bookkeeper
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Post by bookkeeper on Mar 14, 2015 17:11:22 GMT -5
What is really going to hurt is having to pay for daycare if Grandma decides she wants to do something else or her health suddenly prevented her from providing free daycare.
You really need a backup daycare person anyway, as one person cannot be at your beck and call 24/7.
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geenamercile
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Post by geenamercile on Mar 14, 2015 17:55:28 GMT -5
Umm ... if they are prone to allergies wouldn't that INCREASE the need to breast feed? Only if you are willing to acknowledge the research that breast milk generally helps with allergies, etc. AND the nursing Mom is willing to avoid or limit intake on those foods while breast feeding. Even just 3 to 6 mos. helps if it is too much for Mom to do longer than that.
I knew a lady who cut out all milk, eggs, and there was something else so she could breast feed. The baby had major allergies, but she took what she ate down to a level that she could breast feed.
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Ombud
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Post by Ombud on Mar 14, 2015 22:55:33 GMT -5
Household employees need to be paid minimum wage / FICA / Medicare / EDD. But you just need to file Schedule H & state quarterlies. No EFTPS
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Mar 15, 2015 6:35:34 GMT -5
$350 for a car seat, base and stroller is a pretty decent price IF it is what you want and will use. The cheapest carseat and base I found I amazon was $70, but if it isn't the one you want or like, then spending the extra money may be worth it. We spent $300 on a BOB stroller. It has been worth it and we don't even use it that often. In another year or two, we'll be able to sell it for $100 or so.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2015 6:44:57 GMT -5
Oh you poor deluded man . . . What? Who is going to buy designer clothing that is going to be covered in vomit or drool in 2 minutes? Ask Mrs. C where she's going to shop for little Etienne or Manon. Or look at the stories in the news about the headline divorces and what the ex-wife claims she needs to spend for the kids' clothes. Babies can certainly be made into a designer accessory, just like Chihuahuas. My DDIL buys adorable clothes for our granddaughter at second-hand stores, but then our granddaughter is so darn adorable she looks cute in a T-shirt and a diaper. Photos can be another large expense. In my town, one session can run up to 1k. You've got maternity pictures, newborn, maybe 6th month, and then first year. Some parents like to get pictures at newborn, 3, 6, 9, and 12 month. Please. People can be so easily swayed to part with money when it comes to babies. I have a treasure trove of photos from when my siblings and I were growing up; Dad took most of them as slides and DH, bless him, took a few years to scan them and give everyone electronic versions. We rarely had professional photos taken. Same with DS. My Ex and I both had cameras and while it was a case of more quantity than quality, you take enough pictures and you get some great ones. Mom would NEVER have had pregnancy photos taken; she hated how she looked when she was pregnant. I wish I'd had a few more taken but certainly didn't miss professional pregnancy photos. Crazy. No wonder people can't afford to pay for their kids' college educations. They spent it all on "must-haves".
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muttleynfelix
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Post by muttleynfelix on Mar 15, 2015 6:49:16 GMT -5
As for if the original question, we didn't really find money when we had kids. Of course, a year before we had kids, we just got done paying down debt. Then 2 months after our debt paydown was done, DH was laid off. So our spending level just stayed the same. We didn't go out much anyway. So, that didn't change much. We just were very careful with all purchases. Everything is researched to 110%. It is evaluated as to how much we REALLY need it. The budget is analyzed at every turn. We kept expenses pretty low with breastfeeding DS and cloth diapering and DH staying home. With DD we switched to formula at 5 months. Don't let anyone fool you, formula is expensive. It didn't get absorbed into our budget so easily. We did disposable diapers from the beginning with her. Turns out cloth diapering wasn't really cheaper than disposable. I order diapers from diapers.com and get them delivered in less than 48 hours for $45 every 6 to 8 weeks. We buy clothes at consignment sales for the kids. I search Amazon.com for their size shoes and buy them 1 pair of new in each size on clearance. I buy dress shoes and a "backup" pair of shoes at consignment sale.
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yogiii
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Post by yogiii on Mar 15, 2015 6:58:46 GMT -5
I don't even buy 2nd hand clothes or shoes but you can easily find stuff for $5 a piece or less at places like Old Navy and Target. They last well enough for the time the kids wear them. I love doing Sears ship to store for sneakers, they have lots of wide sizes and I can usually find a pair for $20 or $25 that elsewhere is $40.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 15, 2015 7:36:57 GMT -5
...:::"Ask Mrs. C where she's going to shop for little Etienne or Manon.":::...
I thought about this more, and I want to make sure we give Mrs. C her props. You said she passed on trips and shopping when you were saving for the house. Maybe with the right goal, she is willing to forego spending. In some ways she's come a long way from the girl who set up 2 registries the second she thought she was pregnant.
At the same time, while I want to sit here and suggest rationale reasonable ways to peacefully address this problem, I know full well what it is like to negotiate with someone who is not phased by "reason" and "fairness" and who doesn't care the costs as long as she gets what she wants. Add in the possibility that stress from the pregnancy will make it even harder to talk, and you definitely have the right idea with starting now.
So yeah, I'm back to "just do it". The time to address spending is before it happens, not after. You are much more interested in matters of budget than her, so you are going to have to be the one to take point. It sucks to take on the burden, but we all know that the same inputs yield the same outputs.
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milee
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Post by milee on Mar 15, 2015 7:58:45 GMT -5
...:::"Ask Mrs. C where she's going to shop for little Etienne or Manon.":::... I thought about this more, and I want to make sure we give Mrs. C her props. You said she passed on trips and shopping when you were saving for the house. Maybe with the right goal, she is willing to forego spending. In some ways she's come a long way from the girl who set up 2 registries the second she thought she was pregnant. At the same time, while I want to sit here and suggest rationale reasonable ways to peacefully address this problem, I know full well what it is like to negotiate with someone who is not phased by "reason" and "fairness" and who doesn't care the costs as long as she gets what she wants. Add in the possibility that stress from the pregnancy will make it even harder to talk, and you definitely have the right idea with starting now. And let's also "add in" the fact that with both of these crazy, overspending, unreasonable, inflexible, demanding women who are such silly gooses about money they'd be homeless and eating cat food were it not for their steadfast, logical, caring spouses, we're only hearing one side of the story.
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Mar 15, 2015 8:14:03 GMT -5
As others have said, babies can be as cheap or expensive as you want -- especially if you don't need to worry about daycare. DD is 15.5 months old and the recent $15 pair of sneakers I bought her was probably the first clothing purchase I'd made in months. She has a lot of hand-me-downs and her grandmothers buy her a ton of stuff. My mom, stepmom, and MIL took care of most of the big items before she was born (crib, carseat, changing table, etc.) Even her birth was basically "free" since we'd already hit our OOP max earlier that year. The problem is with the unforeseen expenses. Murphy happens, and he happens even more often once there's a kid in the picture. A hospital stay for RSV (two or three of us on the Kids thread have had that this winter), sick MIL who can't watch the baby, problem with the house, etc. can really set you back. If $6K in unforeseen expenses is enough to throw you off track pre-kid, that to me is a sign that you need a little more cushion in your budget (or just a budget, period). ETA -- after I finished typing this, DD crawled up onto the chair and pushed my laptop onto the floor. So if $2K(?) of your recent expenses were from replacing a laptop, you may want to go ahead and start saving up for a new one now. ETA 2 -- to actually answer the OP, I've found that increasing income is easier and more fun than decreasing expenses.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Mar 15, 2015 8:41:13 GMT -5
As others have said, babies can be as cheap or expensive as you want -- especially if you don't need to worry about daycare. DD is 15.5 months old and the recent $15 pair of sneakers I bought her was probably the first clothing purchase I'd made in months. She has a lot of hand-me-downs and her grandmothers buy her a ton of stuff. My mom, stepmom, and MIL took care of most of the big items before she was born (crib, carseat, changing table, etc.) Even her birth was basically "free" since we'd already hit our OOP max earlier that year. I know a lot of the big tickets items will be taken care off by family members. Between my mom, MIL, two godmothers, aunts, etc. Not threw me off track, just freaking upsetting. Since the other option was "death" I guess I cannot bitch too much Nah - ~$530 Lenovo computer. After all said and done came to $760 I think (laptop, case, windows access for a year, virus protection, etc) Working on that...
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Mar 15, 2015 8:52:04 GMT -5
Ok I don't know where everyone got my wife was allergic to milk but ok.
Her cousin SON is allergic to milk and God knows what else and since he was not breastfeeding the can of formula they were buying was like $55/can. Some of the allergies I know of is : milk, eggs, fish.
And yes I am prepared for the cost of formula, my mom couldn't breastfeed all 3 of us, her two cousins couldn't breastfeed, and one of my cousin now cannot. So to me, in my world, formula is quite natural and I am not on the "must breastfeed" at all cost bandwagon.
If she can awesome, if she can't I will be the first one at the grocery store buying formula. Simple enough?
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midjd
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Post by midjd on Mar 15, 2015 8:52:12 GMT -5
It's usually upsetting to have to spend large amounts without prior warning...but since you mentioned in the OP that you "NEED" to find the extra money now and you're planning to put the new bills on 0% credit cards, I assumed these expenses had thrown you off somewhat.
This is why Phil's $5K emergency fund doesn't always fit every situation. A home or kid can eat that money up in a single weekend. Not common, but it happens.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2015 8:58:22 GMT -5
We all love you cawiau and always will, but you are doing what you always do. Its like the 3 stages of a cawiau thread: 1) I need serious advice, and nothing is too extreme. 2) You don't understand my situation. I'll sort of try that one thing. 3) I'm fine after all. (there is also: 3a: If it were up to ME we'd already have been doing that, but my wife [can't/won't] be on board). Soooooo this.....
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Mar 15, 2015 9:05:37 GMT -5
It's usually upsetting to have to spend large amounts without prior warning...but since you mentioned in the OP that you "NEED" to find the extra money now and you're planning to put the new bills on 0% credit cards, I assumed these expenses had thrown you off somewhat. This is why Phil's $5K emergency fund doesn't always fit every situation. A home or kid can eat that money up in a single weekend. Not common, but it happens. I figure it would be easier than watching my savings account dwindle down. But since 3.7k is medical bills they offered us a few options: - Pay now and settle the Bill for 2.9k - Pay like ~$200 or so every months for the next 18 months - Pay like ~$400 or ~$500 or so for the next year Don't remember the exact figures but the above I think are close estimates. We are considering the 3k and call it a day!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2015 9:06:21 GMT -5
Ok I don't know where everyone got my wife was allergic to milk but ok. Her cousin SON is allergic to milk and God knows what else and since he was not breastfeeding the can of formula they were buying was like $55/can. Some of the allergies I know of is : milk, eggs, fish. And yes I am prepared for the cost of formula, my mom couldn't breastfeed all 3 of us, her two cousins couldn't breastfeed, and one of my cousin now cannot. So to me, in my world, formula is quite natural and I am not on the "must breastfeed" at all cost bandwagon. If she can awesome, if she can't I will be the first one at the grocery store buying formula. Simple enough? I just want to point out that a lot of the 'unable to breastfeed' is a result of poor advice/help when the mom is trying. add in doctors who pull the 'failure to thrive' card when a breastfed baby doesn't follow the same growth curve of a formula fed baby. so unless all those people consulted with an IBCLC, I'd take the 'couldn't breastfeed' with a grain of salt.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2015 9:09:36 GMT -5
What is there to consider? Where else are you getting a 22% return?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2015 9:59:25 GMT -5
Ok I don't know where everyone got my wife was allergic to milk but ok. Her cousin SON is allergic to milk and God knows what else and since he was not breastfeeding the can of formula they were buying was like $55/can. Some of the allergies I know of is : milk, eggs, fish. And yes I am prepared for the cost of formula, my mom couldn't breastfeed all 3 of us, her two cousins couldn't breastfeed, and one of my cousin now cannot. So to me, in my world, formula is quite natural and I am not on the "must breastfeed" at all cost bandwagon. If she can awesome, if she can't I will be the first one at the grocery store buying formula. Simple enough? I just want to point out that a lot of the 'unable to breastfeed' is a result of poor advice/help when the mom is trying. add in doctors who pull the 'failure to thrive' card when a breastfed baby doesn't follow the same growth curve of a formula fed baby. so unless all those people consulted with an IBCLC, I'd take the 'couldn't breastfeed' with a grain of salt. I had a HORRIBLE time with my first, he must have had a bad latch, I don't know, the lactation consultant thought it looked good, but the pain was unbearable and I got mastitis, thrush and clogged ducts and all kinds of fun stuff. Around 6 weeks everyone (including my doctor) was telling me to just hang it up and that I'd gave it my best. I was seriously on the brink, but stuck it out a while longer and then one day it was just all fine almost overnight. Kept it up for over a year and loved it. SO glad I didn't listen to everyone. With number two son I was prepared to have to go through hell for a couple months, but I had zero issues with him at all. From day one it was fine.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Mar 15, 2015 10:22:30 GMT -5
It's always a bit weird for me when people talk about the costs of a baby. Babies are only babies for a year. Really, the question is the cost of having a child. And yes, children are expensive. They are another human being so their needs/wants will be factored into your finances just like your needs/wants are factored into it. You could be "lucky" and the child is healthy, a minimalist, and prefers cheap/free activities. Or you could be "unlucky" and the child has a medical condition, a learning disability, or wants to pursue dance or gymnastics or travel baseball. That's life and you roll with whatever happens. The point is though that the child is a person and that means every thing you guys do that is based on two people will now be based on three people. It's obviously not an automatic 50% increase in spending, but there is a solid increase and it'll last for a couple decades.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2015 11:06:03 GMT -5
I lived, and supported two young 20 somethings last year, and the year before, on less than 10K. If you can't manage to support 3 people on $110K+ a year, you have a serious issue. And, I noticed today that the US has closed our embassy in Saudi. That should cancel that trip and save you cash!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2015 11:49:40 GMT -5
I lived, and supported two young 20 somethings last year, and the year before, on less than 10K. If you can't manage to support 3 people on $110K+ a year, you have a serious issue. And, I noticed today that the US has closed our embassy in Saudi. That should cancel that trip and save you cash! except you didn't have to pay a mortgage on that amount. move to where Carl lives and support everyone on $10k and then report back.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 15, 2015 13:10:06 GMT -5
And let's also "add in" the fact that with both of these crazy, overspending, unreasonable, inflexible, demanding women who are such silly gooses about money they'd be homeless and eating cat food were it not for their steadfast, logical, caring spouses, we're only hearing one side of the story. Thats not what I'm saying at all. More likely, they'd live quite splendidly, surrounded by fine decor and possessions. However they would probably not have much, if any savings. They might even be carrying a lot of paper. And they might be TOTALLY OK with that. Would they be "better off" that way? In some ways, yes. In others, no. But I think we can agree that those who are focused on what they want "today" are very unlikely to prioritize for the larger items they want "tomorrow". A year from now, they'll have even more cool decor and stuff, but no closer to the big ticket items. It is VERY hard to have a "big picture" "sacrifice now for a better tomorrow" conversation with someone who is focused on the now. The second they realize they have to give something up, they disengage. So unless you can produce something that tips their opinion, you have a hard road ahead of you. Pretty confident more than one YM'ers spouse (mine included) has agreed that he/she would have lots of cool stuff, but nothing long term were it not for the YM'er tugging on the reigns.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 15, 2015 13:17:09 GMT -5
Also, some people will only do something when they have to. That whole "failure isn't an option" thing can be a powerful motivator. Especially for the "I'll deal with that when it happens" types.
Sometimes I wonder if that side is more fun!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2015 13:18:13 GMT -5
Pretty confident more than one YM'ers spouse (mine included) has agreed that he/she would have lots of cool stuff, but nothing long term were it not for the YM'er tugging on the reigns. You can add my recent ex to that list. He didn't have two nickels to rub together when we met. In the 5 years we were married, he went from zero to over 30K in his retirement accounts. Within 5 months of our divorce he was back to zero (actually less than zero, since I'm pretty sure he has a fat tax bill waiting for him if he ever files).
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2015 17:15:25 GMT -5
PLEASE... With cherry on top From another post: It seems like everyone I know with kids wonders what the hell they did with all their money before the kids came along. I have heard that many times, on this board and in real life. Couples that were usually broke before kids managing the extra expense of daycare, diapers, clothes without their income going up. It is like the money "magically" appeared from somewhere. So help me find my magical money before the little bugger(s) get here this way I can save it for the next year because we NEED IT. We have officially spent 6k from January to now and depleted our savings (not completely...). It is like everything that could go wrong went wrong. It got so bad that even my wife volunteered to push back trying for a baby till next say so we could replenish our savings and pay down some debts. I think MURPHY has left the building or haven't heard for him in over a week so knock on wood. We know we have another bill for 3k coming within the next few weeks and medical expenses (not covered by insurance) for another 1k-2k. I am thinking of financing those at 0% with citicards at this point. We have decided to move forward with trying for a baby. We've been married going on 7, 5 years my wife has been wanting a baby, 3 years we have been trying... We are gonna go for it. As my mom told me last weekend when I told her I was too broke : if you wait for the perfect time to have a kid, you will never have one. We have our health, we have good jobs, a roof over our heads, let's go! So if anyone could help me find that magical money for next year that would be appreciated. I could stash it for now..: * one saving: eventually (within the next 3-4 months) I will be moving back to MA as discussed with my boss. That will save me $600-$700/month (apartment $600, cable $50, electric $25, misc) that will go straight to savings. Any other ideas where that found money could be located? The only way to find the money now is to track and pay close attention to where your dollars are currently going. Then, for every expense decide which one is more important to you and Mrs. C, that particular expense or preparing finanicially for a child. That's just my opinion. I'm kind of the opposite of MPL's quote. I look back and wonder where the hell I got the money to take care of my kids the first few years after my ex and I split. I worked full time and overtime when it was available, but I didn't make much money. Maybe you could figure out how much you think a child might cost you every month and work that into your budget (that you said you don't have lol) now and add that amount to your savings. You might have to let go of some other things to do that, but voila!, there's your "found" money.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Mar 15, 2015 21:42:57 GMT -5
Here's another idea. You know how some people, when saving for a house or something, get a symbolic picture of it for their wallets or keychains or something? Can you do that? Put it somewhere prominent so you can each see it.
What about a "baby board" or something? Are all these things written down? Its a lot easier to conquer something when you can see the scope of what you are trying to conquer. Get a magnetic board or a cork board where you can move things around.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2015 21:46:20 GMT -5
Along the same lines as what others have said... Set up a 'baby account'.Decide on a number. Fund it first. Then, if you run out of money and want something else, having to take it out of the baby fund will make you think harder about your choices.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 16, 2015 7:53:00 GMT -5
Not threw me off track, just freaking upsetting. Since the other option was "death" I guess I cannot bitch too much. Did I miss something? Did you have a life threatening medical emergency and didn't tell us?!? Not acceptable.
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TheHaitian
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Post by TheHaitian on Mar 16, 2015 7:56:52 GMT -5
Not threw me off track, just freaking upsetting. Since the other option was "death" I guess I cannot bitch too much. Did I miss something? Did you have a life threatening medical emergency and didn't tell us?!? Not acceptable. I don't tell you guys everything... Long story short: was in a accident, almost died, needed emergency surgery, now I am ok! Onward and upward
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Mar 16, 2015 7:59:52 GMT -5
Holy shit Carl! Glad you're okay!
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