How do you "meet" your neighbors?

[raeoflyte]

Dumb question in most ways, but I'm not really sure how to try to connect with our new neighbors and would love some suggestions.

My next door neighbors are the son and family of my parents neighbors, so I grew up next door to him but he is probably 15 years older than me so I didn't really know him.

Caddy corner is a family with 3 boys and the dad was my middle school history or language arts teacher. I still struggle not to call him Mr. D. Their youngest is a year younger than our son. Do we just knock on their door and ask if A can come over for a while?

Other neighbors I've met in passing. I think I'll try to do candy/cookie trays before Christmas to take around. But I don't want to wait that long either. I just don't have a ton of free time, and hate to infringe on other peoples free time too so its usually just the nod and wave and carry on with your business.

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[ՏՇԾԵԵʅՏɧ_LԹՏՏʅҼ]

The cookies thing is a good idea, but do you want to wait 4 or 5 more months for the Holiday Season to "break the ice"? Next time you see one of the adults/home-owners outside, walk over, introduce yourself, and even invite them for coffee the next day.

If one of them is out mowing the lawn, or gardening, etc - approach them and just introduce (or re-introduce) yourself, and say hello - mentioning how you know them "indirectly".

Any conversation-starter will get communication flowing - ask about the flowers they've planted - almost anything that will get the back-and-forth exchanges going .

[giramomma]

Jul 28, 2014 23:03:01 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Caddy corner is a family with 3 boys and the dad was my middle school history or language arts teacher. I still struggle not to call him Mr. D. Their youngest is a year younger than our son. Do we just knock on their door and ask if A can come over for a while?

Can you do something like have sprinkler going and then invite the child over to play outside with your DS in such a way that the parents can see while they are in their yard? Or ask the parents to come over for some lemonade while the kids play?

[Ryan]

Some neighborhoods are more lively than others. You can usually tell right away if they bring you a housewarming dish and introduce themselves.  Usually it's the younger neighborhoods that tend to be more friendly (but not always) because it's kinda nice when your kids can play together and the adults can hang out.  

I've always been torn about this though.  On the one hand, it'd be nice if you were near (not next door, but near) a cool family where you can get together.  But the danger is that they'll latch on and it'll be tougher to separate yourselves from them.  This is stuff I worry about more if I feel that one of the neighborhood kids is a bad influence on one of my kids. ...so some distance is good.  I found this to be the case with my next door neighbor growing up.  We were best friends through 5th grade and then I kinda wanted to move on, but I always got the guilt trip when I was hanging out with my new friends. 

With my area now it's much older and established and we really don't see neighbors that much.  The lots are bigger so there is more space/trees between houses so you can avoid the neighbors if you want.  I also think that since we're unincorporated with no sidewalks/parks, it means people are out/about a lot less than normal.   If you have young kids, meeting people at the park is probably the best way to do it.

[Deleted]

I agree with the suggestions to introduce yourself when you happen to be outside at the same time. I really think that from a "manners" standpoint, they should be introducing themselves to you, but whatever works.

I went over and introduced myself to my new next door neighbor last week because she was out in her yard when I went to the mailbox. I told her a little about myself, like how long I've lived here, how I enjoy how peaceful the neighborhood is, that my kids are grown but I have a Grandson visiting sometimes that is around the same age as the little boy that was outside with her. The boys had actually already played together when he wandered over one afternoon when I was sitting outside with my grandson.

I also like the suggestion to ask if the kid(s) can join your kid in some outdoor activity. Invite the parents to come along. It should be something in the front yard so nobody feels uncomfortable since you don't know each other. And if the parents choose not to come over with their child, the children will still be in plain sight.

Good luck! Its great having good, friendly neighbors.

[Shooby]

All you can do is try. I am quite friendly with the lady immediately next door. We even organized a block party one year and managed to pull it off. The other neighbors came, ate, and then went back into their homes never to really be seen again. There are a few people who are outside a lot. We are with the kids, my neighbor is an avid gardener and a some others, but in general most people seem content nowadays to not be that neighborly. The world has changed in that regard, at least around here. With Netflix and the internet and busy lives, people don't seem to have as much time or interest to socialize.

[resolution]

One of our neighbors had a cookout in the front yard and put flyers in all the neighbors' mail boxes about a month in advance to invite us all.

ETA if you live in New York that may be a bad idea, but we enjoyed meeting everyone.

[sheilaincali]

Jul 29, 2014 6:52:26 GMT -5 resolution said:

One of our neighbors had a cookout in the front yard and put flyers in all the neighbors' mail boxes about a month in advance to invite us all.

ETA if you live in New York that may be a bad idea, but we enjoyed meeting everyone.

This is what our neighbors did too.  They push that Neighborhood Night out thing around here.  It's on a set day- end of August.  Always conflicts with back to school stuff for us because DS is open enrolled to one high school and the kids in our neighborhood go to the opposite high school.  Hopefully we'll be able to go this year- in the past we've only been able to drop by for a few minutes here and there.

It's supposed to be this whole neighborhood thing done in conjunction with the local police.  They have a potluck of sorts- everyone brings a dish to share.  The cops come by and do a meet and greet, Q&A thing and hand out goodies to the kids.  Baseball cards, hats, stickers that sort of thing.  It's supposed to encourage community involvement, prove that the cops are friendly people there to help and get everyone to meet their neighbors. 

Seems to work out pretty well.  Other than that I don't know many of our neighbors well.  I know them to wave at them while they are mowing the lawn or help them shovel their driveway in the winter but that's about it.  There aren't many kids in the neighborhood DS' age and those that are go to a  different school so he doesn't really know any of them.  One the left of me is a group home for mentally disabled adults, on the right is a young couple (early to mid 20's) with no kids and across the street from us is another young couple with no kids.  The house on the other side of the street is weird.  I think they have kids but they aren't outside often.  I assuming kids because one seems to be hosting garage band practice every Sunday.  They appear to be getting better if this week's practice is anything to go by.

[Deleted]

I just don't have a ton of free time, and hate to infringe on other peoples free time too so its usually just the nod and wave and carry on with your business.

Ya, you have to get over that. You need to stop and have a conversation. More than once. It's less awkward than randomly knocking on the door, giving them a cookie basket and saying "let's chat now".

[Wisconsin Beth]

I wave at the neighbors (to show that I'm friendly) and wander over to say "hi" and chat every so often.  If I'm dumping kid crap and I know someone's got a kid in more or less the right age range, if I see them outside I'll ask if they want it. 

[Deleted]

Bocce Ball!  That's what gets all our neighbors together.  That and beer.  Lots of beer.  I rarely drink anymore myself, but I have a well stocked fridge in the garage. 

[thyme4change]

We had a couple in our neighborhood that moved around a lot.  The guy was in the army, so they had lived several places.  She just went around and knocked on everyone's door and introduced herself and if the people appeared friendly (I guess) she would invite them over for drinks or lemonade.  She also had a very inviting front porch and they would hang out there and talk to people as they walked their dog or whatever.  She knew more people in 5 months than I knew in 5 years.  Granted our neighborhood is particularly social - but no welcome wagon.  You just have to get in there and make a place for yourself.  

If you knock on the door - what is the very worst thing that could happen?  What is the range of likely possibilities?

I doubt they would be offended and speak heinously about you behind your back to all of the other neighbors.  That would be highly unlikely.  The "bad" edge of the range would be that they would be cordial, but rush you along and then you wouldn't hang out with them.  Seems like an outcome I could live with.

[NancysSummerSip]

Our newest neighbors have three kids, and I noticed the husband and wife out walking with the kids (ages 4, 2 and newborn) in the early evening. I run one night a week, so that's how I contrived to meet them. Turns out they are fostering the newborn, with hopes of adopting him. Cute little tyke, but that's three little boys under one roof. Dayum. Those are a saintly pair if ever there was.

[Bonny]

Jul 29, 2014 9:01:24 GMT -5 thyme4change said:

We had a couple in our neighborhood that moved around a lot.  The guy was in the army, so they had lived several places.  She just went around and knocked on everyone's door and introduced herself and if the people appeared friendly (I guess) she would invite them over for drinks or lemonade.  She also had a very inviting front porch and they would hang out there and talk to people as they walked their dog or whatever.  She knew more people in 5 months than I knew in 5 years.  Granted our neighborhood is particularly social - but no welcome wagon.  You just have to get in there and make a place for yourself.  

If you knock on the door - what is the very worst thing that could happen?  What is the range of likely possibilities?

I doubt they would be offended and speak heinously about you behind your back to all of the other neighbors.  That would be highly unlikely.  The "bad" edge of the range would be that they would be cordial, but rush you along and then you wouldn't hang out with them.  Seems like an outcome I could live with.

You can also host an "open house", invite the neighbors with fliers. Limit it to 4-7 and just appetizers and drinks. Free food always seems to bring out people.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

How do you "meet" your neighbors?

You mean other than when they yell at me as I drive by?

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jul 29, 2014 10:03:37 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

How do you "meet" your neighbors?

You mean other than when they yell at me as I drive by?

Pre DH, I had a roommate in a flat in a transitional neighborhood.  We had the world's BEST porch.  Sigh.  I miss that porch.  But we were both working and had social lives.  But we'd wave at the neighbors and say hi to the people walking when we'd be on teh porch.  I know a few nights I sat on the porch with a beer between midnight and 2/3amish and people would be walking their dogs.  They'd wave and say hi too. 

But eventually I talked to one of the neighbors and found out we were considered "those really nice girls who are always busy/on the go" 

Damn, I still miss that neighborhood.  Dh didn't think it was safe and wouldn't live there, even if we didn't have a house.  His aunt lived about 8 blocks from me and his take was based on hearing her talk about it. 

[Ryan]

In an ideal world, I could send a flyer out to neighbors to meet and mingle.  But the problem in my area is that there are like 10 old people to every 1 young family.  Not that I have anything against old people, but I'm more interested in meeting neighbors for my kids sake.

[ArchietheDragon]

Mostly through kids. In my neighborhood the yards are very close together and there is not much privacy, so we quickly met the 4 family that are our direct neighbors with kids. Then we met those neighbor's friends through backyard parties, school events, etc. Then my wife goes to jewelry parties and other things like that and meets other ladies in the area. And I sit out by the fire and drink beer with other guys in the area. It has been a slow, organic process for us.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Snort. 

[Lizard Queen]

Since we're now known as those horrible people, we no longer have that problem! 

But seriously, everyone we have met has been while outside doing yard work, playing with the kids or just going for a walk.  We haven't really gotten to know any of them very well, but if we hung out outside more, we probably would, (barring our newly received reputation).

[greeniis10]

I've met all my neighbors because I have a retired, nosy husband!  He refers to himself as the "President of the HOA", but there IS NO such thing in our neighborhood.  We've lived in our house for 14 years and the neighborhood has changed many, many times during that time, but now that we have the grand-kids running around outside it's impossible to NOT meet the neighbors. 

I say just get out there and start chatting!  Setting boundaries is a good idea, though.  I.E. set times that are ok for other kids to be at your house to play and times when it's just family time.

[cronewitch]

My brother has two dogs that greet everyone. When anyone walks down the street both dogs run out and bark at them and run along the fence with them. They especially like people walking dogs or with babies or toddlers. The friendly ones stop and pet them or give them treats. When mom lived there she met most of the neighbors when they stopped to see the dogs.

Another way is a yard sale people drop by all day.

[Sam_2.0]

Rae - I will let you borrow my DH and my DD for a week. You will know the whole freaking neighborhood in just a couple of days I don't stand a chance with those two around. Maybe go out with your kids to play in the yard and say hello to the neighbors when you see them out? You can use the kids as an excuse - like you are teaching them good manners about saying hello to the neighbors or something. Aly is always asking if she can go talk to people so she's my ice-breaker when I need one.

[teen persuasion]

"Neighbors"?  Do you mean the people that live next door, more than 1/4 mile away?  For our rural community, neighbors only has meaning if you live in the village.

I've met community members thru church, the kids' school, summer swim lessons, tball/soccer games, holiday parades and events, and most recently thru my job in the village library.  DH has met a whole new bunch thru joining a volunteer fire company.

[Peace Of Mind]

From reading here you go around with a bible and you share your religious beliefs with them.  If they don't answer the door you keep coming back with flyers.  Or do you come through the side or back door?  I get so confused!    

[achelois]

Why do you want to do this?  


I met my next door neighbor once. He is a preacher and wanted to save me. I told him I am beyond redemption. 

My neighbor on the other side, I met after six years of living next door to him, when I did his anesthesia. 

I smile and wave when I see anybody. They do the same. That's plenty.    We get along great. 

[tloonya]

In my neighborhood when we moved in they just came over to the door, said welcome to neighborhood and that was it.
Walking a dog also helps. A lot!

[Deleted]

I've lived in a condo complex for 20 years.  Worked for so much of that time that I really didn't get to know anyone.  Now I am home and have started walking around the complex; have gotten to the point where my neighbors wave to me and say hi

how are you.  It's enough for me.

[mmhmm]

I live in the south. The neighbors around here meet you! When someone new moves into the neighborhood, everybody turns out with food. It's the custom. That said, our cul-de-sac only has 4 families. We all know one another well enough to wave when we see each other, or stop to chat if we're picking up our mail from the mailbox. I'm closest to the couple next door (the veterinarians) because of our shared interest in our feral cat community. They also provide medical care for my fearsome felines. The kitty-corner neighbor is a nurse who works at the same hospital I did (until I retired), so we know each other pretty well, too. I've watched her kids grow up.

[raeoflyte]

Getting the front yard spruced up is a big goal.of the summer, so hopefully we'll get some more opportunities to visit doing that.

I should say I do know a lot of the neighbors but not well. We plan on being here a long time and I would love to have friends on the street.

Bocce ball sounds fun!

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