MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Mar 16, 2016 7:22:19 GMT -5
The father of someone in my department died over the weekend. Stupid me - I never clicked on the obit when our VP sent the email.
It's a special casual week at work. Today is the viewing - I only just realized it this morning when someone asked me about it. I am wearing a pink sweater, jeans, and boat shoes. The viewing is close by in the afternoon. Should I just go anyway?
I feel pretty bad that I only realized it today. I've been pretty focused on my own problems lately.
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Mar 16, 2016 7:30:08 GMT -5
Yes, I didn't give a crap what people wore when my Dad died.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 16, 2016 7:31:09 GMT -5
Around here viewings aren't something you need to dress up for. I mean some do, but a lot of people are just popping in to show their respects in the middle of other things. If you want to go, I wouldn't let what you're wearing stop you.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 16, 2016 7:37:43 GMT -5
Go they will remember you were there. Not what you wore. Unless you wear something completely and wholly inappropriate and it doesn't sound like what you're wearing is inappropriate
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 16, 2016 7:41:52 GMT -5
If you feel that awkward when you get there, just sign the book. I barely remember DH's viewing let alone who spoke to me. Thankfully.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 16, 2016 7:43:50 GMT -5
Go they will remember you were there. Not what you wore. Unless you wear something completely and wholly inappropriate and it doesn't sound like what you're wearing is inappropriate Yeah, probably no Walking Dead tee shirts or dominatrix outfits... Pink sweater and jeans perfectly fine.
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Regis
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Post by Regis on Mar 16, 2016 8:03:44 GMT -5
I usually prescribe to the theory that attendance at weddings of friends' families is optional - viewings are not.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Mar 16, 2016 8:17:15 GMT -5
I would just pop in quickly and sign the book. What you are wearing sounds fine. My rule is I dress more formally for the funeral than the viewing.
The last viewing I went to I wore khakis and a sweater. I wore a jacket, sweater, and dress pants to the actual funeral. And I had my Under Armour cold gear base layers on because it was January and 15 degrees that morning.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Mar 16, 2016 8:24:19 GMT -5
You should go if you are comfortable with the idea. I went to my first open casket viewing ever last year. I hope I never have to find myself at another one. But you don't do it for yourself; you do it for those who are grieving. And even though they may not be able to think about it at that moment, they will later on. They will know that all these people showed up because they cared enough to do so. Clothes do not convey your level of caring and consideration; your presence does.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Mar 16, 2016 9:02:19 GMT -5
Almost everyone else is wearing appropriate clothing - I'm stopping at Target at 12 to get black pants. I know myself and I'm going to feel extremely uncomfortable if everyone is dressed up and I'm not.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 16, 2016 9:07:37 GMT -5
I went to my first open casket viewing ever last year. I hope I never have to find myself at another one
Really? Every wake I've ever been to has been open casket going back to when I was nine.
I hate wakes, they make me extremely uncomfortable. I suck it up and go b/c that is what you do for family.
Wakes, at least the ones I've been to, are not formal affairs. I see people in jeans or whatever they were wearing at work before they stopped by.
It's the funeral where you're expected to be wearing certain attire.
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Mar 16, 2016 9:08:33 GMT -5
I would just pop in quickly and sign the book. What you are wearing sounds fine. My rule is I dress more formally for the funeral than the viewing. The last viewing I went to I wore khakis and a sweater. I wore a jacket, sweater, and dress pants to the actual funeral. And I had my Under Armour cold gear base layers on because it was January and 15 degrees that morning. My Dad's brother wore a suit to my Dad's viewing/church service. The internment was the following day and he wore jeans. Several family members were in jeans. It was also January and Dad's brother had to travel home, so we were not offended - more so thankful for their presence.
My Daughter observed to me that at a Mexican Funeral you rarely see black, but at "White" Funerals people often wear black. I don't think you need to dress up. The last funeral I went to, The Family was not overly dressed up either, but they were very touched that I went (also a former co-worker).
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tloonya
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What status?
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Post by tloonya on Mar 16, 2016 9:10:14 GMT -5
I usually prescribe to the theory that attendance at weddings of friends' families is optional - viewings are not. Do you mean people must go?
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Mar 16, 2016 9:19:50 GMT -5
I went to my first open casket viewing ever last year. I hope I never have to find myself at another one
Really? Every wake I've ever been to has been open casket going back to when I was nine. I hate wakes, they make me extremely uncomfortable. I suck it up and go b/c that is what you do for family. Wakes, at least the ones I've been to, are not formal affairs. I see people in jeans or whatever they were wearing at work before they stopped by. It's the funeral where you're expected to be wearing certain attire. At my dad's wake (he was cremated so no open casket-just pop-in-a-box), I don't remember what others wore just that it was unusually hot in late July in Massachusetts (low 100 degree days during wake and funeral). We sll dressed down. My dad's wake/visitation had entertainement. My dad was a member of an all-men's glee club/barbershop quartet organization which competed in contests with other cities in the northeast U.S. and Canada. At his wake, about 35 members of the glee club came and sang four songs to enjoyment of everyone there. It was much appreciated by our family.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 16, 2016 9:29:07 GMT -5
I would just pop in quickly and sign the book. What you are wearing sounds fine. My rule is I dress more formally for the funeral than the viewing. The last viewing I went to I wore khakis and a sweater. I wore a jacket, sweater, and dress pants to the actual funeral. And I had my Under Armour cold gear base layers on because it was January and 15 degrees that morning.
My Daughter observed to me that at a Mexican Funeral you rarely see black, but at "White" Funerals people often wear black. I don't think you need to dress up. The last funeral I went to, The Family was not overly dressed up either, but they were very touched that I went (also a former co-worker).
I'd be dead meat if I showed up to a funeral not dressed up. I dress causal for most wakes. It was HARD to find appropriate attire for my grandfather's funeral. I had given birth to Abby three days beforehand. None of my maternity clothes were appropriate and I barely fit into my regular clothes yet. I managed to find a pair of pants that for some reason I hung onto that ended up fitting and a flowy dark colored top. My mom said nobody would have thought less of me for not dressing "appropriately" at the time but idea bothered ME so I made it work. Forced DH to purchase a suit. I said if he thought he was going to show up at my grandfather's funeral in dirty jeans and a cammo shirt he had another thing coming.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Mar 16, 2016 10:25:26 GMT -5
My Daughter observed to me that at a Mexican Funeral you rarely see black, but at "White" Funerals people often wear black. I don't think you need to dress up. The last funeral I went to, The Family was not overly dressed up either, but they were very touched that I went (also a former co-worker).
I'd be dead meat if I showed up to a funeral not dressed up. I dress causal for most wakes. It was HARD to find appropriate attire for my grandfather's funeral. I had given birth to Abby three days beforehand. None of my maternity clothes were appropriate and I barely fit into my regular clothes yet. I managed to find a pair of pants that for some reason I hung onto that ended up fitting and a flowy dark colored top. My mom said nobody would have thought less of me for not dressing "appropriately" at the time but idea bothered ME so I made it work. Forced DH to purchase a suit. I said if he thought he was going to show up at my grandfather's funeral in dirty jeans and a cammo shirt he had another thing coming. Even my redneck wears steel toed boots to work and sometimes a hard hat brother knows when to dress up. We were scrambling last August to get the new suit hemmed and cleaned before the funeral. The teenage daughter of one of his very good friends suddenly died. Sometimes you have to dress up. I don't know that I've ever been to a closed casket viewing.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 16, 2016 10:35:04 GMT -5
DH knows when to dress up. His mother raised him better than that. He just doesn't WANT to dress up. I threatened to tell his mother if he didn't buy a suit. .. he bought a suit.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Mar 16, 2016 11:26:45 GMT -5
The only funeral where I specifically remember what someone wore was at my grandmother's. It was in 2000.
One of my cousins (he's a useless drunk bum) showed up in a suit. However, he did not have a tie on. The shirt was unbuttoned all the way down to mid chest. There were stains on the shirt. He wore untied very worn high top sneakers with the pant legs partially tucked in the sneakers. Another cousin (whom I am close to) and I just looked at each other like "OMFG." We appreciated the effort in wearing a suit and know he doesn't have a lot of money. Dude, just button your shirt and tie your sneakers.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Mar 16, 2016 11:29:50 GMT -5
I remember the shoes a friend of my grandmothers wore to my grandfather's funeral. 5 inch toeless zebra print heel with a red rose on the toes. They were bitchin' shoes.
Gave me something to focus on other than I was at my grandfathers funeral while recovering from giving birth.
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Mar 16, 2016 11:47:38 GMT -5
Around here - it really doesn't matter what you wear to the wake. The family usually is dressed nicely. I've been to a lot of wakes/funerals/memorials in my life time. No one's made a fuss when a family showed up with their kids in their soccer uniforms and mom and dad wearing team t-shirts. I've seen people come from work wearing their 'uniform'.
I guess it comes down to "if you'd wear it to "everyday" Church" it's appropriate to wear to the wake. For the Funeral it's appropriate "if you'd wear it to a "holiday" Church event".
FWIW: when I read the OP - I thought maybe it was the pink sweater that was felt to be inappropriate and not the jeans I know many people in my circle(s) seem to think you MUST wear dark clothing or you are somehow 'disrespecting' the family who has lost a loved one.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Mar 16, 2016 12:08:00 GMT -5
I remember as a kid (1964) and being in the car with my mom when she said she wanted to stop by a funeral home to pay respects to the son of two friends. The two friends were a married couple and were killed in a commercial airline crash in which all 39 aboard the plane died (on board/airborne fire). Mom told me the caskets were empty and having the caskets at the funeral home were symbolic of their passing. This was before DNA testing to identify crash victim remains. At the time I didn't quite understand it all but of course now I do.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Mar 16, 2016 12:19:24 GMT -5
good thing one of our company stores is about 15 mins down the road! I bought a pair of khakis for $15.
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flamingo
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Post by flamingo on Mar 16, 2016 13:03:31 GMT -5
I've been to 3 funerals in my life. My MIL, FIL, and a coworker's mother's. I dress up for all of them. For MIL and FIL, my DH and I were the best dressed by far. BIL and his family did ok, but the rest of the crowd was mostly in jeans and sweats! I was astonished! I even bought a new dress for FIL's because I didn't have a good dress and while I had black pants, I didn't really have the right top. For my co-worker's mother's funeral, ALL the work people (meaning all the bosses) were there. So I wanted to be appropriate so that they didn't remember I was the one who didn't know better.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Mar 16, 2016 13:14:40 GMT -5
I'm Irish Catholic. We are raised to go to wakes and funerals like other families get together for dinner. We are also trained to have clothes appropriate for a wake and funeral at the ready. But, even for us, the standards have eased a bit. MJ2.0: I'm glad you found some pants so quickly and so affordably. But I also think your co-worker and family would have understood your outfit at the wake. Wakes are a blur. They often run 5-6 hours long, and if the deceased was ill for any length of time before dying, the family is already in a complete fog from exhaustion, so much so that they often don't remember who came by toward the end of the wake. So, your outfit would have passed muster for the wake, but, as others have mentioned, the funeral is a much more dressy affair.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 16, 2016 13:24:17 GMT -5
Just because the casket is open doesn't mean you have to look at the body. I'm the master of showing up to be respectful but not looking at a dead body.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Mar 16, 2016 13:26:00 GMT -5
Just because the casket is open doesn't mean you have to look at the body. I'm the master of showing up to be respectful but not looking at a dead body. IF you do look, the only proper phrase is "he/she looks great, so natural, the funeral home did a fabulous job".
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 16, 2016 13:30:29 GMT -5
Eww
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 16, 2016 13:31:38 GMT -5
I don't want myself or anyone to remember DH the way he looked dead. I want him alive in my memory.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 16, 2016 13:32:33 GMT -5
Around here - it really doesn't matter what you wear to the wake. The family usually is dressed nicely. I've been to a lot of wakes/funerals/memorials in my life time. No one's made a fuss when a family showed up with their kids in their soccer uniforms and mom and dad wearing team t-shirts. I've seen people come from work wearing their 'uniform'.
I guess it comes down to "if you'd wear it to "everyday" Church" it's appropriate to wear to the wake. For the Funeral it's appropriate "if you'd wear it to a "holiday" Church event".
FWIW: when I read the OP - I thought maybe it was the pink sweater that was felt to be inappropriate and not the jeans I know many people in my circle(s) seem to think you MUST wear dark clothing or you are somehow 'disrespecting' the family who has lost a loved one. I thought pink sweater too!
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Mar 16, 2016 13:39:39 GMT -5
I don't want myself or anyone to remember DH the way he looked dead. I want him alive in my memory. My dad looked better in the casket than he did the months before he died of cancer. He had lost a lot of weight, and was very gaunt. It was like seeing his old self there, from before he got sick.
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