Is Anyone Else A Wierdo Like Me?

[movingforward]

Dec 6, 2016 17:42:33 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

I started to lose the Christmas spirit about 15 years ago when my aunt and cousins decided they'd rather celebrate with their other 1st cousin's family instead. It went downhill from there. Now, I'd be just fine chilling at home. Sounds pretty nice, actually.

Mine disappeared about 20 years ago when my grandmother passed away.  She lived 3 hrs away and going to her home for Christmas was so much fun.  Her specialty was chicken and dumplings and she always made it for Christmas Eve Dinner.  We always made homemade candy, etc.  After she passed Christmas was never the same again. 

[Lizard Queen]

Dec 7, 2016 9:05:22 GMT -5 movingforward said:

Dec 6, 2016 17:42:33 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

I started to lose the Christmas spirit about 15 years ago when my aunt and cousins decided they'd rather celebrate with their other 1st cousin's family instead. It went downhill from there. Now, I'd be just fine chilling at home. Sounds pretty nice, actually.

Mine disappeared about 20 years ago when my grandmother passed away.  She lived 3 hrs away and going to her home for Christmas was so much fun.  Her specialty was chicken and dumplings and she always made it for Christmas Eve Dinner.  We always made homemade candy, etc.  After she passed Christmas was never the same again. 

Aww, I'm sorry. They do say that grandparents are the glue that hold families together.

[Tennesseer]

For adults (and even older children) Christmas and Thanksgiving family gatherings seem to have any combination of the following: high-to medium-to low prospects of an enjoyable day with expected and surprisingly unexpected returns.

When 'you' feel it is time to go your own way on these holidays without blowing family relations apart, do it. Take a trip. Stay home and treat it like any other day. Create a holiday event with others who would otherwise spend the day alone too. Binge watch The Walking Dead. Volunteer to help serve the less fortunate.

It's your day. Make of it what you will and enjoy it.  

.

[Lizard Queen]

I get a little anxious on Christmas because almost all the stores are closed, and I'm used to 24 hr/364 days of shopping availability. At least Walgreens is open. That helps.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

DH would be so mad at me for saying this but one of the best Christmas Day's I've had in a awhile was a couple years ago when my brother was only going to be in town for 24 hrs.   With the way DH's family does Christmas I would have missed him and it was really important to my mom we all be together.

So we decided to split up.  I went over to my parents, he went with the kids to his family.

It was nice to have a QUIET Christmas morning and get to enjoy my family for a change.  My family tends to get the shaft when it comes to Christmas and any suggestions about changing things around have been met with resistance for the past 11 years.

I refer to his family as "the blob".  They really don't take into consideration that the in laws may have other family they want to see.   I'm normally exhausted by the time we get to my parents and the kids are tired/cranky.

I had people who felt sorry for me or were horrified that DH and I were doing separate Christmases because "you're a family!".   That's DH's position as well on the subject.

I live with the kids and DH, I see them all the freaking time.  DH's family has gotten preferential treatment on holidays since we started dating.   I was THRILLED to have a Christmas all to myself with my parents.

[Tennesseer]

Dec 7, 2016 12:57:46 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

DH would be so mad at me for saying this but one of the best Christmas Day's I've had in a awhile was a couple years ago when my brother was only going to be in town for 24 hrs.   With the way DH's family does Christmas I would have missed him and it was really important to my mom we all be together.

So we decided to split up.  I went over to my parents, he went with the kids to his family.

It was nice to have a QUIET Christmas morning and get to enjoy my family for a change.  My family tends to get the shaft when it comes to Christmas and any suggestions about changing things around have been met with resistance for the past 11 years.

I refer to his family as "the blob".  They really don't take into consideration that the in laws may have other family they want to see.   I'm normally exhausted by the time we get to my parents and the kids are tired/cranky.

I had people who felt sorry for me or were horrified that DH and I were doing separate Christmases because "you're a family!".   That's DH's position as well on the subject.

I live with the kids and DH, I see them all the freaking time.  DH's family has gotten preferential treatment on holidays since we started dating.   I was THRILLED to have a Christmas all to myself with my parents.

A perfectly good reason to go your separate ways that Christmas Day. Hopefully, the in-laws thought it was a very good reason too.

[1Day@aTime]

I would LOVE to not have anywhere to be and just lounge around Christmas Eve and Day with DH (AND nobody coming over bothering us).

But not gonna happen.

The two events we go to aren't bad though.  There's just 5 of us that get together on my Mom's side and we are pretty close and have a good time. The other event is on "my Dad's side" which is actually spent with his girlfriend's family. And we all just sit around stuffing our faces with food and many, many, MANY shots. 

Most of DH's side is bat-shit crazy so we don't socialize with them anymore.

[Miss Tequila]

Based on this thread, I'm the weird one. I love the holidays and I love to spend them with family. It is a lot of work because I usually do the cooking, so while I hate the ton of work, I love getting everyone together.

I can't imagine a holiday alone. But I also can't imagine a holiday where I'm going to other people's houses...come to mine, dammit!lol

This thread does make me sad...I hope when my kids are grown they don't hate coming to holidays at my house

[Chocolate Lover]

I hate the constant demands on my time, and the expectation that I be happy and cheery while surrounded by about 30 people too many.

I like seeing my family, I am no fan of hanging out with DH's family. There's always some drama and bad teeth to look at. I could do without both.

We have a Christmas Eve dinner with my Dad's family, Christmas morning at home, lunch/all the rest of the day with my parents/family, and by the end of it all I'm just done. I think we're visiting the in laws on the 23rd this year. 3 days of lots and lots of people is a bit much for this introvert. I'll live but don't call me on the 26th.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Dec 7, 2016 13:27:33 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Dec 7, 2016 12:57:46 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

DH would be so mad at me for saying this but one of the best Christmas Day's I've had in a awhile was a couple years ago when my brother was only going to be in town for 24 hrs.   With the way DH's family does Christmas I would have missed him and it was really important to my mom we all be together.

So we decided to split up.  I went over to my parents, he went with the kids to his family.

It was nice to have a QUIET Christmas morning and get to enjoy my family for a change.  My family tends to get the shaft when it comes to Christmas and any suggestions about changing things around have been met with resistance for the past 11 years.

I refer to his family as "the blob".  They really don't take into consideration that the in laws may have other family they want to see.   I'm normally exhausted by the time we get to my parents and the kids are tired/cranky.

I had people who felt sorry for me or were horrified that DH and I were doing separate Christmases because "you're a family!".   That's DH's position as well on the subject.

I live with the kids and DH, I see them all the freaking time.  DH's family has gotten preferential treatment on holidays since we started dating.   I was THRILLED to have a Christmas all to myself with my parents.

A perfectly good reason to go your separate ways that Christmas Day. Hopefully, the in-laws thought it was a very good reason too.

The in laws got it.  DH on the other hand was a bit of a douche about it.

[grumpyhermit]

Speaking as a single person, with no kids, the drama and stress seem intensified when you add in kids, and multiple families.

Prior to my brother having kids, it was much more low key, and low stress. The kids have added to the stress, since now there seems to have to be two celebrations (one with my SILs family, and one with my family). Of course, this also adds hard feelings, since my mother feels that "our side" is the side that is always playing second fiddle. She isn't wrong, but part of that is 1) SIL's family lives closer, 2) SIL is very close with her mom and 3) SIL is the one that keeps the family schedule.

I personally don't care, but then, I'm a curmudgeon. It bother's my Mom though, which she sometimes lets be known via passive aggressive comments (which of course she doesn't think she makes). All of this contributes to my desire to just stay home and avoid the whole mess. If it was just getting together to spend time, and hang out it would be one thing, but it often seems to be some type of competition and I just don't have the patience for that. 

[Tennesseer]

Dec 7, 2016 15:35:03 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Dec 7, 2016 13:27:33 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

A perfectly good reason to go your separate ways that Christmas Day. Hopefully, the in-laws thought it was a very good reason too.

The in laws got it.  DH on the other hand was a bit of a douche about it.

As kids, we lucked out. My paternal grandparents lived in town while my maternal grandmother (grandfather died before all us grandkids were born) was born, raised, and lived in North Dakota. So we didn't have to go to maternal grandmother's for the holidays. She did spend the holidays with us and was welcomed at the combined paternal families' holiday get-togethers.

[tcu2003]

I love Christmas and getting together with my family. Usually, we go to my hometown for Christmas. On Christmas Eve, we go to the Christmas Eve service at church, and then do a soup/chili/sandwich dinner at my aunt and uncle's house and a gift exchange. It's fun to see some cousins and now watch our kiddos enjoy each other.

Christmas morning is at my mom's house, and depending on if my sister, BIL and nieces are there depends on how chaotic it is, but still fun. Christmas with DH's family isn't usually on the holiday, because it depends on the when older BIL has his kids, and when younger BIL and SIL want to get together, so we just show up whenever they tell us to. This year it's on the 23rd.

I'm guessing we'll end up hosting Christmas for my side in a few years, after my mom retires as she intends to move to the area sis and I are at, so we won't have a reason to go back to our hometown for the holidays. We actually did this last year due to my BIL's work schedule, and while it was definitely nice to not have to transport everything, I missed seeing some extended family.

[wyouser]

Is it weird to tune into 24 hours of "Christmas Story" and let it run.....run......and rerun.........

[debthaven]

For me Christmas is being together with my nuclear family. Sometimes family gets extended (like when a couple of DH's distant cousins were in France and we invited them). Sometimes the kids bring a stray. On a few occasions some of our kids were away and we were totally welcomed, even last minute, with DH's family in the UK.

DS1 got married in Sept. He and his wife live in the UK. We are ABSOLUTELY THRILLED that they will be here for Xmas!

But there is just NO WAY I would EVER make ANY of my kids' friends / strays / hook up EVER feel unwelcome, either at Christmas or any other time. Our kids may be OUR lives, but as time goes on, we will not be THEIR'S.

Since my DS1 married in Sept, he now has a (still very small) new nuclear family ... he and his wife. I'm guessing his first allegiance would be to her, as it should be. I'm guessing because I would never challenge that.

ETA: Zib, for Gd's sake, do NOT make your DD bring a chair for her friend! Buy 2 cheap folding chairs from Ikea or Walmart or Target or whatever. Better yet, buy a bigger table with 6 nice chairs, and make both their friends feel welcome.

[movingforward]

ETA: Zib, for Gd's sake, do NOT make your DD bring a chair for her friend! Buy 2 cheap folding chairs from Ikea or Walmart or Target or whatever. Better yet, buy a bigger table with 6 nice chairs, and make both their friends feel welcome.

[naughtybear]

I'm amazed that so many of you do things you don't want to do.

[chiver78]

Dec 7, 2016 10:10:16 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

It's your day. Make of it what you will and enjoy it.  

this is a path I'm trying to take now that I'm not the "central meeting location" for my immediate family. any deflection suggestions would be appreciated, from you or anyone else. I'm approaching the point of just hanging up on my sister, since she's the one giving me a hard time about it. 

last year, I skipped Thanksgiving in order to volunteer in my new town. there was some grumbling, but no real hard time. Christmas (which I don't actually celebrate...) ended up at my parents' house - which is now the "central meeting location" and I was essentially badgered into going. I looked at it as an opportunity to introduce my rescue pup to my mom, who would be pup-sitting a month later at my house while we went on vacation, AND as an opportunity to bring him on a long car ride that he got to come back home from. 

this year, I decided I wanted to host Thanksgiving again after a 2-yr break. parents were cool with it, got a hard time from the sis about a) having to drive so far, b) that I'd invited some local adopted "family" to my holiday meal, and c) that her high-strung purse pup didn't like other dogs OR crates, and would I mind asking "family" to leave their energetic loving pittie at home AND leashing my two in their own home. I managed to restrain myself from telling her to pound sand. the day went off without a hitch, and the drama wagon left about an hour after dinner was over. win! 

now, I'm getting a hard time about not wanting to drive all the way out to her house for dinner ON Christmas. no gifts, just hang out with the family, etc. after being assaulted with a guilt trip of "it's not even the holiday, it's about spending time together!" I asked if there was any reason they couldn't just pick a random Saturday or Sunday, instead of a holiday with everyone and their uncle on the highways? I just want to enjoy a quiet day to myself. grr...


ETA: sorry for the long-winded rant. 

[movingforward]

Dec 8, 2016 17:03:20 GMT -5 naughtybear said:

I'm amazed that so many of you do things you don't want to do.

Isn't that what the holidays are all about

For years I went to my brother's house for 5 days every Christmas even though I had no desire to go there.  My family is scattered all over the country.  My brother goes to see no one and expects everyone to come to him.  When my mom was alive I went to my brother's every year for her.  She wanted everyone to be together during the holidays. She and dad always went to my brother's because they knew he wouldn't come to them.  She always wanted me to fly there as well and because it was important to her, I did it even though I didn't want to.  It's not that I don't want to see my brother but the fact that he NEVER spends the money or time to go see anyone else (and has a good job, by the way) and expects everyone to come to him irks the hell out of me.  Well, mom passed away 6 years ago and after that I decided I will not be going to see him every year.  We are actually all going out to Vegas to see dad in March, but guess what...the only reason my brother is going is because my dad is paying for him and his wife to fly out there. Also, his wife wants to go because it is Vegas.

[Tennesseer]

Dec 8, 2016 17:08:37 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

Dec 7, 2016 10:10:16 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

It's your day. Make of it what you will and enjoy it.  

this is a path I'm trying to take now that I'm not the "central meeting location" for my immediate family. any deflection suggestions would be appreciated, from you or anyone else. I'm approaching the point of just hanging up on my sister, since she's the one giving me a hard time about it. 

last year, I skipped Thanksgiving in order to volunteer in my new town. there was some grumbling, but no real hard time. Christmas (which I don't actually celebrate...) ended up at my parents' house - which is now the "central meeting location" and I was essentially badgered into going. I looked at it as an opportunity to introduce my rescue pup to my mom, who would be pup-sitting a month later at my house while we went on vacation, AND as an opportunity to bring him on a long car ride that he got to come back home from. 

this year, I decided I wanted to host Thanksgiving again after a 2-yr break. parents were cool with it, got a hard time from the sis about a) having to drive so far, b) that I'd invited some local adopted "family" to my holiday meal, and c) that her high-strung purse pup didn't like other dogs OR crates, and would I mind asking "family" to leave their energetic loving pittie at home AND leashing my two in their own home. I managed to restrain myself from telling her to pound sand. the day went off without a hitch, and the drama wagon left about an hour after dinner was over. win! 

now, I'm getting a hard time about not wanting to drive all the way out to her house for dinner ON Christmas. no gifts, just hang out with the family, etc. after being assaulted with a guilt trip of "it's not even the holiday, it's about spending time together!" I asked if there was any reason they couldn't just pick a random Saturday or Sunday, instead of a holiday with everyone and their uncle on the highways? I just want to enjoy a quiet day to myself. grr...

I was fortunate in my folks later years. They lived up north while I lived down south. After Thanksgiving, they would drive their RV down to Florida for the winter. The would ask if I would like come down and for Christmas and stay with the in the RV. I loathe RVs-to damn claustrophobic. So no, I skipped visiting them at Christmas time. But I often would visit or travel with friends who were not into the Christmas thing too and we would go somewhere interesting for Christmas be it Las Vegas, Paris, San Francisco, Jackson, Wyoming (Grant Tetons and Yellowstone if the weather was good), the Virgin Islands, Taos, New Mexico, etc.

So I ended up spending Christmas where ever I wanted and doing whatever I wanted. I still saw family at least once a year but necessarily during any holiday period. My parents and siblings (and their families) were doing their own thing. So was I.

In the last few years of my parents' lives, I did go and spend Thanksgiving or Christmas with them. It did require me to be away from home for 4-5 days but I survived. I knew there was a time when they would no longer be here so it was fine with me.

We each have to figure out what works out best for us and take it from there. I have no regrets.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I'm booked pretty solid for Christmas. Some of it is my fault, some of it is diluent to dh's family traditions and some is due to having kids old enough to want to be in the church play thing. I'll survive. But he'll if I'm doing anything special for the new year.

[chiver78]

I'll get there. it's just navigating my sister right now. I may just actively start hanging up on her when she whines. 

[Wisconsin Beth]

I'm booked pretty solid for Christmas. Some of it is my fault, some of it is due to dh's family traditions and some is due to having kids old enough to want to be in the church play thing. I'll survive. But he'll if I'm doing anything special for the new year.

[movingforward]

Dec 8, 2016 17:29:38 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

I'll get there. it's just navigating my sister right now. I may just actively start hanging up on her when she whines. 

Or just put the phone on mute and set it down while you go about your business (doing laundry, watching TV, etc.)  Every now and then just pick it back up and say "yeah, okay"

[naughtybear]

HAHAH movingforward you are absolutely right. I guess I did Christmas when I wanted and MIL did it other times. I'm with Tequila, I enjoyed having the fam over and cooking.

[giramomma]

Well, we found out that it will just be us on Christmas Day. We'll do Christmas with extended family a few days later.

The kids did not take that news well..and declared a Christmas with us would be, at best, craptacular.

My desire to keep push to get the tree up, bake, finish get procuring, etc..well, lets just say...it took a bit of a nosedive.

.

[zibazinski]

I have a large table with 6 chairs. Unfortunately it's at her old boyfriend's house and he's in no hurry to return it. So I bought another one with 4 chairs. It fits better in this place. My old one I'd have to put on the porch that leaks rain when it does rain. I have a bistro chair. That's going to have to do.

[NancysSummerSip]

I saw as much of my family as I could handle at Thanksgiving. I am scheduled for surgery Dec. 19, so the two weeks following are recovery weeks for me. No plans other than dinner Christmas Day at a friend's house. The surgery is minor, but involves stitches and restriction of movement.