DD & MIL's Issues

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

These sound like my daughter, one is age 32, I don't know the age of the other. They are

also looking desperately for someone to help them. What in the world can be wrong with

them

Could it be menopause?   I'm 32 and been having some major hormonal issues.  I'm pretty sure they are related to me weaning our daughter but my mom said there is also the possibility I am entering into peri-menopause.  That can last anywhere from your mid-30's to your late 50's when you actually enter menopause.

My mom started at 35 so that's pretty close.   When did you start?

IDK if any of this is helpful but it might be worth having hormone levels checked out.

[mollyanna58]

At least he's doing something concrete, not just hoping she'll do better.

If the sister does leave, I would seriously consider moving the mobile home elsewhere so she can't come back.

[suesinfl]

Pat, you have my sympathy. My older sister took care of my mother for about five years and even though they lived 650 miles from me I could tell in phone conversations with the both of them that mom was getting worse. My sister thought that my mom was lazy (well, she was, but this was different).

 It got to the point that she had to wear depends because she couldn’t/wouldn’t make it to the bathroom on time, wouldn’t/couldn’t take a shower, dress herself, etc. So sis decided to put her in a home setting that had six other ladies there with various needs. All low maintenance. There was a CNA at the house 24/7 and an RN that came in to check meds or evaluate needs.

My sister thought that this was all mom needed and she would do fine. Mom lasted there two weeks. The director advised sis to look for a nursing home since she needed more care then what they offered. My sister was heartbroken because she was no longer able to care for mom and she didn’t want her in a nursing home. She finally made the decision and it was the best thing for everyone especially my mom. She had security, friendly staff and my sister would pop in numerous times during the day to check on her.

All that to say that sometimes an adult child doesn’t want to think of their parent of needing special care and can’t see the forest through the trees. It maybe something the son has to do to accept the fact that the mother does need more help than he is will to see or admit to at this time. If putting her in an apartment means that it only last one two or weeks and she has to go into a nursing home at least he knows that he tried his best.

[kjto1]

Jul 17, 2015 14:08:38 GMT -5 @patstab said:

I bought 2 of the large bottles of Root Beer. I need to check in the city, didn't today and find some of the natural stuff.

Knowing her she is so lazy she won't go to the trouble of drinking much of it, that's why I did it. I got her an apple juice

this morning. Just have to watch all the sugar in stuff.

Today we have good fresh cantaloupe, watermelon, corn, tomatoes, cukes. I have green beans she won't eat them. Also

got blackberries man are they expensive. All these good crops are coming off now, need to check but I'm sure peaches are too.

I just live on this stuff, DD doesn't care much for it sadly, she wants spaghetti. Ok oce in awhile but she wants it all the time.

It is 92 in the shade here today with 64% humidity, and we drove the old truck to pick up mulch and the AC isn't working, it as

brutal out there.

Last summer I tried zuchini noodles.  With spaghetti sauce on them, I couldn't tell the difference.  I didn't buy the machine, we have a mandolin, and I used that to slice the zuchini.

[Deleted]

Jul 17, 2015 14:08:38 GMT -5 @patstab said:

I bought 2 of the large bottles of Root Beer. I need to check in the city, didn't today and find some of the natural stuff.

Knowing her she is so lazy she won't go to the trouble of drinking much of it, that's why I did it. I got her an apple juice

this morning. Just have to watch all the sugar in stuff.

Today we have good fresh cantaloupe, watermelon, corn, tomatoes, cukes. I have green beans she won't eat them. Also

got blackberries man are they expensive. All these good crops are coming off now, need to check but I'm sure peaches are too.

I just live on this stuff, DD doesn't care much for it sadly, she wants spaghetti. Ok oce in awhile but she wants it all the time.

It is 92 in the shade here today with 64% humidity, and we drove the old truck to pick up mulch and the AC isn't working, it as

brutal out there.

Just as a side note, I'm pretty sure the next time you get going on peach pies, that to save yourself the calories, you should box those suckers up & ship them out to your YM friends 

I could only wish to be fed as well as your home cooking sounds!!!!!

[CCL]

Jul 17, 2015 20:17:07 GMT -5 @rockit said:

Jul 17, 2015 14:08:38 GMT -5 @patstab said:

I bought 2 of the large bottles of Root Beer. I need to check in the city, didn't today and find some of the natural stuff.

Knowing her she is so lazy she won't go to the trouble of drinking much of it, that's why I did it. I got her an apple juice

this morning. Just have to watch all the sugar in stuff.

Today we have good fresh cantaloupe, watermelon, corn, tomatoes, cukes. I have green beans she won't eat them. Also

got blackberries man are they expensive. All these good crops are coming off now, need to check but I'm sure peaches are too.

I just live on this stuff, DD doesn't care much for it sadly, she wants spaghetti. Ok oce in awhile but she wants it all the time.

It is 92 in the shade here today with 64% humidity, and we drove the old truck to pick up mulch and the AC isn't working, it as

brutal out there.

Just as a side note, I'm pretty sure the next time you get going on peach pies, that to save yourself the calories, you should box those suckers up & ship them out to your YM friends 

I could only wish to be fed as well as your home cooking sounds!!!!!

Count me in on the peach pies!

[suesinfl]

Jul 18, 2015 18:13:35 GMT -5 southernsusana said:

I saw something in ALL YOU today that I will try to find again for the ordering info if you are interested.

It is a water bottle with a juicer in the bottom. So you put in lemon, lime, or orange (maybe others, but that's what came in my head), and it naturally flavors the water. It is sort of like ordering water at a restaurant with lemon.

No added sugar but some flavor. I personally like the flavor of cold water, but I know a lot of people don't.

Let me know if you want the web address.  It's ok if you don't.

I'm interested. You can PM me if you want.

[cronewitch]

When my grandmother was in a nursing home mom and I were visiting her and mom asked her something, she said she didn't know she just started working there. She was having lunch in a cafeteria so assumed she was at work. When they moved her to assisted living if she was restless they gave her a basket of towels to fold. She was 97-98 then and never talked about home again. She didn't know who most people were so probably thought they were coworkers.
I wouldn't worry about MIL and Sister not liking the nursing home tell them they are on vacation or it is a hospital they can go home when they get well. My dad's sister was blind and on her 80th birthday told me mom she was moving to a place that was like a bed and breakfast. They gave her a room and meals, did the cleaning, she was a guest on a permanent vacation at a place her daughter picked for her.

[Opti]

Crone, some folks do feel they work at the nursing home they live at. I think really, it is a harmless fiction. After all, they probably do straighten up after themselves and others in the public spaces daily. In fact, when their relatives move them elsewhere both they and their friends living with them might say something like 'well, she's going to work at xyz nursing home soon'.

(Not everyone does this, but it happens often enough, I got used to it. )

[Deleted]

Has she had an extended glucose tolerance test? Would she be able to participate in a 3 hour test where they take blood samples often (at least I think it was 3 hours, but I could remember wrong).

Will the doctor order the additional testings so you do not have to be guessing on this stuff?

She should have a complete thyroid work up + the proper extended glucose test. However, you need to do this after she is stabilized on a standard amount of medication (not right after you have dropped or increased her meds). 

[Opti]

Hang in there Pat. Its the dog days of summer, and sometimes I think just making it to the end of the day is a huge accomplishment. Major heat warnings here today and yesterday. Lots of feels like temps in the 100s yesterday, Sunday, and a bunch more through 8PM or so today.

I am so grateful my A/C got replaced. It kept up and both critters were alive and OK when I came home tonight after my evening shift.

 Again Zevia soda, GUS soda, Reeds... None of them are great for you, but for me, I do drink semi-regularly because of indigestion ... sometimes caused by ill-advised combos of food.   I prefer GUS lemon soda over their ginger soda which I think is too wussy, wimpy, so I avoid it. FWIW.

[Blonde Granny]

I believe you can buy over the counter at a pharmacy a home test kit for A1C test. It gives an average for the past 90 days what her blood sugar count is running. Anything over about 6 is in the range of needing to do something about ongoing BS readings.

[Deleted]

Jul 20, 2015 15:04:19 GMT -5 @patstab said:

We go to the doc tomorrow, our GP, I will see if she will have a test done at the lab for her. I thought that was included in her

last panel which was a month or two ago, will check that out.

She is doing fine today also.

When we went to the neurologist over 15 years ago she was having severe headaches.  He started her on this for headaches,

he said it was the chiari malformation in the brain stem, even then I knew if I could kept her weight down I could see a difference

but she won't listen to me about that.  So he kept upping the dose, If I remember correctly I think it got to 200 mgs a day.

He wanted to do surgery on the brain stem, say what, I wanted another opinion.  He basically said there is nothing else he can

do if we didn't have surgery and left us hanging.  I had to go to our GP down there and he prescribed for her but he and I agreed

to start stepping her down, you can't just stop it.  We got her down to 100 and she continued pretty much ok till she took the

benadryl overdose.  I have been to other neurologists with her since and they said her chiari was very mild and did not require

surgery.  But many of the people around Baylor were into research so I was concerned about that.  I know when she had a

hysterectomy they had her in one of the theaters for new physicians since Williams is so unusual.  I think she was a lab specimen in some

cases down there, so sad.

Whatever she is doing fine and hasn't had headaches for some time.  It also helps her sleep at night, but I'm going to continue

getting her off of it.  I've read so many bad things about it I doubt it hurts.

I wish I could get her weight down as I imagine she will end up with diabetes before this is over, her BMI is very high.

 

Although hard to feel objective about it when it is you, not so much a lab specimen, but they want to show new doctors unusual cases. They did that to me once because it was something they don't get to see very often, so they want to show doctors so they are aware and understand better to avoid misdiagnosing if they ever do run into it. I think it helps; but it is one of the personal downsides when you go to a teaching hospital.

Personally I think you made the right call on the brain stem surgery. You have to go with your gut on some of these things. You know her better than a doc that sees her just occasionally. Doctors are often in error with unusual (or regionally unusual) things.

[cronewitch]

Can you find a respite care like in a nursing home for 5-6 days? When mom was on Hospice they said we could put her in on respite for 7 days if we needed to and if we didn't take her home they would convert a short term bed to long term even when they had no long term available. I know you love your daughter and don't want her unhappy or not given the exceptional care you give her so it might not work for you even if they could do it.

[busymom]

<HUGS> Pat!

And, I second the motion for respite care.  Even a long weekend would give you a much-needed break.

[taz157]

Jul 20, 2015 19:05:49 GMT -5 busymom said:

<HUGS> Pat!

And, I second the motion for respite care.  Even a long weekend would give you a much-needed break.

Yeah that. ((((Hugs))))

[Wisconsin Beth]

I wonder if anyone is doing research on adults with this disease?  I know you said you don't like her being a lab experiment/specimen but doctors/researchers have to have someone to study to learn more about it.  And they might be able to provide you with some respite care, if she's participating in some kind of study. 

[Value Buy]

Be glad it is only a possum.
In the Michigan City area on Lake Michigan and Michigan border, it has been a Black bear on the porches and in the garbage. They were hoping it would head back home into Michigan, but has been having a time with bird feeders and bee hives on the farms in the area.
Last two days hanging around a golf course on the edge of the city.

[Opti]

Jul 23, 2015 6:36:54 GMT -5 @patstab said:

I am living in hell, I don't have to wonder about hell when you die, I live in it daily.

Day after day, I wish you would die, I hate you, no matter understanding someone has issues

after enough of this it really gets to you. Then after the screaming its I love you. This is just

awful.

We started the day with you threw away my favorite shirt and a tantrum. She has been wearing

this same shirt day after day after day, its in the washer. About everyday I'm accused of throwing

it away. Sounds innocent enough but pile that on with everything else, its maddening. You never know

when you are out if she is going to blow up.  She was doing ok and on the way to the doc she

exploded.  I gave her 2 glucose tabs and in 10 minutes she was ok.  The doc is going to run an

AC1 but like she said the tells high for 90 days but I guess we still need to do it.  She is going to

try and help me find another psychiatrist.  DD was there demanding she get a shot, for what?? The

doctor told her no shot, that finally shut her up. Last night she had eaten some stuff was mad so

I checked her blood sugar 113.  Still pretty normal. 

  

I am so sorry Pat. I think you might want to try to manage her sugar levels more tightly and in a more holistic way. It should help some. The book 'Potatoes not Prozac' has helped me to stabilize my sugar during perimenopause although I still need to be constantly mindful of not over-indulging in sweets. Sometimes even two cookies is too much.

Even though she will fight it, I think banishing all regular commercial sodas from your home is wise. Have sparkling waters, real sugar sodas perhaps but even a full 12 oz one might be too much for her. Definitely avoid the real sugar ones that are high in sugar. I do think Zevia or GUS or anything like them would be good choices. I am also a fan of Inkos tea and Honest Tea the less sweet versions. In moderation, like under 16oz daily of the tea and 8 to 12ox max of soda, should help moderate her moods. I understand that sugar sensitivity might be responsible for the mood swings most women have while under-going menopause.

I have friends developing diabetes, etc. so I am probably going to look for and start reading those books that tell you which foods affect your sugar quickly and those that are slower. I learned from a friend that one's sugar levels are highest in the morning. Something to do with the liver and eating if I remember correctly.

[plugginaway22]

This sounds so sad.  What plan do you have in place if God forbid, something happened to you and DH?  What would happen to her?
You have sacrificed so much for her, it is past time to find other arrangements. We have places like this all over in the East. Is it that remote where you live?
Take Care of Yourself!!

googled:
Indiana

Carey Services is a non-profit, assisted living facility offering two different housing options. The Supported Living Program allows people to live in their own apartment or home with the support of an agency staff member. The program also includes housing and services designed to assist individuals with limited mobility. There are also six group homes in which the staff to resident ratio is 1:3. Two of the six homes are wheelchair accessible. Carey Services is located at 2724 S. Carey St., Marion, Indiana 46953. For more information either visit their website or call [phone].

Jacob's Village, located in Evansville, Indiana, is a residential community that supports adults with Functional Developmental Disabilities in their pursuit of developing life skills, interests and maximum independence. They offer a comprehensive program of residential, vocational, recreational, enrichment and social support services in an environment that fosters lifelong learning, self-sufficiency and dynamic community. To learn more, call [phone].

Pathfinder Services, Inc. is a non-profit organization offering Community Group Living services for adults with developmental disabilities in the Northern Indiana counties of Huntington, Wabash, Marshall and Starke. For more information, call [phone].

[Opti]

Jul 20, 2015 8:46:30 GMT -5 @patstab said:

I don't think she could tolerate a test like that. I had one and that's how they diagnosed hypoglycemia.

Just to coincidental and honestly I just don't think the docs believe me. They want to believe its mental,

I don't care what it is I just want help with it.

She did fine again last night and is up and cheerful this morning. I'm making sure she is eating before

we go to my therapy today.

Some of the gals who have Williams and can type and tell you about themselves, said they have a problem

with glucose also. I also read something like 7 out of 10 do so ita a known, never met a doc, that says

anything about that.

I feel like I'm hanging out here on my own.  

Sorry Pat. Doctors are people too. Some are very resistant to changing their ideas or doing things that might mean more work for them down the road. I think you are correct to guess it might be something physical, dietary, that is affecting her.

[Opti]

I've only tried homeopathic stuff a couple times, I usually go for tinctures, herbs, etc. instead. Although, I do use similar stuff like Bach flower remedies. I like Bach's rescue remedy and personally have used a couple others. If you determine why she is not calm, it might be easier to pick at least a flower remedy that will work.

If it does not work, since MIL & sis think someone is stealing from them too, perhaps it will work on them.

[Opti]

Jul 23, 2015 8:15:29 GMT -5 @patstab said:

I haven't tried homeopathic before either but I'm grasping at straws here.e

Understood. These must be especially long summer days for you, given DD etc.

[busymom]

Pat, I'm going to send you a PM.  I know of a national organization that may be able to help you find resources for your DD. 

[Pants]

Pat - depending on what she ate and when, 113 might be low blood sugar - her behaving better after glucose tablets would also indicate that low blood sugar is an issue. Push with the doctor! 

[Opti]

Jul 23, 2015 9:28:27 GMT -5 @patstab said:

Well they say there is really nothing that can be done for it except to eat more often.

Then have her eat more often, just break up what she eats now into 5 mini meals. A non crazy DD would be high on *my* priority list.

And yes stress to you makes it worse. High summer, sinus issues, etc. shoot up my cortisol levels and my sleep gets bad ... which makes things worse ...   Stabilize on both fronts as you can. Your health and hers.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I've used melatonin on my kids.
My experiences may not equal yours but something to be aware of:
1. My son seems to itch more when we've given him it.  It didn't help keep him asleep all night but he did drop off much faster.  So I was still getting the 1am wakeups with him.
2. My daughter's dreams seem to be more vivid when she was on it.  So we'd get 2am wakeups from her. 
3. My daughter needed to be quiet and ready for snuggling/sleep around 30-45 minutes after taking the stuff.  IF we missed that window, there didn't seem to be an effect until the 2am wakeup. 

The dreams and itchiness are known side effects of melatonin.  We had the kids on Zarbee's, which specifically makes a kid version that's supposed to be safe for ages 2+.  I have no idea how this will work for your daughter, but I wanted to let you know what we dealt with.  For us, the side effects pretty much outweigh the benefits. And to be blunt, I've got other stuff I can use to get them to sleep/stay asleep better, which is what I was trying to achieve.  But you may not have the same options with your DD as I do with my kids. 

[Ombud]

Jul 23, 2015 6:36:54 GMT -5 @patstab said:

I may have to lose the Medicaid and take her to another state to get her in residential for awhile this is just awful. However  if she had medical issues that could bankrupt us as I'm sure as her guardian we would be responsible for, I can't realistically do that.

Works4me is that right? Would she be financially responsible or would they guilt her into believing so?

[Ombud]

I have absolutely no idea how you do this day in and day out.

[mmhmm]

Jul 23, 2015 15:03:49 GMT -5 @patstab said:

I can tell you how bad the stress is, I'm losing my mind. I thought today was Friday, had her screaming at me all the way to the

next city, fed her again.

I am losing my hair, its awful and my stomach is killing me. 

I didn't realize till I was almost up there that today is Thursday not Friday, I had just driven a 100 miles for nothing. I had a

newspaper in the back seat and yes this is Thursday.

She was screaming that I wouldn't take her to Korea, etc. I finally told her I just wasn't going period and there was no way

she was forcing me by crying, screaming, and yelling to take her. Yes, I'm still going, if hubby will keep her, just not telling her

till the last minute that I'm going.

I told her when we got home, I hear her do that one more time today and I'm taking a belt to her, that shut her up. She knows

better, my MIL said she was nice the other day the 4 hours I was gone and the minute she saw me turn in she started in. She

jumped me when I came in the door over a doll or something. It's inexcusable. Today mad because she wants to go back to

her friends in Houston. She wants her real mom, she loves me and I won't listen, right after she says she hates me, and on and

on.  She wouldn't have anything to do with them, I tried everything to get her to go to BJ's down there, didn't like the

grouphome or anything so that is not going to fly believe me. 

You know I'm not so sure she can't control this, I think she is partly just mean and going to have her way or else.  I'm going to put

a stop to it one way or another.

By the way I tried the phone number given to me on the private email and all they do is put you in touch with another advocacy group.

They are an advocacy group giving out numbers to other groups.

I don't know your DD, so can't say for sure. It interests me, though, that you get the feeling some of this behavior may be purposeful. It's interesting to me that a couple of glucose tablets will cure her immediately. Temper tantrums aren't normally associated with low blood glucose. Anxiety and irritability are, but the individual usually feels dizzy and weak - too weak to throw a stomping, screaming tantrum. Now, I have no clue how her diagnosis might affect this but it seems an odd reaction to me. I'm wondering if she's not, perhaps, looking to be given a pill. You've said in the past she's fond of taking medication (like wanting the doctor to give her a shot). That's attention-seeking behavior which wouldn't be at all odd for a Williams Syndrome individual.  In other words, I don't think it's meanness as much as it is a control issue (that's if I'm right here). When she's tantruming, she's got you by the short hairs. What happens if you tell her to go to her room and not come into polite company until she's ready to be polite company?