souldoubt
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 11:57:14 GMT -5
Posts: 2,755
|
Post by souldoubt on Jul 30, 2015 17:51:39 GMT -5
Why does she need to? Him and his kids aren't her responsibility nor do her and her spouse owe them anything.
This thread is a good example of how people view inheritances (and money in general) quite differently based on their own experiences. I've never expected anything, never been left anything nor would I feel slighted if someone else got something and I didn't. I don't feel anyone owes me any money or any explanation as to what they do with their money but I understand others feel differently because of their experiences.
|
|
souldoubt
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 11:57:14 GMT -5
Posts: 2,755
|
Post by souldoubt on Jul 30, 2015 18:11:15 GMT -5
Why does she need to? Him and his kids aren't her responsibility nor do her and her spouse owe them anything. This thread is a good example of how people view inheritances (and money in general) quite differently based on their own experiences. I've never expected anything, never been left anything nor would I feel slighted if someone else got something and I didn't. I don't feel anyone owes me any money or any explanation as to what they do with their money but I understand others feel differently because of their experiences. I think you are on to something here. I mentioned I wasn't left anything by my father. I was young (20) when he died (he and my mom had been divorced 15 yrs by then). It really didn't occur to me to ask. In retrospect I probably could have contested the will because I knew me and my sister were mentioned. He had left us his share of our family house, but that was signed over to my mother in lieu of back child support. But really, at the end of the day it wasn't that big of a deal. I think that's colored my perception of inheritance. I know that I've told my mom, she should spend every dime she's worked damn hard for. If I need her money at this point in my life I don't deserve it, because I should be able to earn it myself. I told my mom the same thing. She and her brothers received a decent inheritance from my grandparents and I just hope she gets to enjoy it. I haven't spoken to my dad or his side of the family in over 15 years and even when we were talking I never expected an inheritance from any of them even though I'm the only blood grandchild. Even if I were contacted by an attorney now telling me I was left something by one of them I'd decline because I simply have no relationship with them and would feel weird receiving anything from them. That's really just my personal hang up though because we were never close and what I wanted from them growing up wasn't money and I wouldn't want it now.
|
|
Bonny
Junior Associate
Joined: Nov 17, 2013 10:54:37 GMT -5
Posts: 7,459
Location: No Place Like Home!
|
Post by Bonny on Jul 30, 2015 18:33:31 GMT -5
Why does she need to? Him and his kids aren't her responsibility nor do her and her spouse owe them anything. I understand what you're saying Soul and I agree. But kittensaver is trying to save me future head/heartache. My brother is a financial trainwreck and I'm afraid that his kids are likely to have financial issues themselves or think that having financial problems is normal.
When my niece was young she would brag to her grandmother's neighbors about her rich aunt. The grandmother used to live in the same condo complex as my mother. Didn't do me any favors with the HOA when the condo was in foreclosure. I just hope they aren't going to be contacting me for loans in the future.
|
|
Ombud
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 14, 2013 23:21:04 GMT -5
Posts: 7,600
|
Post by Ombud on Jul 30, 2015 19:14:41 GMT -5
But it was his stock & people divest of holdings all the time. Did he get bad advice? Depends . Depends on if he needed it to survive. Depends on if he thought he could make more in another stock (and could have been right). Depends on whether he was obligated to pass it down to his heirsNo it was passed to me and my sister we were of course very young at the time so he had control...let's just say he wasn't YM material. after I re-read your post that you inherited it not him, I deleted my post
|
|
Ombud
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 14, 2013 23:21:04 GMT -5
Posts: 7,600
|
Post by Ombud on Jul 30, 2015 19:22:32 GMT -5
And T is still a dividend aristocrat
|
|
CCL
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 19:34:47 GMT -5
Posts: 7,711
|
Post by CCL on Jul 30, 2015 20:01:45 GMT -5
I'm not a great example but I've seen the mess left behind when mom left it to us 5 kids & nothing to GKs. Plus 1 sis was subsidized & will be out of inheritance soon So here's my plan: DS got 50k for a house, 12K for Roths, 5k wedding DD got 6k car, 7 yrs support Inheritance: DD & DS - 50 / 50 house, brokerage, IRA, Roth (just changed) GKs - equal parts of legacy account Why would it be a problem to not leave anything to grandkids? It makes more sense to me to give to the kids, then they could distribute to their own children, if they have any, as they see fit.
|
|
CCL
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 4, 2011 19:34:47 GMT -5
Posts: 7,711
|
Post by CCL on Jul 30, 2015 20:14:00 GMT -5
I know I probably dodged this bullet with my brother when my mom died. But I fully expect he will bring up how I "got" Mom's condo (and made money on it) at some point in the future. I also suspect that he thinks his kids will inherit DH's and my money since we don't have kids and DH is an only child.
He's in for a rude surprise!
Bonny - is there any way you can subtly "set" his expectations/lower the bar now? (to prevent blow-back later).
As you know, I manage a family Trust. As you also know, it is for a severely disabled relative that no one (including me ) expects to live to be an old man. So there has in the past been some interesting speculation and salivating around the edges of that Family Money as to what it's disposition will be. No one *really* knows who the successor trustee is ( ), and I've simply allowed everyone to believe that it will be going to charity (I've never lied, I've just allowed that assumption - when someone else brought it up - to hang in the air).
As a result, no one has asked me about it in over 5 years - and no one has tried to "borrow" against it or come up with any other schemes either in that amount of time. *Some* people might be pleasantly surprised if they ever *do* get some of it, but in the meantime I have peace - AND lowered, realistic expectations from family.
Just a thought. On the other hand, you might not care!
But do you have any freeloaders in the family? Most don't give up that easily.
|
|
Ombud
Junior Associate
Joined: Jan 14, 2013 23:21:04 GMT -5
Posts: 7,600
|
Post by Ombud on Jul 30, 2015 20:53:25 GMT -5
CCL, it was a point DS brought up. Mind you, he has 2 + 1 on the way & DD has 4. So it wasn't that his side would get more, it was just that GKs should get something (albeit considerably less)
|
|
lynnerself
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 3, 2011 11:42:29 GMT -5
Posts: 4,166
|
Post by lynnerself on Jul 31, 2015 1:30:30 GMT -5
My parents wanted to leave something to the grandkids. Mostly because one of them was somewhat estranged from his parents. This is what they did. There were 4 of us kids. They gave each child 1/5 and divided the last 1/5 among all of the grandkids.
|
|
cronewitch
Junior Associate
I identify as a post-menopausal childless cat lady and I vote.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:44:20 GMT -5
Posts: 5,979
|
Post by cronewitch on Jul 31, 2015 5:43:40 GMT -5
In our family grands get nothing if they have a parent. Mom and her mom left equally to the kids. If my older brother didn't outlive mom his surviving kids would split his share including on in state custody so it is like just giving the state money.
Mom was very opposed to fighting over inheritances so when her mom died her sister did the paperwork and wrote mom a check for her half, mom didn't ask for an accounting. So knowing how mom felt even if I had wanted to I wouldn't ask either. My brother did the paperwork and gave us what he said was our share. He sold her old house and paid for the food for the hospice guest and paid himself anything he thought should be her expense. He even insisted on paying me for the funeral food since I had bought and prepared everything but I know he used mom's money. He told me mom had paid for all the guest food while she was in hospice and of course her caregivers. I am glad we can all just trust each other and know it was fair and if not fair at least what mom wanted. She had told her grandson if she died while he owed her money it was forgiven but she was paid before she died.
I am going to leave mine lopsided I am helping the nieces and nephew now a little and not the same and some not at all. I so far have given nephew 9K, his sister 23K and cousin 7K. My 401K is split between the first two evenly, taxable and house to my brother and ROTH to my ISO and I asked my nephew to give his cousin some after she gets divorced. He said he didn't hear about a divorce but I told him she doesn't know about it yet, her current husband is an alcoholic who quit drinking except on special occasions. They told me they keep the alcohol in the freezer so it isn't tempting. To me alcoholics shouldn't drink if they don't want another divorce. He already ruined two marriages.
|
|
happyhoix
Distinguished Associate
Joined: Oct 7, 2011 7:22:42 GMT -5
Posts: 21,524
|
Post by happyhoix on Jul 31, 2015 6:55:40 GMT -5
Why does she need to? Him and his kids aren't her responsibility nor do her and her spouse owe them anything. This thread is a good example of how people view inheritances (and money in general) quite differently based on their own experiences. I've never expected anything, never been left anything nor would I feel slighted if someone else got something and I didn't. I don't feel anyone owes me any money or any explanation as to what they do with their money but I understand others feel differently because of their experiences. The problem is that in this dysfunctional family, the daughter, even though she's in her forties, has always lived off her parents. According to OP, she can't keep a job more than a few months. Granted, the parents should have cut her off long ago, but they didn't, and the daughter has gotten used to someone handing her cash. Now, possibly she has MH issues, or some health issues that actually prevent her from being able to work, or maybe she just figured out long ago that mommy and daddy will always help her out. The problem is, she's gotten used to this, and she's going to have problems when that particular financial well runs dry. SIL knows that and is trying to plan ahead for how she's going to be able to make sure this person doesn't turn to her brother, next, to keep the cash flow coming. So yes, in normal situation, sibs wouldn't expect their sibs to help support them, but in this situation, sis might.
|
|
skubikky
Senior Member
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 7:37:12 GMT -5
Posts: 3,044
|
Post by skubikky on Jul 31, 2015 7:11:55 GMT -5
Who else would get the money? Two charities; a land Trust and a no-kill pet shelter. Both of these causes are very important to me. Have you considered also making a big donation while you're still alive? Maybe something like those people who begin giving their heirs money before they die.
|
|
Bonny
Junior Associate
Joined: Nov 17, 2013 10:54:37 GMT -5
Posts: 7,459
Location: No Place Like Home!
|
Post by Bonny on Jul 31, 2015 9:36:35 GMT -5
Two charities; a land Trust and a no-kill pet shelter. Both of these causes are very important to me. Have you considered also making a big donation while you're still alive? Maybe something like those people who begin giving their heirs money before they die. I would like to however we're being conservative in our first phase of retirement. DH's grandfather lived to 102 therefore we've done our retirement planning based on DH's lifespan being 100 (besides the math is so much easier for this non-STEM major ).
Once we start cashing in the properties I think I'll feel a little more confident about doing some larger charitable gifts. But we've already seen our main income stream (oil royalties) get slashed by 50% this year so a little caution is in order. Although tax planning isn't a driver for giving, making charitable gifts during a big cap gains year is probably smarter anyway.
|
|
Bonny
Junior Associate
Joined: Nov 17, 2013 10:54:37 GMT -5
Posts: 7,459
Location: No Place Like Home!
|
Post by Bonny on Jul 31, 2015 9:42:54 GMT -5
Bonny - is there any way you can subtly "set" his expectations/lower the bar now? (to prevent blow-back later).
As you know, I manage a family Trust. As you also know, it is for a severely disabled relative that no one (including me ) expects to live to be an old man. So there has in the past been some interesting speculation and salivating around the edges of that Family Money as to what it's disposition will be. No one *really* knows who the successor trustee is ( ), and I've simply allowed everyone to believe that it will be going to charity (I've never lied, I've just allowed that assumption - when someone else brought it up - to hang in the air).
As a result, no one has asked me about it in over 5 years - and no one has tried to "borrow" against it or come up with any other schemes either in that amount of time. *Some* people might be pleasantly surprised if they ever *do* get some of it, but in the meantime I have peace - AND lowered, realistic expectations from family.
Just a thought. On the other hand, you might not care!
But do you have any freeloaders in the family? Most don't give up that easily. kittensaver has a brother who is a financial trainwreck. She knows of what she speaks.
|
|
kittensaver
Junior Associate
We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love. - Mother Teresa
Joined: Nov 22, 2011 16:16:36 GMT -5
Posts: 7,983
|
Post by kittensaver on Jul 31, 2015 9:45:28 GMT -5
Bonny - is there any way you can subtly "set" his expectations/lower the bar now? (to prevent blow-back later).
As you know, I manage a family Trust. As you also know, it is for a severely disabled relative that no one (including me ) expects to live to be an old man. So there has in the past been some interesting speculation and salivating around the edges of that Family Money as to what it's disposition will be. No one *really* knows who the successor trustee is ( ), and I've simply allowed everyone to believe that it will be going to charity (I've never lied, I've just allowed that assumption - when someone else brought it up - to hang in the air).
As a result, no one has asked me about it in over 5 years - and no one has tried to "borrow" against it or come up with any other schemes either in that amount of time. *Some* people might be pleasantly surprised if they ever *do* get some of it, but in the meantime I have peace - AND lowered, realistic expectations from family.
Just a thought. On the other hand, you might not care!
But do you have any freeloaders in the family? Most don't give up that easily. Um, yes? Didn't you read my post? I was specifically addressing my family freeloaders. When the means to lower their expectations fell in my lap I took it, and I've had peace (no requests for money or offers of "great investment deals!!!" ever since). However as always, YMMV.
|
|