Things You're Sorry You Asked Your Kids...

[milee]

This morning on the way to school I asked my older son what he thought it would be important to look for in a life partner.  The first attribute he mentioned was someone who is easy going. (Good that he's self-aware; he's going to need a partner with some flexibility since he's just about the least flexible person on the planet.)  When I nodded and asked about other important trait, he paused and replied that he thought it would be better if he found someone, "who isn't as smart as you and I are. Because being really smart causes all sorts of problems."

Unfortunately, about that time we were at the front of the car line and he had to get out. So I didn't really get to ask much follow up, leaving me looking a little like this:

Anything you asked your kid about and received an unexpected answer?

Or, alternatively, anybody want to let me know exactly what I'm doing wrong with this kid? 

[yogiii]

A couple weeks ago I asked my 5y/o how his day was and he told me that a girl on his bus (who he's known since age 3), went under her seat and crawled into his and gave him a kiss on the lips. He then proceeded to tell on her to the bus driver because she was being "unsafe". 

[Peace77]

Sometimes the smarter kids gets teased and/or bullied for knowing the answers.

[milee]

Feb 16, 2016 12:01:52 GMT -5 yogiii said:

A couple weeks ago I asked my 5y/o how his day was and he told me that a girl on his bus (who he's known since age 3), went under her seat and crawled into his and gave him a kiss on the lips. He then proceeded to tell on her to the bus driver because she was being "unsafe". 

Be sure to remind him of this when he's a teen. He wouldn't want to be "unsafe."

[milee]

Feb 16, 2016 12:03:20 GMT -5 Peace77 said:

Sometimes the smarter kids gets teased and/or bullied for knowing the answers.

Maybe. But he's at a school where all the kids are smart. So I'm wondering if maybe he's surrounded by smart girls and he thinks they're a PITA so wonders if the slightly less smart ones might be less of a PITA. If so, I think he's in for a rude awakening. 

I'm also a little sad if he's serious because I always wanted him to find his perfect nerd soulmate.

[milee]

Feb 16, 2016 12:09:37 GMT -5 Ryan said:

#humblebrag

Really? I think it makes him look like an entitled asshole. Maybe that's what I'm reacting to. The idea that he thinks he's so smart that it "causes him problems."

[Ryan]

Feb 16, 2016 12:10:49 GMT -5 milee said:

Feb 16, 2016 12:09:37 GMT -5 Ryan said:

#humblebrag

Really? I think it makes him look like an entitled asshole. Maybe that's what I'm reacting to. The idea that he thinks he's so smart that it "causes him problems."

Mo brain power, mo problems.

[ken a.k.a OMK]

Wait until the hormones kick in.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Gwen was taking a really long time in the bathroom. I finally asked her what she was doing and she goes "I am pooping!" and proceeded to go into excruitiating detail about the process.

Okay okay I am sorry I asked!

[milee]

Feb 16, 2016 12:15:27 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Gwen was taking a really long time in the bathroom. I finally asked her what she was doing and she goes "I am pooping!" and proceeded to go into excruitiating detail about the process.

Okay okay I am sorry I asked!

You only have girls, right? Parents of boys learn very early on not to ask what they're doing in the bathroom. Unless it's too quiet for too long. Or you smell smoke. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Yep.

I should have known better, I have a brother.

[ken a.k.a OMK]

Gs#1 took his tablet into the bathroom and continued watching his Lego video.

[andi9899]

Not really a conversation but a text.

Me: I'm at Sam's Club so you need anything?

Thing 1: Condoms

I chose to believe that they were for her friends. I know this isn't the case, but it works for me.

[billisonboard]

Feb 16, 2016 11:54:36 GMT -5 milee said:

... he thought it would be better if he found someone, "who isn't as smart as you and I are. Because being really smart causes all sorts of problems." ...

I have been in six relationships of any significance in my life. Either at the time or subsequently they earned:
1. One her Bachelor's degree
2. Three their Master's degree
3. One her PhD
Granted that doesn't necessarily mean they were smart (after all they did get into a relationship with me).
4. The woman in my current relationship did manage to get herself through high school
Again not necessarily about smarts

However based on my current happiness, I think your son is on to something.

[milee]

Feb 16, 2016 12:27:48 GMT -5 alwaysbeoptimizing said:

Feb 16, 2016 12:10:49 GMT -5 milee said:

Really? I think it makes him look like an entitled asshole. Maybe that's what I'm reacting to. The idea that he thinks he's so smart that it "causes him problems."

and is his view of women that they should be a convenient appliance vs a member of a partnership where you make each other better?

You know your kid better than anyone, and teenage boys have pretty focused minds WRT ladies, but with some other background, this is what i'd be worried about.

Exactly.  Again, to be fair to him the conversation was cut short, but I was very concerned with the idea that his first two answers imply he might think it would be best to have a partner that was easily controlled and not necessarily an equal.  I started to joke that his description sounded more like a good dog. 

Yes, definitely something we'll be talking more about.  Will be interesting to see if that's what he thinks (that he wants a significant other that's easily controllable) and why.

[Green Eyed Lady]

I'm glad you are planning more conversation with this. There are many things more important than an IQ number - common sense, kindness, a sense of humor, good values...just a few things that come to mind. I have a feeling he'll get this as he matures. Sure took me some time to get it. 

[midjd]

Hopefully he was just not articulating his thoughts well. Since it sounds like he has some strong personality traits, he may be self-aware enough to know that he needs someone whose less-rigid personality can balance them out, rather than someone who is just like him. 

On the other hand, he may not (yet) know that doesn't necessarily translate into someone less smart than him... just someone who is smart (or capable) in different ways. 

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Feb 16, 2016 12:51:11 GMT -5 milee said:

Feb 16, 2016 12:27:48 GMT -5 alwaysbeoptimizing said:

and is his view of women that they should be a convenient appliance vs a member of a partnership where you make each other better?

You know your kid better than anyone, and teenage boys have pretty focused minds WRT ladies, but with some other background, this is what i'd be worried about.

Exactly.  Again, to be fair to him the conversation was cut short, but I was very concerned with the idea that his first two answers imply he might think it would be best to have a partner that was easily controlled and not necessarily an equal.  I started to joke that his description sounded more like a good dog. 

Yes, definitely something we'll be talking more about.  Will be interesting to see if that's what he thinks (that he wants a significant other that's easily controllable) and why.

Either this, or he's going to need to date some women who don't challenge him mentally.  I've dated a few guys with the IQ of an ice cube.  It's hard!  You shouldn't have to work so hard to have a conversation!

[billisonboard]

Feb 16, 2016 12:51:11 GMT -5 milee said:

... (that he wants a significant other that's easily controllable) and why.

I think that the jump from not as smart to controllable is one you shouldn't make. I am able to relax and enjoy life with my wife on her terms rather than be in a constant battle of intellectual wits. (That is why I keep Virgil Showlion around. )

[Deleted]

"who isn't as smart as you and I are. Because being really smart causes all sorts of problems."

I'm really curious about the rest of his explanation because he's saying the being really smart is the problem. What problem can he think you being smart has caused?

[souldoubt]

How old is he?  You mentioned the car line so I'm assuming this isn't high school but even if it is he's got quite a ways to go and will learn things through the relationships he has in his life.  Anyways he'll have plenty of time to figure out that women across the entire intelligence spectrum can be a joy to deal with.  I'm not trying to bring the wrath of the ym females down on me the simplest way I can put it is that we're just wired differently.  

[Peace Of Mind]

Feb 16, 2016 12:06:30 GMT -5 milee said:

Feb 16, 2016 12:03:20 GMT -5 Peace77 said:

Sometimes the smarter kids gets teased and/or bullied for knowing the answers.

Maybe. But he's at a school where all the kids are smart. So I'm wondering if maybe he's surrounded by smart girls and he thinks they're a PITA so wonders if the slightly less smart ones might be less of a PITA. If so, I think he's in for a rude awakening. 

I'm also a little sad if he's serious because I always wanted him to find his perfect nerd soulmate.

Smart girls are a PITA.  Not that I'm any genius but DH MANY times has said to me "Can't you just be dumb for one day?"    I asked why he wouldn't want somebody who thinks things through or does their research or calls him out on his b.s. or doesn't argue with him when he's almost always wrong... Oh.  Now I get it.  So I told him that when it doesn't affect me in any way I will be as dumb as he wants me to be. 

But he constantly thanks me for knowing so much and knowing how to take care of important things, etc. and wonders allowed "How I got so smart with the family I have".  LOL!

Yes, ryan - I am totally bragging - no humble about it.   It's tough hanging out with geniuses over here for so many years and I get so few opportunities!   

[teen persuasion]

Not that I asked, but DS5 was excitedly telling me about a new online game he was playing.  "... and now I've got lots of henchmen to do everything for me.  I don't have to do anything.  It's awesome!"  

[billisonboard]

Feb 16, 2016 13:25:30 GMT -5 teen persuasion said:

Not that I asked, but DS5 was excitedly telling me about a new online game he was playing.  "... and now I've got lots of henchmen to do everything for me.  I don't have to do anything.  It's awesome!"  

I see an MBA in this kid's future.

[HoneyBBQ]

As far as I can tell, most men don't like smart women until they are at least 30.

Just my experience, lol.

[TheHaitian]

Feb 16, 2016 13:16:34 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

"who isn't as smart as you and I are. Because being really smart causes all sorts of problems."

I'm really curious about the rest of his explanation because he's saying the being really smart is the problem. What problem can he think you being smart has caused?

Maybe it is a reflection on the OP and her relationship with her husband that he is picking up.

They seemed (per her description) to be 2 really smart, ambitious and driven people and the relationship that they modeled to their kids.

And also what he sees as his friends house vs that relationship. If he sees that a successful man with a trophy wife seems to have a less stressful/problems marriage than his parents than that may be what he yearn for.

Not necessarily right because only seeing a small piece of the picture but might be what he is taking out of it.

[finnime]

Feb 16, 2016 12:51:11 GMT -5 milee said:

Feb 16, 2016 12:27:48 GMT -5 alwaysbeoptimizing said:

and is his view of women that they should be a convenient appliance vs a member of a partnership where you make each other better?

You know your kid better than anyone, and teenage boys have pretty focused minds WRT ladies, but with some other background, this is what i'd be worried about.

Exactly.  Again, to be fair to him the conversation was cut short, but I was very concerned with the idea that his first two answers imply he might think it would be best to have a partner that was easily controlled and not necessarily an equal.  I started to joke that his description sounded more like a good dog. 

Yes, definitely something we'll be talking more about.  Will be interesting to see if that's what he thinks (that he wants a significant other that's easily controllable) and why.

It sounds to me like he is very self-aware, a great trait. And yes, being way-smart is hard. My DS21 and I have talked about this. It is a real problem to have to edit your conversations much of the time, because others can't keep up, or in some cases understand the topic.

DS has been surrounded by nerds in competitive magnet programs, and it's still hard. There are a good number of very bright people, girls included, out there, but there are few above that level of intelligence. It's hard to be very different; the world is more difficult in many ways.

JMHO

[billisonboard]

a little music

I was either standing in your shadow / Or blocking your light / Though I kept on trying I could not make it right / For you girl…

[finnime]

In reply to your original question, I'm sorry I asked:

Nephew, then 22, why he was concerned his GF might be pregnant. Didn't they use birth control? Answer: He didn't know her well enough to ask.

Daughter, then 15 but in college, about her bank balance. She had called me to say, "Mom, there's something w rong with my bank account!" Why do you think so, I ask. "Because it says I have negative $38!" Do you have negative $38? And a very small voice answered, "I don't know."

Son, then 8, where were his dirty underwear, as I was doing wash. Answer: he hadn't been wearing any that week.

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

Feb 16, 2016 12:23:59 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Not really a conversation but a text.

Me: I'm at Sam's Club so you need anything?

Thing 1: Condoms

I chose to believe that they were for her friends. I know this isn't the case, but it works for me.

LOL!! So you bought the MEGA pack
-- how many? -- 500?? ROFL!!!