milee
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Post by milee on Apr 24, 2015 16:14:49 GMT -5
Why don't you have a chat with her, that doesn't descent into pulling hair and screaming at each other.
Diplomacy is always preferable to war, even on one on one relationships. {Bold added by me to clarify what I'm referencing.}
Do you give this type of advice to men? Seems like a way to insinuate that because OP is a woman and the coworker causing problems is a woman, that this is bound to degenerate into a catfight. OP hasn't given any indication she's screaming, pulling hair or otherwise acting unprofessionally, so this is an odd assumption.
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Robert not Bobby
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Post by Robert not Bobby on Apr 24, 2015 16:30:43 GMT -5
Why don't you have a chat with her, that doesn't descent into pulling hair and screaming at each other.
Diplomacy is always preferable to war, even on one on one relationships. {Bold added by me to clarify what I'm referencing.}
Do you give this type of advice to men? Seems like a way to insinuate that because OP is a woman and the coworker causing problems is a woman, that this is bound to degenerate into a catfight. OP hasn't given any indication she's screaming, pulling hair or otherwise acting unprofessionally, so this is an odd assumption.
Obviously I was being "over the top" ..I don't expect to hear bad news on CNN about this tomorrow morning. My point was you can resolve your differences through dialogue.
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milee
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Post by milee on Apr 24, 2015 16:35:24 GMT -5
No, men who get in a dick waving contest at work are told to go outside and handle it, or wipe the sand out of their vagina, quit crying, and get back to work. Telling your boss that Johnny is picking on you and you don't like it is pretty likely to bite you in the ass. While I don't agree with the idea that it's smart to go to the boss over what he is likely to perceive as petty issues, the problem with Bobby's advice and your response is that you're both equating being a whiny crybaby with being female.
If you want to say you think OP is being whiny or dramatic, that's one thing. But to phrase it like you assume this is an issue because she's a woman, women are just dumb like this and guys know how to handle their stuff professionally, etc. is insulting. Makes you look like a sexist jackass instead of the OP looking like a catfighting whiner. Just sayin'.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Apr 24, 2015 16:43:40 GMT -5
HR is always going to take the side of someone who is higher up the food chain, unless the evidence is so damning that they can't sweep things under the rug. not necessarily true. HR is going to take the side of the company, first and foremost. if that means an individual contributor, awesome. if that means sweeping shit under the rug to cover a more senior person, ugh. but HR is there to preserve the interests of hte company, it's in everyone's best interests to remember that. True. But when I won one for the individual contributor (IC), nothing felt better, work wise. When I fought for the IC, and the powers that be agreed with me, I made a few temporary enemies, even within my own division (HR).
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Abby Normal
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Post by Abby Normal on Apr 24, 2015 16:47:43 GMT -5
It's not a petty issue if the coworker is going to outside vendors. That can have a serious impact on the relationship with the company. But it would depend on what the emails said. They can just be catty- or destructive to the company.
I don't think Maven should go in looking for the woman to be fired. If she approaches it by saying " Gee boss, I didn't realize this was people's opinion of my job performance. Do you have concerns" etc. It gives the boss a chance to say whether there is any foundation to the claim. Of course, if there isn't, it opens the door to follow up with-" I'm really concerned that she's telling vendors this. This type of underhandedness makes the company look bad" Then let boss decide how to handle it.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Apr 24, 2015 16:53:43 GMT -5
No, men who get in a dick waving contest at work are told to go outside and handle it, or wipe the sand out of their vagina, quit crying, and get back to work. Telling your boss that Johnny is picking on you and you don't like it is pretty likely to bite you in the ass. I laughed really loud when I read this. I am so going to start using this phrase!
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 24, 2015 16:56:19 GMT -5
I'd be amazed if anything was done to her or about her. Management loves to sweep things under the rug.
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Apr 24, 2015 18:23:13 GMT -5
I'm so glad that I'm only responsible for myself at work. I could never be in management. in my current job search, I've lost count of how many jobs I've declined to apply for b/c the positions come with direct reports. no, thank you! I will suffer with my Jekyll/Hyde mgr a little longer.
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Apr 24, 2015 18:25:02 GMT -5
not necessarily true. HR is going to take the side of the company, first and foremost. if that means an individual contributor, awesome. if that means sweeping shit under the rug to cover a more senior person, ugh. but HR is there to preserve the interests of hte company, it's in everyone's best interests to remember that. True. But when I won one for the individual contributor (IC), nothing felt better, work wise. When I fought for the IC, and the powers that be agreed with me, I made a few temporary enemies, even within my own division (HR). but really, in all your cases over the years, how often did you find for the IC? should I put an over/under on the percentage? *and yes, I know it's not a reflection on you personally. but still...
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moneymaven
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Post by moneymaven on Apr 24, 2015 18:34:19 GMT -5
Alright chatted with the boss. He was irritated that she was dumb enough to do that especially in writing. He asked how I'd like it handled and I said he has to decide that, but I explained I wouldn't tolerate such behavior from my own staff and it would be grounds for termination. He said he'd think on it. I stayed calm, although I think some false outrage may have behooved me.
Based on that response, it's unlikely that she'll be terminated. They did have a closed door meeting after our conversation, but she was back at her desk working shortly after. I'm tired from other shenanigans with staff this week so I took the rest of the afternoon off. Will deal with it again on Monday.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Apr 24, 2015 19:47:12 GMT -5
Yup. Exactly what I said. Nothing will be done. Managers take the easy way out.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Apr 24, 2015 20:08:50 GMT -5
Yup. Exactly what I said. Nothing will be done. Managers take the easy way out. Watch your back MM. It won't be long until she realizes that she got away with it, and she will think she can get away with it again.
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moneymaven
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Post by moneymaven on Apr 24, 2015 20:18:19 GMT -5
Yup. Exactly what I said. Nothing will be done. Managers take the easy way out. Watch your back MM. It won't be long until she realizes that she got away with it, and she will think she can get away with it again. Agreed. HR was displeased with the response I received.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2015 21:29:38 GMT -5
Why don't you have a chat with her, that doesn't descent into pulling hair and screaming at each other. oh for crying out loud. You are a neanderthal.
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marvholly
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Post by marvholly on Apr 25, 2015 5:56:31 GMT -5
I'm so glad that I'm only responsible for myself at work. I could never be in management. I have been in 'management.' I was a team leader (group suervisor) over 3 other [people. However, while I had the responsibility to make sure the work got done, correctly & on time I NEVER had any authority to hire or fire. PITA!
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bobosensei
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Post by bobosensei on Apr 25, 2015 6:27:06 GMT -5
Watch your back MM. It won't be long until she realizes that she got away with it, and she will think she can get away with it again. Agreed. HR was displeased with the response I received. Just try to move on and not let your working relationships suffer. HR is usually good at making the person who brings an issue forward feel better regardless of what can or will happen to the other person. But it seems that whatever they said makes you feel validated in second guessing whatever you think your boss is going to do. Be careful with what you say to HR because they just might tell your boss word for word. He asked what you wanted, and you told him. So you can't be upset. It sounds like he was just being professional by asking what you thought then telling you he needed to think about it, and you are assuming that nothing will happen which might not be the case. Typically a manager has to consult with HR before discipling people, and usually it takes time to get all the approval etc. I mean would you really want to work for someone that got all worked up with you, talked about this woman behind her back, and then tried to fire her without looking at the hard facts? Sure, what this woman has done COULD cost the company money, but you don't know if she actually has. Remember that at least now there is something on the record about this woman. Eventually she will do herself in. Don't let her consume any more of your time or hurt any of your other relationships. If you do, then she gets what she wanted all along.
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moneymaven
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Post by moneymaven on Apr 25, 2015 7:03:12 GMT -5
There's a lot of assumptions in your post, bob.
I won't digress into our structure, but I know who I can talk to in my company and not. I also know the outcomes of this person having conversations with these vendors.
And again, I'm not worked up and degrading work relationships as a result.
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