thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Sept 21, 2014 12:16:55 GMT -5
Well...too late. I guess I will pay the change fee and go for the funeral.
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NancysSummerSip
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Post by NancysSummerSip on Sept 21, 2014 12:21:07 GMT -5
Well...too late. I guess I will pay the change fee and go for the funeral. Aw, crap. Go to the funeral. Bring the photos you had planned to bring anyway. Share them with the people she knew. Through those pictures, you may teach them something about her that they did not know.
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Sept 21, 2014 12:26:39 GMT -5
Well...too late. I guess I will pay the change fee and go for the funeral. My condolences. She is now free of all pain and disease.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Sept 21, 2014 13:22:30 GMT -5
Well...too late. I guess I will pay the change fee and go for the funeral. I'm so sorry. Do take the pictures with you. The family will enjoy them. I speak from recent experience. I lost my mother 4 months ago after about 5 months of in home hospice care. Mom needed a hospital bed at the end but refused to let them bring one, so she passed in her recliner. She needed her head raised to breathe, so laying flat was not helpful. Once she had passed and the hospice nurse came, they reclined the chair as far as it would go so she was near flat until the funeral director arrived. Again, I am so sorry. Please accept my condolences. She is free of pain. Her husband is not. Do try to comfort him even if it is just a hug. I don't remember any of the words from my mother's visitation except talking with one cousin about how I never thought my parents would die and how ridiculous that was because mom was 90. So very sorry.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 21, 2014 13:25:51 GMT -5
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Jaguar
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Post by Jaguar on Sept 21, 2014 13:45:47 GMT -5
She's free from the pain, my condolences on your loss.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Sept 21, 2014 15:33:54 GMT -5
Well...too late. I guess I will pay the change fee and go for the funeral. I'm sorry Thyme. If it makes you feel any better my mother was in Hospice for less than 24 hours before she passed. A total of 41 days from diagnosis to death. Breathtakingly quick for her family and friends.
Can you scan the photos for her husband? We scrambled a bit to find different pix for her memorial service.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Sept 21, 2014 15:39:01 GMT -5
I was thinking I might scan a few of the really good pictures. I have a couple of her laughing and being a little goofy. I have one where I am ironing her dress...while she is wearing it. I'm not sure they would be great for the memorial service, but he might like having them because she looks so happy.
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mmhmm
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Post by mmhmm on Sept 21, 2014 15:42:19 GMT -5
Well...too late. I guess I will pay the change fee and go for the funeral. Thyme, I'm so sorry you weren't able to make it in time. That happens. It's happened to me and it hurts like hell! The only comfort we can give ourselves is they are now beyond any pain, or suffering, or worry, or sadness. The sadness is left to us because we'll miss them. Hugs, hon. You loved her. She knew it. Know that.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Sept 21, 2014 15:46:37 GMT -5
Well...too late. I guess I will pay the change fee and go for the funeral. I'm sorry, Thyme... You might want to call the airline and explain what happened, and be prepared to tell them the funeral home. Maybe they will waive the change fee for you.
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Sept 21, 2014 16:47:09 GMT -5
I am sorry for your loss Thyme.
When my Dad was in Hospice in January, there was an article in the local paper that said most people that go to hospice are there less than a week. My Dad lasted 6 days. I agree that you should scan the pictures you have and try to get them to the family electronically. My DD had Chicken Pox the week my Dad was in hospice, so since she was home, she went through my photo albums and scanned pics for the memorial service. Other family members were scanning pics and posting them to Facebook and we were sharing them that way.
We also had a relative of my Dad's family ask for pics of my Grandma and Grandpa and all my Aunts and Uncles and their wedding photo recently. The actual relatives were not too interested in going to the work of gathering the pics, but, my Grandma for whatever reason had sat down with an old photo album long before she died and went through it with my Mom. She told my Mom who was in the pictures and my Mom labeled the backs of the pics. So when the message was communicated to my Dad's family through my Mom and Mom got a lackluster response from the family, I told my Mom let's just scan what you have and share that. Well, we have a "family" facebook page and the pictures were much enjoyed my my cousins and their kids. Dad's brothers and sisters just are not healthy enough to do this stuff, or they are busy dealing with their own health issues or caring for spouses etc.
(If anyone is interested, my Scanner is an Epson Perfection V370 4800 dpi/ppi) Dad died the 15th of January and DD looked it up on line at Best Buy and was told they had several. We went to the store and they told us they only had them online. DD was like that is just not right, they told me they had them in the store so she went to the servie desk and asked again and there were about 4 employees at the desk with 2 saying they had a whole stack of them in the back and 2 saying they didn't have any...so I don't know if they were Christmas special items that were still hanging around the store, or if they are online things shipped out from the store?
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Sept 21, 2014 17:17:00 GMT -5
I'm so sorry for your loss Thyme
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Post by Deleted on Sept 21, 2014 19:14:16 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Sept 21, 2014 19:21:35 GMT -5
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ners
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Post by ners on Sept 21, 2014 19:40:54 GMT -5
I'm so sorry for your loss Thyme
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Artemis Windsong
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Post by Artemis Windsong on Sept 21, 2014 20:46:26 GMT -5
I am sorry for your loss. I hope your friend could feel your good feelings toward her and intention to visit. Loss of a loved one is always difficult. My condolences.
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JustLurkin
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Post by JustLurkin on Sept 21, 2014 20:47:36 GMT -5
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toomuchreality
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Post by toomuchreality on Sept 21, 2014 22:07:04 GMT -5
So sorry~ There's never a good time, for bad shit to happen. Hang in there and take care of you.
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Nazgul Girl
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Post by Nazgul Girl on Sept 21, 2014 22:09:40 GMT -5
Well...too late. I guess I will pay the change fee and go for the funeral. I am so sorry, thyme.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Sept 21, 2014 23:18:12 GMT -5
One thing my mom wanted to do was give her stuff away, making sure everything got to who it should. We didn't want her to and refused to take things until after she was gone unless it was something tiny like a piggy bank. The piggy bank was a dog that had been her fathers. I told her she had said it was to go to DS1 and she said she didn't remember that, so I called him in and asked him and he said he didn't remember that but wanted it. We left things like that on the mantel until she order stuff gone. She would get upset about stupid things like the pictures on the mantel and tell us to get them out of here she was tired of looking at them. After it was over we took what she wanted us to have. Our family never ever would dream of fighting over things so it was really smooth. I would have loved to have the piggy bank dog but my brother wanted it and I am sure mom had said he was to get it. When we were kids we got pennies from it for milk money at school. Mom would have been upset if we argued over things so my brother will never know I wanted it. If she tries to give you things don't take them unless her husband agrees since he should have a choice. Some people just want to finish up, but we didn't want mom in a room with no decorations. She was giving the pictures off the walls. Crone, interesting but a little sad for me. My Dad's Mom did give away a few things before she passed in part due to knowing my Dad's sister was an opportunist, and grandma expected she'd walk off with things.
She gave away her dish sets. Since I was the oldest I got first choice. The biggest plates are about the size of a salad plate or just a little smaller. It was the smallest set but probably all three of us liked it the best. Well, I finally took my sib up on her wanting to buy them off me. We still have to figure how to safely ship them since her potential car to car transport plan didn't happen this summer.
My thought is I got to use them for company desserts, etc. for years. Now, it will be her turn.
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ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ
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Post by ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ on Sept 22, 2014 1:21:39 GMT -5
So sorry about your loss, Thyme. Go to the service and take the pics with you to share with other people who loved your friend.
I went through this with a VERY special and beloved SIL, my Dad, 2 Brothers and my DH. Remember & cherish the times you had rather than grieve what you've lost. You can mourn, but the memories of their time on earth are more joyful to reflect on than the sorrow of losing someone you've cared for.
I'll always miss the people I've lost, but the memories of them and the time we shared on this earth keep them alive in my heart.
We prefer not to call final services funerals, but rather a Celebration of their Life, and a chance to pay our final respects as they make their passage into the unknown.
,
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Sept 22, 2014 3:22:57 GMT -5
One thing my mom wanted to do was give her stuff away, making sure everything got to who it should. We didn't want her to and refused to take things until after she was gone unless it was something tiny like a piggy bank. The piggy bank was a dog that had been her fathers. I told her she had said it was to go to DS1 and she said she didn't remember that, so I called him in and asked him and he said he didn't remember that but wanted it. We left things like that on the mantel until she order stuff gone. She would get upset about stupid things like the pictures on the mantel and tell us to get them out of here she was tired of looking at them. After it was over we took what she wanted us to have. Our family never ever would dream of fighting over things so it was really smooth. I would have loved to have the piggy bank dog but my brother wanted it and I am sure mom had said he was to get it. When we were kids we got pennies from it for milk money at school. Mom would have been upset if we argued over things so my brother will never know I wanted it. If she tries to give you things don't take them unless her husband agrees since he should have a choice. Some people just want to finish up, but we didn't want mom in a room with no decorations. She was giving the pictures off the walls. Crone, I've read your posts for a number of years and have always enjoyed them. It may not be the best place to post this, and I apologize to thyme if it's inappropriate but I am glad you have retired well. I hope you enjoy many many years of retiring well. As I have grown older and have struggled with health issues and family issues, I have given away a lot of possessions. I had way too many anyway! lol What I am finding works for me, as I am a little greedy and like my stuff is to keep the things I like best while giving the rest away, but making sure I keep the things I want to go to others specifically (primariiy jewelry and art and silver) labelled or in labelled boxes. It's a pain sometimes as I'm not the neatest person. I have a will of course, and a list for my husband and the executor, but it would be so much simpler if these momentoes could pass outside, you know? The value is not that great and there would not be a a tax issue. I'm sure IRS has bigger fish to fry. I know this isn't what you meant, but, couldn't you just leave these possessions outside to "die" of exposure to the elements? Thus they "pass outside", become worthless or worth less than they were thus solving the IRS problem...
You could also do a spy thing. You and family member meet at a pre-arranged park. You leave said item on the park bench, walk away, and then family member walks to bench and picks it up. I love the show White Collar. If you haven't watched it, there are loys of ideas in those episodes.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Sept 22, 2014 3:26:40 GMT -5
I was thinking I might scan a few of the really good pictures. I have a couple of her laughing and being a little goofy. I have one where I am ironing her dress...while she is wearing it. I'm not sure they would be great for the memorial service, but he might like having them because she looks so happy. Yes, bring them.
After being at quite a few memorial services, I think I prefer them over standard 'let us be sad', funeral services. You can't rewind time and stop her death, so celebrate her life and the things about her you loved.
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Bonny
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Post by Bonny on Sept 22, 2014 7:24:38 GMT -5
Crone, I've read your posts for a number of years and have always enjoyed them. It may not be the best place to post this, and I apologize to thyme if it's inappropriate but I am glad you have retired well. I hope you enjoy many many years of retiring well. As I have grown older and have struggled with health issues and family issues, I have given away a lot of possessions. I had way too many anyway! lol What I am finding works for me, as I am a little greedy and like my stuff is to keep the things I like best while giving the rest away, but making sure I keep the things I want to go to others specifically (primariiy jewelry and art and silver) labelled or in labelled boxes. It's a pain sometimes as I'm not the neatest person. I have a will of course, and a list for my husband and the executor, but it would be so much simpler if these momentoes could pass outside, you know? The value is not that great and there would not be a a tax issue. I'm sure IRS has bigger fish to fry. I know this isn't what you meant, but, couldn't you just leave these possessions outside to "die" of exposure to the elements? Thus they "pass outside", become worthless or worth less than they were thus solving the IRS problem...
You could also do a spy thing. You and family member meet at a pre-arranged park. You leave said item on the park bench, walk away, and then family member walks to bench and picks it up. I love the show White Collar. If you haven't watched it, there are loys of ideas in those episodes.
Don't make this complicated. Estate tax doesn't kick in until $5.25M (2014)
Unless you are giving away more than $14k per person per year you don't need to worry about the IRS and even then you only need to fill out a form to ensure that you don't exceed the lifetime exclusion.
Give the gifts you don't need to the people who will enjoy them the most while you can see them enjoy them. They are, after all, gifts with the joy of giving part of the happiness.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Sept 22, 2014 20:08:32 GMT -5
I haven't gotten any word about when the funeral / memorial service will be. I am not sure how long it takes to decide and announce that. I hope he will include me. Otherwise, I guess I will take a trip some other time. I am afraid it will be on a day that I can't make it up there. Sounds shitty, but it is fiscal year end and I have to do my job, as well as cover for someone out on maternity leave. I might be able to skip just one day and do an up-and-back, as long as the service is late enough in the day.
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taz157
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Post by taz157 on Sept 22, 2014 21:34:15 GMT -5
Well...too late. I guess I will pay the change fee and go for the funeral. My condolences. She is now free of all pain and disease. Yeah that. ((((Hugs))))
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