busymom
Distinguished Associate
Why is the rum always gone? Oh...that's why.
Joined: Dec 25, 2010 21:09:36 GMT -5
Posts: 29,180
Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"https://cdn.nickpic.host/images/IPauJ5.jpg","color":""}
Mini-Profile Name Color: 0D317F
Mini-Profile Text Color: 0D317F
|
Post by busymom on Nov 4, 2015 16:24:37 GMT -5
My Mom said when my Dad passed on, that the first 30 days was the most difficult. And, she figured if she survived that, that she'd probably get through it.
Sending some <hugs> your way, & remember, you only have to deal with one day at a time. Break your days down into smaller pieces, if you need to.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Sept 29, 2024 6:18:15 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2015 17:28:08 GMT -5
The traditional 30 days of mourning are over today. This is also our 6th anniversary of getting back together. So how are you doing? I never believe I know the right thing to say to someone that has experienced a loss. Even when I want to say that I hope they're doing as ok as they can at any given moment, I'm always afraid it'll come out wrong or upset them. And I don't know how to encourage them to talk about what they're feeling if they want to, because sometimes people just don't want to be reminded of it. So those were the thoughts running through my head when I read your post, though I realize I might not be making sense lol. My point is, I doubt you're really ok, but I hope you're on your way to something resembling ok. Are you confused by my rambling yet?
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,909
|
Post by zibazinski on Nov 4, 2015 17:38:20 GMT -5
I'm doing a lot better than I thought. First it was all a blur. Then the trauma of the funeral. Then the bullshit from the ex and her brood. Getting out of town was hugely cathartic. Coming home is a huge relief. There's still problems like the bloody car is leased to him and the dealership can't decide if they'll lease it to me or not. Then the car insurance agency is whining that they need to know what to do as well. Well, people, as soon as I know, I'll let you know. The car was leased in Michigan and honestly, if I get anymore hassle, I'm driving it over to the Audi dealership in Tampa and leaving it there with the keys and saying bye bye. It's the "estates problem" not mine. I've offered to let the executor or her representative as long as it's not the ex or her children paw through everything to see that I've taken nothing that isn't personally mine. I still have stuff up there. DH never intended for this to happen to me and if I have to get on the lawyers case that wrote up this will and trust and claims to have had multiple conversations with DH then I will. I told DH this is what would happen but he said it wouldn't. Well, I hate being right.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Sept 29, 2024 6:18:15 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2015 20:16:13 GMT -5
I'm doing a lot better than I thought. First it was all a blur. Then the trauma of the funeral. Then the bullshit from the ex and her brood. Getting out of town was hugely cathartic. Coming home is a huge relief. There's still problems like the bloody car is leased to him and the dealership can't decide if they'll lease it to me or not. Then the car insurance agency is whining that they need to know what to do as well. Well, people, as soon as I know, I'll let you know. The car was leased in Michigan and honestly, if I get anymore hassle, I'm driving it over to the Audi dealership in Tampa and leaving it there with the keys and saying bye bye. It's the "estates problem" not mine. I've offered to let the executor or her representative as long as it's not the ex or her children paw through everything to see that I've taken nothing that isn't personally mine. I still have stuff up there. DH never intended for this to happen to me and if I have to get on the lawyers case that wrote up this will and trust and claims to have had multiple conversations with DH then I will. I told DH this is what would happen but he said it wouldn't. Well, I hate being right. I'm glad that getting back to Florida has helped some. I don't know how these things work.... can you hire an attorney to advise and represent just you and your best interests and let him or her deal with the attorney that wrote up the will and trust, and any other estate issues? It all sounds complicated and I thought maybe that can take some things off your list of things to handle or figure out. But like I said, I'm not sure what can or needs to happen, so I don't know if that's a good idea, a bad idea, or just a dumb one.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,909
|
Post by zibazinski on Nov 4, 2015 21:47:39 GMT -5
I'm not sure either.
|
|
lurkyloo
Junior Associate
“Time means nothing now,” said Toad. “It is just the thing that happens between snacks.”
Joined: Jan 8, 2011 11:26:56 GMT -5
Posts: 6,025
|
Post by lurkyloo on Nov 12, 2015 19:42:32 GMT -5
Just now seeing the news. I'm so very sorry for your loss, zib I'm glad you fulfilled his wish to be married to you.
|
|
Robert not Bobby
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jan 29, 2013 17:45:55 GMT -5
Posts: 1,392
|
Post by Robert not Bobby on Nov 12, 2015 19:54:13 GMT -5
Her very lovely, wonderful, sweet DH passed away in his sleep on Monday, October 5th. He was laid to rest on October 7th. Her heart is broken and she won't be posting much over here but will still be reading so please leave her uplifting messages and posts. She could really benefit from them right now. Those of you on FB already know this but she wanted her friends here to know too. Please join me in putting her in your warmest thoughts and prayers that this very difficult time is as gentle on her, their families, and friends as possible. I hope Zib finds peace in knowing she was in his life and by his side during this very difficult ordeal and I'm just happy that they found each other again - even for just a little while. Rest In Peace, Mr. Zib. It was a pleasure meeting you and I will never forget you. I'm not much of a religious guy, and I come and go, but I remember Zib...she leaves a lasting impression...so I'm sure she chose her partner well. Zib, sorry for your lose. All things must pass, but there is always a road ahead that hasn't been traveled...all the best. Robert
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,909
|
Post by zibazinski on Nov 12, 2015 21:47:29 GMT -5
Thank you. I can tell I'm hugely depressed because everything is such an effort. But I will persevere.
|
|
taz157
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 20:50:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,932
|
Post by taz157 on Nov 12, 2015 21:56:56 GMT -5
Zib
|
|
DagnyT
Established Member
Joined: Aug 2, 2014 13:37:01 GMT -5
Posts: 308
|
Post by DagnyT on Nov 12, 2015 22:28:09 GMT -5
Zib, I am also late to the dance. I just saw on another thread that Mr. Zib had passed. I am so sorry for your loss and I hope things work out with the estate with a minimum of drama. Remember he loved you and you loved him! That is what is the most important.
PS You made me laugh with your comment about the nursing home. I would rather you live very happily and healthily for another 60 years! That would really cook the ex's goose. lol
|
|
Jaguar
Administrator
Fear does not stop death. It stops life.
Joined: Dec 20, 2011 6:07:45 GMT -5
Posts: 50,108
Mini-Profile Background: {"image":"https://cdn.nickpic.host/images/IZlZ65.jpg","color":""}
Mini-Profile Text Color: 290066
|
Post by Jaguar on Nov 12, 2015 22:36:48 GMT -5
Zib we all adore you, yes we all do. We are all here for you. We are a cyber family after all.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,909
|
Post by zibazinski on Nov 13, 2015 7:16:47 GMT -5
Me, too. My goal is to outlive the ex and if I'm very lucky, her kids. . But she's enough at this point. Goals are important in life, you know.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Sept 29, 2024 6:18:15 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2015 15:58:01 GMT -5
Just seeing this. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope everything with the estate and ex gets settled without further trouble.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,909
|
Post by zibazinski on Nov 17, 2015 18:37:52 GMT -5
Me too. Grief is a silent killer. My kids are scared I'll die.
|
|
mamasita99
Well-Known Member
Joined: Jan 3, 2011 5:42:27 GMT -5
Posts: 1,623
|
Post by mamasita99 on Nov 17, 2015 21:13:14 GMT -5
Zib, I just caught word of Mr.Zib's passing, as I rarely go on the EE board. I am so very sorry for your loss, and for all of the BS you are going through right now. I am glad you are in FL and can begin your healing.
|
|
resolution
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 13:09:56 GMT -5
Posts: 7,240
Mini-Profile Name Color: 305b2b
|
Post by resolution on Nov 17, 2015 22:04:49 GMT -5
Me too. Grief is a silent killer. My kids are scared I'll die. That is not a viable option for you because you have already decided to outlive her.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,909
|
Post by zibazinski on Nov 18, 2015 5:24:40 GMT -5
I'd like to of course but right now, I've lost my will to fight.
|
|
taz157
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 20:50:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,932
|
Post by taz157 on Nov 18, 2015 6:05:59 GMT -5
I'd like to of course but right now, I've lost my will to fight. I sincerely hope not! For moral support, we have your back! ((((Hugs))))
|
|
Value Buy
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 17:57:07 GMT -5
Posts: 18,680
Today's Mood: Getting better by the day!
Location: In the middle of enjoying retirement!
Favorite Drink: Zombie Dust from Three Floyd's brewery
Mini-Profile Name Color: e61975
Mini-Profile Text Color: 196ce6
|
Post by Value Buy on Nov 18, 2015 8:06:55 GMT -5
I'd like to of course but right now, I've lost my will to fight. Darn, Zib, grab a cold beer, and go sun yourself today. That Florida sun just drains the demons away. Just be sure to have a pool to cool down every fifteen minutes and repeat the process
|
|
NoNamePerson
Distinguished Associate
Is There Anybody OUT There?
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 17:03:17 GMT -5
Posts: 26,195
Location: WITNESS PROTECTION
Member is Online
|
Post by NoNamePerson on Nov 18, 2015 8:10:24 GMT -5
I'd like to of course but right now, I've lost my will to fight. That is not an option. We won't allow it.
|
|
taz157
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 20:50:06 GMT -5
Posts: 12,932
|
Post by taz157 on Nov 18, 2015 8:20:21 GMT -5
I'd like to of course but right now, I've lost my will to fight. That is not an option. We won't allow it. Sooooooo yeah that!
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,909
|
Post by zibazinski on Nov 18, 2015 11:47:53 GMT -5
Thank you. I'm just tired of it all. Life without DH just doesn't seem worth living. Everything I do reminds me of him. I'm on my way, waiting in Denver airport actually, to the west coast to visit and care for, my Aunts. So I need to put on happy face when inside, I'm SO not. More effort that I'm just not capable of making.
|
|
midjd
Administrator
Your Money Admin
Joined: Dec 18, 2010 14:09:23 GMT -5
Posts: 17,719
|
Post by midjd on Nov 18, 2015 13:05:00 GMT -5
Zib, you've suffered a tremendous loss after a very hard year. You don't owe anyone a happy face. Do what you need to, and don't let anyone make you feel guilty.
I hope you have a safe trip.
|
|
Deleted
Joined: Sept 29, 2024 6:18:15 GMT -5
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 18, 2015 13:22:43 GMT -5
How long will you be out west?
|
|
NancysSummerSip
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 19:19:42 GMT -5
Posts: 36,651
Today's Mood: Full of piss and vinegar
Favorite Drink: Anything with ice
|
Post by NancysSummerSip on Nov 18, 2015 15:18:14 GMT -5
I'd like to of course but right now, I've lost my will to fight. That is not an option. We won't allow it. Amen to that. No giving up allowed. Do not make me drive over there. And for those who are wondering: Jewish custom dictates several periods of mourning. Although it does sound a bit detached and clinical, each period has certain traditions associated with it. It does not mean your grieving suddenly changes or ends. Shiva is the seven days (three days for Reform Judaism) after burial. Mourners stay at home, the mirrors are covered and people come to to the house, usually with food, so the mourners do no cooking. It's not that food prep is prohibited in the house, just that people bringing food relieve that burden. Sheloshim: the thirty days of mourning following the burial (this period includes shiva). Mourners resume certain aspects of their personal lives, but all the social stuff, like travel, parties, weddings, and the like, are off-limits. There are exceptions, such as the one Zib is making to visit elderly relatives. When there is a necessity involved (such as illness or age), then expediency is granted. Year of Mourning: done when the deceased is a parent. Basically, an extension of sheloshim. It is towards the end of this year (and that's a Hebrew year, not a Gregorian year) that the headstone is placed at the cemetery. A small marker is there prior to the placement of the formal headstone. And there is Yahrzeit, the anniversary of the death (again, on the Hebrew calendar). If you've been to the grocery store and seen the glass-enclosed candles with the Hebrew writing on them in the Jewish/ethnic food section, those are the candles we use. Each burns for 24 hours to commemorate the passing, and they are lit for a parent, spouse, sibling or child who has passed.
|
|
janee
Established Member
Joined: May 14, 2014 10:04:48 GMT -5
Posts: 344
|
Post by janee on Nov 18, 2015 16:37:30 GMT -5
Zib, You have many people here that care about you. Do the basics: take each day as it comes. Eat right, exercise, sleep--in other words, take care of yourself. Mentally or spiritually, try to find one bright spot each day. And, if you can't find that bright spot (a beautiful sunset, nice music, or whatever you love) tell yourself you'll look for it tomorrow.
The bright spot for today is your ymam supporters!
All the best to you.
|
|
ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
Community Leader
♡ ♡ BᏋՆᎥᏋᏉᏋ ♡ ♡
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 16:12:51 GMT -5
Posts: 43,130
Location: Inside POM's Head
Favorite Drink: Chilled White Zin
|
Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Nov 18, 2015 16:41:48 GMT -5
Zib, honey - I'm just getting up on some threads I've missed during my absence. Take care of yourself !!!!!!!!!
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
|
|
moon/Laura
Administrator
Forum Owner
Joined: Dec 17, 2010 15:05:36 GMT -5
Posts: 10,088
Mini-Profile Text Color: f8fb10
|
Post by moon/Laura on Nov 18, 2015 18:26:39 GMT -5
I'm on my way, waiting in Denver airport actually, to the west coast to visit and care for, my Aunts. You could fly there today without the airplane, it's so windy.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,909
|
Post by zibazinski on Nov 18, 2015 22:15:08 GMT -5
Oddly enough, zero problem with the weather but I heard yesterday was awful.
|
|
zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
Posts: 47,909
|
Post by zibazinski on Nov 18, 2015 22:15:53 GMT -5
Zib, You have many people here that care about you. Do the basics: take each day as it comes. Eat right, exercise, sleep--in other words, take care of yourself. Mentally or spiritually, try to find one bright spot each day. And, if you can't find that bright spot (a beautiful sunset, nice music, or whatever you love) tell yourself you'll look for it tomorrow. The bright spot for today is your ymam supporters! All the best to you. I'd give anything to sleep at night.
|
|