Deleted
Joined: Mar 28, 2024 18:51:05 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2020 17:29:04 GMT -5
I’ve been wondering lately if I’m slipping into depression. All I want to do is sleep. Even if it means missing work. I just want to sleep.
The last time I was like that, years ago, I really was depressed.
I’m very anxious about work, I’ve made no secret about that. But I probably talk so much about my issues there, because there’s something else going on that I absolutely can’t talk about, that worries me just as much. I can’t fix it or do anything about it. In so many ways, I just feel helpless.
And sleep is an escape. If I’m sleep, I don’t have to deal with all these issues and problems. On my days off work, I sleep until 1 or 2pm. That is totally not me. I normally get up in the mornings, sometimes as early as 4 or 5 am, like I have to go to work, just so I don’t feel like I missed something by sleeping the day away. Even if I’m not feeling well, I’m at least awake. Now, I don’t really care about that. So I sleep.
It’s also odd because I’ve suffered from insomnia for well over 10 years. So bad that I was in the process of getting set up to have a sleep study done when all this happened. But all of a sudden, I can sleep with the best of ‘em. Some (bad) habits I’ve picked up lately probably contribute to my new ability to sleep, but they aren’t things I haven’t tried before, to no avail.
DBF has said that he knows I probably wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up until all this was over with, but I don’t think he’s made the connection between saying that and how much I’ve really been sleeping lately. I don’t think he realizes that I might be slipping into depression either, because I can function enough to seem normal so far, just like I was able to, the last time I was clinically depressed. That time, I felt like a shell, looking and sounding like myself, but feeling empty, like there was nothing inside me.
I don’t feel like that yet, but I do feel like something isn’t quite right with me. I just don’t know what to do about it.
|
|
finnime
Junior Associate
Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 7:14:35 GMT -5
Posts: 7,313
|
Post by finnime on Apr 4, 2020 17:42:51 GMT -5
|
|
finnime
Junior Associate
Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 7:14:35 GMT -5
Posts: 7,313
|
Post by finnime on Apr 4, 2020 17:51:18 GMT -5
I’ve been wondering lately if I’m slipping into depression. All I want to do is sleep. Even if it means missing work. I just want to sleep. The last time I was like that, years ago, I really was depressed. I don’t feel like that yet, but I do feel like something isn’t quite right with me. I just don’t know what to do about it. If this is like what you've gone through before, then it is a safe bet that you're entering that world again. Before it gets too bad, can you get in touch with the therapist or doctor (assuming you used either or both) that you worked with last time? Anything you did to address it before could be helpful this time around, too. Do you get regular exercise? Is your diet good over all, not mostly junk? Are you watching or tracking a lot of news that you can cut back on? Therapists and doctors are using telemedicine to see patients in these days of COVID. So you can get that help. In the meantime, sharing here is safe and may help, too. Please let us know how you're doing. We care.
|
|
TheOtherMe
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 14:40:52 GMT -5
Posts: 26,962
Mini-Profile Name Color: e619e6
|
Post by TheOtherMe on Apr 4, 2020 18:10:38 GMT -5
@pinkcshmere Please take to heart what finnime wrote I have now had two appointments via telemedicine, with another scheduled next week. I have been sleeping more than normal, but my sleep is very broken up so I feel so tired. I sleep 2 or 3 hours and then wake up, worrying. What happens if I get this? Will I be able to take care of Lucy Cat? Will I be able to take care of myself? Do I even want to take care of myself... So I spend my days and nights going from my bed to the recliner and back, sleeping but not resting.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Mar 28, 2024 18:51:05 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2020 18:56:18 GMT -5
I’ve been wondering lately if I’m slipping into depression. All I want to do is sleep. Even if it means missing work. I just want to sleep. The last time I was like that, years ago, I really was depressed. I don’t feel like that yet, but I do feel like something isn’t quite right with me. I just don’t know what to do about it. If this is like what you've gone through before, then it is a safe bet that you're entering that world again. Before it gets too bad, can you get in touch with the therapist or doctor (assuming you used either or both) that you worked with last time? Anything you did to address it before could be helpful this time around, too. Do you get regular exercise? Is your diet good over all, not mostly junk? Are you watching or tracking a lot of news that you can cut back on? Therapists and doctors are using telemedicine to see patients in these days of COVID. So you can get that help. In the meantime, sharing here is safe and may help, too. Please let us know how you're doing. We care. Last time, my PCP had me on an antidepressant (Effexor) that didn’t seem to be helping much. I finally just stopped taking it. I was also seeing a psychologist, but I don’t think she was really helping me either. I started to get better by doing things I learned on my own, not because of anything I was learning in therapy. Years ago, I finally convinced DD to go to therapy and took her to this same psychologist. DD got discouraged because this psychologist didn’t seem to really be paying attention to her and was even playing on her phone during DD’s sessions, so she stopped going. Her experience wasn’t unbelievable to me, I’d had similar experiences with this psychologist myself. The most unfortunate part is that I’ve been unable to convince DD to seek therapy with someone else since then, when I KNOW she needs it. My PCP has been trying to get me to take Lexapro for a couple of years now, since my Mom moved into my house and the situation was stressing me out, plus I seem to ALWAYS have something crazy going on in my life. I have a prescription I can get filled at any time, but so far I’ve been able to manage without it. I don’t get as much exercise as I should. Of all the things I’ve tried, riding a bicycle has been my favorite form of exercise. Now that I’ve moved, I can ride out straight from home instead of driving across the city to a safe place to ride, like I use to have to do. Riding my bike is something I need and want to get back to doing regularly. My diet has gotten better since this started because I’ve been eating food from home vs takeout. I’m leery of food prepared by someone else. Even with that though, I’m still not eating as many fruits and vegetables as I should. That’s still a work in progress. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and ideas. It DOES mean something for even a stranger on the internet to show that they care. I’m trying to get it together.
|
|
buystoys
Junior Associate
Joined: Mar 30, 2012 4:58:12 GMT -5
Posts: 5,650
|
Post by buystoys on Apr 4, 2020 19:16:08 GMT -5
Hugs Pink Cashmere, and don't think you have to do it all yourself. There's no shame in getting help. Keep looking for a therapist who does help you. There are very good ones out there. I've been lucky and went from a great outpatient program to a great therapist. I'm losing her now because she isn't on my insurance. I'm just going to try to hold on until this is all over and then start with someone new.
|
|
finnime
Junior Associate
Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 7:14:35 GMT -5
Posts: 7,313
|
Post by finnime on Apr 5, 2020 15:55:24 GMT -5
This article is helpful everyone struggling with the stay home orders coupled with depression or anxiety: Washington Post mental health check with stay home ordersI'm still expecting things to get back to "normal." But whatever the future brings it won't be in many ways like the recent past.
|
|
NomoreDramaQ1015
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 14:26:32 GMT -5
Posts: 47,119
Member is Online
|
Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 5, 2020 16:04:21 GMT -5
Nobody’s really flying at the top of their game at the moment,” she said. “Maybe we’re not going to be as productive. Accept that maybe some things will never get done. Maybe something will get done later. Doing what’s important right now matters most.Yeah they want to tell my company that? I am expected to perform EXACTLY as I would without a crisis happening and it's starting to look like I am going to be bombarded with extra testing again. So I get a double whammy. Last summer was bad enough on it's own, not sure how I am going to mange with everything else on top of it? Did i mention I also have to be super hyper vigilant about chemical shortages? What I have now could easily last me 3+ month with judicial use but I've already had one vet tech and one of our on staff vets have a hissy fit when they were informed they need to be mindful by my boss. Guess who won the argument? I had a really hard time getting out of bed today. I know I am not going anywhere but I forced myself to get up, get dressed, brush my hair and put on some earrings. I told DH those are all danger signs I am sliding into a depression and I can't afford to allow myself to spiral into ennui right now.
|
|
buystoys
Junior Associate
Joined: Mar 30, 2012 4:58:12 GMT -5
Posts: 5,650
|
Post by buystoys on Apr 5, 2020 16:34:07 GMT -5
Normal is difficult to define. It's changed now. I already struggle with me not being who I was. Now I need to involve the whole world into my new reality. Today it's tough to do that.
I called my mom because I hadn't heard the results of her bronchoscopy yet. She doesn't get them until Wednesday. I'm just praying that it is/was infection or pneumonia. If it's more cancer, she's just going to give up. She's already tired and worn out from the treatment and said she won't do it again. I know part of my problem is the weather. It turned cool and rainy the other day and I've been going downhill since. My pain is getting worse and that always makes me more depressed. I can't do things and I ruminate about how I used to be able to move. Not good. I think I'm going to break down and take some Tylenol #4. I have the prescription, I just don't like taking it.
|
|
finnime
Junior Associate
Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 7:14:35 GMT -5
Posts: 7,313
|
Post by finnime on Apr 5, 2020 17:09:03 GMT -5
I'm glad you got up, NomoreDramaQ1015. Even with forcing yourself, you're better off than closing down completely.
|
|
finnime
Junior Associate
Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 7:14:35 GMT -5
Posts: 7,313
|
Post by finnime on Apr 5, 2020 17:14:32 GMT -5
You've got stressors on several fronts, buystoys. If you're in pain, take the medication. Pain also wears you out emotionally and leaves you susceptible to more depression. I hope your mother's results are good.
|
|
buystoys
Junior Associate
Joined: Mar 30, 2012 4:58:12 GMT -5
Posts: 5,650
|
Post by buystoys on Apr 5, 2020 18:51:53 GMT -5
I broke down and took the pain meds. I'll probably feel groggy tomorrow morning, but we're going to the store early to get it over with and I'll get in a nap. Hopefully I crash and burn tonight rather than waking up every hour and turning over.
|
|
TheOtherMe
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 14:40:52 GMT -5
Posts: 26,962
Mini-Profile Name Color: e619e6
|
Post by TheOtherMe on Apr 8, 2020 14:47:45 GMT -5
Another therapy appointment via telehealth. Therapist said anyone who can't access telehealth due to no smart phone, internet, etc. is being "seen" by telephone.
They are not allowing any patients in the office.
She again told me to call if my depressive thoughts go beyond "I don't want to be here". Talk about it before it becomes a crisis. There are no available beds locally if hospitalization is needed so we don't want it to go that far.
Taking things one day at a time.
|
|
finnime
Junior Associate
Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 7:14:35 GMT -5
Posts: 7,313
|
Post by finnime on Apr 8, 2020 16:31:14 GMT -5
One day at a time is good, TheOtherMe. And I'm very glad you are able to have telemedicine appointments with your therapist.
|
|
TheOtherMe
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 14:40:52 GMT -5
Posts: 26,962
Mini-Profile Name Color: e619e6
|
Post by TheOtherMe on Apr 14, 2020 7:42:12 GMT -5
Rough night. So much anxiety is making for a difficult morning.
I've been up since 12:30 am.
|
|
buystoys
Junior Associate
Joined: Mar 30, 2012 4:58:12 GMT -5
Posts: 5,650
|
Post by buystoys on Apr 14, 2020 7:45:28 GMT -5
|
|
TheOtherMe
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 14:40:52 GMT -5
Posts: 26,962
Mini-Profile Name Color: e619e6
|
Post by TheOtherMe on Apr 14, 2020 7:54:14 GMT -5
I don't know how much longer I can take the isolation.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Mar 28, 2024 18:51:05 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2020 7:58:54 GMT -5
I'm as far down as I can go, I think. Lower than a snake's belly. So low that I'd have to reach up to tie my shoes. I try to putter in the garden because moving around seems to help, but yesterday I couldn't even do that. Maybe today will be better because there's no way around it, the lawn has to be mowed. If I can manage to get it done.
Like @pinkcshmere, the only peace I get is when I'm sleeping. I'd like to go to sleep and wake up when this shitshow is over.
|
|
finnime
Junior Associate
Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 7:14:35 GMT -5
Posts: 7,313
|
Post by finnime on Apr 14, 2020 8:38:40 GMT -5
TheOtherMe, can you think of ways to visit your brand new great-nephew, maybe outside at 8 feet away? Or through a window? @missrigby, a pandemic is about as soul-crushing as you can get. I'm sure once you start to mow the lawn, that will help. I'd love to see pictures of your garden. I can only imagine. Do you have features in addition to the plants, such as paths or stepping stones or a fountain or sculpture?
|
|
TheOtherMe
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 14:40:52 GMT -5
Posts: 26,962
Mini-Profile Name Color: e619e6
|
Post by TheOtherMe on Apr 14, 2020 8:45:00 GMT -5
TheOtherMe , can you think of ways to visit your brand new great-nephew, maybe outside at 8 feet away? Or through a window? Baby is 3 hours away. Right now, I am not in any condition to drive 3 hours each way and I don't know where I would feel comfortable using a bathroom. I can't sleep. I have bad thoughts whether awake or asleep. I am thinking of calling my therapist.
|
|
buystoys
Junior Associate
Joined: Mar 30, 2012 4:58:12 GMT -5
Posts: 5,650
|
Post by buystoys on Apr 14, 2020 8:54:22 GMT -5
Please call, TheOtherMe. That's what your therapist is for!
|
|
finnime
Junior Associate
Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 7:14:35 GMT -5
Posts: 7,313
|
Post by finnime on Apr 14, 2020 9:01:26 GMT -5
|
|
TheOtherMe
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 14:40:52 GMT -5
Posts: 26,962
Mini-Profile Name Color: e619e6
|
Post by TheOtherMe on Apr 14, 2020 10:10:27 GMT -5
She is booked today, so appointment tomorrow afternoon.
|
|
finnime
Junior Associate
Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 7:14:35 GMT -5
Posts: 7,313
|
Post by finnime on Apr 14, 2020 10:27:16 GMT -5
|
|
Peace77
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 29, 2010 1:42:40 GMT -5
Posts: 3,910
|
Post by Peace77 on Apr 14, 2020 14:38:00 GMT -5
do do you have anything to help you sleep tonight? Perhaps an Epsom salt bath?
|
|
TheOtherMe
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 14:40:52 GMT -5
Posts: 26,962
Mini-Profile Name Color: e619e6
|
Post by TheOtherMe on Apr 14, 2020 15:23:54 GMT -5
I don't have epsom salts but I do have sleeping pills. I don't like to take them on a regular basis.
Lucy Cat must not have gotten much sleep either with all of my getting up and going back to bed and tossing and turning. She's been asleep for several hours now.
|
|
buystoys
Junior Associate
Joined: Mar 30, 2012 4:58:12 GMT -5
Posts: 5,650
|
Post by buystoys on Apr 14, 2020 16:59:04 GMT -5
This is a time when taking pills is recommended. I also don't like taking my pain meds, but finnime and DH both told me to take them! I'll need to take some tonight or I'll be up with back pain. The weather shifted to really cold and I feel it. Let us know how your call goes tomorrow, TheOtherMe. I'll be thinking of you.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Mar 28, 2024 18:51:05 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2020 17:00:35 GMT -5
@missrigby how are you feeling now? I don’t have much useful advice, but I hope it helps at least a little to know that we care. If you continue feeling low, can you reach out to your doctor to set up therapy or whatever he/she thinks might help to get you to a better place? We’re you able to get out in your garden at all today? TheOtherMe you’re doing good. I say that because you seem to be mindful of being aware of how you’re feeling and being honest about it instead of ignoring and denying it. Also, because you are checking in with your therapist when you feel you need it. I know that sometimes, it seems easier to just not even make the effort to reach out for help when you’re struggling (at least it’s been that way for me before), and I’m glad that you’re doing that.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Mar 28, 2024 18:51:05 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2020 17:06:26 GMT -5
@missrigby how are you feeling now? I don’t have much useful advice, but I hope it helps at least a little to know that we care. If you continue feeling low, can you reach out to your doctor to set up therapy or whatever he/she thinks might help to get you to a better place? We’re you able to get out in your garden at all today? TheOtherMe you’re doing good. I say that because you seem to be mindful of being aware of how you’re feeling and being honest about it instead of ignoring and denying it. Also, because you are checking in with your therapist when you feel you need it. I know that sometimes, it seems easier to just not even make the effort to reach out for help when you’re struggling (at least it’s been that way for me before), and I’m glad that you’re doing that. I got out a little this morning and picked up the twigs and branches left from Sunday night's storm and did poop scooping duty for DD's dog. Went back out this afternoon after the dew had a chance to dry and mowed the lawn. I feel a bit better. Reach out to my doc? Pfffft. Like how? Call Kaiser and get a message that says call 911 for an emergency. LOL Safe anti-depressant meds for old folks are all but non-existent anyway. I'll tough it out. It helps just to "say" I'm depressed. Can't say it out loud around here.
|
|
busymom
Distinguished Associate
Why is the rum always gone? Oh...that's why.
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 21:09:36 GMT -5
Posts: 28,218
Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"https://cdn.nickpic.host/images/IPauJ5.jpg","color":""}
Mini-Profile Name Color: 0D317F
Mini-Profile Text Color: 0D317F
|
Post by busymom on Apr 14, 2020 17:14:10 GMT -5
First image I find that makes me smile is the one I post here. And, here is today's winner: I'm trying to get DS set up with doctor's again, & with the virus, it's a major PITA. Got through this morning, and it looks like he's set up for prescriptions, so all's well that ends well. But, the virus definitely is adding hoops to jump through, that frankly I just don't need right now. One day at a time... Hang in there Everyone!!
|
|