want to send you a big virtual hug. Dealing with recalcitrant parents is really a thankless chore. I hope you find all the help you need.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jun 6, 2022 7:09:08 GMT -5
Thanks. A lot of the problem is that I don't know where she's being truthful and where she's not. I think the lack of seeking needed medical care is true. Last year, when I told mom to get some medical stuff scheduled and I would take her to appointments, she told me no. She'll do it when she's ready. That untreated medical issue came up in our talk yesterday. Of course, though, mom's version was the version that fit her narrative. Which meant she "forgot" that I told her to schedule the appointment right away in the spring after dad died, and I'd help her.
She's claimed she has a broken tooth too, she's not getting fixed. This, I tend to believe.
I know in her mind if I would just beg/offer to drop everything to take care of her, the issue would be resolved. And gosh darn it, other daughters take care of their moms..so mom is entitled to that form me. I think she's stretching the truth about her food intake. I don't think she's eating well. But, her claims of how often she is going grocery shopping don't make sense. She pays her phone and power bills in cash, at a grocery store. If she didn't pay her phone bill for a few months, it would have been cut off. Same with power.
The good news is she recognizes that she's depressed and that she's getting panic attacks. This is the first time in my life that she's actually naming that she's mentally unwell. She watches tv all the time. She has to know there's medications, now, for depression. She knows therapy exists. She's not there yet, that she needs treatment.
And, I am going to run out of patience with her sooner than later. I also don't want to engage my mom, really. Because it will make me vulnerable. She's STILL mad at me because last year I told her I enjoy spending a couple of days of 1 on 1 time with the peanut every year. Mom is upset with me that I'm not willing to be vulnerable with her.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jun 6, 2022 8:41:57 GMT -5
giramomma From what you have said about your mom, it doesn't sound like she will willingly live elsewhere. I know nothing about guardianships so I can't help there. Your mother doesn't want to understand that you can't drop everything in your life and go take care of her. It's not possible to do unless you are independently wealthy and don't care about your own family.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Jun 6, 2022 8:50:27 GMT -5
Hugs giramomma I still need to find an estate lawyer for my grandma. Google has not been super helpful. Someone recommended I ask the local senior center. That might be a starting point for finding a lawyer.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jun 6, 2022 9:53:43 GMT -5
Thanks wvugurl26. That wasn't something I had thought about.
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skeeter
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Post by skeeter on Jun 6, 2022 10:19:13 GMT -5
Your county should have what is called a "Bar Association" giramomma that you can call to get a list of attorneys who specialize in Elder Law.
If your county is too small, the state definitely has one.
Good Luck!
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Jun 6, 2022 10:21:06 GMT -5
My sister in law suggested it to me. I was like that's a good idea. Or if there's a senior agency in your state they might have a list. It's a hard process anyway and when you can't find some lawyers to start the process it makes it harder than it needs to be.
The bar association was my thought as well and then my sister in law suggested the senior center.
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Sharon
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Post by Sharon on Jun 6, 2022 10:25:34 GMT -5
I mentioned to my doctor about the issues I was dealing with regarding my parents. She gave me a small booklet of resources in the area that I could contact.
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