sometimes I wonder...

[NancysSummerSip]

Dec 15, 2014 15:19:05 GMT -5 t-dog said:

Guess I am on the other side Nancy - having been rolling the boulder up hill solo for 5 years I look forward to the opportunity to train.

I would, too...except this husband model has taken 25 years of training. And I'm still not finished! Thing is, I have too much invested in him to apply for a trade-in.

[Timberwolf]

That reminds me of something my DH did this Thanksgiving.  We have a second fridge upstairs in our house and I asked him to bring the leftover turkey/carcass upstairs.  I forgot to say to put it IN the refrigerator so what does he do?  He puts it on the kitchen counter.  The problem was that I didn't notice until the next day.  (I was secretly glad not to have to deal with the bird leftovers, but don't tell him that   ).

[greeniis10]

Dec 15, 2014 16:39:33 GMT -5 Timberwolf said:

That reminds me of something my DH did this Thanksgiving.  We have a second fridge upstairs in our house and I asked him to bring the leftover turkey/carcass upstairs.  I forgot to say to put it IN the refrigerator so what does he do?  He puts it on the kitchen counter.  The problem was that I didn't notice until the next day.  (I was secretly glad not to have to deal with the bird leftovers, but don't tell him that   ).

Oh boy, yet another example like the ones on the first page of not spelling out every little detail.  So frustrating!  However, men (and teenagers) do this on purpose because if they mess up enough they're hoping that we'll just stop asking and do everything ourselves.  Sigh...

It reminds me of a meme I saw a while back: it's a young man attempting to iron a shirt looking confused, saying, "If I look confused and take long enough my girlfriend will get annoyed and do this for me."  (or something similar; can't remember the exact wording)

[billisonboard]

[Timberwolf]

greeniis10, that seems to be so true - if they "play dumb" we won't ask again  .

[tskeeter]

Dec 15, 2014 12:26:05 GMT -5 swamp said:

Dec 15, 2014 12:24:20 GMT -5 TheHaitian said:

Hey cannot blame the guy, you did ask him to "transfer" the clothes, nowhere in there did you mention turning the dryer on .

You ladies need to stop assuming we will figure it out on own or leaving clues.


Be direct, straightforward and painfully detailed in regards to what you want and we should have no issues -> exactly what I told my wife last week when she got mad at me for similar reason.

She asked me to put water in the pot so she could get started on pasta for dinner then got pissed at me when she comes into the kitchen 10 minutes later and there was no water boiling. Excuse me, you asked me to put water in the pot which I did, nowhere did you say start to turn the stove on and start boiling the water.

She looked at me like I was the biggest idiot she ever met but I maintain that I was right

I'd look at you like you're an idiot too. 

In order to understand that please put water in the pot includes an implied "and turn on the burner" requires that the male dufus in question know how long it takes to bring that pot of water to a boil, how long whatever is going in the pot will need to cook, and correlate the current time to when dinner will be ready.  Most members of the male dufus association lack the requisite information to infer the balance of the instructions.  If the request was made at 2:00, the burner had been turned on, and the pot had boiled dry and gotten ruined, the male dufus name would be mud.  As long as the aforementioned male dufus name has a high probablity of becoming mud before the end of the day, anyway.  It might as well be for saving the effort that could have been devoted to situational analysis and the subsequent annoying questions, and devoting that effort to an analysis of the coach's play calling strategy instead.     

[tskeeter]

Dec 15, 2014 15:56:03 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

Dec 15, 2014 15:19:05 GMT -5 t-dog said:

Guess I am on the other side Nancy - having been rolling the boulder up hill solo for 5 years I look forward to the opportunity to train.

I would, too...except this husband model has taken 25 years of training. And I'm still not finished! Thing is, I have too much invested in him to apply for a trade-in.

That's why it's called lifelong learning.  It's gonna take a lifetime.  Yours or his.

[tskeeter]

Dec 15, 2014 13:00:03 GMT -5 Ryan said:

My wife sent me to the store for a cantaloupe and I came home with a grapefruit...she brings it up all the time.  I keep telling her that they do not label fruits in our grocery store.

PS. they aren't that far off.

She wouldn't give you such a hard time if the cantalopes hadn't been attached to a 20 year old. 

[swasat]

Dec 15, 2014 16:59:56 GMT -5 tskeeter said:

Dec 15, 2014 13:00:03 GMT -5 Ryan said:

My wife sent me to the store for a cantaloupe and I came home with a grapefruit...she brings it up all the time.  I keep telling her that they do not label fruits in our grocery store.

PS. they aren't that far off.

She wouldn't give you such a hard time if the cantalopes hadn't been attached to a 20 year old. 

     

[Artemis Windsong]

I used to make a list of what I would like for Xmas and birthdays and put it on the refrigerator.  I got out of the habit a couple of years ago because we buy on reduced price the stuff we want.

[tskeeter]

Dec 15, 2014 15:16:31 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

Face it, ladies. It is not in a man's job description to listen. It is not in his DNA to listen. Man can be trained (assuming you have sufficient kibble with which to reward him each time), but what a process.

If I outlive DH, I am not replacing him. It took too long to get him to function even minimally. OK, I might consider a rent-a-date, but nothing long-term. Given the choice of breaking in another man or rolling boulders up Everest, there's no contest: just hand me the hiking boots and backpack.

Hmmmm  --  I wonder why it is that women select a home improvement project and then complain about the work involved?  Better they should pick a nice gay guy, who can interpret what they are thinking.  And then just pick up straight guys for the physical relationship.

It's kind of like the guy who picks the hot fashionista with the lingerie collection and then complains that she can't cook and she spends too much on clothes.  I got news for you, that's not why you married her!  

[NancysSummerSip]

Dec 15, 2014 17:09:31 GMT -5 tskeeter said:

Dec 15, 2014 15:16:31 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

Face it, ladies. It is not in a man's job description to listen. It is not in his DNA to listen. Man can be trained (assuming you have sufficient kibble with which to reward him each time), but what a process.

If I outlive DH, I am not replacing him. It took too long to get him to function even minimally. OK, I might consider a rent-a-date, but nothing long-term. Given the choice of breaking in another man or rolling boulders up Everest, there's no contest: just hand me the hiking boots and backpack.

Hmmmm  --  I wonder why it is that women select a home improvement project and then complain about the work involved?  Better they should pick a nice gay guy, who can interpret what they are thinking.  And then just pick up straight guys for the physical relationship.

It's kind of like the guy who picks the hot fashionista with the lingerie collection and then complains that she can't cook and she spends too much on clothes.  I got news for you, that's not why you married her!  

I cannot pick nice gay guys for that purpose. My gaydar, as my gay friends call it, is more busted than a drag queen. I literally guess it wrong most of the time. And I miss whatever the obvious clues are.

[The Home 6]

[The Home 6]

Okay, it was supposed to be a MAN peeling half the potatoes in the bag....

[quince]

My husband listens.

I do give specific instructions. So does he. We both prefer it that way. He would of course start the laundry if I asked him to transfer it to the dryer, because he understands that wet clothes get moldy if left that way.

I would ask him/he would ask me to start the water for the pasta. Not fill up the pot, unless all we wanted was a pot full of water.

I don't think there's anything wrong with men in general: some couples just aren't on the same page when it comes to communicating what they want.

[Chocolate Lover]

I tell DH all the time I talk so much because I have to say everything 3 times to be heard.    

[Angel!]

Dec 17, 2014 16:19:42 GMT -5 quince said:

I don't think there's anything wrong with men in general: some couples just aren't on the same page when it comes to communicating what they want.

I work with a husband/wife. Sometimes they are absolutely hilarious to watch have a conversation. She will ask a question, he will answer a completely different question because he only half listened. Then she won't understand he is talking about something else entirely & be utterly confused leading to more questions, which then confuses him. Then they will proceed to talk in circles for 10 minutes because they aren't on the same page at all.

At one point I just asked them how they ever manage to function at home   She said "We don't!  He is the same way at home!!"  and then started telling me how she has to call and remind him of stuff because she gets worried that the conversation that morning where she said "DS has to be picked up at 5" wasn't understood to mean that HE needed to pick DS up at 5.

[The Captain]

Dec 15, 2014 12:11:00 GMT -5 swasat said:

LMAO!!

A few years ago I asked DH to transfer clothes from the washer to the dryer. A couple of hours later I try to get "dry" clothes from the dryer and turns out they are all wet.  This is exactly how the conversation went:

Me: "D, why are the clothes wet? Didn't you turn on the dryer?"
Him: "You told me to TRANSFER the clothes from the washer to the dryer. Was I supposed to turn it on too?"
Me: "No. I only asked you to transfer the clothes because I had a feeling the washer was feeling lonely!  "

Men! Can't live with them, can' live without them.

Wait, what!!! Are we married to the same guy?

I swear I've had this EXACT conversation with DH (and DD for that matter). 

[Bob Ross]

Dec 15, 2014 15:16:31 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

Face it, ladies. It is not in a man's job description to listen. It is not in his DNA to listen. Man can be trained (assuming you have sufficient kibble with which to reward him each time), but what a process.

In our defense, we would listen if 99% of what you all said was worth listening to.

 

[flamingo]

Dec 17, 2014 16:35:44 GMT -5 Angel! said:

Dec 17, 2014 16:19:42 GMT -5 quince said:

I don't think there's anything wrong with men in general: some couples just aren't on the same page when it comes to communicating what they want.

I work with a husband/wife. Sometimes they are absolutely hilarious to watch have a conversation. She will ask a question, he will answer a completely different question because he only half listened. Then she won't understand he is talking about something else entirely & be utterly confused leading to more questions, which then confuses him. Then they will proceed to talk in circles for 10 minutes because they aren't on the same page at all.

At one point I just asked them how they ever manage to function at home   She said "We don't!  He is the same way at home!!"  and then started telling me how she has to call and remind him of stuff because she gets worried that the conversation that morning where she said "DS has to be picked up at 5" wasn't understood to mean that HE needed to pick DS up at 5.

THIS! My DH and I talk in circles around each other because he talks so much ALL.THE.TIME which leads to him talking over me. So, I start to say something like "When you go to Target later, can you pick up a gallon of milk?" In the middle of that question, he'll start to talk about oil prices and OPEC or something equally not on topic. 5 minutes later, he'll pause and be like, "Did you need me to do something for you?"  It's a good thing we don't have kids, or I'd be calling/texting all day with "You know, I meant YOU have to pick him up/feed him/take him to the doc/etc." The only reason he survived in the business world as long as he did is because he understood the value of a FANTASTIC assistant!

[NancysSummerSip]

Dec 17, 2014 17:18:08 GMT -5 Bob Ross said:

Dec 15, 2014 15:16:31 GMT -5 NancysSummerSip said:

Face it, ladies. It is not in a man's job description to listen. It is not in his DNA to listen. Man can be trained (assuming you have sufficient kibble with which to reward him each time), but what a process.

In our defense, we would listen if 99% of what you all said was worth listening to.

 

Just when I was missing Bob Ross, he crawls in stops by...

[raeoflyte]

When it comes to gifts I'm totally the dude in our relationship.     I never know what to get dh, although part of that might be that he is so painfully specific in what he wants that I've had to get the serial # from him at times and at that point I'd rather just give him money.  

I finally got a vacuum from him one year by explaining that I would return anything else he got me for cash and buy the vacuum myself.  When I say I want a freaking vacuum, I mean I want a freaking vacuum.  

[bean29]

Dec 15, 2014 11:42:18 GMT -5 Lizard Queen said:

...if DH pays attention to what I say at all.  (I should put in here that my DH is awesome, but nobody's perfect.  His brother was asking about what kind of gift card to get for me and DH tells him JCP!  Really I get these $10 off $10 or more coupons in the mail, and I struggle to find something to use them on.  I spent a $100 GC for that store that I got last year on him and the kids.  It's even gotten hard to find clothes for my kids there.

Do you run into this too?  Your SO goes for the exact opposite of what you want, even though they should know better??

I also shop there very little, however they had some really good black friday doorbusters, so I have several pairs of dress pants from there and a new casual top.  I find I like their petities department better than Kohl's.  Too bad becasue there is a Kohl's really close to my house.

IDK, I have issues with DH taking out the garbage all the time...to him taking out the garbage means pulling the bag out of the can in the kitchen and dropping it in the garage right outside the door (so whover exits the house to the garage can then move it all the way to the garbage can.  I just do it myself and take it all the way to the can.  I also have issues getting DH to do laundry.  He prefers I do it if I am home.  I am at the point where I don't mind so much as he is willing to fold.  For some reason he seems to be doing more laundry now that there are more specific cycles on the new washer and dryer...I guess he is no longer at a loss as to which cycle to use.

DH cooks more than I do, so if I asked him to start the water for pasta - he would probably start dinner.

We have issues with communication all the time...sometimes I purposely send DH texts that we have a family event on Saturday at 4 etc, b/c otherwise I am afraid he will be so busy he will forget (My DH works every Saturday).  I also often call him at the office and say We have to do X at 6:30 tonight or he will get hung up at the office and be very late.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Dec 17, 2014 16:34:19 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

I tell DH all the time I talk so much because I have to say everything 3 times to be heard.    

Yep. 

Nothing apparently registers unless I say it at a loud volume.  Then it's "well, you don't have to yell"    No, I don't.  But I've been asking/telling/reminding all 3 of you since Sept. that when the blankets fall off the couch, they need to be shoved back on the couch and not left on the floor. 

[Pants]

Dec 18, 2014 11:28:19 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Dec 17, 2014 16:34:19 GMT -5 Chocolate Lover said:

I tell DH all the time I talk so much because I have to say everything 3 times to be heard.    

Yep. 

Nothing apparently registers unless I say it at a loud volume.  Then it's "well, you don't have to yell"    No, I don't.  But I've been asking/telling/reminding all 3 of you since Sept. that when the blankets fall off the couch, they need to be shoved back on the couch and not left on the floor. 

See, and this is where I buy myself a snuggie and next time the blankets fall on the floor, I lock all the blankets in a closet. Next time they want a blanket, they can earn it back.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Sadly, these are the blankets I use on weeknights and DH uses on weekends (we alternate who's on the couch.  We sleep separate due to snoring issues.)

[michelyn8]

Dec 15, 2014 12:33:25 GMT -5 Blonde Granny said:

An number of years ago Erma Bombeck wrote columns on this topic. Her conclusion: If you say to your DH "can you take out the trash"? his answer is yes. Does he? of course, not you didn't ask him to. So, from the on I say to my DH , " please take out the trash now". That he understands.

I used this kind of logic once but to avoid giving an ex-BF money.  He had broken up with me a week or two before and I saw him at a pool hall type hangout one weekend.  He wanted a drink or to play a game or something and came up and asked me if I had a $1.  I looked right at him and answered no.  When he walked off, I turned to my friends and laughed - I didn't have $1, I had $5.  

[billisonboard]

Dec 18, 2014 11:28:19 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

... when the blankets fall off the couch, they need to be shoved back on the couch and not left on the floor. 

Blankets have no needs. Humans have needs. So the questions are who has the need in this situation, why does that person have that need, and should they yell at someone else who is not filling that need.

[tallguy]

that seems to be so true - if they "play dumb" we won't ask again

"And my wife sent me to my room, which is where I wanted to go in the first place. So you see? We are dumb, but we are not so dumb."