finnime
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Post by finnime on May 14, 2020 20:51:09 GMT -5
MPL, I'm familiar with the anger as a symptom in my case of growing depression, especially when I get angry for no real reason with people like my DH. It's like a thunderstorm that comes to a head, then there's an outburst.
Glad you're finding yourself in a better place than you had been.
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buystoys
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Post by buystoys on May 15, 2020 7:07:49 GMT -5
to all. It WILL get better.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on May 15, 2020 23:51:42 GMT -5
Here's some puppy cuteness for the weekend:
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on May 26, 2020 17:39:49 GMT -5
Hope you all had a good weekend. Hugs to those who need one.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on May 26, 2020 21:23:09 GMT -5
I appreciate the hugs.
This is a difficult time for me, especially this year. We've had a family reunion Memorial Day weekend for 70+ years in New Hampshire where relatives live, at Rye Beach. It was cancelled this year--Covid-19. My niece's wedding was also cancelled for this next weekend--she's doing a Facebook shared video instead as it happens. I'll miss seeing my family, all of whom live in Massachusetts and I haven't seen now since Christmas. Maine is still closed to out-of-staters; can't go there, either, in June or maybe at all this summer and see my siblings at my youngest brother's vacation home.
Also, my parents each died in June, 10 years apart. I think of them and miss them.
This is wearing on me, missing my family. And the onset of summer always leaves me irritable.
{bitching out}
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CCL
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Post by CCL on May 26, 2020 22:43:30 GMT -5
finnimeI'm sorry you can't be with your family.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on May 27, 2020 3:07:11 GMT -5
I appreciate the hugs. This is a difficult time for me, especially this year. We've had a family reunion Memorial Day weekend for 70+ years in New Hampshire where relatives live, at Rye Beach. It was cancelled this year--Covid-19. My niece's wedding was also cancelled for this next weekend--she's doing a Facebook shared video instead as it happens. I'll miss seeing my family, all of whom live in Massachusetts and I haven't seen now since Christmas. Maine is still closed to out-of-staters; can't go there, either, in June or maybe at all this summer and see my siblings at my youngest brother's vacation home. Also, my parents each died in June, 10 years apart. I think of them and miss them. This is wearing on me, missing my family. And the onset of summer always leaves me irritable. {bitching out} Sorry you're unable to attend your family events. The inability to do planned things, is hard. Esp things you've been doing for a long time, with family, I would think. My family gets together and plays bingo every year. We did it at Christmastime, until my nephew overdosed and died on Christmas day. Then we changed it to April, in remembrance of my dad, whose b-day is in April. This year, we didn't get together. Most of my family, I haven't seen since April 2019, when we got together. Depression has been an issue for me, all my life. Major depression. Luckily in 2005 I finally found an antidepressant that works for me. Now my depression doesn't usually last more than a few days, when it hits. I'm so grateful for that. All this covid isolation and stuff (concern/fear), doesn't help people's depression, or moods.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on May 27, 2020 6:58:12 GMT -5
All this covid isolation and stuff (concern/fear), doesn't help people's depression, or moods. No, it doesn't help at all. Neither did me going off my meds. I'm on the third week of getting back on my meds. One still needs to go up in dosage. My mom's side of the family has had their family reunion going back to the 1920's in late June. That will not be happening this year. It's not going to continue past my generation of cousins and now I wonder if it will ever be held again.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on May 27, 2020 7:35:48 GMT -5
I'm glad you're titrating back up on your meds, TheOtherMe. I wouldn't be here if not for mine, I know. Adding to my triggers: can't see DS. He lives in Manhattan. Normally I'd have taken a weekend trip to see him in the spring. Can't risk it even as NYC opens up. I'm afraid I'd bring it home to DH. I am so sad.
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on May 31, 2020 22:29:19 GMT -5
I'm glad you're titrating back up on your meds, TheOtherMe. I wouldn't be here if not for mine, I know. Adding to my triggers: can't see DS. He lives in Manhattan. Normally I'd have taken a weekend trip to see him in the spring. Can't risk it even as NYC opens up. I'm afraid I'd bring it home to DH. I am so sad. Hang in there. I know it's a struggle, but we do care about you. ♡
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Jun 18, 2020 22:16:49 GMT -5
I'm bored & working on my Christmas list early. What do you think?
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Jun 18, 2020 23:13:39 GMT -5
It's good you're a small! I love it.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Jun 18, 2020 23:17:13 GMT -5
It's good you're a small! I love it. I wish. But, I could hold 4 of these smaller dogs in my lap.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Jun 22, 2020 10:50:04 GMT -5
Really struggling with anxiety. It's a combination of a huge work project that isn't going very well along with people pushing my boundaries on my family continuing to shelter in place.
A couple of really good friends who even saw how sick my husband was in Jan/Feb/Mar are really hurting my feelings. We were supposed to go on vacation with one to the beach in NC in July. I've held off saying I don't think so but not a firm no with the hope that something changes. This weekend she threw in my face that it's only another month later that I'm going to send my kids to school. Yeah, I fully get that and am panicked about it and praying that the school puts good precautions in place. And I'll deal with that when it comes because I can't take it on right now. Sending them to school where the teachers care to protect them seems like a more necessary risk than driving 17 hours across the country to vacation. Ugh!
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Jun 22, 2020 11:17:34 GMT -5
We had a talk from our chief medical officer last week. It was helpful to me. She spoke about fatigue from all of this and continuing to make decisions. Basically she said just because you slip one day in your chosen protocol or say decide to send your kids to school, does not mean you throw caution to the wind with everything. Sending them to school doesn't mean you have to go on vacation or anything else you aren't comfortable with.
I took comfort in it that just because I slip one day or maybe I decide a certain activity is worth the risk, it doesn't mean I'm abandoning everything. It is hard to continue to do what you feel is best for your family. There's certainly pressure to get back to normal.
Hugs to you, it's certainly stressful.
I was second guessing myself majorly and I spoke to my doctor and he said that the virus is still out there. We may want to open up and get back to normal but we haven't eradicated it.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Jun 22, 2020 12:44:29 GMT -5
Thanks wvu, your comment about decision fatigue hits home for me. Combine that with wanting to have as much info as possible before making those decisions and it's no wonder I'm on edge.
The neighbor invited DD7 over for a monitored playdate to paint on their large porch. Even though her family is taking slightly more risks than us, she understood my condition of staying outdoors and maintaining distance. I told her it sucks asking because we love their family/kids but she understood and said she has no problem with it given how DH looked post-hospital a few months ago. She marked off DD's spot 10 feet away, but the girls still had a blast. So thankful and a big win for DD's mental health.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Jun 22, 2020 13:37:28 GMT -5
I totally get it, azucena. We have to be really careful with DS right now, as if he got the virus, things could go badly. One very old friend has been trying to schedule a gathering, and let's just say has been less than happy when I mention I have to put DS first, & may not attend if things don't look good this Summer. This same friend has been posting on Facebook how the virus is overblown, doesn't wear a mask, well, you get the idea. Oh well, I don't want to "thin out" my friends, but if push comes to shove, that's what I may need to do. (This is a guess, but does your friend have any kids? Inquiring minds want to know...)
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jun 22, 2020 14:40:08 GMT -5
azucena I cancelled all my summer plans because the virus is not gone. Some family members think I am being overly cautions. Thankfully my therapist agrees with me. My thinking is that I am in a high risk group. I live alone and have no idea if I would be able to care for Lucy Cat and myself should I catch it. I wear a mask the few times I venture out. Today was the first day I've been in a building other than my home. I had to drop off a return at the UPS Store. I was not happy when I realized the clerk was not wearing a mask, even though there was a sign on the door asking customers to do so. At least I was the only one in there and I sanitized my hands as soon as I got back in the car. I am still doing grocery pick-up (because nobody delivers out here) I am also being extra cautious right now because I am scheduled for a colonoscopy on July 2. I will be tested for covid next Monday as a requirement for the procedure.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Jun 22, 2020 15:53:36 GMT -5
I totally get it, azucena . We have to be really careful with DS right now, as if he got the virus, things could go badly. One very old friend has been trying to schedule a gathering, and let's just say has been less than happy when I mention I have to put DS first, & may not attend if things don't look good this Summer. This same friend has been posting on Facebook how the virus is overblown, doesn't wear a mask, well, you get the idea. Oh well, I don't want to "thin out" my friends, but if push comes to shove, that's what I may need to do. (This is a guess, but does your friend have any kids? Inquiring minds want to know...) Friend has kids - same ages as mine which usually makes doing family things together really great. She also saw how sick DH was and was beyond supportive during that time, so usually a really, really good friend. After thinking about this some more, I think a huge part of it is that she doesn't want to disappoint her kids if we don't come on vacation as originally planned. She seems to overlook the fact that I'm disappointing my kids as well. And that reminds me that she asked the question in front of DD11 about how it is any different from school in Aug which was extra unpleasant. And prompted a whole conversation with DD afterwards. Sucky to be put on the spot like that, and hard for an 11 yo to reason thru these decisions when grown-ups can't. DH has been watching the local numbers continue to rise and isn't pushing to go back to work as much anymore. We talked about deciding what he should do in Aug - not sure if it makes sense to keep him home if the kids are exposing us anyway. We agreed to table that discussion for now as see what happens. He's a grown man, so I only have so much input.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Jun 22, 2020 15:53:45 GMT -5
azucena, I understand your anxiety. People pushing and shoving others to ignore the real risks are doing a form of bullying. Each adult needs to weigh risks and decide what is reasonable and what is uncomfortable and go from there. My DH wanted/wants to join in some of the BLM protests. I told him I felt it was too risky for him, and he did agree after some consideration. Yes, they're outdoors, but crowds in close spaces is too much. You have a valid concern. If you've considered the scenarios your family will engage in on vacation and see too much risk, then No is the right answer for you and your family. You are adapting your responses when feasible, e.g. painting 10' away on a porch is a low-risk activity for your DD. I guess the key is to letting yourself be comfortable with your own risk management. You're doing what is right for your family.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Jul 16, 2020 7:28:35 GMT -5
Battling away here in Maryland. I've gotten used to and come to expect the mask-wearing and no congregating rules. I'm happy to see that the playground across the street has opened with restrictions (masks, distancing).
I'm in a numb phase. I know for me that is one of the more problematic stages of depression, because I lose the impetus to fight back symptoms. But I do take my meds every day and see via telemed my shrink. And I force myself along the days, completing tasks that absolutely must get done and ignoring all else. I did file my taxes yesterday. I owe, of course.
I make lists of things to be done each day and check them off. So far today I've woken at 5, put the dog out twice and drunk coffee. TBD: shower, return something to a store, buy iced tea at a grocery store. DH will drive the car. I really need to work on the garden but don't have the drive to do it.
And so goes July.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jul 16, 2020 8:58:12 GMT -5
You are not alone on the numb phase. I think many of us working in healthcare are there. Does DH support and uplift you?
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Jul 16, 2020 13:00:05 GMT -5
My DH is very supportive. I'm in a hole that would take some real power to be lifted from. Time will do it--summer can't last forever.
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dippyegg
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Post by dippyegg on Jul 16, 2020 14:11:11 GMT -5
I don't know if this fits here but I think I have a bit of social anxiety. There are 3 graduation parties this weekend and honestly I am not looking forward to any of them. I mean I like the families and happy for them. but I really don't like talking at picnics. It all feels a bit awkward.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jul 16, 2020 14:20:47 GMT -5
finnime dippyegg I am a total introvert. I know I would not attend a graduation party, especially in the time of covid.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Jul 16, 2020 15:07:25 GMT -5
dippyegg, like TheOtherMe says, during a pandemic doesn't seem to be the best time to attend (or hold) a graduation party unless you're very close to the graduate. Social anxiety is a big part of what people are going through. It definitely fits here, I'd say.
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dippyegg
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Post by dippyegg on Jul 16, 2020 18:22:06 GMT -5
dippyegg , like TheOtherMe says, during a pandemic doesn't seem to be the best time to attend (or hold) a graduation party unless you're very close to the graduate. Social anxiety is a big part of what people are going through. It definitely fits here, I'd say. Thanks.
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dippyegg
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Post by dippyegg on Jul 16, 2020 18:23:18 GMT -5
I think I have finally accepted myself. I LIKE being home. And, I really prefer interacting with others on a more intimate basis.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jul 16, 2020 18:35:15 GMT -5
I think I have finally accepted myself. I LIKE being home. And, I really prefer interacting with others on a more intimate basis. It's taken me many, many years to figure this out and I am 68 years old. I have finally accepted it. I don't let many people in to my circle, but if I let you in, I am a very loyal friend. I am a forever friend. I do not like to be with more than 2 or 3 people at a time. That had not happened due to covid until Monday. I could only handle being with 2 other adults and an infant for about 5 hours. Then I needed to be alone again.
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buystoys
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Post by buystoys on Jul 17, 2020 7:24:47 GMT -5
I wonder if there's a connection between introversion and depression? It seems as though we are all (or mostly) introverts.
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