Using Your Attractiveness to your Advantage

[Phoenix84]

Today, I read a random article on msn about "things never to do in front of your daughter."  The article was written to a female audience.

One of the items was basically, "never use your body to get something you want, like for example wearing a short skirt to a mechanic to get a discount or flirting your way out of a traffic ticket."

That got me thinking, how often does stuff like this happen?  We could even take it a step further, and ask "how often do people have sex to get something they want?"  Like a job promotion, good grade, ect.

Personally, I haven't really witnessed anything like this in person.  Have you ever witnessed anything like this before?  How prolific do you think it is?  Is a necessarily a "good" thing?

[giramomma]

I was blessed with a good rack. I made sure to use it to my advantage to get into bars underage and to get free drinks.

But that's where I stopped.

Except for the having sex to get what I want part. Because I had to have sex to get babies..

As I've gotten older, I don't like people with poor boundaries, especially co-workers. It's just, well, icky.

[andi9899]

I've been doing it for years. To get a little bigger tip when I waitressed. Get some free drinks every now and then at a bar. I don't see anything wrong with it. As long as it doesn't go too far. And I've never slept with someone to get something. I'm not a prostitute, just a little flirtatious at times.

[Peace Of Mind]

My motto has always been:  Use it 'til you lose it!  

That applies to your smarts too. 

[Bonny]

Never used it. Never thought I was that attractive. Had a funny experience last month where a friend looked at some of the photos I have hanging on the wall of Rogues who exclaimed that I looked like a Disney Princess in my wedding photos. (To reaffirm my YM cred-this wasn't a princess wedding-wore my mom's wedding dress, got married on the University campus and kept the bill for 100 guests at < $2k).

This same friend slept with a contractor to get a good deal on work that she need done on her house.

I think that's just icky. I've known others who will would (now we're all too old!) to get better deals on things for stuff as basic as going to the .

I still think it's icky.

[Peace Of Mind]

Sept 8, 2015 23:02:44 GMT -5 Bonny said:

Never used it. Never thought I was that attractive. Had a funny experience last month where a friend looked at some of the photos I have hanging on the wall of Rogues who exclaimed that I looked like a Disney Princess in my wedding photos. (To reaffirm my YM cred-this wasn't a princess wedding-wore my mom's wedding dress, got married on the University campus and kept the bill for 100 guests at < $2k).

This same friend slept with a contractor to get a good deal on work that she need done on her house.

I think that's just icky. I've known others who will would (now we're all too old!) to get better deals on things for stuff as basic as going to the .

I still think it's icky.

If you didn't already know this your friend is a total slut.      I wouldn't even do that unless he's really hot and I already wanted him! But I'd wait until AFTER he finished the project. I wouldn't want to risk him quitting afterwards.

[bobosensei]

I have never had sex to get something when I was single.  But in marriage I have found that a good sex life makes lots of things easier.  

But in all my daily interactions I try to smile and be as nice as I can.  I think that is actually what helps more than looks.  I have gotten out of a few traffic tickets, but with one of them I was pulled over with another person who turned out to not have a license and I think some other issues and maybe they just needed to get me out of there.  I slightly rear ended a guy once, and he told me not to worry about it.  I just scratched the paint.  Maybe he was in a hurry?  I was told by the senior partner at my first job after college that they only hired attractive people because it costs the same to hire someone good looking as it does someone that is ugly.  So in that case I guess my looks helped.  And I do think I've had an easier time in interviews with men.  I've never had an unsuccessful interview with a man, all the times I didn't get a promotion or job I was interviewed by a woman- but maybe that is a coincidence?  I have had many successful interviews with women too.  

I act the same way whether dealing with a man or woman, and I certainly wouldn't turn down an advantage that might happen due to looks.  But I do think it is in poor taste and a bad example to kids to deliberately flirt to get something.  But if you are just as nice to men and women where is the harm if you sometimes get a perk?

[emma1420]

I don't have much of anything to work with so I've never used my looks to get what I want.  Most of the time I'm pretty invisible.  However, I think that is pretty typical of women who are relatively plain of a certain age.

And while I am sure there are some women who will sleep with people to get what they want, I don't know anyone who has done that.  

[ArchietheDragon]

I think that most of the reason I have the job I do is because of the way I look.

[Phoenix84]

So it sounds like it happens, but isn't very prolific.

Even though it's a bit unrelated, I have a cousin that would go to any professor who didn't give her an A and start crying. Most of the time, it worked, but one time it didn't. She still talks about it to this day.

[happyhoix]

I knew one extremely pretty woman who used her looks to advance her career when I worked for a previous company.

She had a high school degree and I think a year or two of what they called 'secretarial' school (this was back in the 80's). She started out as the admin for the boss at our small branch facility and quickly worked her way into a management position that normally required a four year degree. Throughout the 14 years I worked with her, she slept with two different facility managers and one regional manager and got caught in the act with one of them, breaking up her marriage and his. Whenever she was sleeping with a superior she manipulated him into giving her perks - letting her work at home, ignoring her chronic tardiness and excessive sick days, and reassigning her work to other employees. When she dated the regional manager, she often traveled with him, although her work did not overlap with his, and they would both schedule 'travel days' that they would spend together in hub cities. (That lasted about six months before the regional manager was busted back down to facility manager - then she broke up with him).

I've known a lot of women who flirted a bit for better tips or free drinks, but this is the only person I know who used her looks in such an aggressive (and I think shameless) way. I did have one woman interview with me who attached a glamor shot to her resume (she was very pretty) and included on her resume the fact that she had won several beauty pageants, but that didn't really help her land a job with me (a straight woman).   

FYI the beautiful coworker ended up not aging that well (chain smoker plus heavy drinker) and got laid off in her 50's. That's the downside of basing your career on your sex appeal, at some point, it fades.

[thyme4change]

There are studies out there which say good looking people are higher paid, and more likely to get a job offer.  Because of that, I make sure my hair and make-up look good - not because I want to be sexy for a potential new boss.

I am sure my looks have helped me in random places.  Smiling helps.  But it hasn't gotten me anything dramatic.  It isn't like a waiter comped my meal, but maybe my extra chips came a little faster.  I had a better chance when I was younger - but was clueless.  I had some hot friends, so I didn't know I was better looking than average.  All of those gals are still hotter than me.  

[Cookies Galore]

I'm not what I would call hot, but I'm pretty, damn it. I'm also a born flirt so I think my cuteness and personality has worked in my favor. I was a great waitress and had a lot of regular groups that would request me. I may not have gotten extra tips, but I did get more tables since I'm so gosh darn lovable. And humble. :-) I do think personality goes a long way.
I did have what friends called The Charm (registered trademark). I could flash a grin and get a drink like it was my job! I have recieved lesser tickets when pulled over, but that could also be because I'm polite and friendly.
Now, hubs is usually the one to get a free beer when we're out. Grr. We'll be chatting with people at the bar, I go to the bathroom, and he has a fresh pint he didn't pay for.

[cael]

So I think I'm average-pretty at best, not gorgeous and I certainly don't have a nice rack or anything - but I can flutter my eyelashes and get my coworker to buy me a donut some days? Does that count?

[yogiii]

When my son was 3 we were outside, the ice cream truck pulled over and the person asked me if she could give him an ice cream.  He must be like a little George Clooney.

[The Captain]

Sept 8, 2015 20:07:53 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

Today, I read a random article on msn about "things never to do in front of your daughter."  The article was written to a female audience.

One of the items was basically, "never use your body to get something you want, like for example wearing a short skirt to a mechanic to get a discount or flirting your way out of a traffic ticket."

That got me thinking, how often does stuff like this happen?  We could even take it a step further, and ask "how often do people have sex to get something they want?"  Like a job promotion, good grade, ect.

Personally, I haven't really witnessed anything like this in person.  Have you ever witnessed anything like this before?  How prolific do you think it is?  Is a necessarily a "good" thing?

One of the former places I worked for was an absolute cesspool.  Marital infidelity was very common and if you didn't play the game you didn't advance as quickly.

The former receptionist was promoted first to office manager, then to cash manager (within a 2 year period).  When a super important transaction came up that she couldn't handle (multiple cross border currency/cash conversions, interest rate swaps, and settlements across multiple time zones) she panicked and took unscheduled vacation time.

Guess who picked up the pieces and got it done?

One top officer got an employee at a remote location pregnant (while still married to his wife) them promoted her to corporate and had the company pay to relocate her at the top executive relocation package. 

I've never claimed to be a hottie, nor am I flirtatious in any way.  Still (like most women there, and some men as well) I was propositioned more than once and apparently didn't do a good job of hiding my contempt.

Needless to say I didn't get promoted much and got out as fast as I could.

That company is now trading as less 1/16th of their top market price.  Too many investigations, accusations, and lawsuits have finally caught up with them.


 

[Phoenix84]

Sept 9, 2015 8:32:43 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

I'm not what I would call hot, but I'm pretty, damn it. I'm also a born flirt so I think my cuteness and personality has worked in my favor. I was a great waitress and had a lot of regular groups that would request me. I may not have gotten extra tips, but I did get more tables since I'm so gosh darn lovable. And humble. :-) I do think personality goes a long way.
I did have what friends called The Charm (registered trademark). I could flash a grin and get a drink like it was my job! I have recieved lesser tickets when pulled over, but that could also be because I'm polite and friendly.
Now, hubs is usually the one to get a free beer when we're out. Grr. We'll be chatting with people at the bar, I go to the bathroom, and he has a fresh pint he didn't pay for.

I think sometimes people wrongly attribute getting out of a ticket to their looks.

I'm a dude, reasonable looking but not very affable. I usually get off with a warning more often than not by being apologetic.

[Cookies Galore]

Sept 9, 2015 9:16:50 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

Sept 9, 2015 8:32:43 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

I'm not what I would call hot, but I'm pretty, damn it. I'm also a born flirt so I think my cuteness and personality has worked in my favor. I was a great waitress and had a lot of regular groups that would request me. I may not have gotten extra tips, but I did get more tables since I'm so gosh darn lovable. And humble. :-) I do think personality goes a long way.
I did have what friends called The Charm (registered trademark). I could flash a grin and get a drink like it was my job! I have recieved lesser tickets when pulled over, but that could also be because I'm polite and friendly.
Now, hubs is usually the one to get a free beer when we're out. Grr. We'll be chatting with people at the bar, I go to the bathroom, and he has a fresh pint he didn't pay for.

I think sometimes people wrongly attribute getting out of a ticket to their looks.

I'm a dude, reasonable looking but not very affable. I usually get off with a warning more often than not by being apologetic.

How dare you imply I'm not the perfect human specimen that I am! Lol.
I did say I could have gotten out of tickets because I'm polite and friendly. For all we know, there is a subconscious urge to give reasonable looking people a break.

[cktc]

Sept 9, 2015 7:29:07 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

So it sounds like it happens, but isn't very prolific.

Even though it's a bit unrelated, I have a cousin that would go to any professor who didn't give her an A and start crying. Most of the time, it worked, but one time it didn't. She still talks about it to this day.

I always avoided meeting with professors to discuss grades because I knew I'd just dissolve into a puddle of tears and be mortified every time I saw them.

[movingforward]

I was kind of hot "back in the day."  I suppose I am still considered attractive.  I am 42 but most people think I am in my early-mid 30's.  There is a 28 yr old man currently interested in me and it is kind of freaking me out (because he is so much younger) but I can't say I don't do things every now and then to try and get his attention.  I might "accidentally" drop something from time to time and have to bend down and pick it up .  That old bend and snap move from Legally Blond - LOL! 

As for using my looks or sex to get promotions at work or free stuff.  That doesn't happen.  I can't think of anything other than a few free drinks when I was younger that would qualify.  

[Lizard Queen]

It's not  a problem any more, 'cause I'm old, but it used to creep me out to get "special" attention.

[cktc]

Sept 9, 2015 9:16:50 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

I think sometimes people wrongly attribute getting out of a ticket to their looks.

I'm a dude, reasonable looking but not very affable. I usually get off with a warning more often than not by being apologetic.

One of my sisters flirts with everyone and thinks she is this masterful sexy manipulator, she's cute enough, but yeah, no. The mechanic isn't giving you a great deal because you are hot, the car salesman isn't really doing something he never does, waiters flirt for tips, and sorry, but my wedding photographer was gay.

She has been having a lot of problems with her daughter trying to get male attention. Kids do pick up on it.

[movingforward]

Sept 9, 2015 10:09:33 GMT -5 cktc said:

Sept 9, 2015 9:16:50 GMT -5 Phoenix84 said:

I think sometimes people wrongly attribute getting out of a ticket to their looks.

I'm a dude, reasonable looking but not very affable. I usually get off with a warning more often than not by being apologetic.

One of my sisters flirts with everyone and thinks she is this masterful sexy manipulator, she's cute enough, but yeah, no. The mechanic isn't giving you a great deal because you are hot, the car salesman isn't really doing something he never does, waiters flirt for tips, and sorry, but my wedding photographer was gay.

She has been having a lot of problems with her daughter trying to get male attention. Kids do pick up on it.

Yeah, I figure that crap only happens in the movies.  Why bother... not to mention it is demeaning and not the type of behavior I would want to engage in or have young girls learn to emulate.

[Tiny]

So, for those who do use their 'good looks' to get perks - how do you deal with the unwanted/plain old creepy offers of perks? Or do your 'good looks' have an on/off switch?

I was never very good at navigating/dealing with the unwanted offers of "perks" - and so that is why I never relied on "the girls" for getting free drinks or other things. Actually, dealing with the unwanted attention wasn't worth the getting the kind of attention I wanted.

[Tiny]

Sept 9, 2015 10:20:05 GMT -5 movingforward said:

Sept 9, 2015 10:09:33 GMT -5 cktc said:

One of my sisters flirts with everyone and thinks she is this masterful sexy manipulator, she's cute enough, but yeah, no. The mechanic isn't giving you a great deal because you are hot, the car salesman isn't really doing something he never does, waiters flirt for tips, and sorry, but my wedding photographer was gay.

She has been having a lot of problems with her daughter trying to get male attention. Kids do pick up on it.

Yeah, I figure that crap only happens in the movies.  Why bother... not to mention it is demeaning and not the type of behavior I would want to engage in or have young girls learn to emulate.

I think you need a combination of shrewed manipulation/business sense AND good looks to get a "good deal" from someone like a mechanic or a salesman when using your looks to your advantage.     I've witnessed  flirting/good looks being taken advantage of, more often than not.    The flirter/good looker might have FELT like they got a good a deal (the salesman was so NICE! He made me 'feel' like I got a good deal!).        Just looking good isn't enough.

 

 

[giramomma]

Sept 9, 2015 10:29:41 GMT -5 Tiny said:

So, for those who do use their 'good looks' to get perks - how do you deal with the unwanted/plain old creepy offers of perks? Or do your 'good looks' have an on/off switch?

I was never very good at navigating/dealing with the unwanted offers of "perks" - and so that is why I never relied on "the girls" for getting free drinks or other things. Actually, dealing with the unwanted attention wasn't worth the getting the kind of attention I wanted.

Honestly, I never got creepy offers when I was young and going to bars. Except for my TA. But I wasn't doing anything on purpose, since I dressed in fairly modest clothes as a freshman (jeans, burmuda shorts, t-shirts, not even tank tops, and no midriff showing. And turtle necks in the winter..) and I never visited him during office hours, and well, he was high and a mess. I just transferred out of his section second semester. We still maintain an acquaintance these days. We haven't ever talked about it. Because there's nothing to talk about. He was a mess...and I wasn't going to play with fire.

Part of me wonders what would have happened if I would have pursued the offer. Much like I wonder what it's like to use drugs get high, and do other things that I've largely avoided in life that are supposed to "bad." I'm glad I'm a rule follower, but I think my midlife crisis is that I wished that I wasn't one in my younger years.

[swamp]

I had absolutely no idea I could use my looks to get anything until I was in my mid 20's. I had no idea I was attractive.

It was a short window of opportunity.  There was some minor flirting, but that's about it.

[ArchietheDragon]

I've had some gay guys kit on me, but nothing I couldn't handle. The attention is kinda nice.

[tskeeter]

I don't think that the advantages of being attractive are limited to women.  I remember being told that the primary selection criteria for college hires in finance at a company I worked for were smart, attractive, and member of the greek system.  As I analyzed my peers backgrounds, I found that set of criteria was pretty much right on the mark.  We did not hire unattractive people.

The attractiveness factor seems to extend even further, in the business world.  Good looking people tend to get promoted faster and get paid more than less attractive employees.  The same is true when tall employees are compared with shorter employees.  The tall folks get more.  Now, think about Fortune 500 CEO's.  List the unattractive ones.  By my observation, CEO's, both male and female, tend to be more attractive than average.  Even Warren Buffet, who I don't think would be called unusually attractive, does have the appearance of a wise, kindly grandfather.

Looks count.  Even though many people do not conciously try to use their looks to get things, attractive people do have some advantages over the rest of us.   

[MJ2.0]

Sept 9, 2015 9:44:05 GMT -5 movingforward said:

I was kind of hot "back in the day."  I suppose I am still considered attractive.  I am 42 but most people think I am in my early-mid 30's.  There is a 28 yr old man currently interested in me and it is kind of freaking me out (because he is so much younger) but I can't say I don't do things every now and then to try and get his attention.  I might "accidentally" drop something from time to time and have to bend down and pick it up .  That old bend and snap move from Legally Blond - LOL! 

As for using my looks or sex to get promotions at work or free stuff.  That doesn't happen.  I can't think of anything other than a few free drinks when I was younger that would qualify.  

He doesn't have to be Mr. Right - just have a little fun!