mollyanna58
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Post by mollyanna58 on Sept 18, 2015 12:52:52 GMT -5
Going to an engagement party for a young relative. Is a gift generally expected, or not until the bridal shower and actual wedding?
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Sept 18, 2015 12:54:16 GMT -5
I have never, in my life, heard of an engagement party until now.
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Sept 18, 2015 12:55:36 GMT -5
Yes
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Sept 18, 2015 12:57:07 GMT -5
Emily Post: Some people bring presents; others don't. Should I bring a gift to an engagement party? In the past, engagement gifts were not obligatory or expected, but it has become the custom in many parts of the country to bring a gift to an engagement party. Close friends and family usually do give the couple an engagement gift, either when the engagement is announced or at the engagement party. An engagement gift is really a good-hearted gesture of affection, and it need not be expensive or elaborate. Something simple such as a cookbook, picture frame, or a good bottle of wine - intended to help the couple establish a collection - makes a great engagement gift. Couples who are conscious of taxing their friends' budgets may ask the host to pass the word to guests not to bring presents. As a guest, if you really aren't sure what to do, call the host and ask. Ultimately, your decision whether to give an engagement gift depends on your relationship to the couple, your budget, and local custom. link
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milee
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Post by milee on Sept 18, 2015 13:00:39 GMT -5
Yes, an engagement party is a gift giving occasion. How big/expensive depends on the relationship to the person and the location/formality of the party.
Examples:
Friend (not BFF, just friend) and it's a backyard BBQ in the parents' back yard: Token gift - bottle of wine or something similar Boss at work and it's cocktails at a nice restaurant: More formal gift like upscale foods or high end liquor Coworker and party is a fellow coworker's: card Close friend and it's a sit down dinner: Personalized gift Close friends that are casual and party is very casual: card plus small personalized gift
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 18, 2015 13:09:58 GMT -5
Not in my world. The engagement party is the one event we aren't expected to bring a gift to.
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Sept 18, 2015 13:30:10 GMT -5
I have never, in my life, heard of an engagement party until now. I had one 30+ years ago. In the Olden Days, it was a Victorian/Edwardian tradition (in upper class and titled families) to throw a party to announce an engagement. Back in the Olden Days, a bride and groom would never have announced their engagement on their own. The groom would have gone to Daddy to get his permission to marry his daughter, and then go propose to the daughter. If she said yes, then Daddy would have thrown a party to make the formal announcement as a way of giving his blessing (and asserting/enhancing the family's social status).
We had one not because of old British social class conventions, but because it was a convenient way for all 4 sides of our families to meet and greet each other so they weren't strangers at our wedding. We had a great time and it worked , because several folks "across the aisle" hit it off and today are still chummy.
I don't recall getting gifts of any substance at my engagement party - - it was a party for everyone to meet. I frankly I really don't remember any gifts - nor were we expecting any.
If I were invited to an engagement party today, I'd bring along something small or a congratulations card.
YMMV.
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The Captain
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Post by The Captain on Sept 18, 2015 13:37:06 GMT -5
Huh. Interesting. Seriously, never heard of one before. May be a class thing because many of my HS and college friends got married and there wasn't a single one of these that I can recall.
Bridal showers, Bachelor and Bachelorette parties - yes, but never an engagement party.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Sept 18, 2015 14:04:50 GMT -5
Never been to an engagement party. And now it's another gift giving occassion? Geez what is next a pre-engagement party? "Hey we are thinking about getting married so we're having a party, bring gifts!". I am so glad I don't see that around here. I don't mind attending a party but being expected to attend multiple events WITH gifts is freaking expensive.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 18, 2015 14:05:37 GMT -5
I had one. I'll be giving one for my son and his girlfriend as soon as it's official. It's more of a meet and greet now than a formal announcement although there will be some congratulation speeches going on. Gifts are usually tokens. Like a PP said. Picture frames, coaster sets. I got a lovely Lenox candy dish from a dear friend of my Morhers. Not everyone has them. There is no father of the bride just a former step father and a very bitter mother. . I'm less than thrilled about inviting and paying for my ex and his low life relatives but I will suck it up and do it. Mother of the bride can do it as well if I can.
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quince
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Post by quince on Sept 18, 2015 14:07:54 GMT -5
Engagement party Bridal shower bachelor party bachelorette party (no gifts at these two, right?) wedding/reception.
...To hell with all that.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 18, 2015 14:11:54 GMT -5
I want a divorce party.
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bookkeeper
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Post by bookkeeper on Sept 18, 2015 14:29:02 GMT -5
DH and I had an engagement party. It involved a case of beer in a friend's basement. They all congratulated us and when the beer was gone, the party was over. Things don't have to be so complicated.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Sept 18, 2015 14:59:17 GMT -5
Huh. Interesting. Seriously, never heard of one before. May be a class thing because many of my HS and college friends got married and there wasn't a single one of these that I can recall. Bridal showers, Bachelor and Bachelorette parties - yes, but never an engagement party. This may be the result of globalization. Before I moved to the US for the first time in the early 80's, I had never heard of bridal showers and bachelorette parties. Engagement parties are common/traditional in my home country. Now the bachelorette parties have crossed the pond and I am sure the bridal showers will follow soon. The "crosswinds" must have carried the engagement party over to the US. I think this starts out very innocently in a "let's share As traditions" and then it morphs into "I want that too, but I need/have to have all the old traditions as well" JMO
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sesfw
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Post by sesfw on Sept 18, 2015 16:18:51 GMT -5
I remember a friend's engagement party in 1958 ........ They were the first of our crowd to become engaged and later marry.
Don't remember any gifts, just a girls get-together at the home of her parents. All of us were in the 16-17 yr old age bracket so it was exciting for us. BTW, the couple had a huge wedding for the times and were divorced about 4 yrs later.
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plugginaway22
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Post by plugginaway22 on Sept 18, 2015 16:50:33 GMT -5
Yes, we have them here in the mid-Atlantic, but also mainly for the 2 families to meet up. Gifts are tokens, bottles of wine, picture frame, nothing major.
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Post by mojothehelpermonkey on Sept 18, 2015 16:56:13 GMT -5
Never been to an engagement party. And now it's another gift giving occassion? Geez what is next a pre-engagement party? "Hey we are thinking about getting married so we're having a party, bring gifts!". I am so glad I don't see that around here. I don't mind attending a party but being expected to attend multiple events WITH gifts is freaking expensive. If you make it through all of this with the friendship intact, then you have gender reveal parties to look forward to.
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mollyanna58
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Post by mollyanna58 on Sept 18, 2015 17:33:52 GMT -5
Bride to be currently lives in CA. Party is at mother's home in NJ. Whatever I give them should be small and portable, so I guess green and foldable is the way to go.
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Ombud
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Post by Ombud on Sept 18, 2015 18:44:24 GMT -5
If they've already registeted, I give a gift card to that store. More portable but I like the cash idea too
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bobosensei
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Post by bobosensei on Sept 20, 2015 0:07:33 GMT -5
Never been to an engagement party. And now it's another gift giving occassion? Geez what is next a pre-engagement party? "Hey we are thinking about getting married so we're having a party, bring gifts!". I am so glad I don't see that around here. I don't mind attending a party but being expected to attend multiple events WITH gifts is freaking expensive. If you make it through all of this with the friendship intact, then you have gender reveal parties to look forward to. Oh God, I know! My friend just had a baby, and while her mom was in town during her pregnancy they did a gender reveal party. DH told her it sounded ridiculous. I thought so too, but didn't realize that this was a "real thing" that people do now. Imagine my surprise when someone threw her a baby shower about a month after the gender reveal party. I thought that her gender reveal party was just her way of hosting her own baby shower. Anyway, when you invite the same people to both parties it is expensive and time consuming, and I don't know anyone that just loves going to parties where they can't even have a drink. I couldn't go to either, but sent her a big gift 150 dollar gift card which is about 3 times what I usually spend. I saw she redeemed it, but she didn't acknowledge it. Maybe she was mad that we thought her party was dumb and that I didn't rearrange my life to go out of town for two parties for her. So I didn't send a gift for the first birthday.
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Anne_in_VA
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Post by Anne_in_VA on Sept 20, 2015 16:41:15 GMT -5
Not acknowledging gifts is a real sore point for me. We just had a baby shower for DSD yesterday and someone mentioned thank you notes to DSIL. His reaction? "We don't write those!"
i guess her her mother never told her about thanking someone for a gift either.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 20, 2015 19:10:51 GMT -5
Oh brother. I think you better point out that gifts need to be acknowledged. Period.
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murphath
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Post by murphath on Sept 21, 2015 10:38:03 GMT -5
Our son and is then fiance (now married ) had a small engagement party. Since they are in San Diego and we live in the Bay Area, it was more a way for us to meet her mom, aunt and uncle and grandparents. It was at a nice restaurant and her mom paid for it. No gifts involved whatsoever. Our daughter also got married this year. Since she and her now husband had been together for 10 years, there was no engagement party. Our families knew each other pretty well already.
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milee
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Post by milee on Sept 21, 2015 10:44:33 GMT -5
I've been to a few of those. They are really fun.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Sept 22, 2015 15:12:46 GMT -5
Not acknowledging gifts is a real sore point for me. We just had a baby shower for DSD yesterday and someone mentioned thank you notes to DSIL. His reaction? "We don't write those!" i guess her her mother never told her about thanking someone for a gift either. At my sisters's baby shower, they had the envelopes there for you to preaddress for your thank you cards. Nice way of getting half the work done for you.
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movingforward
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Post by movingforward on Sept 22, 2015 15:25:07 GMT -5
I thought people did engagement parties in lieu of bridal showers? The ones I have attended were done because the bride considered bridal showers to be old fashioned (which I do as well). The engagement party is for gifts for the couple, as opposed to old-timey bridal showers where the WOMAN received gifts for the home (you know, because that was her job ). Engagement parties make a lot more sense to me than bridal showers do but I think people should do one or the other, not both. Just my 2 cents... but yes I believe you are supposed to bring a gift.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Sept 23, 2015 19:55:34 GMT -5
We just honest to GOD got a baby shower invitation to someone whose wedding we went to last year My college roommates DIL and son. This is the same DIL that my college roommate kept asking me if we'd gotten a thank you note yet for the wedding gift. I finally told my roommate that maybe HER son could write thank you notes as well. Anyway I got one, looked like a 6 year old wrote it. Including misspelled names. Since its full of pink everything, I'm assuming it's a girl baby. Still can't spell btw.
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on Sept 24, 2015 6:24:13 GMT -5
Not acknowledging gifts is a real sore point for me. We just had a baby shower for DSD yesterday and someone mentioned thank you notes to DSIL. His reaction? "We don't write those!" i guess her her mother never told her about thanking someone for a gift either. At my sisters's baby shower, they had the envelopes there for you to preaddress for your thank you cards. Nice way of getting half the work done for you. The custom of doing this truly irritates me. You had enough time to send out invitations to the shower, or someone did it for you......maybe you can get that same help to send out thank you notes as well. I refuse to address those thank you note envelopes when I go to a shower. Just old skub being the tough love witch that I am...
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skubikky
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Post by skubikky on Sept 24, 2015 6:28:05 GMT -5
We just honest to GOD got a baby shower invitation to someone whose wedding we went to last year My college roommates DIL and son. This is the same DIL that my college roommate kept asking me if we'd gotten a thank you note yet for the wedding gift. I finally told my roommate that maybe HER son could write thank you notes as well. Anyway I got one, looked like a 6 year old wrote it. Including misspelled names. Since its full of pink everything, I'm assuming it's a girl baby. Still can't spell btw. Are you really going to go to this shower or send a gift? I got a shower invitation a few years ago for someone named "Melissa". The return address was unrecognizable to me. I called the RSVP number and was told that this was the wife of DH's college roommate. We hadn't seen them or heard from them in 15 years since they'd been married. I asked the person how they got my name and address. She said they just randomly went through the mother-to-be's address book. I declined the invitation and "resisted the implied obligation" to send a gift. Needless to say, never got a birth announcement.
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Sept 24, 2015 6:32:39 GMT -5
Not acknowledging gifts is a real sore point for me. We just had a baby shower for DSD yesterday and someone mentioned thank you notes to DSIL. His reaction? "We don't write those!" i guess her her mother never told her about thanking someone for a gift either. At my sisters's baby shower, they had the envelopes there for you to preaddress for your thank you cards. Nice way of getting half the work done for you. Wow, I have never seen that. Not sure how I feel about that one.
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