Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2016 10:00:39 GMT -5
Are you competitive? I am not and I tend to ignore people that like to compete.
My class reunion is coming up and it seems like there are a lot of competitive people. I don't care who makes the most money or who is the most successful, I just want everyone to be happy.
I have a competitive sister. She always wants to know who, among us siblings, has the longest hair or who wears the smallest size. Who cares? (I wear my hair short.)
Why are people competitive?
I always think it's hard enough to worry about myself, I cannot worry about other people too.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Jul 6, 2016 10:24:09 GMT -5
I am competitive but don't focus on being better than others. I work to be better than who I was yesterday.
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MarleyKeezy78
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Post by MarleyKeezy78 on Jul 6, 2016 10:27:57 GMT -5
No, not competitive. We always talk about what we would do or get if we won the lottery, but I don't care what others have that we don't. My BIL/SIL are competitive and call to brag about the new things they get, DH is like "all righty then, cool" We just do us
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shanendoah
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Post by shanendoah on Jul 6, 2016 10:29:34 GMT -5
For the most part, I am not competitive. But I am also, for the most part, incredibly happy with how my life has turned out, so that may be a factor.
There is one person (who I have not seen in close to 20 years), that you put me in a room with her, and I turn into a competitive b****, or at least I did 20 years ago. I don't really know what it is. She and I went to school together in 8th and 9th grade, and ran into each other again in college when she dated a good friend of mine. And she and I just bring this out in each other. (Because it wasn't just me. But at the same time, other friends of the friend she dated said she wasn't like that when I wasn't around.) I would hope that now that we are both 40+, if we were to run into each other, we would not respond that way. But I was kind of surprised by it 20 years ago, so who knows.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Jul 6, 2016 11:15:09 GMT -5
Why are people competitive?
Personally: I was raised to be the best at everything I attempted. If I wasn't the best, I was in trouble. My father literally had a plaque engraved with "Anything less than perfection is failure."
Societally: We live in a capitalist economy--by definition competitive. You must compete and win to be able to eat. Almost everything is a competition in our society. I would actually disagree with anyone who says they are not at all competitive. If "you" weren't competitive, you'd give up your job; you'd never park in a parking lot; you'd wear the exact same clothes every day; etc.
As a side note, when I was 25, my father apologized to me for being so extreme with his child-rearing. However, it takes a while for the adult child to work through that.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jul 6, 2016 11:24:03 GMT -5
I don't believe people when they say they are not competitive just like I don't believe people when they say they are non-judgemental.
You never tried to do better than your coworker to get that promotion? You never tried to get a better deal on a purchase of a house, car, etc? You never tried to look better than the girl next to you to get that hot guy to notice you?? You never tried to get better scores so you can get into college, or such?
Oh please. We compete on a daily basis. Competition is not an evil word nor an evil action.
I think people who say they are not competitive may confuse that with not being envious when someone does better than them. That, I think, is a good quality to have.
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milee
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Post by milee on Jul 6, 2016 12:12:48 GMT -5
I am "competitive" in that I usually am trying to improve upon whatever I'm doing. It's more about curiosity and a way to hone skills than it is about other people. As Bill mentioned, the competitiveness isn't about what the people around me are doing since I'm generally pretty oblivious to that. The constantly striving to improve probably goes back a little bit to the discussion about people who can sit quietly for long hours doing and looking at nothing versus people who get twitchy sitting still or not processing some sort of external stimuli for too long... I'm one of the twitchy ones that gets bored very easily, so trying to figure out how to do something faster, better, cheaper, etc is part of my own entertainment.
I also get very, very bored and irritated with repetitive, low brainpower tasks, so when I have to do those I keep it interesting by working on how it could be done more quickly or better or whatever.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2016 12:24:56 GMT -5
I am not competitive in physical appearance. I don't complete with my siblings to see who can grow their hair the longest. I don't complete with my siblings to see who can be the thinnest, especially since none of us are overweight.
I shower and wash my hair daily so I feel clean and comfortable. I get my hair trimmed on a regular basis so it stays out of my eyes and doesn't drive me nuts. I try and eat healthy so I feel good. I exercise for my health. That's not competing.
I compete with other people when there are job openings. Yeah. I guess I am competitive. All I can do in that case is submit my best cover letter and resume.
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milee
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Post by milee on Jul 6, 2016 12:26:24 GMT -5
OK, I looked up the technical definition of competitive and see that one of the elements is that the person is competing against another person/thing. I think I was using the wrong definition in my last post, since a lot of what I'm referring to isn't being competitive with another person necessarily. It's more about challenging myself to improve. That said, I can be competitive with others, but I think mostly in harmless or appropriate ways. I love to race sailboats and am very competitive at that. It always puzzles me when others - and it's usually women - get upset at competition within an arranged race (regatta). Um, that's why we're here at a REGATTA - to race against each other; it's totally cool if you don't want to race, but then you should just go sail around. I have no idea how you'd "compete" at looks or anything like that. That just seems weird and more about putting the other person down. Yuck.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Jul 6, 2016 12:34:43 GMT -5
The drive to compete is pretty inherent. There are studies that show just exercising next to someone, even if you're not racing them, will cause both people to go faster.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jul 6, 2016 13:08:23 GMT -5
I'm not really competitive. I've got enough on my plate worrying about myself and my kids.
It helps that I work in the public sector. I don't compete against anyone for a promotion. That's not how promotions work. There are no "plum assignments" to try to compete to earn. I need to do my best, but competing really won't get me anywhere. If compensation at my job(s) were tied to actual output, well, that would be different.
Now, my DD's are another story. DD2 is very competitive. It's embarrassing sometimes, and something we have to work on. For example, when she runs bases for t-ball, she'll push kids (literally) out of the way that are going slower than her. We don't stress winning, and she'll ask "Did I win?"
DD1 is competitive, but it's more in the context of setting personal goals and meeting them. Now, she was pleased that she won our neighborhood fun run for kids in her age group. But, it's not a thing like it is for DD2.
DS would rather sing kumbaya with everyone than compete. He was on the losing-est team in base ball this summer. He really didn't give two shits. He's just happy to play. He can't stand normal kid jawing on the playground. He'll walk away before he engages.
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Waffle
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Post by Waffle on Jul 6, 2016 13:29:28 GMT -5
I was "secretively competitive" in high school. At eighth grade graduation, a kid I'll call Joe won several academic awards -one for having the highest GPA . And I remember thinking to myself, "I'm smarter than Joe - that should have been me". And for the next 4 years I competed against Joe, even though Joe wasn't aware of it.
I've been told that I'm competitive when I'm playing cards - I've never fully understood what that meant.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2016 13:35:30 GMT -5
I don't compete with my coworkers for a promotion either. I do my best. If employer likes me, great.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Jul 6, 2016 13:39:55 GMT -5
I'm just trying to be the best me that I can be while knowing full well I don't have plans to conquer the world or be a CEO. I work hard, have been promoted for it and have another goal in sight but I still want to maintain a work/home balance. I don't live to work rather I work to live and want to do everything I can so that when I'm in my mid 50's if I lose a job, want to work part time or retire and donate my time I can financially afford to.
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milee
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Post by milee on Jul 6, 2016 13:56:00 GMT -5
I was "secretively competitive" in high school. At eighth grade graduation, a kid I'll call Joe won several academic awards -one for having the highest GPA . And I remember thinking to myself, "I'm smarter than Joe - that should have been me". And for the next 4 years I competed against Joe, even though Joe wasn't aware of it.
A few years ago, DH pointed out that my younger sister was that way with me. That she was always comparing and in competition with me on everything. I honestly had never noticed because I don't think about her like that. She's my sister, I just love her and want to hang with her and have never thought about who had a kid first, or whose kid was biggest, or who weighed less, etc, etc. I didn't even believe DH when he said it because it sounded so weird. But then I started looking more closely and think he might be right. Wonder if Joe ever realized that he was your nemesis?
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jul 6, 2016 14:13:51 GMT -5
Ok. I've changed my mind. I'm competitive about playing board games.
And, with DH, I am competitive about DD1. She prefers DH hands down. So, when she wants me instead, I make a big deal out of it.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Jul 6, 2016 14:18:18 GMT -5
Always wanting to be right does NOT make me competitive! I was competitive when I was younger but now I could give a crap. I don't even try to be better than I was yesterday like billis mentioned. I have a friend who is very competitive to the point that I just say Oh, okay when she always has to up somebody about something or thinks she knows it all. She also likes to think she's a doctor and knows everything medically. Would I be rude if I asked her if her asshole ever gets jealous at all the crap that comes out of her mouth?
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Jul 6, 2016 14:18:56 GMT -5
I am competitive in some things, but pretty easygoing in others. I have a good job, a good husband, good kids. I am happy with where I am in life. Some former co-workers have passed my in the job ladder, and I am ok with that. I have one friend from high school who has a big house on the water in the Florida Keys. Always posting pics of fishing, boating, sunsets, partying etc. I am jealous. Buy maybe he is in debt up to his eyeballs. Maybe not. I used to play tennis. I worked hard and played my best. I loved winning a match. DH and I current "competitive" event is group trivia at local bar. We enjoy the competition in a very good-natured way. About 1/2 the time we get first place, which is $50 gift certificate, so we get to eat/drink for free the next week. And even when we get 2nd or 3rd prize, it is usually 2 or 3 in our group vs 5 or 6 people in the group that wins, so we justify that in that we don't have to split the prize money between as many people.
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Waffle
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Post by Waffle on Jul 6, 2016 14:23:36 GMT -5
I was "secretively competitive" in high school. At eighth grade graduation, a kid I'll call Joe won several academic awards -one for having the highest GPA . And I remember thinking to myself, "I'm smarter than Joe - that should have been me". And for the next 4 years I competed against Joe, even though Joe wasn't aware of it.
A few years ago, DH pointed out that my younger sister was that way with me. That she was always comparing and in competition with me on everything. I honestly had never noticed because I don't think about her like that. She's my sister, I just love her and want to hang with her and have never thought about who had a kid first, or whose kid was biggest, or who weighed less, etc, etc. I didn't even believe DH when he said it because it sounded so weird. But then I started looking more closely and think he might be right. Wonder if Joe ever realized that he was your nemesis? He knew, but not until we were seniors (as far as I know). That was the end of my scholastic competitiveness - He's now Dr. Joe and I'm wasting time at my day job posting on this forum.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jul 6, 2016 14:28:32 GMT -5
Are you competitive? I am not and I tend to ignore people that like to compete.
My class reunion is coming up and it seems like there are a lot of competitive people. I don't care who makes the most money or who is the most successful, I just want everyone to be happy.
I have a competitive sister. She always wants to know who, among us siblings, has the longest hair or who wears the smallest size. Who cares? (I wear my hair short.)
Why are people competitive?
I always think it's hard enough to worry about myself, I cannot worry about other people too.
I wouldn't really call that competitive. Insecure, concerned about the wrong things, but not competitive. YMMV.
If she cares about hair length, that's a touch weird. Unfortunately women are somewhat trained to be obsessed with being small. I was blessed with a non-tiny bone structure. I don't want to be size 0 and do not worship those who are. Priorities.
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Jul 6, 2016 15:11:52 GMT -5
I'm not particularly 'competitive' I don't particularly want/need to be the "best" or be acknowledged as being 'better than you because I won!'. Gold Stars don't motivate me. But, I do love the fun involved in doing something better or finding some new way to do it or improving a skill... I'd rather be part of a 'team' or atleast when it's all said and done we can look at the accomplishment and admire it (versus admiring who did "all the work" or "who's idea it was" or "Yeah! so is so is so GREAT Look what was accomplished") I often 'compete' against myself. I find competitive people who need to be acknowledge as being the "winner" to be somewhat exhausting to deal with. But, I have discovered that they often aren't very perceptive (or just easily placated?) and they will accept an insincere "You are the Best! Yeah, You!!!!" as acknowledgement of their greatness - making it easier to move on to the next interesting thing. I think competitiveness needs to be tempered with kindness and compassion (or maybe it's just not forgetting that other people are still worthwhile human beings even if you are "better" than they are).
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Jul 6, 2016 15:20:40 GMT -5
I don't believe people when they say they are not competitive just like I don't believe people when they say they are non-judgemental. You never tried to do better than your coworker to get that promotion? You never tried to get a better deal on a purchase of a house, car, etc? You never tried to look better than the girl next to you to get that hot guy to notice you?? You never tried to get better scores so you can get into college, or such? Oh please. We compete on a daily basis. Competition is not an evil word nor an evil action. I think people who say they are not competitive may confuse that with not being envious when someone does better than them. That, I think, is a good quality to have. Just to add to the above. (I do agree that there's always some sort of competition/choice going on everyday) But 'competitiveness' is sometimes something more. Not sure if it's envy or just the "I'm better than you - I know where we stand in the social order. "
I think sometimes competitiveness is about fear of failure - if you aren't the winner you are the loser. If you make/do/attempt something and someone did it better than you - YOU are the failure/didn't succeed. When failure/lack of success becomes "bad" it's dangerous territory.
I was taught that failure/lack of success is BAD. I never could seem to succeed. It seemed like either you just magically were good/perfect at something or you weren't. There was no "keep trying til you succeed or gain competence at the skill. It was -- you got one chance - don't screw it up. And at some point I just stopped doing/trying. It just wasn't worth it. I knew what the outcome would be. I still struggle with this decades later.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jul 6, 2016 15:25:14 GMT -5
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jul 6, 2016 15:27:41 GMT -5
I was "secretively competitive" in high school. At eighth grade graduation, a kid I'll call Joe won several academic awards -one for having the highest GPA . And I remember thinking to myself, "I'm smarter than Joe - that should have been me". And for the next 4 years I competed against Joe, even though Joe wasn't aware of it.
I've been told that I'm competitive when I'm playing cards - I've never fully understood what that meant. I was secretively competitive with my BFF from college. We graduated at the same time and were both studying for the CPA exam. I don't think she had any clue that I was trying to compete with her. My competition ended when she passed the exam and I didn't and she got a higher paying job than me. Turns out I am a LOT more lazy than I am competitive.
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mroped
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Post by mroped on Jul 6, 2016 16:07:24 GMT -5
I don't care much about who's making more money or drives the beter vehicle and so on but if I see anything or anyone doing something interesting and is related with what I do for a living than I MUST do one better otherwise it nags me. It is interesting that the nagging works if said person is my age or younger. I do not compete against those that thought me things along the way. Them, I just recognize of having higher level skills and experience!
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jul 6, 2016 16:19:34 GMT -5
I don't really care who has better clothes, is prettier, drives a nicer car, or has more money. There will always be someone better looking/richer/has better stuff than me.
I am competitive with myself. I want to get better at many of the things I do. Some I don't care about.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jul 6, 2016 16:32:15 GMT -5
When I was growing up, if I took an interest in what mom was doing, she saw that as competition.
So, if she was going to knit something, and then I decided I wanted to knit the same item (for the same person no less..we didn't have many options for gift recipients..just our nuclear family of three) then she would accuse me of trying to compete with her. And it was a bad thing.
Which is really weird when I reflect on that now, as a parent.
My kids always try to do what DH and I are doing. They also try the same things as each other. I'd never accuse them of trying to compete with me, and I don't suggest that they compete with each other.
I have been thrilled when my kids take interest in something that I do. The girls are getting old enough, now, that they'll listen to DS try to help them with sporty things.
I'm just happy the kids tried something, tried to find a way to connect with each other, etc. If they like said activity, even better. If not, it still gives them a clue about who they are.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2016 17:29:23 GMT -5
I can be competitive. If I'm in a situation that calls for it, I like to sink my teeth in and win. But it I don't require competition to function, as some people do. I'd just as soon play cooperatively. And most of the time I'm pretty oblivious to the things others seem to value enough to compete over. But if the situation calls for, sure I will say though be careful not to take defense as offense. Some time people aren't trying to be better, just convince you or themselves they aren't any 'less/worse/etc"...
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on Jul 6, 2016 20:20:45 GMT -5
For the most part, I am not competitive. But I am also, for the most part, incredibly happy with how my life has turned out, so that may be a factor.
There is one person (who I have not seen in close to 20 years), that you put me in a room with her, and I turn into a competitive b****, or at least I did 20 years ago. I don't really know what it is. She and I went to school together in 8th and 9th grade, and ran into each other again in college when she dated a good friend of mine. And she and I just bring this out in each other. (Because it wasn't just me. But at the same time, other friends of the friend she dated said she wasn't like that when I wasn't around.) I would hope that now that we are both 40+, if we were to run into each other, we would not respond that way. But I was kind of surprised by it 20 years ago, so who knows. Hmmm. Sounds like a few people I've met. So much like me that I can't stand it.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jul 6, 2016 20:26:14 GMT -5
Competitive in games and that's about it.
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