Woman Harrassed Simply By Walking in New York

[Deleted]

Nov 6, 2014 9:46:45 GMT -5 swamp said:

I harassed a guy when I stopped at the convenience store this morning. I said hello and made eye contact.

Lol!  That's not a problem.  

It is worrisome when you make eye contact with someone in a van at a crosswalk, smile and nod to them as you cross to make sure they see you, and they smile back.  Then you realize they're circling by a couple times in the van not saying anything but looking at you as they pass again and again.  

Could easily be they're just looking for an address to make a delivery, though the van has no signs anywhere.  

Could be they're considering offering a ride or something, but aren't sure if it would be scary to do that.  Maybe they're wondering if they can ask for directions.

It could be bad.  

It is kind of strange to be watched like that though, and it is something that made me wonder and halt my travel from point a to b.  I went in a restaurant when he passed the 3rd time.  It happened at an athletic event I was helping with, when I went out to get something to eat.

Seriously, a basic smile/nod isn't a big deal to me.  Being followed or body comments does create mental background chatter for me though.

[Green Eyed Lady]

That would have worried me, too, copperboxes.  There is nothing wrong or paranoid about being aware of your surroundings.

By the way?  What is "mental background chatter"? 

[Virgil Showlion]

Nov 6, 2014 2:15:27 GMT -5 ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ said:

You thought he called her mommy? How creepy way to look at his mother's body!

No, I didn't think he called her mommy - And he didn't say "god bless mami" - he said "god bless mIami" (the City) huge difference.

Sigh.

I hear "Miami" too. But "Mami" makes more sense.

You guys had better resolve this quick. The outcome of the whole discussion hinges on it.

[Deleted]

Nov 6, 2014 10:14:55 GMT -5 Green Eyed Lady said:

That would have worried me, too, copperboxes.  There is nothing wrong or paranoid about being aware of your surroundings.

By the way?  What is "mental background chatter"? 

Just ideas or questions flowing in my head while I'm looking around or doing work.  

Mom thinks like that, just all sorts of thoughts flowing and questions occuring.  I don't think dad does though, he's pretty zen, like DH.  If they're watching a show, they're usually just watching a show, not analyzing and having questions pop up. 

[Green Eyed Lady]

Ahhhh.  Thank you for the explanation.  I have those voices, too.  Mine say weird stuff. 

[zibazinski]

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

Nov 6, 2014 8:33:50 GMT -5 zibazinski said:

Just because you and a few others don't see the issue, doesn't mean there isn't an issue. I'd expect nothing else from truthbound but others have shocked me. 

If you're referring to me, I think I've already said that I'm already far too familiar with harassment, violence against women, and domestic abuse. I'm a survivor.

When I got out of the dark tunnel, I started getting involved.

I've been proactive for a long time. I've asked here several times how many of you have actually said something to someone if they're saying or doing something improper or behaving in a manner they shouldn't - or done something proactively yourself to bring awareness and hopefully and end to it

Most of the women here are saying that MEN have to change and the other MEN in the video should have intervened.

The majority of you are saying that men (as in all men) need to learn - and men (as in all men) don't understand.

But what have YOU done to help spread the word or help?

I listed yesterday 4 ways you can help bring awareness or volunteer.

Here's another - talk to the men and boys in YOUR life - insist that they talk to their friends, buddies colleagues, etc and ask them to do the same.

Do you see where this is going? You start a chain - that's how the message gets spread more quickly - and the more people who become a link in that chain, the longer and stronger the chain gets as it reaches more people.

What I've read the most here, is that the majority of you are doing nothing, except posting on a message board (and one that isn't even designed or focused on issues like harassment or violence against females), and you're bitching and complaining that nobody's doing anything about it.

[Deleted]

Nov 5, 2014 23:04:21 GMT -5 @tiki said:

Nov 5, 2014 23:01:41 GMT -5 @richardintn said:

Quite "for real".

Truly you thought it is a blessing to say sexy and baby to a woman you donno?

Probably I found out whats the problem.

I think so  

[billisonboard]

I am just going to throw in again looking at the root causes for male behaviors.  The explanations that it is either unawareness of effect or men are jerks\assholes\oppressors are both overly simplistic. Listen, really listen, to Mr. "Ugly" in the video. Where did he learn what he is saying?

[Deleted]

Nov 6, 2014 13:11:51 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

I am just going to throw in again looking at the root causes for male behaviors.  The explanations that it is either unawareness of effect or men are jerks\assholes\oppressors are both overly simplistic. Listen, really listen, to Mr. "Ugly" in the video. Where did he learn what he is saying?

I think that is the point of the video bill. I believe the majority of men that do it have not really thought about what they are doing, how it makes them feel or what motivates them and/or the effect it has on the women they do it to.

[Bluerobin]

Nawwwwwww,  we just don't care and are sick of being PC.  Besides most of us think with their little heads.  It is really simple. 

[billisonboard]

Nov 6, 2014 13:18:00 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Nov 6, 2014 13:11:51 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

I am just going to throw in again looking at the root causes for male behaviors.  The explanations that it is either unawareness of effect or men are jerks\assholes\oppressors are both overly simplistic. Listen, really listen, to Mr. "Ugly" in the video. Where did he learn what he is saying?

I think that is the point of the video bill. I believe the majority of men that do it have not really thought about what they are doing, how it makes them feel or what motivates them and/or the effect it has on the women they do it to.

And I think that a video showing rare footage does nothing to help that understanding.

[Deleted]

Rare footage? As in it doesn't happen much? How much is acceptable? At what point would it become unacceptable?

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

And I think that a video showing rare footage does nothing to help that understanding.

[billisonboard]

Nov 6, 2014 13:45:49 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Rare footage? As in it doesn't happen much? How much is acceptable? At what point would it become unacceptable?

Rare footage as in no discussion of what is happening. No analysis. Just the film as shot. Well, not really as shot. Major editing but that is a different issue.

[Deleted]

Nov 6, 2014 13:59:37 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

Nov 6, 2014 13:45:49 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Rare footage? As in it doesn't happen much? How much is acceptable? At what point would it become unacceptable?

Rare footage as in no discussion of what is happening. No analysis. Just the film as shot. Well, not really as shot. Major editing but that is a different issue.

The video is a starting point, not the end point. First you document what is happening. Then it gets discussed. Then folks go back to their lives with more awareness than they had before. Even if behaviour doesn't change, it can't be done as thoughtlessly or with the same security of no repercussions as folks previously had. I also think some women that didn't like it but didn't know exactly why, have been given some information and support.

[billisonboard]

I asked people to listen to Mr. "Ugly" on the video and work to understand where he is coming from. Have you? Have you done that with any of the individual males shown in the video?  Or are they all just "men"? How do you define "objectifying"? Is it being done to the males in the video? 

[Green Eyed Lady]

I did that, bill.  If anybody is thinking Mr. Ugly is acting like he is because his mommy didn't hug him enough, we'll disagree.  He's doing it to get a response - beginning with sympathy and going from there.  At least that's what I see. 

I agree there are several different personalities in that video, but they are hard to pick out because of all the editing.  Perhaps, when I have more time, I'll go try to find the more extended version.

[billisonboard]

Nov 6, 2014 14:05:08 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Nov 6, 2014 13:59:37 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

Rare footage as in no discussion of what is happening. No analysis. Just the film as shot. Well, not really as shot. Major editing but that is a different issue.

The video is a starting point, not the end point. First you document what is happening. Then it gets discussed. Then folks go back to their lives with more awareness than they had before. Even if behaviour doesn't change, it can't be done as thoughtlessly or with the same security of no repercussions as folks previously had. I also think some women that didn't like it but didn't know exactly why, have been given some information and support.

It has certainly had discussion.

[billisonboard]

Nov 6, 2014 14:17:28 GMT -5 Green Eyed Lady said:

I did that, bill.  If anybody is thinking Mr. Ugly is acting like he is because his mommy didn't hug him enough, we'll disagree.  He's doing it to get a response - beginning with sympathy and going from there.  At least that's what I see. 

I agree there are several different personalities in that video, but they are hard to pick out because of all the editing.  Perhaps, when I have more time, I'll go try to find the more extended version.

I agree he is doing it to get a response. Why that strategy? What messages has he been taught by life for him to say what he is saying?

Yes, the editors of the video have made it very difficult to see the males as individuals.

[Green Eyed Lady]

Nov 6, 2014 14:21:58 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

Nov 6, 2014 14:17:28 GMT -5 Green Eyed Lady said:

I did that, bill.  If anybody is thinking Mr. Ugly is acting like he is because his mommy didn't hug him enough, we'll disagree.  He's doing it to get a response - beginning with sympathy and going from there.  At least that's what I see. 

I agree there are several different personalities in that video, but they are hard to pick out because of all the editing.  Perhaps, when I have more time, I'll go try to find the more extended version.

I agree he is doing it to get a response. Why that strategy? What messages has he been taught by life for him to say what he is saying?

Yes, the editors of the video have made it very difficult to see the males as individuals.

As I said in another post, a lot of women are nuturing by nature.  If an employee reacts to being criticized with something like "I'm just stupid.", we rush to assure them they are not.  It's just our nature (some).  I think he was hoping to engage her by eliciting that reaction....that she would rush to tell him something like, "That's not it at all.....", thereby getting a conversation going.  I could be wrong, but I've seen that approach before. 

He's evidently been taught at some point that this works on some women. 

But?  What I truly understand about men would fit on the head of a pin...with enough room left over for another head of a pin.

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

The video is a starting point, not the end point. First you document what is happening. Then it gets discussed. Then folks go back to their lives with more awareness than they had before.

*THAT* video isn't a starting point. It's not a good depiction of the reality of REAL violence against women. Yes, it's being discussed - here. But how far have you spread the word outside of this message board after viewing it or started a serious discussion in your personal life in the last few days to start spreading the message?

If you want a more POWERFUL video of the reality of violence against women and the statistics, watch the one in THIS link - share it with friends, co-workers, family - make them watch it and pass it forward. Post it on Facebook or other similar sites. Until you start to actively do your part in order to spread the word or take part in organizations or marches, instead of just discussing it and arguing semantics on a message board, you're only going to continue going around in circles with the same handful of people blathering about the same thing over and over getting nothing accomplished.

Once you start to REALLY get involved, come back and we'll talk.

www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/18/domestic-violence-statistics_n_5837210.html

[Deleted]

Nov 6, 2014 16:12:31 GMT -5 ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ said:

The video is a starting point, not the end point. First you document what is happening. Then it gets discussed. Then folks go back to their lives with more awareness than they had before.

*THAT* video isn't a starting point. It's not a good depiction of the reality of REAL violence against women. Yes, it's being discussed - here. But how far have you spread the word outside of this message board after viewing it or started a serious discussion in your personal life in the last few days to start spreading the message?

If you want a more POWERFUL video of the reality of violence against women and the statistics, watch the one in THIS link - share it with friends, co-workers, family - make them watch it and pass it forward. Post it on Facebook or other similar sites. Until you start to actively do your part in order to spread the word or take part in organizations or marches, instead of just discussing it and arguing semantics on a message board, you're only going to continue going around in circles with the same handful of people blathering about the same thing over and over getting nothing accomplished.

Once you start to REALLY get involved, come back and we'll talk.

www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/18/domestic-violence-statistics_n_5837210.html

Always ASSUME nobody did anything else we didn't do your exact picks.

[Virgil Showlion]

Ooh! The EMPHASIZE a random WORD game!

Can I play TOO?

[Green Eyed Lady]

Ooh!!  The stupid smiley game to act like you are kidding when you aren't?

Can I play? 

[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

Nov 6, 2014 17:22:15 GMT -5 Virgil Showlion said:

Ooh! The EMPHASIZE a random WORD game!

Can I play TOO?

SURE! I sometimes use inflection in my written words by capitalizing.

It's like most people use inflection when speaking in order to make a point.

"No, young Virgil - you may NOT have a piece of your Halloween candy until you finish your dinner . And you WILL brush your teeth after eating it !! " (double exclamation point for more effect)

[Virgil Showlion]

Nov 6, 2014 17:48:45 GMT -5 ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ said:

Nov 6, 2014 17:22:15 GMT -5 Virgil Showlion said:

Ooh! The EMPHASIZE a random WORD game!

Can I play TOO?

SURE! I sometimes use inflection in my written words by capitalizing.

It's like most people use inflection when speaking in order to make a point.

"No, young Virgil - you may NOT have a piece of your Halloween candy until you finish your dinner . And you WILL brush your teeth after eating it !! " (double exclamation point for more effect)

I know. It was funny reading your post where you were admonishing Tiki for her BLATANT neglect of such and so forth, and she was demanding to know why you dared ASSUME whither and thus.

I use emphasis too, but in italics.

DJ is the best because his system is progressive. He starts out with bold lowercase, and moves to BOLD UPPERCASE if he grows mildly incensed. Greatly incensed brings about BOLD ALLCAPS WITH MANY EXCLAMATION POINTS ON THEIR OWN LINE!!!! And rarely--just rarely--one succeeds in provoking him to the use of

SPOILER: Click to show

GIANT 64-POINT ANGRY BOLD EXCLAMATION-POINT UPPERCASE RAGE!!!!

where one can imagine him hammering his fist into every key as though his keyboard is the physical embodiment of the conservative he's replying to.

[billisonboard]

Nov 6, 2014 15:08:08 GMT -5 Green Eyed Lady said:

Nov 6, 2014 14:21:58 GMT -5 billisonboard said:

I agree he is doing it to get a response. Why that strategy? What messages has he been taught by life for him to say what he is saying?

Yes, the editors of the video have made it very difficult to see the males as individuals.

As I said in another post, a lot of women are nuturing by nature.  If an employee reacts to being criticized with something like "I'm just stupid.", we rush to assure them they are not.  It's just our nature (some).  I think he was hoping to engage her by eliciting that reaction....that she would rush to tell him something like, "That's not it at all.....", thereby getting a conversation going.  I could be wrong, but I've seen that approach before. 

He's evidently been taught at some point that this works on some women. 

But?  What I truly understand about men would fit on the head of a pin...with enough room left over for another head of a pin.

I think you are spot on. Certainly not coming from a position of male power.

[hoops902]

The simplest answer is often the correct one.

Why do guys do things like this?  Because it works.  It may not work a lot, but it certainly works better than just standing there doing nothing.

Why do women fake tears when there's an argument?  Why do women fake a pregnancy to keep their man?  Because it works.  It may not work a lot, but it certainly works better than just standing there doing nothing.

It's pretty much the same answer for why most people do stupid things.  On some level, it works.

This isn't about harassment, it's not about violence, it's about people acting stupidly because acting stupidly gets them more success than not (and in a lot of cases, does so with minimal effort on their part which makes it easy).  It also likely gives them success with the kinds of people they want to be successful with (in this case, with women who are willing to respond to catcalls by talking to them).

It's a thousands of years old story.  Men are taught that they need to be the aggressors in pursuing women.  I think a lot of women on this board are substituting in their own feelings and probably unaware how often ridiculous stuff like this actually works on women.  The guys here aren't looking for the love of their life.  It's the shotgun scenario, they're just blasting away everywhere hoping to hit something.  It's really no different than guys using cheesy pickup lines in bars.  It's dumb, if you heard it, you'd think "why do guys do that?  That doesn't work"...but sometimes it does.

[Deleted]

As long as this thread is still going and going

"New Zealand Tries Filming A Catcalling Video And Something Amazing Happens"

www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/11/05/new-zealand-catcalling-video-new-york-street-harassment_n_6108028.html