tractor
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Post by tractor on Jan 28, 2016 8:28:18 GMT -5
I have always raised my boys the non-ym way. I buy them everything they need and most of what they want. My oldest who is 18 has never had a job, and is very frugal with little need for money. My wife and I have always been generous with our $, and the kids have seen us share our gifts. This is just a little background.
When my oldest was young, we would attend fundraising banquets and he would always select the smaller prize when he won, never the gift certificate, or new gun, etc, instead leaving those for the next kid.
Fast forward to last night, he's in college now and was selected out of the crowd to compete against another random kid, the first one to make a 1/2 court basket won. My son made it on his fourth try. His prize was two round trip airline tickets to anywhere in the US. So what does he do? He gives them to the kid that lost, because, he didn't need them anyway.
I'm trying to decide if I should be happy that I have a generous and thoughtful son without need for material things, or upset that my son is unable to understand the actual value of things? He never bought plane tickets before, so didn't think they were worth anything. So much for a cheap spring break get away.
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Jan 28, 2016 8:54:16 GMT -5
There aren't a lot of people in the world like your son. I really hope the people around him appreciate his generosity and do not take advantage of him, that's the only thing I would worry about. Plus you can look forward to the fact that he will be honored to change your diapers some day!
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Jan 28, 2016 8:57:11 GMT -5
I agree it does sound like some of both. Maybe some talk about long term planning, and giving it 24 hours before making choices that deal with things that could be a large amount of money. Of course if the tickets had a certain dates, or other factors that made them not work for him he may have already thought about all of that.
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Jan 28, 2016 9:07:38 GMT -5
A little from column A, a little from column B, some "dafuq?!" mixed in there.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 28, 2016 9:08:43 GMT -5
He sounds like a kind and generous young man that you can be proud of.
It also sounds like he needs more real world experience, so time to parent him into independence :-) Is he still in high school? A personal finance class would be helpful where they have you build a budget based on an assigned job/income. This was very eye opening for my kids :-) Please also make sure that he understands that when he does get a job, you don't give away your money or raises :-)
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tractor
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Post by tractor on Jan 28, 2016 9:12:55 GMT -5
He sounds like a kind and generous young man that you can be proud of. It also sounds like he needs more real world experience, so time to parent him into independence :-) Is he still in high school? A personal finance class would be helpful where they have you build a budget based on an assigned job/income. This was very eye opening for my kids :-) Please also make sure that he understands that when he does get a job, you don't give away your money or raises :-) He's in college, and actually very independent and hard working at a very tough university (Go Blue). He just didn't see the value in the tickets. My greedy nature tends to take over at these times, I want the big prize. I told him he could have at least considered giving them to me since I paid for the seasons basketball tickets. In the end, I told him I was proud of his generosity.
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steph08
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Post by steph08 on Jan 28, 2016 9:14:07 GMT -5
Sounds like both to me.
He sounds very generous, but it also sounds like he doesn't understand the value of money/what he gave away/what things cost, perhaps because you were always the one footing the bill.
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Jan 28, 2016 22:12:08 GMT -5
He sounds like a kind and generous young man that you can be proud of. It also sounds like he needs more real world experience, so time to parent him into independence :-) Is he still in high school? A personal finance class would be helpful where they have you build a budget based on an assigned job/income. This was very eye opening for my kids :-) Please also make sure that he understands that when he does get a job, you don't give away your money or raises :-) He's in college, and actually very independent and hard working at a very tough university (Go Blue). He just didn't see the value in the tickets. My greedy nature tends to take over at these times, I want the big prize. I told him he could have at least considered giving them to me since I paid for the seasons basketball tickets. In the end, I told him I was proud of his generosity. But did he want to go anywhere or was he planning on going anywhere? He could have just been practical in that he did have plans to go somewhere and didn't want waste the tickets.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Jan 29, 2016 7:06:12 GMT -5
Well a "free trip?" to somewhere isn't free unless all expenses are paid. Yeah, plane tickets. But what about hotel, entertainment and food? Maybe he is a lot smarter financially then you are giving credit for. And, maybe he just doesn't care to go. Not everyone does. Or maybe he is just acting from the heart as well. Either way, it's all good.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jan 29, 2016 9:09:04 GMT -5
He's in college, and actually very independent and hard working at a very tough university (Go Blue). He just didn't see the value in the tickets. My greedy nature tends to take over at these times, I want the big prize. I told him he could have at least considered giving them to me since I paid for the seasons basketball tickets. In the end, I told him I was proud of his generosity. But did he want to go anywhere or was he planning on going anywhere? He could have just been practical in that he did have plans to go somewhere and didn't want waste the tickets.
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swamp
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Post by swamp on Jan 29, 2016 9:09:46 GMT -5
Well a "free trip?" to somewhere isn't free unless all expenses are paid. Yeah, plane tickets. But what about hotel, entertainment and food? Yes, my free trip to Atlantis ended up costing me about $4,000.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jan 29, 2016 9:21:59 GMT -5
What was the value of the "free tickets" Will he be getting a 1099 from the organization that awarded the "free trip"
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Jan 29, 2016 11:26:36 GMT -5
IDK, just looking at this from a different angle - If your kid has a good handle on the things he 'values' and has some sort of over all 'plan' for the future... maybe the stuff that's been offered to him for 'free' (or via a 'win' of some sort) are things that don't 'fit' into his 'plan'. In other words he doesn't really want the stuff - or doesn't want to spend the time/effort/additional money to deal with the 'free stuff'.
Just because it's 'free' or 'given' to you doesn't mean it's something you actually want or need or something that that doesn't really move you towards where you want to be.
Life is full of tough choices - you can't have everything or do everything - and there are lots of distractions along the way.
(I kind of 'hate' Christmas for this reason - everyone seems to want to give me something - but I've already got enough stuff - I don't need more stuff that will take up time/effort when I have plenty of things I'd LIKE to spend time and effort on.
This year I was telling people that I'd really appreciate the Gift of Nothing - something I didn't have to store or eat or eventually throw or give away. Nothing was the perfect Gift - it would allow me to deal with the stuff I already have stored or to be eaten or to be used up and thrown or given away. )
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Jan 29, 2016 11:28:11 GMT -5
Have you thought to ask the kid what he might have rather had as a reward for 'winning'?
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Jan 29, 2016 11:49:56 GMT -5
My first impression is that it's super sweet of him, but yeah, maybe things have come to him too easily. I don't know what the best way is, though. It boils down to an entire personal philosophy of life. Which way do you think is best---freely giving and receiving or struggling and working hard?
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tallguy
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Post by tallguy on Jan 29, 2016 12:27:52 GMT -5
I'd call it an incomplete.
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tloonya
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Post by tloonya on Jan 29, 2016 12:40:45 GMT -5
He sounds like a kind and generous young man that you can be proud of. It also sounds like he needs more real world experience, so time to parent him into independence :-) Is he still in high school? A personal finance class would be helpful where they have you build a budget based on an assigned job/income. This was very eye opening for my kids :-) Please also make sure that he understands that when he does get a job, you don't give away your money or raises :-) He's in college, and actually very independent and hard working at a very tough university (Go Blue). He just didn't see the value in the tickets. My greedy nature tends to take over at these times, I want the big prize. I told him he could have at least considered giving them to me since I paid for the seasons basketball tickets. In the end, I told him I was proud of his generosity. Exactly! Doesn't family comes first?
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whoami
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Post by whoami on Jan 29, 2016 14:13:00 GMT -5
I would have been annoyed because there doesn't seem to be any thought put into the action.
I don't necessarily think its an admirable quality either....how many people just hand over things of value to a stranger? Why would you even do that? Personally, I would be concerned that my kid was being taken advantage of....and I would address it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2016 18:12:57 GMT -5
I'd call it a fail. It's not generosity if you don't know the value of what you're giving away. The fact that it didn't occur to him to give them to you also shows a lack of appreciation of what you are spending on him. That is too oblivious about money in my view.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2016 18:33:24 GMT -5
I like that it is real question and not a humble brag. I think it is a success, but do see why others think differently.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 29, 2016 19:07:42 GMT -5
What is he majoring in? Honestly he sounds like a friend of mine who got into Michigan, majored in Philosophy, then wondered why she couldn't get a job. Lucky she found someone to support her or her parents still would be.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2016 19:08:11 GMT -5
I think it's a parenting success in that you obviously haven't raised a selfish person. It sounds like he has a good heart and imo that's the most important part. You can work with him on the details about how he handles his impulses toward generosity.
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tractor
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Post by tractor on Jan 29, 2016 20:49:19 GMT -5
Have you thought to ask the kid what he might have rather had as a reward for 'winning'? He was hoping for a $100 gift card to the local grocery store (just like he won a couple of months ago).
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tractor
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Post by tractor on Jan 29, 2016 20:50:51 GMT -5
What is he majoring in? Honestly he sounds like a friend of mine who got into Michigan, majored in Philosophy, then wondered why she couldn't get a job. Lucky she found someone to support her or her parents still would be. Bio-medical Engineering and Chemistry with a minor in Latin. He plans to make $ when he's done with his Ph.D.
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tractor
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Post by tractor on Jan 29, 2016 20:52:30 GMT -5
I would have been annoyed because there doesn't seem to be any thought put into the action. I don't necessarily think its an admirable quality either....how many people just hand over things of value to a stranger? Why would you even do that? Personally, I would be concerned that my kid was being taken advantage of....and I would address it. I have been known to give stuff to strangers. He wasn't being taken advantage of, he just really didn't want the tickets.
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quince
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Post by quince on Jan 29, 2016 21:03:07 GMT -5
I think it is good. My husband is kind of like that. He makes sure he's taken care of, but he doesn't accumulate for the sake of having things. You can always have a discussion to make sure there's an awareness of the value of what crosses his path. Sounds like a natural result to an established pattern- he wants things he WANTS and can use, not just things because they are worth $$$. Makes it unlikely he will buy material goods for status instead of utility.
It is the culmination of something he's done through his life, and you've presumably encouraged. It's not something he gave to this one friend who somehow keeps being there when he's in a generous mood, it's not obviously a pattern of him being taken advantage of. I'd say good for raising a generous kid, keep an eye out and be ready to give advice if a user comes out of the woodwork.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Jan 29, 2016 22:25:03 GMT -5
I'm not a generous person, so it's difficult for me to wrap my brain around just handing those to a stranger. I definitely agree that he should have offered them to you first or someone he knew who was having a hard time and needed the tickets.
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whoisjohngalt
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Post by whoisjohngalt on Jan 29, 2016 22:51:46 GMT -5
I'm not a generous person, so it's difficult for me to wrap my brain around just handing those to a stranger. I definitely agree that he should have offered them to you first or someone he knew who was having a hard time and needed the tickets. I don't think I've ever heard anyone admit that out loud.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 29, 2016 23:36:46 GMT -5
No reason not to be honest. I'm generous with family but total strangers? I think I'd ask what was his rationale for doing that and see what he says. If it's just he didn't need them vs the guy needed to see his sick grandma is two entirely different things.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Jan 30, 2016 0:18:37 GMT -5
Well, I'm not generous with money. I'm generous with time--I think.
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