mmhmm
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It's a great pity the right of free speech isn't based on the obligation to say something sensible.
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Post by mmhmm on Nov 23, 2015 10:38:59 GMT -5
No sympathy for your loss, your pain? Are you sure you are giving her enough credit ? Are you sure she can't be there just for you? I could be wrong but I'm thinking it would freak her out totally if I wasn't "mom" the strong one. If she can't depend on me, who can she depend on? You'd be surprised, I think. It's been my experience to see young people who are used to always being the one being supported really come into their own when the person who's been doing all the supporting suddenly finds him/herself vulnerable and actually lets the guard down and shows that vulnerability. There's nothing like being able to give the gift of support. Allowing someone to do so is a gift in itself.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 23, 2015 10:41:20 GMT -5
It may come to that. I'm having a huge problem keeping it together and I fly back to Florida today. So a long exhausting day plus I forgot to check in so I'll have the seats from hell unless I pay to upgrade them. A recipe for an emotional disaster.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 23, 2015 15:12:11 GMT -5
Well, I have a habit of picking up lucky pennies off the ground. In the rental car return parking lot I picked one up. Checking into southwest the rep asked me if I'd take a later flight thru Dallas. I'd get in a half hour later. For better seating on both flights instead of the C line. Plus $400 voucher. I'm good with that
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 23, 2015 15:24:26 GMT -5
Maybe this is the start of a good week?
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lexxy703
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Post by lexxy703 on Nov 23, 2015 15:40:47 GMT -5
Maybe this is the start of a good week? I hope so Zib. I'm just getting caught up & wish I could give you a big hug. I sincerely hope you are wrong about your daughter. There is nothing I wouldn't have done for my mom when my father passed. She may not even realize how much you need comfort since you are practicing your stiff upper lip.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 23, 2015 20:10:51 GMT -5
Could be
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resolution
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Post by resolution on Nov 23, 2015 20:55:54 GMT -5
Maybe you should give her the chance to rise to the occasion. Although I suppose it is risky in case she doesn't. I wish I were in Florida
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msventoux
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Post by msventoux on Nov 23, 2015 21:04:54 GMT -5
Road trip! We could all go to Zib's...and Pom's.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 24, 2015 7:58:52 GMT -5
I'm sure we both would love it!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 24, 2015 8:02:53 GMT -5
Ugh. Plane felay. Home at 1 am. Bed by 2 am thanks to cats Up at 6 am thanks to cats. Sigh. Good to be home?
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 24, 2015 8:03:23 GMT -5
Delay
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Nov 24, 2015 11:11:38 GMT -5
I know what you mean about medications. I finally asked my Dr for something recently. Despite having tried and stopped probably a held dozen different depression meds, I'm not a huge fan overall. There always seems to be side effects, even if its just a general feeling of numbness. They can get you over a hump, but they aren't magic. I think a support group, or just someone to talk to, + meds if you an extra boost is going to be the most helpful. I think there is a lot of truth in this. I believe wholeheartedly that anti-depressants can really help people, but there are a lot of side effects. I have a co-worker that suffers from Seasonal-affective-disorder, and was also diagnosed as bi-polar. He is questioning the bi-polar, and has taken himself (with his family doctor's blessing) off all meds. He is not back on something like effixer, but he is still suffering from depression. Sometimes you really need to work with the professionals to get the right combination of meds, and sometimes, family and friends just need to give you space to work through it and get to a better place.
I know I have periodic bouts of depression, and the period from Thanksgiving to Christmas is one of the most difficult for me personally. I really think some meds may be really helpful for you at this time.
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seriousthistime
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Post by seriousthistime on Nov 25, 2015 9:50:16 GMT -5
To all of you who are discussing medications for depression/other emotional health issues, I cannot stress this enough:
Get thee to a doctor (not physician's assistant or nurse practitioner). Make sure he or she reviews the big picture of your emotions so they can prescribe the proper medication(s) or refer you out to a psychiatrist who will diagnose and treat you.
Too many mid-level medical professionals (not doctors) are handing out prescriptions for meds without doing a full workup of your mental health situation.
A friend of mine really spun out of control recently. She'd mentioned to her OB/GYN nurse practitioner that she was feeling a little "down" so the nurse practitioner prescribed an antidepressant. In a follow-up one month later, my friend said that the med seemed to be helping but she felt an increased dosage might be needed. The nurse practitioner doubled the dose. Within a week, my friend spun out of control and was actually hospitalized for about another week; off work for a month. A full workup by a mental health practitioner likely would have unearthed the fact that she was given a medication that is the exact worst medication for treating her sort of depression.
I see a psych twice a year, to review my meds (I have trouble sleeping* and some of the meds I'm on also promote sleep; no antidepressants). I mentioned to my psych about my friend and getting the prescription from her OB/GYN nurse practitioner. I asked my psych whether it was common for someone whose expertise is NOT diagnosing mental health conditions to prescribe those medications. My psych says it is not appropriate but it happens ALL. THE. TIME. And then the patient gets a referral to a psychiatrist when the patient crashes.
To be fair to the OB/GYN nurse practitioner, my friend is just beginning menopause. I suppose I can see the logic behind having a nurse practitioner prescribe certain meds to treat THAT cause temporarily, but I would hope that the prescription should be just for as long as it takes to get in with a psychiatrist.
If anybody who has posted here was perfectly happy to get a heavy-duty prescription for mental health drugs from a non-psych physician's assistant, I am not criticizing. I am just putting a cautionary tale out there for others to consider.
* This was after a few visits to my Primary Care Physician, when I was trying to cope with a year of death, dying, and divorce. Don't let anyone tell you that eventually you will get so tired you will sleep. It is so NOT TRUE.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Nov 25, 2015 10:27:20 GMT -5
Also, anti-depressants can increase risk of suicide for men if they don't also have talk therapy.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 25, 2015 21:51:13 GMT -5
I actually started to say something to DD about how I was feeling and it immediately started a conversation about how badly DH treated me and her and DS. I really don't agree but as you can see, talking to her is futile.
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mollyanna58
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Post by mollyanna58 on Nov 27, 2015 22:53:34 GMT -5
I actually started to say something to DD about how I was feeling and it immediately started a conversation about how badly DH treated me and her and DS. I really don't agree but as you can see, talking to her is futile. I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you have RL friends you can talk to. You can always "talk" to us.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 27, 2015 23:47:40 GMT -5
Thank God for that. You all have gone through so much with me. I cannot begin to thank everyone enough.
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dannylion
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Post by dannylion on Nov 28, 2015 11:42:18 GMT -5
More hugs for Zib. I'm so sorry you are having to find your way through this so much on your own. If you are so inclined, it might help to seek out a grief counselor or a grief support group. That sort of thing doesn't appeal to everyone, though. I hope there are friends nearby you can turn to when you need them.
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Artemis Windsong
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Nov 28, 2015 12:42:01 GMT -5
My DS mentioned to his general md that he was down. Antidepressants prescribed. It was a walk up in dosing. He got to his recommended dose. They weren't agreeing with him. He stopped taking them with no walk down. He thought he was going to die.
GS1 was on med for migraines. One of the side effects happened. He called the drs. office. The receptionist told him to stop taking his meds. Bad move. His friends got him restrained and to the ER.
A licensed psychiatric professional connected to a medical clinic or hospital is the only way to go.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Nov 28, 2015 14:52:20 GMT -5
My DS mentioned to his general md that he was down. Antidepressants prescribed. It was a walk up in dosing. He got to his recommended dose. They weren't agreeing with him. He stopped taking them with no walk down. He thought he was going to die. GS1 was on med for migraines. One of the side effects happened. He called the drs. office. The receptionist told him to stop taking his meds. Bad move. His friends got him restrained and to the ER. A licensed psychiatric professional connected to a medical clinic or hospital is the only way to go. So your DS decided on his own to stop taking his meds with no input from his doctor, and your GS1 stopped taking them on the advice of the receptionist. I don't get why neither spoke to the doctor about this.
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Artemis Windsong
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Nov 28, 2015 17:10:15 GMT -5
They did not know they needed to. First time meds for them.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 29, 2015 7:24:14 GMT -5
See why I'm worried about meds?
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Nov 29, 2015 10:39:51 GMT -5
I understand the worries zib. Frankly though there are some crappy doctors out there who likely didn't tell these people that stopping cold turkey was a big no no. I tried 3 different meds for migraines that fell into the antidepressant or anti seizure classes. All of them required building up to the desired dose and tapering down when stopping. My neurologist went through that for every med with me. The bottles from the pharmacy had stickers about not suddenly stopping taking it.
I know some meds have bad side effects. I just wouldn't discount them entirely on the basis of those stories bc they sound like those people got crappy guidance or didn't bother to ask their doctor's advice prior to stopping.
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seriousthistime
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Post by seriousthistime on Nov 29, 2015 12:21:09 GMT -5
I understand the worries zib. Frankly though there are some crappy doctors out there who likely didn't tell these people that stopping cold turkey was a big no no. I tried 3 different meds for migraines that fell into the antidepressant or anti seizure classes. All of them required building up to the desired dose and tapering down when stopping. My neurologist went through that for every med with me. The bottles from the pharmacy had stickers about not suddenly stopping taking it. I know some meds have bad side effects. I just wouldn't discount them entirely on the basis of those stories bc they sound like those people got crappy guidance or didn't bother to ask their doctor's advice prior to stopping. Exactly.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Nov 29, 2015 14:07:44 GMT -5
They did not know they needed to. First time meds for them. Seriously? Neither read the literature that came with the meds? Neither asked the pharmacist? Pharmacist counseling is LAW, unless you turn it down. Why ever would you turn it down for a first time med? Sorry, this goes back on your family, not their HCP. They did everything wrong. Where does personal responsibility come in?
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Nov 29, 2015 14:10:59 GMT -5
I understand the worries zib. Frankly though there are some crappy doctors out there who likely didn't tell these people that stopping cold turkey was a big no no. I tried 3 different meds for migraines that fell into the antidepressant or anti seizure classes. All of them required building up to the desired dose and tapering down when stopping. My neurologist went through that for every med with me. The bottles from the pharmacy had stickers about not suddenly stopping taking it. I know some meds have bad side effects. I just wouldn't discount them entirely on the basis of those stories bc they sound like those people got crappy guidance or didn't bother to ask their doctor's advice prior to stopping. Exactly. If the doctor doesn't do it, the pharmacist should and IME you need to sign off they you deny counsel at the pharmacy. They ask every freaking time, I know because I turn it down for the BP meds I've taken for 8 years. But I listened the first time about possible issues so I knew what to look for and what to do.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 29, 2015 14:55:37 GMT -5
People that don't have a history of depression other than when they are grieving are suffering from what is known as situational depession. It is a normal part of the human experience and we should not be afraid of it. There are lots of things to try before jumping to medication. I know people that benefitted greatly from grief counselling and grief support groups without ever having to risk the side effects of mood altering chemicals.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Nov 29, 2015 15:05:57 GMT -5
People that don't have a history of depression other than when they are grieving are suffering from what is known as situational depession. It is a normal part of the human experience and we should not be afraid of it. There are lots of things to try before jumping to medication. I know people that benefitted greatly from grief counselling and grief support groups without ever having to risk the side effects of mood altering chemicals. exactly! Grieving the recent loss of a loved one is completely normal. There is no reason to reach for a pill before trying support groups/counseling.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Nov 29, 2015 15:39:58 GMT -5
People that don't have a history of depression other than when they are grieving are suffering from what is known as situational depession. It is a normal part of the human experience and we should not be afraid of it. There are lots of things to try before jumping to medication. I know people that benefitted greatly from grief counselling and grief support groups without ever having to risk the side effects of mood altering chemicals. I'm going to try that first.
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lund
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Post by lund on Nov 29, 2015 17:09:23 GMT -5
Good idea to try grief counseling and/or a support group first.
Among those I have met who needed medication, the most frequent medication was not any anti-depressants, but sleeping aids. Most complained that they were tired but counting sheep number 4,356,215 or so before falling asleep at night.
If your children have been afraid for your health due to you being overworked from taking care of your DH, they are not likely to see his death from the same angle as you. They will chiefly be relieved that you survived this, and still worry about your health and well-being, while you feel the severe loss. These two angles are not well compatible, even if they only want you well. Try to find somebody else to talk to. Else, I think that they will feel frustrated and you will not feel understood.
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