How old to.....

[alabamagal]

Leave a child home in the evening by themselves until 9pm.

Child has transportation home from school.
Home security system where parent can monitor every time door is open
Cell phone with GPS tracking (as long as cell phone is with child)
Well behaved, responsible kid.

Child will obviously require some type of nourishment.

[milee]

If the child is responsible and comfortable with this (having first tried being alone for smaller periods of time), I'd say 11 or 12.  Also a bit dependent on the neighborhood.  If it's a safe neighborhood and you know and are friendly with the neighbors, maybe a little younger.  If it's not a safe neighborhood and/or you don't know the neighbors, maybe a little older.

[naughtybear]

Out of necessity I would probably have been ok with 9 with both my kids, if it was a once weekly deal. Gets them used to be on their own. If it wasn't a necessity I would say 12 because that's what I would be comfortable with.

[bean29]

I pretty much agree with Milee, but I might even go younger - say maybe 10. Especially if you have neighbors who will be home if your child needs anything... or if they can call another relative close by if they have issues.

Oddly enough when we started leaving our kids home alone, our son was older by about 3 years but DD was the responsible one who was very self confident and knew everything they needed to know to be on their own. Some kids might be older, and just not be comfortable alone.

Oh, and at 12-13 the kids can start babysitting for others, so definitely by 12.

[debthaven]

Also how close are the neighbors? What time does the child get home from school? If they get home at 3 or 3.30, I think that's to long for a child to be alone.

I'd have said 12.

ETA: IME when a 12YO babysits, it's because the parents know that the babysitter's parents are home/nearby.

[Lizard Queen]

It's not every week night, is it?  I'd say 11 if not.  Older if so--maybe much older.

[Deleted]

I was about 11 when I started staying home alone. My dad did 3rd shift and my sister was a most worthless babysitter. I spent weekends at my mother's but school night were home alone. I knew all of my neighbors and I had a former police chief across the street (dead end street) so that helped with feeling somewhat secure.

It really depends on the maturity level of the kid. I'm a book nerd and spent most of the time reading so I didn't really get into trouble. Except for reading too much in school. Go figure.

[alabamagal]

This is co-workers kid.  Lives in nice suburb and knows the neighbor.  Kid is 14 and can't be left home, other parent is travelling.

I think 11 or 12 is fine, probably did that with my kids.  But I had 3 kids close in age who got along well, so they would have been 12, 11 and 9.  I felt there was some safety in numbers. I think they enjoyed being given the responsibility.

The 14 year old is an only child, not sure if they are just overly cautious because he would be alone.  

This person tends to be helicopter mom.  She has said that if she is paying for a cell phone for her son she will use GPS tracking.  Which is fine for a 14 year old.  But she can't believe that I don't use it for my college age 21 year old.

[Deleted]

Well, I was doing that quite young, but I would say it depends on the kid.  My son is 14 and I would have no issue with leaving him from getting home from school until 9pm.  He has a cousin that is 15 that shouldn't be left alone ever.   

[debthaven]

A 14YO can't be left alone for a few hours?! That seems crazy, unless he has some sort of issue.

Many years ago when my kids were small, an older mom told me, if you don't give kids some freedom, they'll eventually just take it. I thought that was excellent advice.

[Anne_in_VA]

My son was left home alone after school at 12.  My two sisters and I were home alone from about 9 or so.  I remember my older sister babysitting us and Inwas still in grade school, so under 12.  We lived with grandparents until I was about 8, so sis would have been 10.  

[alabamagal]

Aug 30, 2016 15:11:30 GMT -5 debthaven said:

A 14YO can't be left alone for a few hours?! That seems crazy, unless he has some sort of issue.

Many years ago when my kids were small, an older mom told me, if you don't give kids some freedom, they'll eventually just take it. I thought that was excellent advice.

Totally agree!

[happyhoix]

Aug 30, 2016 15:09:56 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Well, I was doing that quite young, but I would say it depends on the kid.  My son is 14 and I would have no issue with leaving him from getting home from school until 9pm.  He has a cousin that is 15 that shouldn't be left alone ever.   

I know some twenty somethings I wouldn't leave home alone, at least not in my house, not with my beer stash.

[Lizard Queen]

It reminds me of what an xbf told me. His mom worked, so every day after school he would drink vodka and have sex just to pass the time. <--Every mom's nightmare.

[mroped]

It is somewhat sad that one has to worry about the safety of his/her kid that is home alone at 10-11-12 years of age but this is the society we are living in and those feelings are absolutely legitimate given that fact.

Where I grew up, there was no such thing at the time. Kids were taken care of by the parents or an older sibling or grandparents while they were litle as in 1 to 6 years old.
When I was 8 my younger brother was born and if my mother had to work or go somewhere, I was the one taking care of him. Next door were the grandparents that I could rely on.
This was a small town where everybody knew everybody and at the age of 5-6 you were out on the road durring the day playing then the older kids arround you would more or less keep an eye on you. And we were realy playing on the road!  There were no vehicles passing since nobody in town owned a car, once in a while there would be a horse of oxen pulled wagon that we would chase down the road raising clouds of dust.
Oh yeah! There was no asphalt either so when it rained you needed rubber boots to waddle through the mud. Or barre foot if that was your choice!

My older brother lived in the city and when his children went to school, which was 100 yards away, they always had the key to the apartment hanging by a thread arround their neck. Once school was out at noon, they'd walk home, get in and lock behind. They did that every day. My brother or SIL were getting home about 4 pm.

This was communism mind you but child abusers/molesters were severely punished and prison time was something that everyone feared.

[Kolt!]

I'd say 11+ but it really depends on the child and such. 

Anything below 9 though I think is a bit too young. And it'd take me a lot to trust a 9 year old alone but that may just be me. 

[quince]

I'd say 9/10 until 6 PM. Maybe 11/12 for 9 PM? Obviously depending on the child. Actual results may vary.

[Deleted]

I do think that almost six hours alone is a lot.  You guys keep talking about physical safety as in neighbors nearby, etc.  But what will the kid be doing during that alone time?  Playing video games?  Perusing the Internet?  Sure, there's homework and maybe a few chores.  But that's a lot of unsupervised time.

And is an hour enough time to maintain a connection with your child?  At 14, he needs to be in bed by 10 p.m.  This is an age where the parent/child relationship is supremely important.  They are beginning to make choices, some with dangerous potential consequences.

I agree with the coworker here.

[bean29]

Aug 30, 2016 15:52:45 GMT -5 happyhoix said:

Aug 30, 2016 15:09:56 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Well, I was doing that quite young, but I would say it depends on the kid.  My son is 14 and I would have no issue with leaving him from getting home from school until 9pm.  He has a cousin that is 15 that shouldn't be left alone ever.   

I know some twenty somethings I wouldn't leave home alone, at least not in my house, not with my beer stash.

Meh, we have that issue too, but your assuming your stash is the only one available to them. Puts you right back to trusting them with freedom and responsibility. A 14 year old who can't be left alone=someone has. Problem, either the Mom, or the kid.

[Miss Tequila]

Aug 30, 2016 15:24:38 GMT -5 alabamagal said:

Aug 30, 2016 15:11:30 GMT -5 debthaven said:

A 14YO can't be left alone for a few hours?! That seems crazy, unless he has some sort of issue.

Many years ago when my kids were small, an older mom told me, if you don't give kids some freedom, they'll eventually just take it. I thought that was excellent advice.

Totally agree!

But does the 14 year old have any issues? My nephew looked normal and talked normal but he had a lower than average IQ and was very immature for his age. At 14 there is no way he could have been left alone.

[giramomma]

It also depends on the kid.
 
My oldest is "normal." I'm pretty normal. (At least compared to my childhood.)

DS was fine being left alone at home at ages 9-10.5. Something happened around 10.5 and he didn't want to be home alone. I don't know what it was.

Form 10.5-12, he's pretty much refused to stay at home by himself.

I figure it's a stage. 

It isn't that I haven't given him freedoms. I've taught him how to use our public bus system so he can get around by himself if he wants to. In fact, I've encouraged him to do so. When we first moved into our house, from ages 7-8, he'd roam around the neighborhood to various kids' houses. We wouldn't see him for several hours in the afternoon on weekends.

I wouldn't leave him alone for 6 hours, but because teen behavior.  (In general, I'm not a fan of giving teens large chunks of unmonitored time.) I'd probably ask around to see if he can go to a friends' house for a few hours after school, and then be dropped off at home.

As a parent reflecting on my own childhood, I'm really shocked that I found jobs babysitting at 12 and 13. After dealing with kid emergencies as an adult, I can say that there's no way I could have dealt with kid emergencies as a 12 yo. For our kids, our baby sitters have to drive. And, even then I'm choosy. I wouldn't hire a sitter who got their license suspended from having a crapton of regular accidents or even "just a few" DUIs.

[Tiny]

For the 14 yo not able to be left alone - it might just be the kids aversion to the uncomfortableness of being alone... I know adults who are uncomfortable being home alone - like if their spouse has to travel. I guess it's kind of jarring to go from being around people 24/7 to being ALONE in your own home.    Sometimes you have to learn how to be 'alone'.... 

FWIW: I got left home alone after school/in the evening starting in 7th grade - so I guess I was about 11 or 12? I was pretty set in my routine - do homework, eat dinner, do chores (dinner clean up make lunch for school the next day, etc) and then work on a craft (I liked to crochet) or read or watch TV, and then go to bed. Having parents home wasn't much different from not having parents at home - the same stuff happened.


Just a general question - if someone is worried about leaving their kid home alone = what are they worried about? Some one breaking into their house? Or the kid doing something dangerous like setting the house on fire?

[spartan7886]

My biggest safety concern in this case would be dinner, I think. At 14, I didn't have the skills to cook a proper dinner, so I would have either needed to eat a cold dinner or microwaved leftovers every night or risk inexperience using the stove/oven. I'm sure most 14yos can be taught to safely use a stove and oven, but I doubt the average 14yo has been taught that. The teaching would need to be done in advance and would take a fair amount of time before I would be comfortable with cooking being done while home alone.

[Deleted]

My 14 year old cooks better than me.  That's not saying a whole lot, but he knows his way around the stove/oven anyhow.    But really, given a choice he prefers leftovers and things that take little or no prep anyhow. 

[Chocolate Lover]

Aug 31, 2016 11:01:26 GMT -5 spartan7886 said:

My biggest safety concern in this case would be dinner, I think. At 14, I didn't have the skills to cook a proper dinner, so I would have either needed to eat a cold dinner or microwaved leftovers every night or risk inexperience using the stove/oven. I'm sure most 14yos can be taught to safely use a stove and oven, but I doubt the average 14yo has been taught that. The teaching would need to be done in advance and would take a fair amount of time before I would be comfortable with cooking being done while home alone.

I consider it my job to teach my kids how to cook. They started baking cookies with me when they were little and have moved up to at minimum using the oven for nuggets and fries (no one fries in oil as a minor at my house ). Oldest (19) cooks very well, DD (14) won't actually cook with me but is the only one of her friends with a clue, and youngest (12) gets to use the toaster oven with the timer for stuff. 

I think I started leaving them alone at home after school for an hour or so around 11. (Arrival home from school to when I got home) They step up from that as I think they can handle it. 

[Tiny]

I'm not sure the dinner thing is much of an issue... the kids I knew (nephews/nieces) (they were atleast 7 years old) knew how to make a sandwich or how to put something from the freezer into the microwave (chicken nuggets for example) or how to open a can of Raviolios or a pack of ramen noodles and know which bowl/container to put it in so it will cook in the microwave. OK, those were the go to foods for my nephews when I watched them... They might not eat a 'balanced' meal - but they certainly wouldn't starve. My niece would insist on frying bologna which required the use of a fry pan and the stove... she was 7 though... so I just let her do it (her mom said it was OK) but kept an eye on it all (and made sure the stove was off when she was done). OK, maybe the dietary habits of my brothers' kids isn't all that representative of kids in general. They could reliably feed themselves by the time they were tweens.

But, I can see how a kid that hasn't had the opportunity to make or heat up their own food could not know their way around the kitchen.   My mother wasn't very good at the whole 'teaching' part of cooking and discouraged me from 'helping' in the kitchen (I wasn't doing it right!!!)  so I was a teen with very little 'kitchen' experience.  I could make a sandwich or heat up a bowl of canned soup (or other canned stuff).

[snapdragon]

You really need to know the attitude of the child. 

I was watching my 5 year OLDER brother when I was 7-8. I also cleaned, cooked dinner and did laundry. I really believe this backlash is from the "latch key kid" syndrome that occurred in the 80's - 90's. 

I was completely fine being fairly often by myself and since we were in a col-de-sac there were plenty of people we could run to for help if needed. I liked flipping through the cook book and reading the recipes than cooking one.


 

[spartan7886]

Aug 31, 2016 12:11:32 GMT -5 Tiny said:

I'm not sure the dinner thing is much of an issue... the kids I knew (nephews/nieces) (they were atleast 7 years old) knew how to make a sandwich or how to put something from the freezer into the microwave (chicken nuggets for example) or how to open a can of Raviolios or a pack of ramen noodles and know which bowl/container to put it in so it will cook in the microwave. OK, those were the go to foods for my nephews when I watched them... They might not eat a 'balanced' meal - but they certainly wouldn't starve. My niece would insist on frying bologna which required the use of a fry pan and the stove... she was 7 though... so I just let her do it (her mom said it was OK) but kept an eye on it all (and made sure the stove was off when she was done). OK, maybe the dietary habits of my brothers' kids isn't all that representative of kids in general. They could reliably feed themselves by the time they were tweens.

But, I can see how a kid that hasn't had the opportunity to make or heat up their own food could not know their way around the kitchen.   My mother wasn't very good at the whole 'teaching' part of cooking and discouraged me from 'helping' in the kitchen (I wasn't doing it right!!!)  so I was a teen with very little 'kitchen' experience.  I could make a sandwich or heat up a bowl of canned soup (or other canned stuff).

Yeah, I think most kids that age could do sandwiches, Chef Boyardee, and ramen, which are fine occasionally. I just wouldn't want to subject someone to that crap for dinner 5 nights a week, which is how I interpreted the question. Admittedly now that I go back, it wasn't specified.

[milee]

I'm a little surprised at some of the variation here.  Starting another thread to find out more about some of these tangents.  Like why in the heck wouldn't a 14 year old wouldn't have been taught (or even figured out) how to use the stove?  

[Deleted]

It totally and completely depends on the child. Some children are a bit more mature and trustworthy than others.