Becasue I'm bored - thoughts

[Rob Base 2.0]

No

[Rob Base 2.0]

Who is Becca- Sue?

And why is she bored?

[suesinfl]

Mar 7, 2017 20:26:34 GMT -5 dannylion said:

He sounds like an acquaintance of questionable maturity and sketchy character, not a friend.

Grown-up people with character who have the capacity to be real friends with other grown-up people do not resort to subterfuge to hide the existence or presence of one friend from another, regardless of the circumstances or the status of either relationship.

Grown-up people with character own and honor their relationships. Real friends do not conceal their friendships.  They are not ashamed of their friends, and they don't fear the reaction of others to the fact of their friendships.  They value their friends and treat them accordingly.

Grown-up people with character do not behave like douche canoes.

Insecure high-school jerks (and chronological adults who have never matured beyond that stage of emotional development) behave like douche canoes and play games with people they call their friends.

You need to decide whether you deserve to be treated like something to be ashamed of, something that needs to be hidden from others.  You get to decide what kind of treatment you will tolerate, and you get to decide what to do when someone you consider a friend shows you that he does not value you or respect you. 

Life is already difficult enough.  There is no need to waste any of it interacting with douche canoes.   

 

So much this. Plus I love the bolded part; I haven't seen that phrase in quite a while.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

No you aren't sleeping together right now but you have in the past if I am understanding your post right.  He's keeping you around hoping it will happen again.

Then he's either sleeping with or working on getting into bed with these other women.   That's why he doesn't want them to know you were at his house.   His options are going to dry up pretty fast if everyone starts talking and comparing notes.

Find another designated driver/friend.   This guy is trolling for women.

[Green Eyed Lady]

I would be feeling upset, too.  He doesn't want you to "tag" him on Facebook. I'm not 100% sure of what that means, but I assume it's some sort of interaction that others can see? He doesn't want to let people (or at least a person) know you are at his home. He is hiding you from someone/somebody.  He is hiding the extent of your friendship.

Here's the thing. If it is something he feels he needs to keep hidden, he shouldn't be doing it in the first place. I'd think about letting this friendship cool a bit. He obviously feels like he is doing something wrong, so why spend your time with someone who feels like he has to hide you?

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I have to ask how old are you guys?    I learned by HS that if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck. . .that it's a duck.   Have you considered making friends with people who act their age and not their shoe size?

[Deleted]

I think you need new friends.  You're hanging out with this group of people that includes ex-lovers, one that you won't even say hello to and one whose house you'll casually spend the night at but who is also hiding your existence from others. 

My vote is fresh start (preferably away from the meat factory bar scene).  None of these sound like real friendships. 

[hoops902]

So you're not sleeping with him, so then the most likely scenario is that even if he is telling you he isn't interested in those other women, he might have SOME kind of interest in them.  But then here's the thing, you say if he's not interested in them he should tell them he's with you...and that they'll "get over it". But get over WHAT exactly, because you 2 are just friends now. If he's talking to J, then he has SOME level of interest...and probably doesn't feel like explaining/convincing her that he's not sleeping with you even though you're at his house at night after being out drinking. It's only really shady if this is his current exclusive relationship and he's not telling her who he is with and what he's doing...otherwise it's really none of her business to begin with. Introducing potential conflict when the information is none of anyone's business rarely makes sense...and pitching that you're with a former lover on a Friday night and she's staying at your house after a night of drinking but that nothing is happening is a hard pitch to sell.

[Chocolate Lover]

Mar 8, 2017 9:45:07 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I have to ask how old are you guys?    I learned by HS that if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck. . .that it's a duck.   Have you considered making friends with people who act their age and not their shoe size?

I know it's a common saying but now I have a Prince song stuck in my head. 

[shanendoah]

naughtybear - Yes, he is being shady - shady to J. The question is, do you think he's being shady to you? (It doesn't seem like you do.) Or, is his being shady to other women is a deal breaker for your friendship with him?

I have a long time (since high school, so over 20 years) male friend. Thank goodness I never dated the man, because we would not still be able to be friends. He is terrible in relationships, or more specifically, he's really terrible at ending relationships. For example, he didn't want to break up with one girl, so he cheated on her and made sure she'd find out, hoping she would then break up with him. She didn't. So he kept "cheating" on her. Another girl, they had been living together, but when their lease was up, they went back to separate domiciles, because it was very possible that one (or both) of them would be going abroad for a significant amount of time or moving for grad school. So they found living situations that worked better for that possibility. But they didn't break up. And then, one day he tells her that in less than a week's time he is going to be moving out of state, and oh, he's moving in with this other woman.
So yeah, he's an ass. But he's an ass who has been my friend for over 20 years. (Though that move out of state - she at least got a week's notice. He didn't even tell any of the rest of us. He assumed she would. And he and I have barely spoken since.)

But all during the years, he and I would sometimes go out for lunch or get coffee (especially when we both worked on campus), or have dinner together. It was never a big deal. It was just hanging out with an old friend. But depending on the woman he was dating at the time, he might very well not tell them he was out with me. Some were jealous of me. Some were jealous of all other women. Some were jealous of his exes, but not of me. Some thought I was the key to being in a long term relationship with him. But it did mean that if he got a phone call from a woman he was dating while he and I were hanging out, I'd keep my mouth shut unless he said "Oh, I'm having lunch with shanendoah" and then I'd call out "hi". 

Now, I more than once called him out on his behavior - telling him when I thought what he was doing was wrong. But the truth is, he wasn't being shady to me. His bad behavior in those relationships was not bad behavior toward me, so other than generally telling him he was being an ass, there wasn't much I could do. (Well, I guess I could have refused to hang out with him, but, since he wasn't actually being an ass to me, I didn't do that.)

So that's where I see you. This guy is a friend of yours. There are other women in his life who he will talk to you about. (And yes, its possible he talks to them about you, and no, you don't know for certain what he says.) Those other women may be jealous of any other woman he is a friend with. They may be jealous of you. Who knows. He may have just decided that life is "easier" if woman J doesn't know when woman K, A, or N is around. 

But, if he's not being an ass to you, the question is, to you, is it worth ending the friendship over him being an ass (or shady) to other people?

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

It didn't irritate me at the time but now I've thought about it I think he's being a bit of a dog. The reason I say this is because we talk about J and A and K etc and he says he's not interested but it seems he is kind of keeping them on the back burner. I mean if he has no intentions of being with J for example, tell her you are with me. She'll get over it.


Don't you wonder if he is talking like this to you about them, what he is saying about YOU to them?  How do you know he's not lying to you?  He's lying to them, isn't he?

[Shooby]

It seems kind of High School.  

[NoNamePerson]

Mar 8, 2017 15:02:28 GMT -5 Shooby said:

It seems kind of High School.  

I was thinking more middle school. But I did get a bit lost in sleeping not sleeping and then the DD threw me. I took that to mean designated dick. But as I said I got confused.  

Eta I did see where DD meant designated driver.

[mroped]

I think your "friend" is a man-whore! 
You lined up most of the alphabet as for names of people he may potentially be canoedling with! His stove must be one of those industrial sizes with many-many back burners!

[Miss Tequila]

I'm a very private person so I don't want to be tagged in anything on FB. I'm also a single mom and when I first got divorced and was going out alone, I didn't want pictures of me in bars. I just felt it looked wrong. so that to me doesn't seem shady.

As for the rest...I'm too confused to comment!lol. But if you are friends then I would come out and ask why he doesn't want anyone to know he is with you.

I also don't understand friends with benefits so maybe that is part of my confusion

[Happy prose]

Maybe I don't understand the term designated driver. When I was younger, it was the person who remained sober, and would drive for everyone else who was drinking. Not just a ride because you didn't have a car. That would just be a friend. 

if he is a true DD, and he does it for many people, I think something's wrong with him. If he doesn't drink, why does he want to hang out with drunks? I can understand for certain events, like a wedding, party, etc, but OP kind of leads us to believe it's a common occurance. 

[Rob Base 2.0]

OP - I'm sorry Beca-Sue has not given you her thoughts yet .....I am sure she will shortly.

[Rob Base 2.0]

Mar 8, 2017 21:24:30 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

I'm a very private person so I don't want to be tagged in anything on FB. I'm also a single mom and when I first got divorced and was going out alone, I didn't want pictures of me in bars. I just felt it looked wrong. so that to me doesn't seem shady.

As for the rest...I'm too confused to comment!lol. But if you are friends then I would come out and ask why he doesn't want anyone to know he is with you.

I also don't understand friends with benefits so maybe that is part of my confusion

Friends with benefits is being "tagged" IRL

Now do u understand? 😀

[NoNamePerson]

Mar 9, 2017 10:03:20 GMT -5 Rob Base 2.0 said:

Mar 8, 2017 21:24:30 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

I'm a very private person so I don't want to be tagged in anything on FB. I'm also a single mom and when I first got divorced and was going out alone, I didn't want pictures of me in bars. I just felt it looked wrong. so that to me doesn't seem shady.

As for the rest...I'm too confused to comment!lol. But if you are friends then I would come out and ask why he doesn't want anyone to know he is with you.

I also don't understand friends with benefits so maybe that is part of my confusion

Friends with benefits is being "tagged" IRL

Now do u understand? 😀

I have a feeling Miss Tequila knows what it means just doesn't get the need for FWB. I could be wrong but she's a pretty savvy lady. Hell, I know and I'm old as dirt 

[Miss Tequila]

Mar 9, 2017 10:03:20 GMT -5 Rob Base 2.0 said:

Mar 8, 2017 21:24:30 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

I'm a very private person so I don't want to be tagged in anything on FB. I'm also a single mom and when I first got divorced and was going out alone, I didn't want pictures of me in bars. I just felt it looked wrong. so that to me doesn't seem shady.

As for the rest...I'm too confused to comment!lol. But if you are friends then I would come out and ask why he doesn't want anyone to know he is with you.

I also don't understand friends with benefits so maybe that is part of my confusion

Friends with benefits is being "tagged" IRL

Now do u understand? 😀

hahaha....sorry, I was on my phone and not very clear.  I meant I don't do FWB...I don't just have sex with a male friend for the sake of having sex.  So I don't understand how it complicates things.  If I was with someone that I had sex with, it would be because I had feelings for htat person at some point...so I would be very offended for him to behave that way towards me...but if you knowingly just have casual sex then  I guess it would be different...but maybe not since naggie seemed offended.  Hence my confusion!

[shanendoah]

Happy prose - As a the Designated Driver in my group of friends, it has absolutely nothing to do with "hanging out with drunks". I don't drink. I don't drink because I don't like the taste of alcohol. However, my spouse and friends drink. They don't get drunk, though sometimes they get tipsy. But the general rule is, if people have had an alcoholic drink (or more) in the last hour, and no food, I drive. If people have had more than one drink, even with food, in the last hour, I drive. It has nothing to do with being drunk, and everything to do with being safe on the road.
Now, we may be slightly more uptight about it than a lot of people - C's father committed suicide via drunk driving (and miraculously managed to only kill himself). 

But the fact that I don't drink doesn't mean my friends can't. And the fact that they choose not to drive after drinking doesn't mean they are drunk.
And yes, my friends all know that even if I am not out with them, if they ever feel unsafe driving, they can call me, and I will come get them.

[Rob Base 2.0]

Mar 9, 2017 10:39:49 GMT -5 Miss Tequila said:

Mar 9, 2017 10:03:20 GMT -5 Rob Base 2.0 said:

Friends with benefits is being "tagged" IRL

Now do u understand? 😀

hahaha....sorry, I was on my phone and not very clear.  I meant I don't do FWB...I don't just have sex with a male friend for the sake of having sex.  So I don't understand how it complicates things.  If I was with someone that I had sex with, it would be because I had feelings for htat person at some point...so I would be very offended for him to behave that way towards me...but if you knowingly just have casual sex then  I guess it would be different...but maybe not since naggie seemed offended.  Hence my confusion!

<<crosses MT's name out of black book>>

[Rob Base 2.0]

......I wonder if Beca-Sue is into FWB......hmmmmmm

[gs11rmb]

I also think you need some new friends.  You come across as if you are a fun person to be around but your friends often sound very immature. I don't know if you have an interest in trying some new activity but that might be a good way to meet some 'better quality' people.  By 'better quality', I don't mean that your current friends aren't fundamentally good human beings but simply they sound a little- rough-around-the-edges.  They don't appear to be making you happy.

[Rukh O'Rorke]

Mar 9, 2017 11:11:31 GMT -5 Rob Base 2.0 said:

......I wonder if Beca-Sue is into FWB......hmmmmmm

Beca Sue has a stalker!!!

[ken a.k.a OMK]

Who is Beca Sue? 

[Chocolate Lover]

A figment of Rob's imagination

[Deleted]

She hides.

Becasue I'm bored - thoughts

[Happy prose]

Mar 9, 2017 10:51:35 GMT -5 shanendoah said:

Happy prose - As a the Designated Driver in my group of friends, it has absolutely nothing to do with "hanging out with drunks". I don't drink. I don't drink because I don't like the taste of alcohol. However, my spouse and friends drink. They don't get drunk, though sometimes they get tipsy. But the general rule is, if people have had an alcoholic drink (or more) in the last hour, and no food, I drive. If people have had more than one drink, even with food, in the last hour, I drive. It has nothing to do with being drunk, and everything to do with being safe on the road.
Now, we may be slightly more uptight about it than a lot of people - C's father committed suicide via drunk driving (and miraculously managed to only kill himself). 

But the fact that I don't drink doesn't mean my friends can't. And the fact that they choose not to drive after drinking doesn't mean they are drunk.
And yes, my friends all know that even if I am not out with them, if they ever feel unsafe driving, they can call me, and I will come get them.

If I remember correctly, I think you're much younger than the OP. I'm 57, and I don't have friends that go out drinking all the time. An event, maybe. It brings me back to my original post on this thread as to why, perhaps, the man shows her no respect.

[shanendoah]

Happy prose - I am in my 40s, as are my friends.
Again, deciding you are not safe (or are uncertain about driving) is very different from being drunk.