Wisconsin Beth
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No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 11:59:36 GMT -5
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jan 14, 2015 16:00:03 GMT -5
Dear YM, Please help Wisconsin Beth survive this week by sending her a bottle of booze. Your gracious and generous gifts will enable her to keep on; knowing that when she gets home after a long day of working on spreadsheets, she can have a drink (or 6) before passing out and starting again tomorrow. Please, help this important cause! Sincerely, Beth, her computer and most of all, the poor Excel spreadsheets that she's spent the day mangling. Now this one I get and would contribute to! I really, really, really REALLY suck at Excel and spreadsheets. Once I get this done, imported, tested and an email out, I'm going to go home and have that drink (or 6) Did I mention that not only am I really bad at spreadsheets but I totally, completely positively absolutely, would rather let Virgil advise me on how to address hair, hate Excel?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 14, 2015 16:12:47 GMT -5
That is so tacky to me. I can't believe the nerve of some people. The day after Christmas, a FB friend started a gofundme for their dog. Asking $7,000 to help with vet costs for a sudden illness. Of course, the day before, there were lots of pictures of the presents under the tree! The dog died several days later, but they are now looking to raise $3000. I think it is ridiculous. I feel bad about the situation, but that is the responsibility you take on when getting a pet. And the same couple then posted pictures of some meals out to eat - how about saving the $50 for your dying dog? Yeah, I've got a friend who once mentioned that their savings were "meager" (so why was she already retired at the age of 60?) but also mentions going out to eat and posts questions about how to take pictures with her iPhone and what kind of case she should buy for her iPad.
At least she's not asking for money, but sometimes I practically have to sit on my hands to keep from providing her with unwelcome financial advice.
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swamp
Community Leader
THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS!!!!!!!
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Post by swamp on Jan 14, 2015 18:56:19 GMT -5
Asking costs nothing, right? Everything to gain, very little to lose. For all the people that claim to write people like that out of their lives, those people still seem to have plenty of friends. I would lose what little I have of my dignity
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 14, 2015 19:03:04 GMT -5
I don't want to get kicked to the religious board. And I don't want to offend anyone. But the person I'm thinking of has a very strong, 'God will provide' outlook. I sometimes she thinks asking other people to provide is the way she thinks god will provide for her. I know it really ticked me off when a neighbor with volunteers put a roof on their house (which had been falling down) ... And she posted about how good God is. I mean, I thought those men and families deserved some credit...
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Jan 14, 2015 19:09:17 GMT -5
Someone on my feed has an autistic son who needed to be flown to LA for something medical. She asked people to donate miles and received them. Then she posted a ton of pictures of them having a ball at Disneyland. This is the topper though: this week someone on my feed posted from JAIL saying that he was being transferred from the county facility to the state facility "for awhile" and if people could send him money so he could buy stuff while there. Even better, he asked people to drop it by the local jail within the next 48 hours because after that they'd have to send it to the state jail and the state jail charges a higher fee for deposits.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Jan 14, 2015 19:15:41 GMT -5
This is the topper though: this week someone on my feed posted from JAIL saying that he was being transferred from the county facility to the state facility "for awhile" and if people could send him money so he could buy stuff while there. Even better, he asked people to drop it by the local jail within the next 48 hours because after that they'd have to send it to the state jail and the state jail charges a higher fee for deposits. I'm pretty sure I'd "unfriend" anyone who is in jail.
Unless of course I enjoyed the entertainment factor.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on Jan 14, 2015 19:20:59 GMT -5
My last tenant thinks the same thing. That GOD will provide for her. I hope GOD intends to stroke me a check every month because I'm not GOD and I need to get paid.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 14, 2015 19:21:57 GMT -5
Harder to unfriend the relatives Bonny....
That said, SK might win with that one!
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Jan 14, 2015 19:58:58 GMT -5
SIL made a go fund for us to help out when we had Aubree. We didn't ask her to set it up, and we were humbled at the generosity of our friends and family that paid our medical deductible and covered her urn/funeral.
We've been trying to pay it forward as we can. Typically for people we know, but I've done a couple for friends of friends. Usually for adoptions, unexpected medical/accident situation, or death of a family member. The ones that have $20,000+ goals seem outrageous to me most of the time but for some reason i dont mind the ones $5,000 and under.
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mollyanna58
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Post by mollyanna58 on Jan 14, 2015 21:51:24 GMT -5
Someone on my feed has an autistic son who needed to be flown to LA for something medical. She asked people to donate miles and received them. Then she posted a ton of pictures of them having a ball at Disneyland. They went to LA for a medical reason. While they were in the area, they went to Disneyland. I don't see a problem with that.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 14, 2015 21:54:13 GMT -5
Sam, I totally think unexpected and unplannable events are different. There is a mom in our homeschool group losing her battle to cancer. I give generously to any fundraiser for her. To me that's not the same type of thing.
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MarleyKeezy78
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Post by MarleyKeezy78 on Jan 14, 2015 22:08:36 GMT -5
Sam814 Stuff like what you went through is very different to me. I'm also sorry for your loss It's the people who always beg and plea for things all the time (and expect stuff) that make me want to smack them! Unless it was for a family illness or death, I would never think of posting things like that, even then I may not be able to, I don't know. I do think there are great causes to donate to though and one of them is over on EE If I had the money, I would pay for everything she needs My own cause at the moment is to make sure my Grandma (who helped me a ton in many different ways growing up) is to make sure she gets all her needs met, Dr apts, cleaning the house, mowing the lawn, ect... Hell, I cut a butt load of tree branches down when she needs it, doesn't matter, I do it Anyway, I am amazed at the things people will ask for.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Jan 14, 2015 22:54:30 GMT -5
I didn't mean to draw comments on our situation. I still kind of feel weird about people helping us out. I just meant to say i can get the funding accts for certain situations. The ones just asking for money for non-tragic situations kind of bother me too. But hey - if someone wants to give then go for it. Like the lady who writes the "what its like to be poor" articles and got $100k+.
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Ryan
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Post by Ryan on Jan 14, 2015 22:55:35 GMT -5
My wife has a "friend" on facebook that just lacks any kind of self-awareness and I just love reading her posts. She has a bunch of kids and I think she wants to be known as carefree and super cool. So she'll post pictures of her dying her hair purple, watching a movie with her 3 year old at 2am, and how her house is a mess (this makes her "real and just totally raw".
I think the root of it is that she wants constant, and I mean constant, praise about how she juggles being a mom while having such a cool attitude about it. This is all mixed in with quotes about not allowing people to rob her of her uniqueness and creativity.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 14, 2015 23:06:58 GMT -5
I send money to friend I know with Go Fund Me kind of thing for medical care. Insurance does not cover special housing and many of treatments (experimental) she had to go through. She raised over $50,000. I know every penny went to treatment and housing at special treatment facility. There is alot that insurance don't cover when you are possible terminal case. I respect a fighter.
I also donate to medical situation that I don't know person but believe the people that set it up, so I give.
Medical Expense you can't afford is situation I could see happen to anyone. Out of pocket maximum isn't real when insurance just don't want to pay. They find lots of excuse. Just what sick person need.
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Sam_2.0
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Post by Sam_2.0 on Jan 14, 2015 23:07:54 GMT -5
My wife has a "friend" on facebook that just lacks any kind of self-awareness and I just love reading her posts. She has a bunch of kids and I think she wants to be known as carefree and super cool. So she'll post pictures of her dying her hair purple, watching a movie with her 3 year old at 2am, and how her house is a mess (this makes her "real and just totally raw". I think the root of it is that she wants constant, and I mean constant, praise about how she juggles being a mom while having such a cool attitude about it. This is all mixed in with quotes about not allowing people to rob her of her uniqueness and creativity. My friend like that ended up being admitted to a psychiatric facility by her husband last spring. But she's out now and back to these posts. I feel bad for thinking she's a ticking time bomb
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Jan 14, 2015 23:35:46 GMT -5
Harder to unfriend the relatives Bonny.... That said, SK might win with that one! LOL, they do take it kind of hard!
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Jan 14, 2015 23:45:44 GMT -5
Sam814, I agree with the others that your situation was very different than the drama divas some of us have in our families. Your situation was truly tragic and I'm sure that people who knew you were truly moved to try to help you in a situation where it's hard to know what to do. On the other end of the spectrum are people like my brother who seem surprised that the mortgage (and since losing the house now the rent) is due every month.
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Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jan 15, 2015 7:58:01 GMT -5
An update for those who care - I did finish mangling my spreadsheet, got it imported, etc. And went home and eventually had a drink. Today will be much better as it will shouldn't involve spreadsheets.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Jan 15, 2015 9:32:00 GMT -5
Someone on my feed has an autistic son who needed to be flown to LA for something medical. She asked people to donate miles and received them. Then she posted a ton of pictures of them having a ball at Disneyland. They went to LA for a medical reason. While they were in the area, they went to Disneyland. I don't see a problem with that. It was more of the "This is really important and I can't afford the flights could someone really help" and then the pictures of all the fun they had at Disneyland. In a million years, I would never ask someone to cover my flight and then use money I actually could spend on my flight to go to DL. But, this person is always asking for free things on FB, so maybe I'm more judgy than usual about this specific incident just because I've seen all her requests. Bonny - good point about unfriending the jail guy. Question, do people know if you unfriend them? I barely know him (lived near him in middle school) and I have no idea what he did to land in jail, but I don't really want to piss him off, KWIM?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 15, 2015 9:37:46 GMT -5
It was more of the "This is really important and I can't afford the flights could someone really help" and then the pictures of all the fun they had at Disneyland. In a million years, I would never ask someone to cover my flight and then use money I actually could spend on my flight to go to DL. It might have been more honest of her to say up front that if there was enough money she really wanted to take her son to Disney, too. I think most of us can identify with wanting to give a seriously ill child some happy times, but I think I'd feel miffed, too, if she acted like she had zero money for plane tickets but somehow scraped up the admission fees for Disney. A day at Disney isn't cheap.
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midjd
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Your Money Admin
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Post by midjd on Jan 15, 2015 9:42:34 GMT -5
They don't get any notification of the unfriending -- I have noticed it a few times when I try to look someone up (who was already my FB friend) and see that I have to add them as a friend to view their profile, but that's only happened 2-3x in 10 years.
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DagnyT
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Post by DagnyT on Jan 15, 2015 19:52:27 GMT -5
I don't want to get kicked to the religious board. And I don't want to offend anyone. But the person I'm thinking of has a very strong, 'God will provide' outlook. I sometimes she thinks asking other people to provide is the way she thinks god will provide for her. I know it really ticked me off when a neighbor with volunteers put a roof on their house (which had been falling down) ... And she posted about how good God is. I mean, I thought those men and families deserved some credit...
Perhaps it was a mission group from a church that put the roof on, and they would want the glory to go to God, and not to themselves.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jan 15, 2015 20:18:29 GMT -5
I just let a bunch of points expire. I would have given them to someone I am currently friends IRL with.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jan 17, 2015 16:37:07 GMT -5
...:::"I would lose what little I have of my dignity":::... But swamp if they actually give you the money, its all good, right?
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beergut
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Post by beergut on Jan 18, 2015 6:31:55 GMT -5
There was a situation where the toddler son of some acquaintances was found to have a terminal illness. The grandparents of this child were people I knew, and I had watched their daughter grow up and go to college. The toddler could have surgery, but it had a ridiculously low chance of success, something like 10%, and it would only slightly prolong his life, not cure the issue. So, his parents decided to not have the surgery, and just try to enjoy their limited time left with him.
A gofundme campaign was set up. Because both parents were new at their jobs, neither had vacation time saved up, so they couldn't take time off work to spend with the boy. The campaign was basically to raise money so they could take unpaid time off work, and still manage to pay the bills. I believe the original goal was to raise $50k.
Now, these two parents both went to my alma mater, where we have a strong very and active alumni network, and the campaign took off when word got around. I believe they raised somewhere between $120-$130k.
Not two months later I see the toddler's mother is looking to sell her car. It seems the toddler passed quickly after the money was raised (like within two weeks), and now the mother had decided she didn't want to work full-time, she wanted to be a SAHM with her other son. She wanted to sell the car because with only one kid they didn't need two cars, and if they were rid of her car, she wouldn't need to work to continue to make the car payment every month. Basically, she decided to become a SAHM, and wanted someone online to help remove the obstacle from her desire, namely a bill she couldn't pay if she wasn't working. The craigslist ad even mentioned the passing of her younger son, had wording like, "I didn't ask for my son to die", etc.
When I asked on a forum where people know her, "Didn't everyone raise $120k for her just a month or so ago?", I was sharply rebuked. Someone claimed the money went to hospital bills, but the kid didn't have the treatment, and besides with both parents working at jobs that had insurance, I doubt they had a $100k deductible. When I pointed out the craigslist ad to someone I know who donated to their gofundme campaign, he was PISSED. He said he felt they had taken advantage of the generosity of our alumni network, and it looked like they had become addicted to others feeling sorry for them.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 18, 2015 9:36:38 GMT -5
I tend to give parents who lose children a big pass. I might not choose to give again, but Im going to assume, if I have to assume, that I don't know everything. And since that is a particular situation that I really, really don't want to have any personal experience with... I'm just going to say there but for grace.... And release it.
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Wisconsin Beth
Distinguished Associate
No, we don't walk away. But when we're holding on to something precious, we run.
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jan 18, 2015 9:43:02 GMT -5
I tend to give parents who lose children a big pass. I might not choose to give again, but Im going to assume, if I have to assume, that I don't know everything. And since that is a particular situation that I really, really don't want to have any personal experience with... I'm just going to say there but for grace.... And release it. I also tend to assume that the marriage is in need of help too - that there's a lot of emotion and stuff between the adults that doesn't have a decent/safe outlet.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Jan 18, 2015 9:50:58 GMT -5
... try to enjoy their limited time left with him. ... looking to sell her car. ... the toddler passed quickly after the money was raised (like within two weeks), and now the mother had decided she didn't want to work full-time, she wanted to be a SAHM with her other son. ... Seems like a very human response to a tragedy except it sounds like they are thinking more clearly than some might in the situation. Selling an unneeded asset seems a good choice. Using an emotional appeal sounds like good marketing.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 18, 2015 10:46:00 GMT -5
True, much less likely to negotiate with someone who is grieving and needs to sell for those reasons...
I agree. It's not like she was looking for handouts to pay her car payment.
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