Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jul 7, 2014 10:56:00 GMT -5
Some background first: The SIL in question and I are not friends, never have been, may never be. I've spent about 12 hours total with her in the 3ish years she's been with my BIL. I'm not a fan, but I don't hate her either. Having said all that........ DD calls me a little while ago and says this SIL wants to go to my house and hang out with the kids. Kids currently at my house: DD12, DSS10, DNiece15 & DNephew9. Niece asked this aunt to pick up an iPhone that was for sale on Craigslist (checks out, all good there) with the money she got for her birthday. Aunt has done so, but hasn't gotten it to her. So, I figure, this is part of the visit but still...... she can drop it off and go the F home can't she? Why the interest in hanging out at my house when neither of the adults are there? Yeah, yeah.....she loves the kids, blah blah. Whatever. She hasn't spent the time with mine to know much about them and the other 2 have lived out of town for most of the time she's been around, so might know them from Facebook but not really. So, is she weird or am I weird because the thought of her being there when I'm not creeps me out? FYI: I said she could come because it'd start WWIII on some level and because the niece is excited about getting her phone, she thought it wasn't going to happen.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 7, 2014 10:57:49 GMT -5
How old is SIL?
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jul 7, 2014 11:02:15 GMT -5
early 30s I guess.
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suesinfl
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Post by suesinfl on Jul 7, 2014 11:03:02 GMT -5
My home is my sanctuary, so yeah I'd be weirded (ok, I know that is not really a word), out by have someone that I'm not close to wanting to spend time in my home when I'm not there.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jul 7, 2014 11:07:28 GMT -5
My home is my sanctuary, so yeah I'd be weirded (ok, I know that is not really a word), out by have someone that I'm not close to wanting to spend time in my home when I'm not there. I think this is it for me more than anything else. I'm not exactly a people person and having ones I don't know in my house when I'm not just doesn't sit right with me. There are too many kids around for her to get to snoop much and I didn't leave any cash sitting around so......
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 7, 2014 11:19:17 GMT -5
Ok, that eliminates my thought of "wanting to goof off with them" while she's on summer break.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jul 7, 2014 11:22:16 GMT -5
Ok, that eliminates my thought of "wanting to goof off with them" while she's on summer break. Yeah. She works at the local shipyard which is much closer to my house than hers (she got off early) so I have this vision of her napping on my couch. I can handle that, as long as she stays out of my bed.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 7, 2014 11:27:17 GMT -5
Can you tell your kids to close your bedroom door, just in case lol?
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jul 7, 2014 11:29:20 GMT -5
I did tell them to close it, by text. Didn't get a response. lol If a 2nd bathroom is needed, however, that's where it is and the kids aren't used to my door being shut so I doubt it'd stay closed all day anyway.
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suesinfl
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Post by suesinfl on Jul 7, 2014 11:29:35 GMT -5
Still it's just the fact that someone that you are not comfortable with being in you home. If she was just dropping by to deliver the phone, I wouldn't have a problem, but wanting to be in my home to hang out, no way would I be comfortable with that.
If she wants to spend time with the kids, can she take them somewhere or meet up with them somewhere?
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Jul 7, 2014 11:34:35 GMT -5
I'm assuming that she is not the parent (or step-parent) of the kids.
I would say she is an enabler, who likes to hang out with younger kids, because she is cooler than them. My cousins had an uncle who was like that. He never married, and was close to his nephews, and all the various other relatives (including me). When we were teenagers the uncle (he was not my uncle) would buy beer and even marijuana for the kids. Yes, we got caught when our group was 13-17 going out "shark fishing" at night with a cooler of beer supplied by the uncle. He is now in his 70s and since all of his nephews have grown up, he now lives with the guy who used to cut his lawn. The guy was 17 and an illegal alien when he moved in, probably mid 20s now. Kind of sick.
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Jul 7, 2014 11:35:29 GMT -5
And if you have to ask, the answer is usually, yes it is weird.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jul 7, 2014 11:36:33 GMT -5
Weird. I'd wonder if she was planning to take something. Any known valuables in your house?
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mollyanna58
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Post by mollyanna58 on Jul 7, 2014 11:37:17 GMT -5
Maybe SIL has some free time and decided it would be a nice idea to get to know her nieces and nephews better? Or there is a rumor going around in the family that CCL has got a pile of gold or grass stashed in the house somewhere.
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gooddecisions
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Post by gooddecisions on Jul 7, 2014 11:46:10 GMT -5
It seems like a win, win if you don't like hanging out with her. She gets to see her nieces and nephews, drop off the iphone and you don't have to see her. I don't see the issue.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jul 7, 2014 11:46:46 GMT -5
would you be weirded out by a friend of the 15 yo coming over to join the group? Is the SIL wanting a closer relationship with her nieces/nephews and not you a problem? I'm not seeing the issue - unless she is creepy? I bunch of kids alone can get into trouble. I'd welcome an adult coming over to visit them. Unless I suspected nefarious intentions. I would be able to tell the 15 year old straight up NO, as I'm the adult in charge of her. In this instance, it would just cause bad feelings that my DH doesn't want and I try to be aware of that and not cause issues I don't need to. No problem with her getting to know my kids, but she should really go through me until I feel like I can trust her don't you think? Marrying into the family doesn't automatically make her trustworthy. I admit to not particularly liking her, but it's more personality differences than anything else at this point. (OK, and some drama she had with BIL that I don't want to go into). She's the kind that just adores you immediately upon meeting and I find that fake and unappealing. The only unknown in the group of 4 is the nephew. He has his issues (ADHD & others) and IDK how he'll do but I suspect all would be fine without her there. None of the others have given me reason to not trust them.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jul 7, 2014 11:49:25 GMT -5
Maybe SIL has some free time and decided it would be a nice idea to get to know her nieces and nephews better? Or there is a rumor going around in the family that CCL has got a pile of gold or grass stashed in the house somewhere. I'd be the last family member they'd go to the home of if they were looking for weed. Most of the tension between me & my in laws is bad habits (current & former) with various substances. I didn't want my kids growing up thinking such abuses were "normal" like my DH did, so limited time with most of them unless I was present. And still couldn't keep them from running their mouths about such stuff so time just got less and less. DH's aunt used to give him and his cousin muscle relaxers and Lortabs for backaches or headaches. Not something I wanted my kids to think was ok.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jul 7, 2014 11:52:54 GMT -5
It seems like a win, win if you don't like hanging out with her. She gets to see her nieces and nephews, drop off the iphone and you don't have to see her. I don't see the issue. That she hasn't earned my trust to be left alone in my house? It is MY house after all.
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whoami
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Post by whoami on Jul 7, 2014 11:53:25 GMT -5
I was never a fan of my SIL in the 15 years Ive been with DH but never could put my finger on why. I figured out out in the last year when we were going through the family turmoil with MIL. I would never let her stay in my house with anyone here, never mind alone.
Trust your gut.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Jul 7, 2014 15:49:59 GMT -5
Could just be a communication / word usage thing. If DD said SIL wanted to "hang out" maybe that just meant when neice found out SIL had her new iphone and would be dropping it off she asked her to help her set it up or something. Then maybe SIL said she'd have to know if it was ok with you first and your DD then called you.
Just thoughts, as I know how many miscommunications and misunderstandings I endured through the years with my kids.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Jul 7, 2014 15:53:13 GMT -5
Forgot to add: kids that age generally don't pay attention to the family dynamics, such as you described between you and SIL. They just see her as "family" and that is that.
Besides, mention "new iPhone" to a tween/teen and nothing else exists!
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jul 7, 2014 15:54:46 GMT -5
Could just be a communication / word usage thing. If DD said SIL wanted to "hang out" maybe that just meant when neice found out SIL had her new iphone and would be dropping it off she asked her to help her set it up or something. Then maybe SIL said she'd have to know if it was ok with you first and your DD then called you. Just thoughts, as I know how many miscommunications and misunderstandings I endured through the years with my kids. No, she invited herself. DD also texted a couple of hours ago to see if DH wanted BIL to come by and hang out after he gets off work. Thankfully, DH has to work later than he thought and said no. Niece probably could set up the phone herself honestly. Turns out it was a dud anyway and she's getting her money back from the guy she got it from. Bottom half of the screen doesn't work.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Jul 7, 2014 15:57:30 GMT -5
Oh no! Hope she does get her money back!
Well, then I agree that it's weird. And regardless of what I mentioned about the communication factor, I also dislike having people that I barely know at my home when I'm not there. (Don't really like them there when I AM home, but then again, I'm an introvert homebody.)
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jul 7, 2014 15:57:31 GMT -5
Forgot to add: kids that age generally don't pay attention to the family dynamics, such as you described between you and SIL. They just see her as "family" and that is that. Besides, mention "new iPhone" to a tween/teen and nothing else exists! DD doesn't like SIL's DD, and SIL has tried to force more than one sleepover when one of the other nieces has been invited. She doesn't exactly see her just as "family". The kids of BIL/SIL know way too much about the dynamics of their relationship and DD has heard way more about it than I would have discussed/argued about in front of my kids. Boundaries are unheard of in that house. ETA: DD just responded, she is still there.
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greeniis10
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Post by greeniis10 on Jul 7, 2014 16:12:39 GMT -5
Grrr, sorry to hear that. Good thing your DD is smart and knows what I going on and can keep you informed. Should SIL want to do this again I think I'd risk starting WWIII and tell her "no" rather than let her think this could become a habit!
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jul 7, 2014 16:18:32 GMT -5
I probably will but now is not the time to stir the rest of them up. My other SIL is basically on deathwatch with her baby with brain cancer and I can see them calling me horribly insensitive even though this one isn't the kid's mother. They can take offense at the smallest thing and I don't want anything getting the other SIL upset, even if it's something peripheral like this. I don't even know if that makes sense, unless of course, you know someone like this.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jul 7, 2014 16:33:24 GMT -5
Oh no! Hope she does get her money back! Well, then I agree that it's weird. And regardless of what I mentioned about the communication factor, I also dislike having people that I barely know at my home when I'm not there. (Don't really like them there when I AM home, but then again, I'm an introvert homebody.) Totally only half read this post, but I am also an introvert homebody and am not looking forward to being "on" to entertain her when I get home after having been "on" all day at work. It's looking like a hot dogs and leftovers kind of night though Oh! It just occurred to me to wonder where her 3 year old is if he's not with her. Whatever sitter I suppose....
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resolution
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Post by resolution on Jul 7, 2014 17:08:20 GMT -5
She may be using this as an excuse to stay at your house until you come home so she can have some social time with you. When my BIL first got married, my SIL used to get bored sitting at home alone and kept coming up with odd reasons why she wanted/needed to come to my house.
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Jake 48
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Post by Jake 48 on Jul 7, 2014 18:25:21 GMT -5
And if you have to ask, the answer is usually, yes it is weird.
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Chocolate Lover
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Post by Chocolate Lover on Jul 8, 2014 10:32:26 GMT -5
For those that care....... I got home yesterday and she wasn't there but when I walked in niece #2 was there. SIL had gone to get BIL to come back and hang out after DH said not tonight. SIL had to go all the way home (a good hour to hour and a half away) to pick up that child and yet, still didn't have the 3 year old. I was a wee bit peeved and not too polite when they got back. I didn't say 99% of what I was thinking but they did get the hint and go home. And the iPhone was a bit of a dud, there's a dead spot at the bottom of the screen and a couple of other things I didn't catch while niece #1 talked 90 miles an hour about it. I have no idea if the plan is to try to get it fixed or what. Not my circus
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