Inheritance Question- Advice/Opinions

[Nazgul Girl]

If your mother-in-law's estate is still open and the will hasn't been probated, your sis-in-law is going to have problems. There is a time limit for the will to be probated and for the estate's assets to be disbursed to those named in the will. If your sis-in-law hasn't taken care of this, she's making a series of dumb mistakes. Who was the executor named in the will ? Was it your sister-in-law, or someone else ? Your husband and his brother should investigate this. Unless your mother-in-law executed a new will prior to her death, her known will needs to be executed and followed as she "willed" it. Your sister-in-law will owe the other inheritors a lot of money if she's used your mother-in-law's funds for her own needs.

[upstatemom]

Mar 13, 2011 7:05:37 GMT -5 Lady Gaga Gaga Snerd said:

I don't know. She is a paralegal who works for lawyers and is already basically "lawyered" up. In my opinion, she should have paid final expenses then split whatever was left in her checking 3 ways. And, her house should have been appraised and her choosing to live in it fine, but she would then have to "buy out" her brothers i would assume?
She said "she took care of mom" so her brothers don't deserve anything. And, she said because her name was on the account it was "her money'. As for the house, she just moved in and that was it. For us, we don't have the inclination or need to be bothered with this. It really would amount to a small amount of money and isn't worth going to battle. But, I think she is acting in a bad manner toward her other brother. I just dont' understand it.

Good luck, Unfortunately it is way to common for parents deaths to turn siblings into mongers. A family friend was with his brother making arrangements for their mom's funeral when his sisters went to the mom's house and cleaned it out. Needless to say, it did not go over well. Never heard of how the rest of the estate distribution went but I doubt it was pleasant.

[swamp]

The bank account is hers, free and clear.

Check the Deed Recorders office and see if the house was transferred to your SIL, if it was, it's hers. If not, she's living in a house that isn't hers. Your BIL can petition your SIL to force her to probate the will.

If you don't care, stay out of it. Don't have your BIL do your his dirty work.

[Bluerobin]

Let's see, SIL faithly attended to mom. Wanna bet the house and bank account were both signed over?

[Deleted]

I don't think "staying out of it" is the right approach, because by staying out of it, you are effectively conceding any inheritance to your SIL. That amounts to taking her side.

Contact a probate attorney and see what they say. Your goal is to be on your MIL's side and be faithful to her wishes.

Accepting that you have no claim to whatever was in the bank account can be your neutrality card. But you need to look into the house.

[swamp]

Mar 13, 2011 7:46:49 GMT -5 Lady Gaga Gaga Snerd said:

Yes, we would prefer to stay out of it, but again, I don't want to get into any liability issues.

You aren't liable for anything unless you take assets from the estate.

[swamp]

Mar 13, 2011 7:52:27 GMT -5 @daphne87 said:

Think of it this way -- DH may technically be a 1/3 owner of the house. For whatever reason, SIL doesn't keep up the homeowner's insurance policy on the house.... Do you see where this is going??

I know it's a fairly far reached scenario, but you should certainly look into the situation. Best of luck. And so sorry on the loss of your MIL.

Not until the estate is probated. Title can't pass until there estate court action, unless MIL deeded the house earlier to him.

[Agatha]

If there is a will she must probate it in order to get her name on the deed. Unless, of course , as someone else noted she already has it there. Once in probate wills are public records for anyone to see. Do see a probate lawyer. If there is no will the state will get involved and no one will end up with anything. I know you really don't want the house but is it right for your MIL's wishes to be denied?

You also have children, if memory serves. Can you think of a time when your children or one of your children would like to have something of their grandmother's? A token; a remembrance? Has your SIL offered that?

[Gardening Grandma]

Advice?

Personally, I think I'd get hold of a copy of the deed to see whose name/s are on it. If the title has already been transferred then that's that.

Then, I'd take whatever steps I had to to have the will probated. And that will entail attorney's fees, no doubt.

[sesfw]

Personally I'd check with a probate attorney and get everything closed. One thing you don't want is the liability of an estate that isn't finished. Unfinished paperwork has a bad habit of catching up with you.

[DVM gone riding]

daphne NO!! you can be a signer on the acct without the money being yours, stealing it by moving it to your acct is wrong and the court is going to frown on this a lot. You can't take someone elses money just because you are signer on the acct. This is going to vary some by state.

[debtheaven]

I don't think "staying out of it" is the right approach, because by staying out of it, you are effectively conceding any inheritance to your SIL. That amounts to taking her side.

This. (Karma to Sarah). Which also means you are complacent in your SIL s.crewing your BIL. Snerdly I understand that you don't want anything (although I agree that your kids and your DH should have at least a few objects or photos). But by "not getting involved" you are allowing your SIL to s.crew your DH (which is fine, it's his choice) as well as your BIL (which doesn't seem fine with him.)

Personally I think your DH SHOULD accept his third, if only to turn around and immediately regift it to whoever he wants to have it. Your late MIL wanted your DH to have some of that money too. Maybe keep it for your kids' college? But I agree, that's another issue.

I can't advise you on exactly what you need to do because I'm no longer in the US, but I think you need to follow things through for your BIL's and your late MIL's sakes.

Best of luck to you.

[TD2K]

Snerd, if you aren't interested in this I'd stay out of it as you said you want to. If your BIL feels he is being taken advantage of you can suggest he talk to an attorney. As Swamp said, don't get into the position of doing your BIL's job though you can certainly make suggestions.

If he's not interested enough to follow through on this, he's just not that interested in addressing the issue.

Is there any chance that your MIL could have already put your SIL on the deed thus making her the owner of the house?

She said "she took care of mom" so her brothers don't deserve anything.

There can be a lot of work involved in caring after someone so I could see where she is coming from. We've had other posters who put in a lot of time looking after their parents when their siblings couldn't be bothered but after the death, those siblings wanted their share. However, the will and whatever other legal documents are in place governs who is entitled to what. And if she's a paralegal, she's quite aware of this.

[Plain Old Petunia]

I think your SIL is behaving badly and knows it, that is why she is avoiding her brothers. I do not envy you being in this position.

I think you and your husband should find out for sure what MIL wanted. Get a copy of the will. In the event MIL really did want SIL to have everything, then both brothers will know and there shouldn't be any hard feelings towards their sister. If MIL left something to them as well, it is perfectly legitimate to make sure it happens that way. If it happens to benefit you financially, that doesn't make you greedy. MIL had every right to dispose of her property as she wished, SIL has no right to interfere.

[debtheaven]

Well said Petunia!

[TD2K]

MIL had every right to dispose of her property as she wished



Very, very true.

[Deleted]

As beneficaries of the estate both your DH and DBIL have every right to get a copy of the will. Who prepared it? They often have a copy.

It's hard to say what's going on without knowing the assets and how they were titled. The bank account is a good example. Was SIL a joint owner, just an additional signer, or the beneficiary? It makes a big difference.

I know probate law differs from state to state but I find it hard to believe that a property is automatically deeded to the heirs. Someone has to physically sign a deed to transfer ownership or get a court order to transfer. This information is public and you may even be able to get copies of the deed(s) over the internet. At a minimum you (or a title company) can get a copy from the County Recorder's office. But again a lot depends on how the property was titled before death. Was SIL a joint tenant, a beneficary or does she have a life estate for her "service".

From your post SIL's behavior doesn't look good. She may feel "entitled" but failing to show her brothers the will doesn't look good and may in fact be illegal. There are many ways to "pay" a sibling for the care of a parent e.g. deduct from a share of proceeds, pay her if she's the personal representative, et cetera.

Is this new behavoir from Sis? Was MIL a particularly difficult person to deal with? Is it possible that SIL feels that the two brothers didn't spend any time with Mom during her last days?

[lynnerself]

One of my sisters was the primary care giver for about a year before both of my parents passed away within 6 months of each other.It kept her from looking for work after she was laid off. Although she never asked, the rest of the siblings gave her a lump sum out of the estate before it was divided 4 ways. I'm just glad that we all were able to be fairly reasonable. At least until the fight about whether money my brother had borrowed from my parents should come out of his share of the estate. (Nothing was ever in writing on the loan.)

[2kids10horses]

Snerdly,

It's pretty easy to see when the title of the house was transferred. The courthouse records should be on-line. You may have to join the clerk of courts on-line service, but it's inexpensive.

[happyscooter]

Not sure where you live but I am in N.C. When I inherited some money years ago, one sibling was left out. I thought they wouldn't know I got anything so I never mentioned it. Apparently, if someone is disinherited in a will, they are sent a copy so they know that. I felt so bad.
I actually tried to sign my part back to the other heirs for various reasons. The Probate Judge would not allow it. They have very strict laws they have to abide by. So your SIL might be telling you one thing, but the courts might think otherwise.

[Urban Chicago]

Sorry, but at this point you can't just take your SIL's word that the deed was transferred to her, or even that she co-owned the bank account. You need to check this stuff out with your lawyer because, as others mentioned, you may face liability issues. Not to mention SIL is being "coy" and "secretive".

[8 Bit WWBG]

...:::"But, I am bit reluctant to insert myself too much as this is more for DH to handle.":::...

It might be time for a "this needs to be handled, so which of us is going to do it" chat. This DOES affect your household, and for your own protection, you need to find out what happened. You probably have to just tell your DH that it needs to get done, and you are going to have to do it if he won't.

[wmpeon]

If the house and bank account suddenly became the property of SIL, even if it happened a while back, wouldn't she have to pay gift taxes? Guess I'd be cheesed enough to consider calling Uncle Sam.

[debtheaven]

I understand you not wanting the money (sort of ... I'd still accept it for my kids' college costs but that's beside the point.) I would be majorly PO'd at being lied to though. And it seems pretty clear that your SIL is lying, either about the house, the account, or probably both.

You can take what you consider to be "the high road" (ie we don't want or need MIL's money) later, but for now, you really need to find out what is going on. Plus it makes zero sense that your BIL is executor yet he doesn't have a copy of the will. Plus, your MIL trusted all her kids to honor her wishes. That's why she left a will! I would feel the obligation to do that, even if I then chose to regift that money.

Maybe your BIL has an outdated will? My guess (and it's just a guess) is that your SIL had your MIL redo her will at the very last minute. Maybe your late MIL never had the time to, um, file that will? How convenient.

I could live with not getting the inheritance. The injustice? Not so much. If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck, it's probably a duck. Something is clearly fishy here. Snerdly you know that, otherwise you wouldn't have posted. And even after your DH talked to his sister, he / you still felt she was being "secretive" and "coy". Clearly, SOMETHING is going on here.

I think you need to do the right thing by you and your DH, your BIL and his family, and especially his late mom, and find out exactly what is going on. Again, there is always time to refuse or regift her money later if you still want to. But frankly the way your SIL is acting, even if I had been inclined to do so before, I probably wouldn't be any longer.

This sort of thing is never easy but I really think getting to the bottom of this is the right thing to do.

[Gardening Grandma]

What debthaven said. 100%

[dancinmama]

Mar 14, 2011 5:41:14 GMT -5 Lady Gaga Gaga Snerd said:

We did contact SIL. Actually, DH called her last night and had a chat. He inquired of the deed as we were concerned about any tax liability as well and it is indeed titled only to her. So, not sure if that would have happened prior to MIL's death and this was done before and she didn't discuss this with her brothers or what. But, no matter, she can have the house and all the assets. Again, she lived in the same town and was mostly with her mo, we don't begrudge her a thing. But, DH said he thought she was a bit coy and evasive. So, we really don't know what all this secrecy is about. I just don't understand her lack of being forthcoming.

Uhm, maybe it's because she's hiding something.

[Agatha]

Mar 15, 2011 22:38:54 GMT -5 dancinmama said:

Mar 14, 2011 5:41:14 GMT -5 Lady Gaga Gaga Snerd said:

We did contact SIL. Actually, DH called her last night and had a chat. He inquired of the deed as we were concerned about any tax liability as well and it is indeed titled only to her. So, not sure if that would have happened prior to MIL's death and this was done before and she didn't discuss this with her brothers or what. But, no matter, she can have the house and all the assets. Again, she lived in the same town and was mostly with her mo, we don't begrudge her a thing. But, DH said he thought she was a bit coy and evasive. So, we really don't know what all this secrecy is about. I just don't understand her lack of being forthcoming.

Uhm, maybe it's because she's hiding something.

I have to agree with that statement. What? Guilt? Shame? . If she is being coy and evasive she is hiding something she knows was wrong and/or will make her brothers angry. Debtheaven is right, too; I concur with GG.

Who or what is she protecting? Herself? Family? I don't know the family dynamics and can't really get much from what I've read. But I will lay money on the table she has been stockpiling emotions for quite awhile. Does she or has she had a good relationship with her brothers? Does she want to keep it?

This situation is incrediably sad.

[Frappuccino]

I am sorry you and your hubby have to deal with this. I would investigate the matter because I would not want a sibling like her to think that I am just going to roll over and take this kind of treatment. If she gets away with stealing a house, then who knows what she will feel her brothers owe her later. Maybe the brothers can tell her that the bank account is hers because of the caretaking she did, but the house is going to be investigated.

Good luck!

[DebMD (banned)]

Mar 15, 2011 21:13:02 GMT -5 wmpeon said:

If the house and bank account suddenly became the property of SIL, even if it happened a while back, wouldn't she have to pay gift taxes? Guess I'd be cheesed enough to consider calling Uncle Sam.

Welcome New Poster!!
[you're exalted]

[Deleted]

"If the house and bank account suddenly became the property of SIL, even if it happened a while back, wouldn't she have to pay gift taxes? Guess I'd be cheesed enough to consider calling Uncle Sam."

Highly unlikely. At the time of death all assets in the estate would be stepped up in value to FMV. Last year there was no estate tax so no one would pay taxes. This year I believe the estate has to be in excess of $3M and the estate would be responsible for payment of the taxes. If the gift was given while the mother was alive and exceed $15k then the mother should have filled out a gift form. But no tax would be owed unless she exceeded her $1M lifetime gift exclusion.