Plain Old Petunia
Senior Member
bloom where you are planted
Joined: Dec 21, 2010 2:09:44 GMT -5
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Post by Plain Old Petunia on Feb 5, 2015 13:08:29 GMT -5
My brother that lives in Mexico said I should lose weight before visiting him. They have lots of ruins that take lots of walking, so it is a hard vacation so I could go visit him if I had new smaller clothing and good walking shoes. He is older than me so it can't be too hard. You should get in shape because you will feel better, enjoy your activities more, and live longer.
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emma1420
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Post by emma1420 on Feb 5, 2015 13:31:08 GMT -5
Getting in shape will it's own reward. But, I would say don't limit yourself, and don't try and decide now. Because I suspect your self-confidence will go up and you may change your mind about what you are capable of doing. I'd go for the African safari though That's a once in a lifetime trip.
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MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Feb 5, 2015 13:43:52 GMT -5
I am so sorry you're dealing with this, Pat. You have the patience of a saint because I probably would have placed her ages ago.
<<hugs>>
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Bob Ross
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Post by Bob Ross on Feb 5, 2015 13:48:25 GMT -5
A giant pan of fudge wrapped in bacon.
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emma1420
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Post by emma1420 on Feb 5, 2015 14:24:41 GMT -5
I know gooddecisions, but I so want to be with my husband as a husband and wife while I still have him. I love him and miss him so much.
DD will be mad at me most of the time he is home because I want to spend time with HIM!! and not her. It's just horrible, if I could get her somewhere she would be there now. It wouldn't have mattered if we were here, she is getting so bad the places she could have gone would not handle that degree of anger. She has had even worse fits the last couple of days, so bad I just go sit in the car till she gets over it. There is no talking to her in any way it just sits her off worse. So I leave it now, I'm afraid if I don't I will beat the crap out of her butt. I don't want to do that, she is getting in my face so bad that I'm afraid she will hit me at some point. She hasn't but I wouldn't put it past her. I dread the guardianship hearing as I think she will go crazy in it when they start asking her questions. You know in all honesty I hope she does so people can see what I am dealing with. So far I have managed to keep it under control up there and people don't know.
My husband and I are really sad about this as we wanted her to go someplace nice and she is painting herself in a corner to where she will have to go to a place with other not so good people, when that happens she will get even worse I think.
I hear daily how she hates my guts, I'm not her real mother, our real estate agent is causing all this, all what?? She makes herself miserable why I have no idea. She screams to the point sometimes she almost foams at the mouth. And I hear her sobbing and crying under her breath half the time, I can't figure out what she is talking about or what she needs. Thank God we are leaving in the morning or I think they would ask us to leave here, people here had to hear her yesterday. I tried sitting at the picnic table and she was screaming out the window and beating on it with a doll till I had to stop that and also move out of her sight. I can't let her get outdoors alone, afraid of what she might do. I asked her how we can go to Florida with her acting like this and that set her off again. Well its all my fault, I'm a liar, etc. She ususally gets over it and tells me she is sorry. I told her today I'm not accepting that anymore, there is a line you cross where even she has to understand the hateful things she says.
My husband says consider the source and overlook it, I told him when he has spent 45 years with this he can give me advice. I never thought I would say this but I want her to leave and go elsewhere to live. This is an awful situation. My poor cat is so afraid of her she hangs with me or sits on the windshield of the motorhome far as she can get away from her. Last night I brought the litter box up here as I think she was afraid to go back there.
And damn I highjacked your thread, I'm so sorry move it elsewhere. But its really getting to me today. All this started why?? We were getting ready to go to lunch and to the grocery and she goes ballistic. I wish I could figure out what sets it off, if I could that would be half of getting it under control. It's just like a switch clicks. I think her psychiatrist might put her back in the psych ward up there, that sure made it worse. I think she is finally calmed down enough for us to go now. I have no answers to this at all, what a problem I'm going to turn over rocks to get her placed somewhere once I can get paperwork together, but I doubt I can. I'm so sorry you are going through this. But, I have a cousin who function at about 1st-2nd grade level (she's 31), and she has some anger issues, but she's so much happier in the group home than she was at home. She has a sense of independence, and she spends one weekend a month with her parents (along with holiday's etc.). My cousin's parents agonized over the decision, but it's turned out to be the best for everyone concerned. You deserve to have a life that doesn't revolve around your daughter. And I can't imagine there are very many people in this world who have done the same thing you have done.
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cronewitch
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I identify as a post-menopausal childless cat lady and I vote.
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Post by cronewitch on Feb 5, 2015 16:40:47 GMT -5
I am dieting to control weight and diabetes and blood pressure and have a long way to go and need exercise. I think if I get in good shape I deserve a reward. I was looking at Safari on line, you can see lions and meercats and things and a waterfall named Victoria Falls but it would be lots of walking and kayaking and I am too old and fat for that. You don't need guns the guides have guns and the wildlife is not really going to attack tourist and if they did the guides would probably shoot them. I could bring a camera but I don't have anyone to go with. So I looked up travel clubs and we have one that does 12 trips a year different places so I could go see camels or something. I need to lose a lot of weight first and buy a passport and new clothes. So where in the world should a old woman go alone that would be pretty safe but interesting. Should I go alone or with a group of people? Do I need guides to make sure lions don't eat me? Should i invite family to go with even if I have to pay for everyone? How do I know when I have earned a trip? I am thinking age 70 deadline and losing 100lbs gives me three years, is that too old to go alone? since you both like fishing, what about you and ISO go chartered halibut fishing out of Petersburg? I wouldn't make yourself wait the whole 3 years/100lbs. I'd set a goal for like 30lbs and one year or something maybe that you feel like you could make good progress, but still get to go while you're able to be on your feet most of the day on the boat. it's really fun. you can do something similar from ilwaco or from Vancouver, bc, but I think if you haven't done it, it's nice to go Petersburg in August, catch some big halibut and watch the wales breach the water 50 yards away. I lived in Petersburg once and we halibut fish here. I got one out of Westport, WA. I will not be taking ISO on a vacation with me, I want to go do what I want to go do and he won't get a passport and can't afford what I can afford. He probably would want to shoot the poor little animals like the rinos and water buffalos when I just want to look at them, maybe take a picture of them and play with the meercats.
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emma1420
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Post by emma1420 on Feb 5, 2015 16:47:48 GMT -5
Well finding a group home is the problem. like I said when I get home, we go to court for guardianship, I'm filling papers out for the state I'm going to ask for emergency help, there is so little out there it could take years but let me tell you I'm going for this. It's going to become my priority. It's even worse then I have said but I can't put some of it out there.
But folks I'm just through. My husband and I will have to get away from her even to talk about it but we are both getting guardianship so either of us has the right to do something with her.
Again like I said, mods move this elsewhere and into another area and label it Williams Syndrone problems.
And yes I'm starting to hear from older parents of Williams and many are having problems not as bad as me yet, but their kids aren't as old as her. I think it gets progressive. All say their kids don't want to have anything to do with other disabled people, they don't see themselves like that. I think they suffer from anger, from depression, they are very sensitive to meds but they need something to help but that is a problem too. However, at some point you just have to do something, living like this is just hell. I think possibly she would do better elsewhere, I have no idea. Is respite care available through the state? I know when I was grad school I worked for a mental health group that provided respite care to parents of children with behavioral and cognitive related issues. I'm sure there has to be something similar for parents of adult children still at home. It wouldn't be ideal, but even one afternoon a week where she wasn't your responsibility might give you a break so you can at least cope in the short-term until you can get a more long-term solution worked out.
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cronewitch
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I identify as a post-menopausal childless cat lady and I vote.
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Post by cronewitch on Feb 5, 2015 17:04:36 GMT -5
Sorry your daughter is worse, we have been on the same message boards for years so I remember when she was in a group home and before and know you are doing the best you can for her. One of my nephews had the state take him at 18 and he is about 35 now working in a plant sorting recycling and seems happy. Your DD might find something she can do to feel worthwhile too or at least be her own person not forever a child. Can she get medicine to control her anger? Steven had brain surgery just before he turned 18 since our family knew the state was getting custody and wouldn't do it. He was in fostercare until he turned 18 and too violent to live with family.
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cronewitch
Junior Associate
I identify as a post-menopausal childless cat lady and I vote.
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Post by cronewitch on Feb 5, 2015 17:35:38 GMT -5
I think you are right, but I don't know her. I know she was good with her computer so can't be the brain power of a toddler. She may need someone she doesn't think loves her to get her to act right. I had dogs that would behave better for people who they didn't quite know for sure loved them. My German Shepard knew what she was doing but would be bad then try to look cute, never did it for other people, my neighbors dogs would be better for me same reason. I hope you find her a place she will be able to make a life. I worked in a mental hospital so I know how they are some wards were like a prison but some not as much depending on safety.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Feb 5, 2015 18:18:21 GMT -5
Just sending you some hugs, Hon!
DS is having some anxiety/anger issues since getting on his current meds, & at times I have to outright tell him to "knock it off", or "go take a nap until you calm down". But, I realize you've been dealing with this for awhile, & I'm sorry to hear it appears to be getting worse.
And, don't apologize if you DO need to put your DD in some sort of facility. You've given her a lot over the years. You should feel proud of all you have accomplished!
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Artemis Windsong
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Feb 5, 2015 20:53:55 GMT -5
Resolution: Thanks for the info.
There are a lot of good ideas.
One bank in town offers tours both in the U.S. and foreign trips. They are usually discounted and have a group leader. I have not done any so I cannot comment on how things went.
Our local TV station has their TV personalities host various trips.
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