moon/Laura
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Post by moon/Laura on Nov 29, 2015 17:11:04 GMT -5
Zib, if you were near me, I'd absolutely let you curl up and cry. <HUGS>
Seriously, you should go ahead and let yourself cry. More than once. It's not healthy to keep it in, IMO.
I don't know what it is with me, lately, but I tear up over the stupidest things these days. Happy and sad stuff both. Never know what's going to set me off. Reading that you want to but feel you can't? Yep. That did it for me too.
I understand not wanting to jump right to meds. I've suffered from what I personally consider to be "situational depression", and have never wanted to go that route myself. But, there's no shame in it if you did decide to try them - either alone or in conjunction with group/individual therapy or whatever. Don't think about your family's opinions. Don't even tell them. You have to do what you feel is right for you, and it's no one else's business if you do.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 29, 2015 17:24:02 GMT -5
Good idea to try grief counseling and/or a support group first. Among those I have met who needed medication, the most frequent medication was not any anti-depressants, but sleeping aids. Most complained that they were tired but counting sheep number 4,356,215 or so before falling asleep at night. If your children have been afraid for your health due to you being overworked from taking care of your DH, they are not likely to see his death from the same angle as you. They will chiefly be relieved that you survived this, and still worry about your health and well-being, while you feel the severe loss. These two angles are not well compatible, even if they only want you well. Try to find somebody else to talk to. Else, I think that they will feel frustrated and you will not feel understood. That's it in a nutshell plus he left a legal mess that leaves me rather dependent on his half sisters goodwill.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 29, 2015 19:47:05 GMT -5
Good idea to try grief counseling and/or a support group first. Among those I have met who needed medication, the most frequent medication was not any anti-depressants, but sleeping aids. Most complained that they were tired but counting sheep number 4,356,215 or so before falling asleep at night. If your children have been afraid for your health due to you being overworked from taking care of your DH, they are not likely to see his death from the same angle as you. They will chiefly be relieved that you survived this, and still worry about your health and well-being, while you feel the severe loss. These two angles are not well compatible, even if they only want you well. Try to find somebody else to talk to. Else, I think that they will feel frustrated and you will not feel understood. That's it in a nutshell plus he left a legal mess that leaves me rather dependent on his half sisters goodwill. How can you be dependant? You have your own money.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 29, 2015 21:40:24 GMT -5
He left me holding the bag on some very expensive "gifts."'
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 29, 2015 21:52:55 GMT -5
He left me holding the bag on some very expensive "gifts."' How could he do that? Like what? ETA - I'm trying to figure out how you could possibly be responsible for paying for something he gave you. I can't figure it out.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Nov 29, 2015 22:20:34 GMT -5
He left me holding the bag on some very expensive "gifts."' How could he do that? Like what? ETA - I'm trying to figure out how you could possibly be responsible for paying for something he gave you. I can't figure it out. I'm assuming one of them being the lease on her car. Zib I'm sorry to have to deal with all this crap on top of his death. It really stinks when they leave a total mess for those left behind.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 29, 2015 22:23:05 GMT -5
How could he do that? Like what? ETA - I'm trying to figure out how you could possibly be responsible for paying for something he gave you. I can't figure it out. I'm assuming one of them being the lease on her car. Zib I'm sorry to have to deal with all this crap on top of his death. It really stinks when they leave a total mess for those left behind. She already talked about that. She can just return that to them and the estate is responsible for it. That wouldn't mess her up financially. She's got a good amount of her own money. She can afford a car. And she's not executor so there's no mess she has to deal with.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 30, 2015 6:49:05 GMT -5
Yes but I'm also responsible for a lease which is triple what a normal lease should cost and hopefully I get the money to pay for it on an apartment I don't like much in an area I don't care for. Plus, I have to go out and buy a car when I owned a perfectly good car so I get that hassle and expense. I realize you have a hard on about me but when your whole world falls apart, even a decision like buying a car is monumental. Plus, it would have been unnecessary had he bought it as a real gift or just left my car alone. He meant well but it didn't end well. Like a lot of his and other people's ideas. I'm sure his executor is getting a pretty penny and she deserves it. The business is a mess, too. All this could have been avoided very easily but DH didn't plan well. Lesson to all. Don't leave a mess for others to deal with on top of their grief.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 30, 2015 10:52:40 GMT -5
How are you responsible for the lease? If he leased it you can just walk away. There is no way you can be held responsible.
Why do you have to get an apartment somewhere you don't like? I don't understand.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 30, 2015 13:36:51 GMT -5
It still makes no sense to me. ONE thing zib and I HAD seen eye to eye on was not depending on a man to support you, and not letting your finances becoming so comingled that you would be in trouble without his money. They were only married a few months, she can't be responsible for his debts that quickly!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 30, 2015 14:24:32 GMT -5
Both our names are on this lease. So I'm responsible. I had a fully paid for vehicle. Now I have to go buy or go lease another one at a more reasonable price. It's just a cluster. My insurance at a group rate was good and not terrible plus was paid for. Now I'm paying $825 a month and it'll go up in January. I had group insurance through my former employer. But when I moved and married I lost it and I can't get it back. Had he left me some life insurance Like he was supposed to but never changed the beneficiary these bills wouldn't be so stressful. Just because we were only legally married for ten months changes none of this. I'd have these same problem maybe even worse being his significant other.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 30, 2015 14:26:15 GMT -5
How are you responsible for the lease? If he leased it you can just walk away. There is no way you can be held responsible.
Why do you have to get an apartment somewhere you don't like? I don't understand. Basically Zib already has all of these things... and her DH was paying for them or they were paying jointly out of his much larger pot of money. Now the money is tied up in the estate and/or trust, and the estate will pay for them, but Zib's not the executrix, so everything is more complicated and there is much more room for things to go awry with the sister who is the executrix. (this is my understanding of the situation- I of course could be totally wrong)
You are not wrong
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 30, 2015 14:28:16 GMT -5
How are you responsible for the lease? If he leased it you can just walk away. There is no way you can be held responsible.
Why do you have to get an apartment somewhere you don't like? I don't understand. I got it because he needed to be close to this great hospital. I don't need to be. Of course it costs a lot to be close to a hospital like this one. When this lease is up, I can move to a house for a third of the cost of this place.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Nov 30, 2015 15:14:55 GMT -5
Crap, Zib! I didn't realize he left you holding the bag like this. I know that you talked about his will and I had assumed that he had all his ducks lined up. It doesn't sound like he did much with regards to you. I'm sorry. Things like this are not what you should be dealing with now.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 30, 2015 15:34:46 GMT -5
Both our names are on this lease. So I'm responsible. I had a fully paid for vehicle. Now I have to go buy or go lease another one at a more reasonable price. It's just a cluster. My insurance at a group rate was good and not terrible plus was paid for. Now I'm paying $825 a month and it'll go up in January. I had group insurance through my former employer. But when I moved and married I lost it and I can't get it back. Had he left me some life insurance Like he was supposed to but never changed the beneficiary these bills wouldn't be so stressful. Just because we were only legally married for ten months changes none of this. I'd have these same problem maybe even worse being his significant other. Well that sucks. At least you are still young enough to recoup and have your education and can work. Is your teaching license good in Florida? And you have a lifetime income as well from his estate, right? And your own pensions and whatever they are in America aren't touchable, are they? It's aggravating right now but you can handle this.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 30, 2015 19:26:38 GMT -5
I'm 60. Who will hire me? I can't even get a job as a substitute . It's a mess but concentrating on that, at times, helps me be angry as opposed to unhappy. Neither is a feeling I relish but it does help with the pity party.
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snapdragon
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Post by snapdragon on Dec 1, 2015 12:13:58 GMT -5
Oh Zib -
All I can offer is a hug. (((( hug ))))
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Dec 1, 2015 13:01:50 GMT -5
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lund
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Post by lund on Dec 1, 2015 18:48:39 GMT -5
That's a mess. And a painful, hurting one at that. More hugs, and a large virtual cup of strong Assam with milk and German brown crystalized sugar.
ETA: (I hope that you like tea....)
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 1, 2015 21:48:27 GMT -5
I love tea!!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 2, 2015 7:02:13 GMT -5
I dreamed about DH last night or rather early this morning. I didn't "get it" until I realized his cousin's deceased daughter was also in the dream. Then I understood.
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Value Buy
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Post by Value Buy on Dec 2, 2015 8:42:00 GMT -5
I dreamed about DH last night or rather early this morning. I didn't "get it" until I realized his cousin's deceased daughter was also in the dream. Then I understood. When is a dream a dream, and when is it a message from the hereafter? I would like to think it is the latter. I have had a couple of them over the years, after losses close to my heart. I thought I understood "dreams". One that hit me the hardest, was a person who died in the middle of the night, and I woke up at 5am with that person sending me a message. They had died one hour earlier.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 2, 2015 9:56:08 GMT -5
I don't know. It's the only time it's ever happened to me. We were in some kind of care facility and he was getting some kind of scan or X Ray. I signed for it because he was too weak to sign and we all made a joke about it. Then his former stepdaughters husband came in with some clothes on a hangar for DH's cousin's deceased daughter. That's when I realized what the dream was all about.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 7, 2015 13:42:39 GMT -5
Can you believe I got rejected from volunteering at the hospital? They're over flowing with volunteers and have no place to put me Well, there goes that idea.
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justme
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Post by justme on Dec 7, 2015 14:20:42 GMT -5
I think you're farther away from it then you'd probably want to drive, but give kids the world village never turns down volunteers and it's so much fun to interact with the kiddos.
Also, the hospital might be overflowing because of the holidays. Once normal life kicks in they might have space again?
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mollyanna58
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Post by mollyanna58 on Dec 7, 2015 16:07:36 GMT -5
Can you believe I got rejected from volunteering at the hospital? They're over flowing with volunteers and have no place to put me Well, there goes that idea. How about an animal shelter for cats? Many times they need help socializing cats.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Dec 7, 2015 16:40:40 GMT -5
I can't be around animals. It'd break my heart further.
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Shooby
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Post by Shooby on Dec 7, 2015 20:58:25 GMT -5
Can you believe I got rejected from volunteering at the hospital? They're over flowing with volunteers and have no place to put me Well, there goes that idea. Just stay tuned. Volunteers usually come and go. Check back in a couple weeks or so.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Dec 7, 2015 22:50:47 GMT -5
Can you believe I got rejected from volunteering at the hospital? They're over flowing with volunteers and have no place to put me Well, there goes that idea.
I am so sorry but I am LMAO!!! Only you... or me...
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