NancysSummerSip
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 19:19:42 GMT -5
Posts: 36,651
Today's Mood: Full of piss and vinegar
Favorite Drink: Anything with ice
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Oct 6, 2015 14:04:48 GMT -5
do you think it is possible to want to hurt an ex even at the expense of your children? Or is that just a fiction? Do you think it is . If the thread was filled with people discussing ways to slash his tires or burn his apartment down or put him in the EE freezer, with very little discussion of what Angel and her children need, that would be a different story. But I haven't seen much (if any) of that. I think your own biases may be coloring the way you're reading responses here. Hmmmmm...now there's an option we did not think of before. But FWIW, not all of us even have alcoholic spouses or ex-spouses to hate. Some of us see this issue from a third-party standpoint. I look at it from a legal/law enforcement angle, as that is my profession. And for people like myself, we have seen Angels' XH, and hundreds like him, go in and out of the criminal justice system, saying and doing the same thing, with some variations. They may or may not make use of social/rehab services, they spend time in jail/prison/probation/parole/community service, they pay fines, court costs and restitution, they violate no-contact orders, they call their exes and their kids with threats and pleas and promises. And they do it over and over, even with the threat of re-arrest hanging over their heads if they screw up and get hauled back to court. Sure, there are some people who want to hurt an ex, no matter what. My XSIL is like that. Her whole family is one big vindictive hot mess, and collateral damage be damned. But that's not Angel, as far as any of us can tell. On the contrary, she's done too much, in my opinion, to accommodate her ex. And he's done nothing to earn her trust, nothing to show he is responsible right now. The future is what it is. Angel has to deal with the now. And that means her children need to be loved, wanted, secure and stable. And if Johnny Putz the XH cannot contribute to that end, then he needs to be out of the picture until he can.
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swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
Joined: Dec 19, 2010 16:03:22 GMT -5
Posts: 45,614
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Post by swamp on Oct 6, 2015 14:28:30 GMT -5
If the thread was filled with people discussing ways to slash his tires or burn his apartment down or put him in the EE freezer, with very little discussion of what Angel and her children need, that would be a different story. But I haven't seen much (if any) of that. I think your own biases may be coloring the way you're reading responses here. Hmmmmm...now there's an option we did not think of before. But FWIW, not all of us even have alcoholic spouses or ex-spouses to hate. Some of us see this issue from a third-party standpoint. I look at it from a legal/law enforcement angle, as that is my profession. And for people like myself, we have seen Angels' XH, and hundreds like him, go in and out of the criminal justice system, saying and doing the same thing, with some variations. They may or may not make use of social/rehab services, they spend time in jail/prison/probation/parole/community service, they pay fines, court costs and restitution, they violate no-contact orders, they call their exes and their kids with threats and pleas and promises.
And they do it over and over, even with the threat of re-arrest hanging over their heads if they screw up and get hauled back to court. Sure, there are some people who want to hurt an ex, no matter what. My XSIL is like that. Her whole family is one big vindictive hot mess, and collateral damage be damned. But that's not Angel, as far as any of us can tell. On the contrary, she's done too much, in my opinion, to accommodate her ex. And he's done nothing to earn her trust, nothing to show he is responsible right now. The future is what it is. Angel has to deal with the now. And that means her children need to be loved, wanted, secure and stable. And if Johnny Putz the XH cannot contribute to that end, then he needs to be out of the picture until he can.
I have daily contact with people like Angel's ex. An addict will make all the promises in the world to get what s/he wants, but they will never follow through, until that person gets clean. Some do, some never do.
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Post by mojothehelpermonkey on Oct 6, 2015 18:54:31 GMT -5
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Tennesseer
Member Emeritus
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:58:42 GMT -5
Posts: 64,429
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Post by Tennesseer on Oct 6, 2015 19:43:46 GMT -5
The Onion article reminded me of the 2004 movie, Dear Frankie , a drama with a bit of humor. I recommend the movie. "Dear Frankie is a 2004 Scottish drama film directed by Shona Auerbach and starring Emily Mortimer, Gerard Butler, and Jack McElhone. The screenplay by Andrea Gibb focuses on a young single mother whose love for her son prompts her to perpetuate a deception designed to protect him from the truth about his father." Full plot here at the link. Dear Frankie
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muttleynfelix
Junior Associate
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 15:32:52 GMT -5
Posts: 9,406
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Post by muttleynfelix on Oct 6, 2015 21:50:27 GMT -5
do you think it is possible to want to hurt an ex even at the expense of your children? Or is that just a fiction? Do you think it is possible that some posters hate alcoholic ex husbands and are just a bit biased? Everyone has biases. Bias alone doesn't necessarily discount the quality of advice given. Many drug and alcohol counselors have their own history of substance abuse, which helps them empathize with their patients. Does their "bias" about drug use mean their advice is crap? And I don't know if I'm reading a different thread, but I am not seeing the "ex hurting" posts to which you keep referring. Restricting an addict's/abuser's access to his children is not about punishing the addict, it is about protecting the children. If the thread was filled with people discussing ways to slash his tires or burn his apartment down or put him in the EE freezer, with very little discussion of what Angel and her children need, that would be a different story. But I haven't seen much (if any) of that. I think your own biases may be coloring the way you're reading responses here. My late BIL was a phenomenal drug and alcohol counselor. He helped his patients tremendously. He died coming down off a 10 day bender. But man he was a good drug and alcohol counselor.
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