I am going on a strike!

[swasat]

Got into a huge argument with DH this morning. I am the sole cook in this house and the rest three of them behave like babies when it comes to anything kitchen related. If there is cake baking in the oven none of them will even use their brains and take it out of the oven when done if "I" don't tell them to do so. 

I feel under appreciated when it comes to how much planning, shopping, prepping and cooking goes into making sure everyone is fed healthy meals day after day. A thankless chore it is and becomes so monotonous and rote without help.

So the three of them can suck it and figure it out going forward. I am not stepping into the kitchen in the foreseeable future and I don't give a damn what anyone eats!!!

Bunch of ingrates!!!



 

[MarleyKeezy78]

((Hugs)) Sorry they are being such buttmunches, hopefully they come around and start helping.

[giramomma]

We have our kitchen/meal issues, too.

DS is currently not talking to me, because I wanted to be clear that if he doesn't eat now, he won't eat until after his baseball game, which will be around 7pm. I told him that he can't use hunger as an excuse for poor attitude or playing.

ETA: I'm making brunch tomorrow...egg/cheese/red pepper strata, bacon, made from scratch banana bread and fruit. I'd invite you over if you lived close.

[andi9899]

Come over my house. The girls are hardly ever home, so I only worry about feeding myself some days.

[NancysSummerSip]

Good for you. Let them work it out for themselves and when they can't, they will come crying back to you and realize how good they had it before.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Do they even say thank you when they're at the table? That's a rule in our house. 

[Deleted]

You can come cook for me. I'll thank you profusely on a daily basis!

[countrygirl]

Me too, kind of sounds like here. I hear are you thinking about dinner?

Well honestly no, are you?

[swasat]

Sept 4, 2016 14:59:51 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Do they even say thank you when they're at the table? That's a rule in our house. 

oh, all the time. That is not a problem. They all love food and all three thank me all the time.

My issue is none of them understand the intensity of work and don't want to participate. Kids are 11 and 8 so I can still let go of some angst towards them. But DH...  As a grown man he needs to understand. 

To be fair he cleans up all the time after I am done cooking. But I have been saying for a while that I am getting burned out doing all the cooking and shopping and the packing lunches... Since he detests cooking he has been keeping mum. And behaving like a ninny. And as if its not HIS problem.

If you are present in the house and something is on the burner or in the oven, how is it not his problem too? Basically if I am around his eyes and ears and all his senses are closed w.r.t. kitchen. I have problems with that.

How can a guy who is so considerate in all other aspects of life and so caring and loving in all other things be so idiotic when it comes to cooking.....is beyond me 

[swasat]

Sept 4, 2016 15:27:18 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

You can come cook for me. I'll thank you profusely on a daily basis!

Not buying it!!!

YOU can cook for me and I'll be happy. I am not looking to replace my food admirers, I am looking at replacing myself as a cook 

[swasat]

......and you all should have seen my DH a few minutes ago.

He sat down and made a list (a GROCERY LIST! THATS A FIRST IN OUR MARRIAGE) and went to the grocery store to buy food taht HE is going to cook for the whole week 

Since we are playing "I don't see you even though you are here" game I kept mum. Now we will see what he comes back with and what he cooks. He looks all pumped up and ready to take on the giants!

Glad to see my yelling and pouting rattled him enough. Now I just need to keep going pretending I don't give a damn!!     

[NoNamePerson]

I used to tell folks I went to work full time so we could eat out. Cooking just wasn't in my genetic makeup. Ex and son were probably glad.  

[giramomma]

Sept 4, 2016 15:33:56 GMT -5 swasat said:

Sept 4, 2016 14:59:51 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Do they even say thank you when they're at the table? That's a rule in our house. 

oh, all the time. That is not a problem. They all love food and all three thank me all the time.

My issue is none of them understand the intensity of work and don't want to participate. Kids are 11 and 8 so I can still let go of some angst towards them. But DH...  As a grown man he needs to understand. 

To be fair he cleans up all the time after I am done cooking. But I have been saying for a while that I am getting burned out doing all the cooking and shopping and the packing lunches... 

Ummm...lunches? Your kids and your DH can pack their own lunch. The last time DH packed my lunch was at least 12 years ago. If I can do it with some regularity, so can your DH.

And your kids...they should be helping pack too. My kids are 4-12, and they pack their own lunches for the most part. We only allow hot lunch 4 times a month.

As for the rest..perhaps you need to cut down on your offerings. We only regularly rotate 14 dinners. We have take out twice a month, and we add different meals in once a week or so. It seriously takes DH 15 minutes to go through his list and that's it.

He does get frustrated when I don't tell him what I'm in the mood for, like today. But, shit, my list of to-do is like 15 lines long today, including scrubbing our kitchen floor.  I don't have the energy to run through meal suggestions, too.

ETA: I've found that when I say "I'm burned out.." That really doesn't phase DH. He says, "I know." and that's it. Which does nothing for me because, no he doesn't know. And he never will.

However, if I tell him I'm tired and I need him to xyz then, well, he's more willing to do it. And it doesn't require so much yelling.

[busymom]

You just have to remember now to stand pat. If they don't cook anything themselves, you just leave & go find yourself a nice place to eat your own dinner.

Had a similar problem early in our marriage with DH.  He wouldn't throw his dirty laundry down the laundry chute, no matter how much I reminded or yelled.  So, I told him I wasn't washing anything that wasn't downstairs.  He finally learned when a week went by, & suddenly he ran out of clean clothes.  (To be fair, he did do some loads of laundry, but I was just sick of bending over & picking up all of his dirty clothes off the bathroom floor.  He literally piled up his stuff in front of the laundry chute, without throwing it down.) 

[sesfw]

How can a guy who is so considerate in all other aspects of life and so caring and loving in all other things be so idiotic when it comes to cooking.....is beyond me

I truly hate being the bad news bear ...... please don't shot me ......... but it doesn't improve with age.

DH is 78 and at times I think the only reason I'm still around is to cook and clean.  And listen to him.

Good luck

[flamingo]

Good luck! I am glad to see your DH did make a list and go to the store-hopefully he keeps doing it

I've learned with my DH that I just have to tell him bluntly but nicely. Such as:I have a really long work week coming up and the shower needs cleaned. Can you help with that? And usually he does. Hinting, moaning and groaning as I do it myself, none of that works.

Also, the trick my mom taught me: bribe him. I loathe grocery shopping and cleaning the shower. Two least favorite chores. And DH likes grocery shopping with me (this is why I hate it. It's like shopping with a 5 year old when I go with him!) So, when the shower needs cleaned, I offer to go to the store either with him or by myself. He's much more amenable to doing the shower then, because in his mind I sacrificed something for him. In my mind it's a bribe so I don't have to do the worst chore ever.

[mmhmm]

My very best "dish" has always been reservations. I can make those with the best of 'em!

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Now that it's just DH and me, I've lost the cooking mojo that kept the kitchen humming for the past 20 years and the local grocery stores enjoying high profit margins. I'm absolutely okay with cold cereal for dinner. DH not so much. Frankly, it's coming up with the ideas that was the worst part of meal prep! He has been planning and cooking dinner for the past couple of days while I work on a project. I like this change in roles. :-)

[Anne_in_VA]

I had a similar situation when I was married to XH and DS was young back in the late 70's.  I worked and came home to cook, clean, make lunches, laundry, etc.  After telling XH I needed more help from him, along with specific requests, nothing changed.  I then stated that if things didn't change, the following week, I was going on strike.  Nothing happened, so I stopped cooking, making lunch, laundry and cleaning.  

This went on for about a month when XH came home and told me he had invited some friends over for Saturday.  I told him that was nice.  A couple of days later he wanted to know if I was going to clean the house before our friends came over and I said no, I'm on strike.  It was amazing when he and DS began cleaning and doing dishes.  The changes lasted for a few months before I went on strike again.  The second time didn't last nearly as long.

[Tennesseer]

Sept 4, 2016 16:00:19 GMT -5 NoNamePerson said:

I used to tell folks I went to work full time so we could eat out. Cooking just wasn't in my genetic makeup. Ex and son were probably glad.  

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(With thanks to Iggy aka IG for posting this in the first place.)

[NoNamePerson]

Sept 4, 2016 19:53:13 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Sept 4, 2016 16:00:19 GMT -5 NoNamePerson said:

I used to tell folks I went to work full time so we could eat out. Cooking just wasn't in my genetic makeup. Ex and son were probably glad.  

" alt=" "]

(With thanks to Iggy aka IG for posting this in the first place.)

 That about sums it up and why we ate out a lot. When a friend gives you a fire extinguisher for Christmas -- well that says it all.  

[countrygirl]

A lot of times I like cooking, but lately like everything else I'm doing it isn't right. I

cook to much!!!! You only need a couple of things not 3 or 4 I got told. Well DH if

I don't cook several things and more of it no one else is going to eat!! And then he says

its my fault he is gaining weight.

Tonight I cooked him 2 cheeseburgers so much for a balanced diet.

And I had a bowl of cereal, fixed DD some spaghetti for the left over sauce. I guess

we all got what we wanted.

I try to have good meals, now he says its silly for me to can stuff. Man he is really

getting on my last nerve.

I was helping with picking up the yard the other day and wasn't putting the truck the

way he wanted it,  He was pulling off brush with the backhoe, I just finally went in the

house and started dinner, I was tired anyway, do it yourself dude! 

[Deleted]

I hate cooking. BF doesn't mind, so I leave it to him most of the time. I'll go to the grocery store, I'll help with ideas, I'll clean the kitchen (and he's a messy cook ), I'll cook if I know he's had a difficult day or just because occasionally and I'll grill outside. But I really do avoid cooking in the kitchen as much as I can.

ETA: I hope I "help" enough that he never needs to go on strike to get my attention. I'd be very sad. Lol!

[teen persuasion]

Kids are definitely old enough to pack lunches, and help with dinner.  Younger ones set the table, fetch things I need, and gradually get more (interesting) duties as they learn.  DS5 makes salad every night.

DS4 just left for college, but this summer he cooked dinner on the days I worked until 5.  It initially started because he had cello lessons at 6 in the city, so we had a tight window for dinner, so I planned something ridiculously easy and fast that he "started" for me: hot dogs in the toaster oven.  Then we tried another easy thing, like ravioli.  I'd prep everything he needed in advance - correct pot on the correct stove burner, filled with correct volume of water, serving dish and slotted spoon next to stove, etc.  We had a few more meals he could "start" for me, with the intention that I'd step in to finish up, but eventually he was doing it all himself.  


He would also bake cookies when classmates decided to celebrate something at school.  If he wanted a treat we didn't have, he'd find a mug cake recipe or whatever online and try it.  One day I came home to find he'd made donuts!


Thinking about how he got started, when he was probably 10 DD1 was leaving for college and wanted a notebook of my basic recipes.  DS4 wanted "his" personal cookbook, too, and began writing "recipes" in a notebook.  He helped me make banana bars so he could "learn" the recipe, and write it down himself.


However, nobody volunteers to clean up for me!  DH is the worst - the whining about how it hurts his back, or he "volunteers" one of the kids.

[thyme4change]

I think around 8 is when I assigned each kid a few meals and they would help me cook.  My son can pretty much make an entire taco dinner or a batch of breakfast burritos on his own.  I will sit and watch him to make sure he doesn't cut his finger off or burn down the house.  He is very confident in the kitchen, and has gotten the connection between cooking something and eating it.  My daughter plays whiney pants more.  She says she is afraid of browning meat in the hot pan - which is bullshit, she just doesn't want to do it.  She also won't dice vegetables.  She will do big cuts, but if it needs to be too small, she turns it over to me.  I will break her - she will learn to cook.  

And my kids have been packing their own lunches since kindergarten.  

It is time to move your kids towards independence.   

[billisonboard]

I have little talent and even less imagination in the art of meal prep. My ex rarely missed an opportunity to point it out to me when I fixed meals, something i did less and less frequently throughout the relationship. My current wife shows appreciation when I open cans and heat the contents,something I have continued to do consistently in this relationship.

[NoNamePerson]

WOW I'm feeling a total failure as a mother. I taught mine to read a menu and he never packed a lunch.   Now I do remember heating up left over Chinese from night before and putting it in his thermos for lunch. He took some "strange" lunches compared to the kids in his class!!! 

ETA: Will have to ask him if he feels cheated when I meet him today!!!

[tskeeter]

Sept 4, 2016 13:17:10 GMT -5 swasat said:

Got into a huge argument with DH this morning. I am the sole cook in this house and the rest three of them behave like babies when it comes to anything kitchen related. If there is cake baking in the oven none of them will even use their brains and take it out of the oven when done if "I" don't tell them to do so. 

I feel under appreciated when it comes to how much planning, shopping, prepping and cooking goes into making sure everyone is fed healthy meals day after day. A thankless chore it is and becomes so monotonous and rote without help.

So the three of them can suck it and figure it out going forward. I am not stepping into the kitchen in the foreseeable future and I don't give a damn what anyone eats!!!

Bunch of ingrates!!!



 

So, if I didn't put the cake in the oven, how am I supposed to know when it is done?  A few minutes either way and it's doughy or a dried out brick.

By the way, how much do others in your house know about cooking/baking?  Do they know how to test a cake to see if it is done?

In most homes, a division of labor seems to develop.  Usually somewhat along traditional role models.  I'm guessing that there might be someone else in your house who handles tasks such as keeping up the yard, washing, waxing, and maintaining cars, minor home repairs, taking out trash and the like.  I wonder if the person who does these things might feel a little under appreciated some times, too.

For a change of pace, and some mutual appreciation of the things that others do to make the house run, how about a task exchange?  Some exchanging helps everyone understand how much work goes into the activities that someone else makes look easy.  And how unpleasant some of those tasking might be.

[Jake 48]

I am CDO about cooking, get out of my way your not doing it right or the way I would do it. When I tell you it will be ready in 2 minutes, you better be sitting at the table, I am a pain in the ass

[swasat]

Sept 5, 2016 11:44:25 GMT -5 tskeeter said:

Sept 4, 2016 13:17:10 GMT -5 swasat said:

Got into a huge argument with DH this morning. I am the sole cook in this house and the rest three of them behave like babies when it comes to anything kitchen related. If there is cake baking in the oven none of them will even use their brains and take it out of the oven when done if "I" don't tell them to do so. 

I feel under appreciated when it comes to how much planning, shopping, prepping and cooking goes into making sure everyone is fed healthy meals day after day. A thankless chore it is and becomes so monotonous and rote without help.

So the three of them can suck it and figure it out going forward. I am not stepping into the kitchen in the foreseeable future and I don't give a damn what anyone eats!!!

Bunch of ingrates!!!



 

So, if I didn't put the cake in the oven, how am I supposed to know when it is done?  A few minutes either way and it's doughy or a dried out brick.

By the way, how much do others in your house know about cooking/baking?  Do they know how to test a cake to see if it is done?

In most homes, a division of labor seems to develop.  Usually somewhat along traditional role models.  I'm guessing that there might be someone else in your house who handles tasks such as keeping up the yard, washing, waxing, and maintaining cars, minor home repairs, taking out trash and the like.  I wonder if the person who does these things might feel a little under appreciated some times, too.

For a change of pace, and some mutual appreciation of the things that others do to make the house run, how about a task exchange?  Some exchanging helps everyone understand how much work goes into the activities that someone else makes look easy.  And how unpleasant some of those tasking might be.

Ummm, because I put a timer on the oven? That beeps loudly when the time is up and tells you that stuff needs to be taken out?

If someone is sitting 12 feet from the oven and hears the beeps and still chooses to ignore it.......<roll eyes>

Regarding your other points, yes, some task exchange is due in our house.