imawino
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Post by imawino on Jul 15, 2015 15:34:52 GMT -5
I guess I don't understand how letting a landlord call you if he dies is getting mixed up in his drama? In fact, if you'd said "sure", you probably would have gotten a "thanks" in response instead of that email.
It's another way to track you down if you leave owing the LL money or leaving a mess without a forwarding address. Sure, but if it came to that you wouldn't actually owe the landlord anything and could just say "don't call me again". And realistically, family members seem pretty easy to track down these days anyway.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jul 15, 2015 15:36:48 GMT -5
Is putting a next of kin on a credit app a normal thing? I do not recall ever being asked that! (not the landlord thing - I can get why they would want to have that on file in case something bad happened.) I've seen it on some credit apps. It gives them someone to call if you don't pay. I've gotten those calls regarding my ex. When I just started telling them 'wrong number', the calls stopped.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Jul 15, 2015 15:38:20 GMT -5
Is putting a next of kin on a credit app a normal thing? I do not recall ever being asked that! (not the landlord thing - I can get why they would want to have that on file in case something bad happened.) I think it depends on the creditor. DH's mom once was called by our cable company. We had a balance owing of something like $5 and they told her that they had to talk to him right away or they would turn off our cable. Calling us directly would have been too obvious?
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Jul 15, 2015 15:43:25 GMT -5
Is putting a next of kin on a credit app a normal thing? I do not recall ever being asked that! (not the landlord thing - I can get why they would want to have that on file in case something bad happened.) I think it depends on the creditor. DH's mom once was called by our cable company. We had a balance owing of something like $5 and they told her that they had to talk to him right away or they would turn off our cable. Calling us directly would have been too obvious? LOL. That's just crazy!
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Jul 15, 2015 15:44:02 GMT -5
It's another way to track you down if you leave owing the LL money or leaving a mess without a forwarding address. Sure, but if it came to that you wouldn't actually owe the landlord anything and could just say "don't call me again". And realistically, family members seem pretty easy to track down these days anyway. No I wouldn't owe the money. But kittensaver's post made me pause. My brother would be listing me on every credit application going forward.
I stated in the O.P. that my brother is a financial trainwreck. He's filed BK, was in some state of foreclosure for 10 years until the bank finally did foreclose on him, car repoed, pays his rent late and God knows what else. Why would I want to get in the middle of that?
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ArchietheDragon
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Post by ArchietheDragon on Jul 15, 2015 15:45:55 GMT -5
I guess it explains why he asked you when he wanted to list you, if he's had prior issues with listing his closest relative. It wouldn't have occurred for me to even ask someone if I could use them my closest relative. Well he asked because the three closest relatives won't talk to him.
Cross your fingers that the list is extended to 4.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Jul 15, 2015 15:50:38 GMT -5
Well he asked because the three closest relatives won't talk to him.
Cross your fingers that the list is extended to 4. Lol in a sad way. the next two would be his younger kids.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Jul 15, 2015 15:51:04 GMT -5
Sure, but if it came to that you wouldn't actually owe the landlord anything and could just say "don't call me again". And realistically, family members seem pretty easy to track down these days anyway. No I wouldn't owe the money. But kittensaver's post made me pause. My brother would be listing me on every credit application going forward.
I stated in the O.P. that my brother is a financial trainwreck. He's filed BK, was in some state of foreclosure for 10 years until the bank finally did foreclose on him, car repoed, pays his rent late and God knows what else. Why would I want to get in the middle of that?
I'm not really saying you should have - I am just skeptical that there is any more drama in saying yes than no. It would have been less drama with your brother, and like I said if creditors want to track down next of kin they usually can pretty easily, whether you are listed on an app or not. I'm also giving him a bit of credit for asking. He asked now, so why the automatic assumption that he would just put you down on other things without asking? Sure, he might - but he didn't this time.
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on Jul 15, 2015 15:53:50 GMT -5
Here's the e-mail I got back:
"I won't list dad and won't list you. I listed dad as next of kin on one Honda finance application before and he claimed a repo guy said he was co signer on the loan ( no proof has ever been delivered to correlate that) and that's why he requested that I never communicate with him again. He seems to be quite chummy with <bro's ex> ( who and her mother was less than kind towards dad when we all lived together) and <Dad's GF> "How could you do that?" And then handed dad the phone where he proceeded to repeat himself to basically the same narrative. I sent him the Honda loan copy application ( as you suggested ) and he is listed as " closest relative not living with you". I am not the perfect son, but not deserving of his ostracism, but I guess others disagree. I find it odd that I spent hours separating and quelling fights ( whereby the three would verbally degrade the other) <ex-wife>, <ex-wife's mother> and Dad. Often <Ex> and <Ex's mom> trying to get me to quell dad or side with them. Dad was going through an emotional time and wasn't perfect but Ex"s mother> and <Ex> could have been kinder and more respectful to dad. Now I find myself as persona non grata. Lol. That's life. I can tell you I did my best while raising 5 kids and I haven't been the smartest with money and that's hurt people I love."
I just do not want to get mixed up in his drama! I guess I don't understand how letting a landlord call you if he dies is getting mixed up in his drama? In fact, if you'd said "sure", you probably would have gotten a "thanks" in response instead of that email.
You'll understand when you start getting calls from someone else's creditors, and the collection agencies they have sold their uncollectable accounts to. By the way, have you noticed that victims are never responsible for the consequences of what they do? It's always someone else's fault? Lying debt collectors (hey, you borrowed money and didn't repay it), wives who treat your Dad poorly (hey, you married her), MIL's who treat your Dad poorly (hey, you let her move in; and then you let her stay). Obviously DBro's best isn't very good. Under the best of circumstances. I wouldn't want to be the person expected to solve his problems, either.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Jul 15, 2015 15:57:20 GMT -5
No I wouldn't owe the money. But kittensaver's post made me pause. My brother would be listing me on every credit application going forward.
I stated in the O.P. that my brother is a financial trainwreck. He's filed BK, was in some state of foreclosure for 10 years until the bank finally did foreclose on him, car repoed, pays his rent late and God knows what else. Why would I want to get in the middle of that?
I'm not really saying you should have - I am just skeptical that there is any more drama in saying yes than no. It would have been less drama with your brother, and like I said if creditors want to track down next of kin they usually can pretty easily, whether you are listed on an app or not. I'm also giving him a bit of credit for asking. He asked now, so why the automatic assumption that he would just put you down on other things without asking? Sure, he might - but he didn't this time. But I'm not literally his closest relative. His two grown sons and my father all live in San Diego County. I'm up in the SF Bay Area with a different last name.
Don't you think there's a reason these folks don't talk to him? Why sign up to be in their shoes?
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Jul 15, 2015 16:00:47 GMT -5
Bonny tskeeter!
I went through this when I settled my mother's estate. I'm trying to help my father. Why sign up for more heartache than I have to.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Jul 15, 2015 16:01:15 GMT -5
I'm not really saying you should have - I am just skeptical that there is any more drama in saying yes than no. It would have been less drama with your brother, and like I said if creditors want to track down next of kin they usually can pretty easily, whether you are listed on an app or not. I'm also giving him a bit of credit for asking. He asked now, so why the automatic assumption that he would just put you down on other things without asking? Sure, he might - but he didn't this time. But I'm not literally his closest relative. His two grown sons and my father all live in San Diego County. I'm up in the SF Bay Area with a different last name.
Don't you think there's a reason these folks don't talk to him? Why sign up to be in their shoes?
Okay. I didn't realize your line of reasoning had gone to the polar opposite of your earlier replies on this subject! Sorry.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Jul 15, 2015 16:05:35 GMT -5
But I'm not literally his closest relative. His two grown sons and my father all live in San Diego County. I'm up in the SF Bay Area with a different last name.
Don't you think there's a reason these folks don't talk to him? Why sign up to be in their shoes?
Okay. I didn't realize your line of reasoning had gone to the polar opposite of your earlier replies on this subject! Sorry. Because I have a terrible habit of wanting to be helpful and then doing the
I need you all to give me a good head smack BEFORE I do something stupid!
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Jul 15, 2015 16:10:41 GMT -5
Okay. I didn't realize your line of reasoning had gone to the polar opposite of your earlier replies on this subject! Sorry. Because I have a terrible habit of wanting to be helpful and then doing the
I need you all to give me a good head smack BEFORE I do something stupid!
I actually still don't think it's stupid. You have no liability. But you should do what you're comfortable with. For ME, I would consider it less drama to say "sure, fine" and in the event that at some time down the road someone called me say "sorry, can't help you". Others may not.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jul 15, 2015 16:16:37 GMT -5
Because I have a terrible habit of wanting to be helpful and then doing the
I need you all to give me a good head smack BEFORE I do something stupid!
I actually still don't think it's stupid. You have no liability. But you should do what you're comfortable with. For ME, I would consider it less drama to say "sure, fine" and in the event that at some time down the road someone called me say "sorry, can't help you". Others may not. With some in laws, I would prefer that they never knew acknowledge in writing that we're related. I want to stay far far away from anything to do with their financials, because there's always a way to get sucked into their drama. They specialize in dragging people in.
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Jul 15, 2015 17:03:21 GMT -5
It starts as an innocent "can I put you down as 'next of kin'?" and morphs into a nightmare of dunning calls from third-party collection agencies. They CAN and they WILL use YOUR information to try and get to your deadbeat relative - ask me how I know this .
No, you are not responsible for any of their debts, but the collection agencies sure as heck will make YOUR life miserable trying to pry loose your relative's information. It is disingenuous to suggest that "merely" using one's name as 'next of kin' on any kind of application will not have repercussions for that next-of-kin. And Bonny is right - once they have your permission to use your name for one application, they will go ahead and use it for ALL applications. Again, ask me how I know this .
Collection agencies are relentless, and they suck morally and ethically.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jul 15, 2015 17:10:27 GMT -5
I got this funny call on DS. They were "looking for him." Well, I said he'd lived at the same place for ten years and worked at the same place for almost as long. No issue getting ahold of him so why call me? They acted even funnier so I said call me again and I'll hunt you down and make your life hell. Problem solved. Still no clue what it was ever about. Sometimes people are too nice to assholes on the phone.
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tskeeter
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Post by tskeeter on Jul 15, 2015 17:38:45 GMT -5
I actually still don't think it's stupid. You have no liability. But you should do what you're comfortable with. For ME, I would consider it less drama to say "sure, fine" and in the event that at some time down the road someone called me say "sorry, can't help you". Others may not. With some in laws, I would prefer that they never knew acknowledge in writing that we're related. I want to stay far far away from anything to do with their financials, because there's always a way to get sucked into their drama. They specialize in dragging people in. I think that generally applies to anyone with lots of drama in their lives. They suck people into their drama. Whether it's in-laws or the bi-polar next door neighbor or the alcoholic girlfriend with emotional stability issues. Very quickly it becomes a full time job to deal with the drama they add to your life. Lack of contact helps to limit the drama they have you dealing with. Ask me how I know this
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Jul 15, 2015 17:42:52 GMT -5
It starts as an innocent "can I put you down as 'next of kin'?" and morphs into a nightmare of dunning calls from third-party collection agencies. They CAN and they WILL use YOUR information to try and get to your deadbeat relative - ask me how I know this .
No, you are not responsible for any of their debts, but the collection agencies sure as heck will make YOUR life miserable trying to pry loose your relative's information. It is disingenuous to suggest that "merely" using one's name as 'next of kin' on any kind of application will not have repercussions for that next-of-kin. And Bonny is right - once they have your permission to use your name for one application, they will go ahead and use it for ALL applications. Again, ask me how I know this .
Collection agencies are relentless, and they suck morally and ethically.
I understand that companies want to collect their money. But after being advised three times IN WRITING that the debtor is dead and the estate is upside down by $400k you'd think they would stop calling. Nope they just sell it to someone else. I'm pretty sure I'll have to go through something similar with my dad.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jul 15, 2015 19:07:21 GMT -5
Sure, but if it came to that you wouldn't actually owe the landlord anything and could just say "don't call me again". And realistically, family members seem pretty easy to track down these days anyway. No I wouldn't owe the money. But kittensaver's post made me pause. My brother would be listing me on every credit application going forward.
I stated in the O.P. that my brother is a financial trainwreck. He's filed BK, was in some state of foreclosure for 10 years until the bank finally did foreclose on him, car repoed, pays his rent late and God knows what else. Why would I want to get in the middle of that?
I think the bigger question is why he would have even asked. I've never asked or even informed anyone when I've used their name for something like this.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Jul 15, 2015 19:11:44 GMT -5
No I wouldn't owe the money. But kittensaver's post made me pause. My brother would be listing me on every credit application going forward.
I stated in the O.P. that my brother is a financial trainwreck. He's filed BK, was in some state of foreclosure for 10 years until the bank finally did foreclose on him, car repoed, pays his rent late and God knows what else. Why would I want to get in the middle of that?
I think the bigger question is why he would have even asked. I've never asked or even informed anyone when I've used their name for something like this. Probably because I'm not his closest relative.
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msventoux
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Post by msventoux on Jul 15, 2015 19:40:29 GMT -5
Does he have a pet's name he can put down? If I ever become a financial train wreck there's going to be a ton of people calling one of my really old cell numbers asking for my dog.
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Ryan
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Post by Ryan on Jul 15, 2015 19:56:47 GMT -5
That's no big deal. If they try to call you, then just block their number. This is a non issue so I wouldn't be so petty
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Jul 15, 2015 22:33:00 GMT -5
That's no big deal. If they try to call you, then just block their number. This is a non issue so I wouldn't be so petty The debt collector for the repoed car company came to my father's girlfriend's house. That's why she freaked out.
I don't think you've had deal with these folks before. DH and I have credit scores in the 800s. We pay our bills.
My brother is 14 months younger that I am and will be 53 in October. He's too old for this stuff. I recognize he's not going to change. kittensaver reminded me that it's just a matter of time before it happens to me.
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Ryan
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Post by Ryan on Jul 15, 2015 23:22:46 GMT -5
That's no big deal. If they try to call you, then just block their number. This is a non issue so I wouldn't be so petty The debt collector for the repoed car company came to my father's girlfriend's house. That's why she freaked out.
I don't think you've had deal with these folks before. DH and I have credit scores in the 800s. We pay our bills.
My brother is 14 months younger that I am and will be 53 in October. He's too old for this stuff. I recognize he's not going to change. kittensaver reminded me that it's just a matter of time before it happens to me.
That's different though. That's a car, i.e. collateral, that is on the move and could be anywhere. Of course a repo man is going to check out all the addresses listed on the credit app. Besides, what's a repo guy gonna do if the car is not there? Take someone hostage?
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Jul 15, 2015 23:32:46 GMT -5
The debt collector for the repoed car company came to my father's girlfriend's house. That's why she freaked out.
I don't think you've had deal with these folks before. DH and I have credit scores in the 800s. We pay our bills.
My brother is 14 months younger that I am and will be 53 in October. He's too old for this stuff. I recognize he's not going to change. kittensaver reminded me that it's just a matter of time before it happens to me.
That's different though. That's a car, i.e. collateral, that is on the move and could be anywhere. Of course a repo man is going to check out all the addresses listed on the credit app. Besides, what's a repo guy gonna do if the car is not there? Take someone hostage? So knowing that my brother is a financial trainwreck and that he has filed BK, has had a car repoed, was in foreclosure for 10 years before he was finally foreclosed on, and is late with his rent you think I'm petty for not wanting to be listed as closest relative even though he has three other adult relatives (who won't speak to him) who are 500 miles closer.
Um okay.
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Ryan
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Post by Ryan on Jul 15, 2015 23:53:21 GMT -5
That's different though. That's a car, i.e. collateral, that is on the move and could be anywhere. Of course a repo man is going to check out all the addresses listed on the credit app. Besides, what's a repo guy gonna do if the car is not there? Take someone hostage? So knowing that my brother is a financial trainwreck and that he has filed BK, has had a car repoed, was in foreclosure for 10 years before he was finally foreclosed on, and is late with his rent you think I'm petty for not wanting to be listed as closest relative even though he has three other adult relatives (who won't speak to him) who are 500 miles closer.
Um okay.
Yeah, I think it's petty. He's not asking you to co-sign on a loan. He's asking to write your name down on an application for a place to live. Either you want a relationship with him or you don't. I don't think it's that big of a deal.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Jul 16, 2015 8:11:47 GMT -5
So knowing that my brother is a financial trainwreck and that he has filed BK, has had a car repoed, was in foreclosure for 10 years before he was finally foreclosed on, and is late with his rent you think I'm petty for not wanting to be listed as closest relative even though he has three other adult relatives (who won't speak to him) who are 500 miles closer.
Um okay.
Yeah, I think it's petty. He's not asking you to co-sign on a loan. He's asking to write your name down on an application for a place to live. Either you want a relationship with him or you don't. I don't think it's that big of a deal. Fine. Give me your name, number and address so he can put it on his app. Let me know how it works out for you.
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imawino
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Post by imawino on Jul 16, 2015 9:03:13 GMT -5
That's different though. That's a car, i.e. collateral, that is on the move and could be anywhere. Of course a repo man is going to check out all the addresses listed on the credit app. Besides, what's a repo guy gonna do if the car is not there? Take someone hostage? So knowing that my brother is a financial trainwreck and that he has filed BK, has had a car repoed, was in foreclosure for 10 years before he was finally foreclosed on, and is late with his rent you think I'm petty for not wanting to be listed as closest relative even though he has three other adult relatives (who won't speak to him) who are 500 miles closer.
Um okay.
Why did you ask the question if you were going to get angry that some people think it's not a big deal? If there was only one acceptable response to you, there's really no need to ask for opinions.
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Jul 16, 2015 9:32:10 GMT -5
I think the bigger question is why he would have even asked. I've never asked or even informed anyone when I've used their name for something like this. Probably because I'm not his closest relative. So what? Your brother is an idiot. He just should have put you down. Just the mere process of asking you started a bunch of drama that could have been avoided. And I think you just should have let him put you down also, especially since he gave you the courtesy of asking. Why start drama & cause problems before he even fails? Worst case scenario you get some calls, you say "sorry don't know that person", repeat & block numbers as necessary.
I think it is kind of messed up to assume he will fail before anything happens when the worst case scenario on your end isn't a big deal. And yes, I've experienced the calls. My ex has quite a few random debts out there that I used to get calls about.
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