marvholly
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Post by marvholly on Feb 28, 2016 6:40:34 GMT -5
Pat glad you brought this thread upt to date. Was just about to ask about DD & MIL.
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plugginaway22
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Post by plugginaway22 on Feb 29, 2016 19:46:08 GMT -5
Yes, it seems in this case, NO news is Good news?? Glad that they both seem to be settled, but I am sure having the support of your DH being home has changed everything.
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Value Buy
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Post by Value Buy on Mar 5, 2016 8:40:44 GMT -5
Took DD for her rectal issue, she is being referred to a surgeon. The doc said he is one his family has used and is very good so we shall see. They went ahead and did an EKG in case she does need it. There was more tissue protruding then before, he thinks perhaps prolapse. I am worried its something to do with her colon resection, he was concerned it could be cancer, said no it wasn't. But she is doing fine for now and he couldn't get her an appointment until April. We will do what needs to be done or they may just do nothing. It is terrible when someone has a health issue and you cannot get it taken care of for two or three months. I have a relative with tumor issues, and it is running into months. The tests are always 2 or 3 weeks apart leading up to surgery, which I think can lead to stronger tumors or complications. Have a heart attack and you get immediate service. Have an illness, sit and wait.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Mar 5, 2016 13:29:10 GMT -5
An interesting article about parents with Alzheimer's Disease from the perspective of a daughter. The daughter's story is very familiar to me and many others. Living With the Parents I’m Losing to Alzheimer’sMy parents called me one day in March and started singing “Happy Birthday.” It was unsettling. My birthday is in May. My uncle called, too. He and my father had owned an upholstery shop in Philadelphia for 50 years, and it was really bothering him that my dad couldn’t do simple math anymore. I don’t remember all the doctors’ appointments that led to Dad seeing a neurologist, but I do remember the appointment where they subjected him to the mini-mental test. He came away from that examination with an Alzheimer’s diagnosis. We were very concerned about my mother, too. She was asking us the same questions over and over. I said I’d talk to the teacher whose classroom she worked in as an aide. The teacher said, “Your mother is basically not functioning. She just sits at a table in the back of the classroom and stares out the window.” It had been going on for a long time, and we had all been so focused on my dad we had missed it. We ended up taking her to the same neurologist, and she got an Alzheimer’s diagnosis, too. I told Casey, “We’re going to come back for two months, October through December.” It became apparent very soon that we would need to stay longer. The doctors told me that people with Alzheimer’s have an average life span, between diagnosis and death, of five to seven years. So I knew we’re in this for the long haul, whatever that looks like. Link to complete article below: Living With the Parents I’m Losing to Alzheimer’s
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Mar 5, 2016 19:11:56 GMT -5
Sorry to hear about the MIL issue. As you posted, its not unexpected as she has done this before.
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seriousthistime
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Post by seriousthistime on Mar 27, 2016 7:18:16 GMT -5
Congrats on turning 70! As they say, it's better than the alternative, and you look mah-velous, as Billy Crystal would say.
We've had a lot of confirmed cases of the flu around here, and there is something else going around too. It's nasty. Did MIL get a flu shot?
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Mar 27, 2016 11:26:15 GMT -5
Sorry both MIL and DD are sick. In elderly people, this stuff can turn in to pneumonia in a hurry. I'm sure you are aware of that. MIL will need to be hospitalized if that happens.
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Pants
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Post by Pants on Mar 27, 2016 13:47:09 GMT -5
Yes, that's why we are watching it, the doc gave her and DD antibiotics, he said MIL had a lot of congestion in her lungs, DD has it in one. And he said the flu and this other is around.
DH went over armed with Mucinex, stopped and got her some sodas, its better then nothing for this. She told him I'm not trying to run away, he told he knew that, she is just sick. He gave her the Mucinex and he said she slept really good from midnight on, he had her drink some soda and some water. Before he left around 9 this morning he gave her the antibiotic and got her to drink an Ensure. He said he thought that made her feel a little better, he sleeps on the couch half the time anyway so didn't bother him. That one used to be ours!
I gave DD the night time stuff and she did well till 6 this morning. She is still coughing a lot but feeling better.
We have hubbies cousin coming in this afternoon, after they leave DD and I are heading to the city to get her meds for the next 2 days. She said she would like a McD's so that's a good sign. She has been so sweet. We think switching the respiradol from day to night has made a huge difference, she isn't so spacey more like her old self. Watched a movie on her computer, watched telly, played some games. We talked to her house mom and she told her she loves her, I'm glad she does and no it doesn't bother me, she needs a lot of people in her life she feels cares about her. She did surprise me, she said I can't wait to see my friends at the house while we are there, I like that. We talked about the young man she had a problem with and she understands what I am telling her. I told her if he tries it again, tell him to put it away that that is not a nice thing to do and I'm sure she will. She said I did that before.
She was coughing hard this morning you can give the OTC stuff every 4 hours so this time she is sleeping, she looks a lot better.
My chest feels kind of funny but I'm not sick yet, if I escape this I will be amazed.
Hubby said I wish she could stay like that and not be so mean. We love her a lot, it is more work on me but I don't really mind. We are all planning on going to the Mall of the Americas in June. I told her I will take her out to eat and to the show in April most weekends, but we need to save her days so she can come home more later.
Apparently none of us have kept track, I think I have a pretty good idea, I will from now on.
Stopping by on the way and giving MIL Mucinex again. Pat - if one of the residents is exposing himself to your daughter, it's good to teach her how to handle it but you should mention to the administrators as well. This is the kind of thing they need to know.
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busymom
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Post by busymom on Mar 27, 2016 15:51:03 GMT -5
I'm sorry both your daughter & MIL are ill, Pat. We've got all kinds of stuff going around here. The flu is back, & something that is similar to the flu, but only lasts a few days. There's also a congestion/sinus infection thing making the rounds. Hope they both heal up soon. If MIL continues to be out of it, & falling, have the doctor check for a UTI, too.
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tama
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Post by tama on Mar 28, 2016 3:34:34 GMT -5
I agree with STT. You look great. I would think on sight you were 40, 45 at the most.
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Mar 28, 2016 10:17:21 GMT -5
Hi Pat,
Sorry to hear your family is sick. Hope they recover quickly.
I am glad you managed to get them both placed in long term situations earlier this year, this would have been very difficult to handle if you were FT caregiver for both!
I agree with the others, you look great, hopefully soon you will feel great too.
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lund
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Post by lund on Apr 1, 2016 7:40:08 GMT -5
Pat, Your MIL will likely have ups and downs. When she is sick or runs a fever, she is likely to have a down. Dementia is not a straight line, even without additional sickness there are ups and downs. The tendency is clear though.
Don't feel any guilt, none at all, for not letting your MIL remain at home; that likely would have been her death. Getting lost, not eating and getting so weak that she would succumb to the first illness she got, falling,....
This may sound hard, but I do hope that your MIL will get better, get a bit clearer once she gets over this bug, and have a nice spring/summer (which usually means more nice outside activity), and then pass in her sleep in her own bed.
Complete change of subject:
Congratulations on your birthday! Your surely are looking great and healthy!
And your home sounds gorgeous and getting even nicer!
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lund
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Post by lund on Apr 2, 2016 13:16:36 GMT -5
I can understand that it is much more difficult with your DD - she is your child, and you are a loving and caring person -, especially when she is her nice self when she is spending time with you.
But I think that you have done the right thing; when handicapped children are thrown into the "system" when their parents can't care for them anymore, it can be very traumatic and those children may not have anybody to make sure that they get well settled.
You doing all that you do is very valuable for your DD. (And then the fact that your DD was not doing well at home anymore is not even included in the above!)
Please leave some written instructions as to what things which your DD needs which should be checked, such as that she has extra-wide (or what ever she needs) winter shoes and sneakers, favorite hygiene products, approximate number of garments needed at this point (such as one winter coat, one summer jacket, one fall/spring coat,....), and any other practical "equipment" information. Also approximately how often she is likely to need a visit to the hairdresser, podiatrist, dentist,....
If your DH or son would need to check in the future, they likely will be nice, helpful and generous, but they may have few clues.
And I need to add that I think that your Christmas shoes and clothing gifts to the persons living at your DD's place was very generous indeed, and very well thought out! True charity, or tithe outside church, are words which come to my mind.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Apr 9, 2016 16:00:01 GMT -5
I don't really think at this stage it is much of a choice for MIL to be happy. It sounds like her dementia is progressing. She can't will herself out of it. Nor will participating in activities "snap her out of it". She'll continue to decline. www.alz.org/care/alzheimers-dementia-depression.aspSister may have been feeding off your MIL while they lived together rather than the other way around as previously thought.
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suesinfl
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Post by suesinfl on Apr 9, 2016 21:14:30 GMT -5
I don't really think at this stage it is much of a choice for MIL to be happy. It sounds like her dementia is progressing. She can't will herself out of it. Nor will participating in activities "snap her out of it". She'll continue to decline. www.alz.org/care/alzheimers-dementia-depression.aspSister may have been feeding off your MIL while they lived together rather than the other way around as previously thought. Been there, dealt with this. There is nothing you can do as she doesn't "realize" what she is saying or doing. I wish you the best of luck, but you and your DH will need to come to terms with her mental/physical decline. I'm sorry, it is hard to see our loved ones go through this stage in their lives.
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Works4me
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Post by Works4me on Apr 10, 2016 4:48:43 GMT -5
Unfortunately she has lost the mental ability to do things and is probably trying to avoid being in situations where she cannot remember. This is is what I used when I taught about aging, dementia and/or Alzheimer's - imagine you are holding a fork in your hand. It is familiar object to you, you know that you should know what to do with it but you have no idea and you are terrified of not knowing and even more terrified of jetting anyone lose know that you don't know what this shiny thing is. You might run it through your hair, scratch an itch, hang it by its tines, jam it into the wall, use it as a spoon, etc. But most likely you will put it down, even hide it away, because you want to keep it safe because it must be important, and so that you can find it when you need it, when you figure it out. Also, you really want to make sure that no one else knows that you don't know. Then your mind goes blank and what was Now imagine that happening all the time, every day with increasing frequency. Going anywhere and doing anything us terrifyingly scary and also risky. Then after a certain point of decline, nowhere and nothing is safe or familiar. Yet, they are still driven to try to make sense of their world and figure out how to function in it. My neighbor's SIL put the silverware in her purse because she did not know what they were, what to do with them and figured they must be hers because they were "given" to her. My father woke up ever night at 3am yelling "HELP!" at the top of his lungs because he had no idea where he was and why he was in a hospital bed, seemingly all alone and unable to get up, and the only hospitalization he remembered was from the Army, 1948-51. People often become more of what they always were. Was your MIL ever a happy person? Was she ever pleased by anyone or anything on a regular basis? Knowing that one does not know, and knowing that one should must be so frustrating and frightening. Try it sometime - turn your logical brain off and try to function, try to,figure out what a common item would be ysed for if you did not know. You can also wear gloves to simulate the loss if touch and dexterity, put Vaseline on cheap or old sunglasses, put loose cotton in your ears then try to converse or watch tv or listen to the radio. Now imagine your taste buds and sense of smell are gone like when you have a head cold, you ache and hurt all over. All I can say I aging sucks - as you already know, getting old is not for sissies nor is it for the weak of heart.
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suesinfl
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Post by suesinfl on Apr 10, 2016 6:53:21 GMT -5
Sara hit this on the head. My mom would not order at a restaurant, because she "forgot" how to read, and she always read the paper everyday, magazines all the time, but when asked if she wanted the paper,etc. she said no she wasn't interested.
She could not remember how to use the phone and was always putting things in strange places. For a few years, she would constantly write all of her family's name and birthday, and I mean constantly. The scraps of paper we found in her room were numerous.
It's sad and hard to watch the decline and the main caregiver will have a harder time seeing/accepting the changes and become more frustrated than those further away.
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plugginaway22
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Post by plugginaway22 on Apr 10, 2016 9:34:01 GMT -5
Do you really need to go visit her as often as you do? Let DH stop in regularly, and make your visits less frequent.
She will not remember who stopped by when, and that constant negativity won't wear on you so much.
You are a much better woman than me! My MIL died when we were in our 30s, and I cannot imagine what you have to deal with.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Apr 10, 2016 18:23:06 GMT -5
My aunt who had Ahlzheimer's always said nobody ever came to see her. Her son set up a guest book so people could sign it. While she still believed nobody came to see her, he knew who came to see her.
All she wanted to do was move back home. Her home had really been torn down years before. She would reply that she had seen it on television.
There was a photograph of her grandson and his wife on her dresser. It was their wedding photo. She would ask every time my mom went there who those people were.
So sad and so difficult for everyone involved. All she said she wanted to do was have a kitchen and bake cupcakes. She was in a nursing home and was not going to be allowed to bake cupcakes.
She told people they didn't feed her. Mom asked one of the nurses what she had for breakfast. She got her chart and it showed she had eaten a bowl of oatmeal. Aunt and mom's other sister was also in the same home. She did not have Ahlzheimer's. She said they each had a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast.
Near the end, aunt refused to eat the food. She had left paperwork not to be force fed, so she wasn't. She pretty much starved herself to death.
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bobosensei
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Post by bobosensei on Apr 14, 2016 5:08:09 GMT -5
Does your DD's home have any types of volunteer partnerships? I'm just remembering how a former college roommate of mine was part of a "buddy" program. She would go I think once a month and visit her buddy, Dot, who had downs syndrome. They would go out for the afternoon, and once I went with them to the mall. Dot would be given 5 dollars (this was 15ish years ago) by the home, but usually they didn't do stuff that cost money. If my friend was really busy she'd just take Dot along on her errands. Dot didn't mind she was in her 50s and she had no family so she just liked getting out of the home. But they'd go to the park or for ice cream. And my friend arranged a party for them at our university and the home sent a van of the mostly, older ladies. My friend had her boyfriend's frat come, and it was sweet, those guys danced with the ladies the entire time.
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gacpa
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Post by gacpa on May 2, 2016 16:37:30 GMT -5
Pat,
There is a new procedure out there now called "banding" for hemorrhoids. No surgery involved. They place tight binding at the site and the tissue dies and they disappear from lack of blood flow. I looked into that, but the doctor has been able to help me without resorting to that yet.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 2, 2016 18:03:44 GMT -5
I understand where you are coming from although the following has little to do with me. My former MIL has dementia. She decided my ex's wife was trying to kill her, stealing from her, etc. She had become afraid of everything to the point where she wanted to move from her rural home ($1,000,0000 farm) to a senior complex that gradually turns into assisted living and then nursing home care as needed. She is still in the apartment part with granite countertops and a car, etc.
She had adjusted well, my daughter thought, and they got one of the preacher's daughter to live in the house. There are actually two houses on the property. There is what we call the "big" house, but it only has two bedrooms and one bath. It has historic significance sot hey built a second "guest" house on the property with another two bedrooms, bath, kitchen, living room, etc. It is all open concept (before that became a thing) so all family parties are held there. My ex lives across the road and was taking care of both properties (his and hers). None of the grandkids can live on this property. They have four or five kids each, all young, so not enough space in the main house.
When I saw my daughter this week, I asked how it was working out with the preacher's daughter. It didn't. My former MIL said the preacher's daughter cussed her out, called her old and useless, and other similar complaints. She doesn't want her there so she had to leave. (She wasn't paying rent . . . more like housesitting.) So now the house sits empty while my former MIL, who is not necessarily of completely sound mind, figures out what she wants to do with it. My ex's wife doesn't want to live there because of the accusations.
It's not as bad as YOUR MIL Mine has lots of money. But that also complicates stuff because it IS her money, etc. Unless they want to declare her incompetent (and that's difficult when they aren't that severe), they have to honor her wishes.
My daughter says her grandmother seems absolutely fine . . . except you know that nothing she says is really happening.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on May 9, 2016 19:05:01 GMT -5
At one of my many colonoscopies, none of the nurses could get the IV in. It finally took the doctor to get it in and, yes, it hurt. I did manage to hold back my tears. They said I was too dehydrated, that you have to drink water once you are cleaned out. Do that now and they get the IV in.
Doctor had to put the IV in my hand that time, as the nurses had beaten all the other veins so bad they wouldn't work.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on May 9, 2016 21:19:47 GMT -5
DD had her colonoscopy, she has diverticuli from one end to the other of her gut, he said extensive. He also said she is to debilitated to have more surgery. It's hemmorroids instead of prolapse and he won't repair them. He said only if they start swelling, bleeding, or get really really bad. He said her colon should be ok though and like me said no to taking it out, thank goodness.
They like to never got an IV started, 2 nurses tried and tried, foot, leg, arm. Finally they got the anesthesiologist to put it in her hand. He was very very good. I can't stand to see her hurt so I go out in the hall. I saw her house mom wiping away tears, that kills me. If she hadn't been there I would have stayed.
She also had another incident with the guy exposing himself, I told the house mom that's enough. She said she tried to get him moved to a men's house but its full. Also the man at the center in charge has talked with him. I said one more time and I'm going to the director, this is not going to continue. I told her I was not trying to go over her head, she said no problem. Also they are having DD stay in the main room instead of being able to stay in her room and watch TV and things so they know he isn't around her. She is getting penalized for his actions. The crap is about to hit the fan. Also I've been assured she is doing nothing to encourage or cause it. What would happen without parental oversight. The music program she liked has been cancelled and she can't use the computers at the center, they use them for instruction and she knows how so wants to play games. She did not get to go to their prom as no one else there wanted to go. I told her call me if you want to go to something like that I will take you. Medicaid got a lot of money cut so I'm seeing things being cancelled, so sad.
Sorry to hear about the exposing part Pat. Do they think he's doing it intentionally? The reason I ask, is there are lots and lots of men in the subacute who get to a point they aren't all that good about fastening their pants, pulling up underwear etc. Some get so mentally confused they forget bottoms at all. Women do the latter as well.
FWIW. I hope they are able to place him in a male only home soon.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on May 10, 2016 20:37:54 GMT -5
Yes, they put it in her hand. The doc said he was going to make sure he could do it before he tried so he wouldn't keep stabbing her. He checked and checked and slid it right in first time, she didn't even cry. I am glad she didn't cry because it did hurt. My doctor looked at the veins in my hand and got it in the first time. I also hope the man is moved to a male only facility very, very soon.
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Peace77
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Post by Peace77 on May 13, 2016 12:32:05 GMT -5
They may not have a place in a facility that they own. Surely, there is another group home where he could be placed somewhere.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 21, 2016 18:06:23 GMT -5
He's an old man with mental problems. It seriously can't even be big enough to even see.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on May 21, 2016 23:44:45 GMT -5
They may not have a place in a facility that they own. Surely, there is another group home where he could be placed somewhere. You realize in this era of cost cutting, this most certainly is very rarely true. Yes as a current resident he would have priority being placed in another group home. But this is Indiana. It is likely the number of group homes with resident slots being paid for by taxes has been dropping every year.
When social spending gets cut, more and more of these situations will occur. And many of them will be much worse than someone seeing a guy's penis. So remember this when you vote this November. A vote to cut social spending is also a vote to do things like keep this guy in this facility because there is nowhere for him to go until someone dies or several male residents die.
Steps off soapbox. Sorry to opportunitistically use your post, but I know how this works. And so does Pat.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on May 22, 2016 0:15:59 GMT -5
He's an old man with mental problems. It seriously can't even be big enough to even see. Having to see a man's penis - small, medium. or large might be unpleasant if one has no desire to see that. I don't know how old the guy is, but unless he wants to do more than expose himself to DD, its a very unpleasant annoyance - but not unsafe.
I've done limited reading in this area, but I believe flashers do so for many reasons including wanting to be noticed sexually. Rarely if ever, are they rapists or commit crimes more serious than exposing themselves. I come from the practical Midwest. I'd let DD know while its not OK, to not be frightened. I'd let her know some men get a little crazy in the head and do things like this allover the US. And while its annoying, if she is not afraid of him, and refuses to give him a reaction he is looking for - it will likely stop or get less frequent.
Pat, your daughter is old enough to learn how to deal with this. The best way to protect her is to give her tools such a withering glares when it happens instead of solely working on getting him removed. When you die, you won't be able to protect her.
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zibazinski
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Post by zibazinski on May 22, 2016 1:47:19 GMT -5
Naked people are not a big deal. Soon enough we will have the "right" to totally expose ourselves whether others wish to see us naked or not. It's gross but in the scheme of what's happening all over this country, it's literally "nothing."
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