Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Nov 5, 2014 19:14:40 GMT -5
So, I turn 30 later this week. I think that officially makes me old, or at least old enough to say things like "you know, back in my day when dinosaurs roamed the earth..." with some legitimacy.
Anyway, as the third decade of my life comes to a close, I thought I'd muse a bit to you guys. After all, I've mused for less.
I can't say I'm depressed about it, or happy about it or feel much of anything about it. Except perhaps for my dating life being a failure, overall I think things have gone pretty well. I have a good job, make good money, haven't gotten into trouble with the law or have any real regrets. Basically, I've gotten this far without screwing up my life, which is sadly all too common these days.
The only thing that remains on the edges of my mind is a question, "did I miss out on my 20's?"
Many people claim the 20's are the best time of their life, and even some posters here claim they were awesome. While I can't say my 20's were bad or aweful, it wasn't exactly a rip roarin' time either. While there some good times and memories, I also faced down some real challenges.
I guess I'm not leaving my 20's with the "best decade ever" feeling. While not necessarily displeased with them, I guess I can't say they were amazing either.
So, did I miss out on my 20's, on something amazing?
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Nov 5, 2014 19:28:19 GMT -5
Yes and no. See, it's mostly nostalgia and rose colored glasses. Mid life is boring. Same job, same spouse, raising kids, you start feeling trapped and bored. Compared to that your freewheeling twenties with no responsibilities, comparatively, start looking pretty good. So the 40+ contingent talking about their twenties being awesome didn't have more fun than you did in your twenties, they're just having so much less fun now that their twenties looked awesome in comparison. LOL!!! Says somebody who missed out in their 20's. You have tons of energy, usually look your best ever, have tons of friends from your neighborhood, school, work, haven't become jaded from life's b.s., with total freedom to do what you want to do until all hours of the night. Well, what you could afford to do. Those of us that were awesome didn't have to pay for much so we could pretty much do anything and everything within reason. Phoenix and Dark - May you experience your 20's in your 30's or 40's.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Nov 5, 2014 19:38:37 GMT -5
If it makes you feel better, I don't think my twenties were all that awesome. I mean, I did have good times. But, I was also in school for half of it and earning chump change for the other half. So there were no fabulous trips or anything like that. I was driving around a 17 year old car, because that's what I could afford. We didn't get out of the "hood" until our mid 30s. So crap car, crap apartments/houses, etc.
The stretch from 28-32 was pretty easy. Pretty much 32-40 was not boring. Even now, there's like something new every week that needs to be dealt with, worked on, or figured out. There are always new choices to be made.
I was just thinking about how naive I was in my 20's. I'm not sure how I feel about that right now. I wish I could have some of that blissful ignorance back.
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lynnerself
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Post by lynnerself on Nov 5, 2014 19:46:05 GMT -5
My 20s were a good time. No kids yet, plenty of income and time to travel.
That said, they were far from the best decade of my life. Actually the older I got, the more content I was with my life and who I was as a person.
(Spoken as a 60 year old person who is amazed you would call yourself "officially old".)
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Post by BeenThere...DoneThat... on Nov 5, 2014 19:55:45 GMT -5
...40 is the new 20... hope you have a happy birthday...
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kittensaver
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Post by kittensaver on Nov 5, 2014 20:06:53 GMT -5
Meh - my 20's were okay. Because I didn't know any better, I spent a lot of time "waiting for life to begin." I don't know if this makes any sense at all, but I spent a lot of my 20's feeling like no matter where I was and what I was doing, "life" was always happening somewhere else.
The happiest day of my 20's was when I married DH (half a year short of 30). My 30's and 40's were pretty awesome; the 50's have been rough (the older generation dying off, financial setbacks in 2008, major health issues for both me and DH) - - but we are now coming out on the other side of all that now.
Go have a fun birthday and resolve to make your 30's really fun! (like you think your 20's were supposed to be).
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Artemis Windsong
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Nov 5, 2014 20:12:11 GMT -5
I think you had a fantastic 20s from your description. A solid relationship would have been wonderful but there is still time.
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Nov 5, 2014 20:13:50 GMT -5
I grew up in the era of "don't trust anyone over thirty" so I didn't worry until I turned 31.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Nov 5, 2014 20:36:13 GMT -5
Sixty-three is the new twenty-five in my book. So will sixty-four be too.
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Baby Fawkes
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Post by Baby Fawkes on Nov 5, 2014 20:36:31 GMT -5
I've just recently turned 33 and I can honestly say that the last 3 years have been better than my twenties. I don't think there's any sort of noticeable difference, but things have been seeming to gradually improve every year. I had a great time in my twenties during college and don't regret any of it, but I'm now in a position where I have more money and the sort of stuff I enjoy isn't the same as back then. Don't sweat the stuff you can't change and just keep looking forward. In a strange way I'm actually looking forward to my late thirties and beyond, simply because I don't really know what might be around the corner as far as experiences go
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billisonboard
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Post by billisonboard on Nov 5, 2014 20:40:27 GMT -5
I've just recently turned 33 ... Make sure you have a dance party playing old LPS exactly 4 months after your birthday.
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Baby Fawkes
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Post by Baby Fawkes on Nov 5, 2014 20:50:14 GMT -5
I've just recently turned 33 ... Make sure you have a dance party playing old LPS exactly 4 months after your birthday. The really sad thing is that I had to think about that for a second or two before I understood what you meant... does that make 33 still young then?
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Nov 5, 2014 20:55:43 GMT -5
I grew up in the era of "don't trust anyone over thirty" so I didn't worry until I turned 31. Last line of dialogue in the above movie: ]Boy: [towards camera] We're gonna put everyone over 10 out of business!
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Nov 5, 2014 21:00:11 GMT -5
I grew up in the era of "don't trust anyone over thirty" so I didn't worry until I turned 31. Well I beat that "sucka" to kingdom come. I stayed 29 until January this year when DGS was born and I could figure out how to be a 29yo grandma without being the mom of a teen parent. So I fastforwarded my age to 39. BTW I was born in the same year as Tennesseer but he doesn't seem to have my math skills
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Tiny
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Post by Tiny on Nov 5, 2014 21:04:41 GMT -5
So, I turn 30 later this week. I think that officially makes me old, or at least old enough to say things like "you know, back in my day when dinosaurs roamed the earth..." with some legitimacy. [ No. You can't claim to be older than dirt just yet. You need to have one of those moments when you realize you've become your Dad (or catch yourself saying some bit of nonsense your mother would say that you swore you would never say/do). You need to have a "Hey you whippersnapper! Get off my Lawn!!!" moment. You need to have that feeling of exasperation when some young whippersnapper complains that they while they have something that works perfectly fine it's not good enough... even though YOU had the same thing that barely worked or wasn't as nice and you were happy to have it. Once you've experienced at least one of those things - then you can claim that you are Old. [/quote] That's kinda one of those existential questions - because of course you missed out on stuff in your 20's (and you'll continue to do so thru out your life). You can't do two things at that same time. You have to allocate time and effort to a course of action and that means you have to miss out on something. Maybe a better review would be to tally up all the things you DID do or that set you up for future success - how do you feel about what you did? Maybe this is a good time to take stock and see what kinds of things you think you should work on doing in the future. Looking back from 50 - I've led a dull and boring life - and I'm ok with that. I've gotten to do a lot of the dull and boring things that I enjoy doing. Nothing wrong with that at all.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Nov 5, 2014 21:06:54 GMT -5
I grew up in the era of "don't trust anyone over thirty" so I didn't worry until I turned 31. Well I beat that "sucka" to kingdom come. I stayed 29 until January this year when DGS was born and I could figure out how to be a 29yo grandma without being the mom of a teen parent. So I fastforwarded my age to 39. BTW I was born in the same year as Tennesseer but he doesn't seem to have my math skills I say I am celebrating the 34th anniversary of my 29th birthday.
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Baby Fawkes
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Post by Baby Fawkes on Nov 5, 2014 21:40:44 GMT -5
By the way, I know that BeenThere...DoneThat... said it earlier, but I hope you have a happy birthday when it arrives
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Nov 5, 2014 21:59:05 GMT -5
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 5, 2014 22:41:53 GMT -5
I had a LOT of fun in my 20's, but there were a lot of hard times too. It was very much a roller-coaster. My 30's was my happiest time so far. Enjoy them - it could be the best decade for you.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Nov 5, 2014 22:44:53 GMT -5
When I was a little kid, my parents, then in their 30s went out evey friday and saturday night to party. Then in my early teens, when my parents were in their 40s, they usually went out maybe two Saturdays a month to party. By the time I was 21, they went out probably one weekend night a month.
By the time I reached my 30s, then 40s and 50s, I understood why they went out on weekend nights less and less as they aged. They were tired from working all week and needed some well deserved rest and down time. Me too.
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Phoenix84
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Post by Phoenix84 on Nov 5, 2014 22:53:11 GMT -5
Meh - my 20's were okay. Because I didn't know any better, I spent a lot of time "waiting for life to begin." I don't know if this makes any sense at all, but I spent a lot of my 20's feeling like no matter where I was and what I was doing, "life" was always happening somewhere else.
The happiest day of my 20's was when I married DH (half a year short of 30). My 30's and 40's were pretty awesome; the 50's have been rough (the older generation dying off, financial setbacks in 2008, major health issues for both me and DH) - - but we are now coming out on the other side of all that now.
Go have a fun birthday and resolve to make your 30's really fun! (like you think your 20's were supposed to be). That's kind of how it was for me in my 20's.
20-22 I was in college and had no money to do anything.
Then graduated and finding a job was my primary goal. Then getting trained in said job, still making a pittance, the going to the Air Force and finally making good money, but then all that crap happened and I lost what felt like a year. And now we're into my mid 20's.
I was about 26-27 when I finally started to realize I couldn't wait until I had $X or had a SO in my life to start living it, so I started doing what I wanted to do.
Again, not saying my earlier 20's were bad, there were some good memories in there. I've traveled and lived in more states than most people have. I'm just saying, I remember the good and the bad.
Dark has a good point though, maybe my 20's will grow on me with time and rose colored glasses.
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GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl
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Post by GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl on Nov 5, 2014 22:53:38 GMT -5
Sure, there are some benefits to being in your twenties: your bones don't creak or ache, you don't pee a little when you sneeze or laugh, most of your body parts are at the height they started out at... But, seriously, at almost 55, I am the most content I have ever been. I no longer give a shit what people think about me, I am more confident and finally really understand who I am, and I have a solid grasp on what is truly important in life. Sure, my 20s had their fun moments. But, I was also unsure, unclear, unprepared, and trying to figure it all out. Don't worry, Phoenix. You might have missed out on some hangovers or some really awkward blind dates, but why waste precious minutes of your life that you'll never get back on crap like that? Look ahead -- you've got plenty of good stuff ahead of you. Happy Birthday, you old fart!!
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Nov 5, 2014 23:02:16 GMT -5
- All of it - every word.
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Ryan
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Post by Ryan on Nov 5, 2014 23:19:42 GMT -5
Looking back on your 20's is nice when you are doing it with 30-year old rose colored glasses. My 20's were great...I spent the first half drinking and hanging out with my friends, I got married at 25, and spent 25-30 pretty much doing whatever we wanted. The downsides were all the questions about the future.
My 30's I settled into my career, had kids, business was thriving, and moved into our "forever house". A lot of those uncertainties from my 20's were taken care of at this point and I could enjoy life a little more...the only problem is I had a bit less time. Overall, the 30's are probably better than the 20's.
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Peace Of Mind
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Post by Peace Of Mind on Nov 5, 2014 23:52:52 GMT -5
I forgot to say Happy Birthday to Phoenix! Happy Birthday!!! No rose colored glasses for me. Your 30's sound great but my 20's, 40's and now 50's are great. My 30's were ok but I was really sick and made a lot of changes in that period. I did marry my DH2 and quit working at 39 so that was good. My 20's consisted of lots of friends and trips and parties, married DH1 at 22 who already had a house but we built our dream home on a lake a few years later. I bought a new Corvette, we took a cruise to Bahamas, had access to the company plane (just a small one - a twin engine Cessna) whenever we wanted to go somewhere as long as the company wasn't using the plane we'd get it at no charge and with their awesome pilot. We were always going with friends to the Bahamas to party and gamble and shopping, snorkeling or just laying on the beach. Or we'd go to Amelia Island - and we'd ride horses on the beach and go to nice restaurants for dinner. We bought a boat and would meet friends who also had boats on the river and hang out on Lake George or stay at a hotel near Jax. if we made it a weekend trip. We'd go to spring concerts and balls... stuff like that. Or the company would send us to La Jolla, LA, Monterey, CA with a suite on the beach and although we would be there for DH's work it was mostly play time while there and parties and meeting other people, going to the comedy clubs, and trying awesome restaurants. We'd charter a bus or take the Amtrack (it was nice back then) and go to Savannah, GA or to football games (didn't care about football but we liked to party). It was never ending though and I got burned out as I was working full time, we had custody of his son and DH's little sister lived with us but they were old enough then with only minor supervision needed. Then my brother moved in and then his gf. Then I was really sick a lot due to undiagnosed Grave's disease. But God I miss that energy and passion that I had back then! DH2 and I are reliving our younger years a little bit now but at a much slower pace. We are total homebodies mostly but like GRG said - we are very happy at this stage of life. Much more settled and much more secure. We take lots of little trips to St. Augustine, the beach, Mt. Dora and dinners and get togethers with friends. We don't fly any more so we prefer road trips now and our own beds. Oh, and I still don't pee myself but I never had kids. Dark, I'm glad you had good memories of your 20's and did a lot!
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Nov 6, 2014 0:00:53 GMT -5
Happy birthday, Phoenix - from somebody who really IS old but refuses to feel old or act old!
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Nov 6, 2014 0:18:19 GMT -5
I enjoyed my 20's a lot. Made some great friends, did some traveling, partied probably more than I should have but being in my 20's made it easier to recover, got a degree and saved for my first place which I closed on less than 6 months after turning 30. Like any point in my life I have regrets from that time but that's life and I'd like to think I've learned from my mistakes and am a better person for it. My 20's ended just a few years ago but things have changed a lot in both my professional and personal life. I may not go out as much and have more responsibility but that doesn't have me thinking my 20's were the greatest time of my life. It was just one part of hopefully what is a long journey that I'll look back on fondly because I was at a different point of my life.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Nov 6, 2014 0:42:36 GMT -5
I don't know why, but since my teens I've always felt my 40s would be my best decade. I'm 41 now and I can feel in my core that it has actually happened. Much of it has nothing to do with day to day life: kids/job/marriage. It's mostly about my level of self-confidence and understanding of those around me. I'm seeing the world much more clearly, and finding meaning in my life on a much deeper level. I have struggles (oh do I ever) but they are sort of inconsequential to my story.
I've had this quote in my email signature line for a few months and it perfectly fits my thoughts about life:
I slept and dreamt that life was joy I awoke and saw that life was service, I acted and behold, service was joy.
-Tagore, Bengali poet
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Angel!
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Post by Angel! on Nov 6, 2014 5:00:15 GMT -5
Count me in with those that so far my 30s have been much better than my 20s. I think a lot of it is I have more confidence, more self-awareness, and care a lot less about what others think. I look back and realize how naive I was just about life.
Reflect on your 20s, but try not to have feelings of regret because it is a wasted negative emotion when you can't change the past. But there is something wise in making choices based on how you will someday look back on them. Don't enter your 40s wondering if you missed out on your 30s.
I now go on the theory that we are more likely to regret the chances we didn't take than the ones we did. Don't live life looking at the past and wondering 'what if'.
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truthbound
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Post by truthbound on Nov 6, 2014 5:11:58 GMT -5
When you hit 40 you will be remembering how young you were at 30.
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